"How is this happening?"
None of the Hidden Mist Village commanders had made their move-yet their vanguard forces had already taken heavy losses before even reaching dry ground. On paper, it was supposed to be simple-a fast credit-grab operation. Watching their forces pinned to the coast without gaining a single foothold made the oversight committee's already narrowed eyes start to tighten further.
One of them, tall and broad with long orange hair tied into a bun and jagged teeth faintly visible through his grin, finally snapped out the question himself.
"Is Konoha trying to trick us?"
"Impossible!"
Someone across the tent-feminine posture, high-pitched tone, and delicate movements-immediately dismissed the accusation with visible impatience.
"The spoils of the Whirlpool Country have already been divided. Konoha's share is overwhelming. Even if we send troops and do their dirty work, we're not getting anything but scraps-maybe some sealing techniques, leftover gold. We don't even get to study the Uzumaki-they've already married into the Senju."
"But if they're married to the Senju gods, what if-"
"Tch."
Another snort cut him off before he could finish his concern.
"Don't be ridiculous. We're shinobi-our missions and advantages come first. Love and family? Useless distractions."
"Heh… yeah, you're right. If someone offers you rewards for sitting back and doing nothing, you'd have to be stupid to say no."
Despite the fat young man's easy laugh and sheepish hand scratching the back of his head, nobody in the room believed his honest act for even one second. The Hidden Mist had no fools left among its upper ranks-but no one wanted to be the first to call him fake either.
As for Konoha weakening Hidden Mist through this entire encounter?
It wasn't even worth worrying about. As far as power rankings went-Hidden Mist was near the bottom of the five great nations. Konoha wouldn't waste muscle on them.
Talk stalled out again until that same large man brought it back toward strategy.
"So what's our move?"
Finally, one of the Ice Clan masters-a direct blood heir of the Third Mizukage-leaned forward and offered the only plan that made sense to him at the time.
"The Uzumaki are talisman and fuinjutsu specialists. They have enough explosive tags to drown us in fire several times over. If we just keep sending head-on attacks, we'll win eventually-but we'll lose far too much doing it."
"So instead… we feint. Send in the bulk force as decoys, while elites slip in from the sides with stealth operations. Catch them off guard and draw them into fragmented skirmishes. There aren't any notable elites in Whirlpool right now anyway."
"Hm."
"Seems right."
Even though voices chimed in agreement quickly, they were exactly that: voices. Most of these Mist-nin couldn't read well enough to parse full battle maps-and their strategy talk showed it. All words and no weight behind any of them.
Slap!
Palm against wood table silenced debate altogether.
"Good. That settles it. Pufferfish Ghost-you take point on this mission. Problem?"
As his name drifted out across the room, that same fat-faced young shinobi twisted his mouth into another wide grin-one that looked nothing like the sheepish look he wore seconds ago.
"None at fucking at-all."
…
"This is so fucked. You don't think I'm seriously equipped to deal with that entire Mist squad, do you?"
Akira Senju watched Uzumaki Yusuke's blank expression turn slow with realization-he wasn't joking in the slightest.
"There's Mizukage on that fucking roster-not to mention high-level jonin and every last freak in their Seven Swordsmen ranks. If they organize properly-and I'm guessing they will-they'll slip past our waterside flanks clean. We don't have satchel bombs ready by every bridge or rooftops pre-set for ambushes. One raid-and half this damn country vanishes overnight."
Yusuke had nothing to say now-panic already started twisting his mouth open and closed again as he replayed Akira's words in his head. The comfort of long peace had dulled strategic instincts across Whirlpool-and now it showed.
"I… I thought Konoha would send support?"
Akira stared flatly at him.
Yusuke's hands curled up weakly into fists as that answer dried up in his mouth as well. In the end-he had no options left but one.
"So-what do we do?"
"Well…" Akira's tone grew slightly teasing. "Father-in-law-I assume you thought about contingencies once or twice? I don't know-like… if ever someone attacked your sea-locked territory? Any fucking emergency retreat plan at least?"
"No!"
Yusuke shook his head as if shocked to hear that being asked seriously at this point.
"With you and Lord Hashirama alive-who would dare?!"
Akira's stare stiffened.
"So what happens if we drop dead tomorrow?"
"Oh-I had thought about that! My idea was… marry another Uzumaki girl into Konoha immediately. Form another alliance!"
Akira kept staring silently.
"I figured Mito's already there-and if she doesn't want to remarry… well-the current Hokage is taken-but I could wait until his wife passed from illness or bad luck and offer someone then?"
"Are you seriously telling me that marriage is your clan's only diplomatic strategy?"
"Yes!"
Akira rubbed his temple hard-the pressure building right between his eyes was impossible to ignore now.
Yusuke finally picked up on Akira's growing irritation and tried lowering his tone cautiously-
"S-so… Akira? Got any ideas? If not-I could introduce you to another fine Uzumaki girl?"
"Another one?!"
Akira's fist clenched instinctively against her side-even as she caught Yusuke winking slowly alongside his words-
"Could even arrange two! Double up! Just gotta make sure they don't live in Konoha at the same time tho-you'd be running back and forth like mad!"
Akira closed her eyes briefly-face tight with disbelief-
"You're disgusting."
"Heh."
Akira snapped fingers once against her thigh and stepped closer with one eyebrow lifting deliberately-
"I actually do have one strategy-but it's gonna require some pretty heavy concessions on your part."
Yusuke perked up instantly-face red with energy.
"For Whirlpool-I'll risk my life or worse! Bring it on!"
Seeing how proud he looked drawing his chest up-that stupid gleam of patriotism now fully lit behind those eyes-Akira leaned close and whispered what she needed him to do next-
"…Wait… what?"
His entire body froze mid-listen before slowly leaning backward in horror-
"W-wait-is there no other way? One that doesn't involve-"
"If not you-I'll ask Kushina instead."
"Stop! Please wait!"
His chair nearly clattered backward as he surged upright again-panic knotting in every movement now-
"...Fine-I'll do it-just make damn sure no one finds out about this."
"I promise," Akira said sweetly with her arms behind her back, "I'll tell absolutely no one… cross my heart."
"D-don't forget-you have to put on the dress properly too-"
"You're pushing your luck."
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