Chapter 74 – The Talking Chestnut
Sheldon and Leonard ended up beating each other black and blue.
The downside was obvious: they had pretty much embarrassed the entire Cooper family name in front of everyone.
But there was a bright side too—seeing how pathetic the two of them looked, most of the scientists watching calmed down and lost any desire to keep giving them trouble. And Ron successfully scored himself a free gourmet dinner.
Unfortunately, Sheldon and Leonard weren't so lucky. Under the collective glare of the crowd, they had no choice but to slink away in shame.
---
"Ron, did you see that?" Howard came over, eyes shining with excitement. "Sheldon actually tried to get Leonard to drive him home just now."
Ron paused mid-bite. "I'm guessing Leonard refused. Honestly, the fact he didn't back the car over Sheldon right then and there already says plenty about his good upbringing."
"Sheldon is your brother, you know," Penny said, swallowing a big mouthful.
Penny, who'd grown up working-class, had only ever dated men who were just as broke as she was. Even when she'd gotten free meals before, those guys couldn't afford anything fancier than greasy diner food.
This was her first time attending such an upscale dinner. So her rather unrefined way of wolfing down the food was, in Ron's eyes, perfectly understandable.
"He's your neighbor," Ron countered. "Can you honestly swear that spending a whole day alone with him wouldn't drive you insane?"
"…But they're best friends."
"Relax," Ron said calmly. "There's a saying: 'quarrel by the headboard, make up by the foot.' Give them one night. I promise by tomorrow, they'll be thick as thieves again."
Clearly unbothered, he reached over to take a bread roll from Penny's plate—
—and nearly lost a finger when she snapped her teeth at him.
"Ron!" Penny glared. "This is a buffet!"
"Exactly," Ron said with a grin.
Penny's irritation melted away. Damn it, she was swooning again.
"You don't need to fill up on bread," Ron added. "You can stuff yourself on lobster—it's just as filling."
Howard and Raj, who were plating their food nearby, heard this and silently put their bread rolls back. Instead, they loaded up on lobster and steak.
It was entirely in character. One was a penny-pinching Jew, the other a bargain-hunting Indian—this was absolutely normal behavior.
After all, Howard's mother was the kind of woman who'd take an extra handful of ketchup packets even at KFC.
---
"Howard," Ron said after he'd eaten his fill, leaning closer, "when do you think my little gadget prototype will be ready?"
"Tonight, I'll pull an all-nighter in the lab," Howard declared, brimming with confidence now that they were talking shop. "Tomorrow morning, I guarantee you'll have it."
"Of course," he added, "I'll need Raj's help."
"You sure? It's really not that urgent."
Ron honestly didn't mind waiting—he didn't have any particularly pressing missions at the moment. As long as the quality was good, a little delay was fine.
"No, no," Howard said, glancing at Raj, who nodded furiously in agreement. "We can't wait to play with it ourselves."
Ron rubbed his face.
These two idiots had truly decided to treat the drone like some toy they couldn't wait to unwrap—just like impatient kids.
But then again, remembering how in the original timeline they'd practically sprinted to buy drones the moment they hit the market, Ron found he couldn't even be mad about it.
---
Well, thinking about it, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all. Once the drone was fully developed for military use, they could always sell it as a toy to recoup costs.
"Need any help?"
"Absolutely not," Howard said, sounding almost offended. "This is professional work—leave it to us. You don't even have to pay for materials. We'll just use supplies from the university."
He continued, displaying that classic shrewd Jewish practicality: "All you need to do is get a good night's sleep…and maybe think about where we can find girls of the same quality as last night."
"Girls from last night?" Penny immediately perked up, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Ron, what did you drag them into this time?"
"I swear," Ron said solemnly, "she was completely willing. You really underestimate their charm."
As he spoke, he gave the other two a meaningful look: Don't mention anything about my Hollywood connections.
They caught on at once.
Sure, Ron liked helping his friends—but that didn't mean he wanted to see Penny's awkward acting on TV or in movies. And besides, he wasn't that well-connected; who knew how many favors it would take to get her even the tiniest role?
So honestly, it was better for Penny to stick to her promising career as a waitress.
Penny eyed the three of them with deep suspicion, convinced they were hiding something. The three men just exchanged a silent smile. Everything was clear without a word spoken.
---
After a good meal and plenty of drinks, Howard and Raj left the hotel practically propping each other up. They were heading straight back to campus to work on the drone.
Penny, worried about the two idiots back at the apartment, went home early too.
Ron had a hunch Penny was already developing feelings for Leonard. But just like all her past trainwreck relationships, she had no idea how to date a man who wasn't a deadbeat.
He lingered for a moment in the hotel lobby, weighing his options. To avoid bumping into his "dear" little brother, he decided not to go back to the apartment tonight. He'd just stay in his original room here.
Megan's little preparations were unexpectedly effective—he ended up sleeping alone that night.
---
The next morning, Ron finally woke up feeling fully restored. After a quick wash, he put on his workout clothes and headed out for a run.
The hotel was close to Hollywood, so unfortunately he didn't have a chance to see Kobe Bryant practicing at 4:30 a.m. But as he jogged along, he suddenly realized this shabby little path behind the hotel looked very familiar.
Wasn't this the road that led to Max's place?
Maybe it was destiny—some cosmic sign that he'd slept too quietly last night, and fate was tossing him a little extra "meat."
And sure enough, as he ran on, he spotted a gorgeous, unbelievably perky backside up ahead.
One hand held a horse by the reins. The other rested casually on a big iron shovel. With every step, Max's shapely backside swayed in perfect rhythm with the horse's hindquarters.
She was strolling along, chatting with the horse as if this were the most normal thing in the world.
Ron had never seen Max look so endearing.
---
"Hey, buddy," Max was saying to the horse. "Let me ask you something. You and Caroline both live with me, but you—you—give me way less grief. Why is that, huh? You've known her a lot longer than I have."
She pinched her throat, pretending to imitate the horse's voice:
"I don't know, man," she rasped in a mock voice. "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Then she switched back to her normal tone.
"If you could talk, this would definitely be what you'd sound like."
Horse (in the same silly voice): "Of course. My voice is adorable. And everything you say is right, Max."
Max: "Thank you, Chestnut."
Horse: "You should just kill her. I mean Caroline."
Max gasped in mock horror. "Chestnut! We can't do that!"
Horse: "It'd be easy. We could chop her up and eat her~"
---
One woman and one horse—or more accurately, one woman voicing both parts—carried on this absurd dialogue.
Watching from behind, Ron felt like he was witnessing a stand-up routine. He couldn't help bursting into laughter.
"Haha! Max, you're way too adorable!"