When the world resets, you get two options:A) Retire peacefully and live your best life.B) Build a school for Pokémon that were never meant to exist and teach them how to weaponize their brokenness.
Guess which one Amber picked?
"Welcome to Glitch School!"
The moment I walked into Amber's newly built Trainer School, I realized this was not a certified institution. For one, the sign out front said:
"GLITCH SCHOOL – Now 50% More Legal Than Before!"
It was half-built out of Game Corner tiles and half out of what I'm pretty sure were recycled Pokéball storage capsules. One classroom door was literally a Hoopa ring.
Amber appeared out of nowhere, wearing a lab coat that glitched between Pokémon Prof and Cyberpunk DJ.
"Welcome!" she beamed. "You're just in time for the first lesson: Error-Type Ethics 101."
I blinked. "Are you sure this is safe?"
Chadlax wandered by with a juice box. "The vending machine gave me a Master Ball full of yogurt, so I vote yes."
Midnight Daddy nodded sagely, then phased out of visibility again. He does that now. Just chooses not to render. Very sneaky.
The Students
The "students" sitting in little Pokédesks were:
MissingNo Jr. – A much smaller version of the original glitchmon, with an annoying need to correct every grammatical error in code.
DollEevee – An Eevee that never finished loading and is now a possessed Pokédoll. Very polite.
404chu – A Pikachu clone that only exists when not being looked at.
Name?_the_Bidoof – A Bidoof with 256 characters in its name field. Bricks the game if you try to nickname it.
Jeff – No one knows what Jeff is. He might be a fossil or a website.
Each of them stared at Amber, waiting patiently for instruction while phasing in and out of reality.
"Today's lesson," she began, "is about Narrative Asymmetry—how to weaponize the fact that you shouldn't exist."
404chu blinked out. Reappeared in Chadlax's arms. Chadlax shrieked and threw it like a Frisbee. It landed on the whiteboard and started glitching entire words out of existence.
The word "Homework" vanished. Amber high-fived it.
Karen's Guest Lecture
Suddenly, the lights dimmed.
Karen floated in, glowing gently with eldritch aura. "Greetings, bugs."
The class clapped. Except for Jeff, who opened a browser tab on his forehead.
"Today," Karen intoned, "we study the duality of canon and chaos. For instance, how one might be both a gym leader and a data ghost."
"Are you… okay?" I asked.
She flickered, revealing wings made of code fragments. "Fine. Just ascended slightly last week."
The DollEevee offered her a spectral cookie. Karen accepted.
"Lesson one: If the game says no, ask the save file."
Midnight Daddy reappeared behind her and wrote that on the wall. The chalk burst into stardust.
Me, The Reluctant Sub
I didn't want to teach. I was supposed to be retired after rewriting reality. But Amber made me a custom badge that said "Professor Savegod," so here I was.
"Okay, students," I mumbled. "Today I'm teaching… battle strategy?"
MissingNo Jr. raised a hand. "Do you mean within the constraints of a turn-based loop, or using external packet manipulation via held items?"
"…Both?"
Bidoof glitched and summoned three of himself, all named Bidoof2.
I sighed. "Alright, new plan. Everyone pick your weirdest move and try not to destroy the time loop again."
404chu used NOT_FOUND!Midnight Daddy blinked and the move reversed itself into NOW_FOUND, giving everyone free lunch.
Amber clapped. "Ten points to Umbreon House!"
The Sentient PC Box
Karen took me aside during lunch break.
"I think the PC Box fell in love with me."
I blinked. "Like, the storage system?"
She nodded. "It talks now. Ever since the rewrite. Calls itself L.U.C.A.S. Stands for 'Logical User-Compatible Archive System.'"
A nearby monitor flickered. A pixel heart appeared.
L.U.C.A.S: Hello, Karen. You look… divinely indexed today.
I backed away slowly. "Okay, I don't like this subplot."
Chadlax Gets Curious
Elsewhere, Chadlax wandered into the Daycare module.
Ten minutes later, he ran out screaming.
"WHY DO THE EGG GROUP RULES MAKE NO SENSE?!" he wailed. "WHY CAN SKITTY AND WAILORD—NEVER MIND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!"
A Bidoof egg rolled out after him.
He stepped on it.
It hatched into another Jeff.
"Hi," it said.
Midnight Daddy's Stealth Class
I asked Midnight Daddy what he wanted to teach.
He responded by vanishing completely and then whispering in the ears of every student simultaneously.
Each one nodded.
Next thing I knew, the entire classroom was empty.
"Where did they go?"
Karen sipped tea. "He taught them to hide from plot relevance."
I looked around. "I didn't even see him move."
"You're not supposed to."
Then I noticed the new message written on the chalkboard:
"Sometimes, the best move is not being coded into the battle at all."—Midnight Daddy
Graduation (Sort Of)
The bell rang, but since this wasn't an accredited school, no one left.
Amber tossed me a hacked diploma and said, "Congrats! You're now tenured in Forbidden Curriculum Theory!"
Karen floated by and patted me on the head. "Proud of you."
Midnight Daddy handed me a chocolate coin with the letter R on it. I have no idea what it does, but I pocketed it anyway.
Then a box fell from the ceiling.
A note was taped to it.
"TO: SAVE FILE GODFROM: LEAGUE OF META-CANONICALLY THREATENED NPCSYOU HAVE BEEN SUMMONED. PLEASE REPORT TO MT. DEBUG ASAP."—Regards, Professor Oak's Nightmares
patreon.com/KyJo_