Chapter 73 – Childish Fool
"The data shows that when the temperature approaches absolute zero, the moment of inertia changes. Solids transform into a kind of supersolid, becoming an entirely unknown substance…"
Leonard was speaking passionately on the stage, occasionally glancing down at his beloved in the audience. Unfortunately, Penny was nodding off, her snores loud enough that even Ron, sitting in the very last row, could hear them clearly.
So Leonard had no choice but to raise his voice in hopes of covering up her snoring and sparing her a little embarrassment.
"How's he doing? Not too bad, right?" Ron leaned over and whispered to Sheldon, who was sitting next to him.
Sheldon pursed his lips in disgust. "It's absolutely awful."
"And what are you planning to do about it?" Ron had a feeling the real drama was about to start. He just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
As soon as Leonard finished his lecture, thanked the audience, and foolishly asked:
"Does anyone have any questions?"
"I do. What exactly is that supposed to be?"
Sheldon shot his hand up like lightning. Ron immediately grinned, pulled out his phone, and switched it to video mode to capture the moment.
Leonard recognized Sheldon at once. His small frame looked especially out of place on the stage. "Any…other questions?"
"I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, the first author of this paper."
Sheldon took off his disguise and glanced around the hall. But instead of the applause he expected, everyone just stared in shock. He frowned. "Thank you."
Then, pointing accusingly at Leonard, Sheldon strode up to the podium.
"You completely skipped the most important part. I was walking in the park, and I saw a child on a merry-go-round. That's what first made me think about rotational inertia…"
"I didn't skip it! I said it was just a little side story, not actual science!"
For once, Leonard actually mustered the courage to interrupt Sheldon—probably because Penny had woken up, and he wanted to look respectable in front of her. Ron could clearly see Penny's head move, and her snoring finally stopped.
But unfortunately for Leonard, he had no idea that things were about to get much, much worse.
"Oh, is that so?" Sheldon's voice dripped with sarcasm as he pressed on relentlessly. "So an apple falling on Newton's head was just a little side story, too?"
"You're not Newton!"
"Right, right, of course I'm not Newton. I wouldn't need an apple to fall on my head to understand that gravity exists."
Sheldon stuck his hands in his pockets. If Ron had been Leonard, he would have been sorely tempted to smack Sheldon across his smug face with the sole of his shoe.
But Leonard had more patience. "You can't be so arrogant."
"You're still underestimating me, my friend."
Ron clicked his tongue and muttered under his breath, "What are you waiting for? Just get up there and teach that conceited bastard a lesson."
Although Sheldon was Ron's own younger brother, that didn't mean Ron approved of his behavior. Yes, Sheldon was undeniably brilliant—but that wasn't an excuse to act like an egomaniac.
Ron had every reason to believe that if their mother Mary hadn't raised Sheldon with so much kindness, he would have ended up just like those supervillain scientists he loved to read about in comic books—
Shunned and discriminated against throughout school, until he decided to take revenge on society with evil technology. And then Ron would be forced to wipe away tears—tears of laughter—as he shot him in the head with his .50-caliber M500 revolver.
Of course, don't get the wrong idea. The tears really would be from laughing.
"Listen," Leonard finally snapped, his patience wearing thin. "If you didn't like my presentation, you should have just come up here and done it with me."
"As I've explained to you countless times," Sheldon said, his tone icy, "I'm not like you. I don't need validation from people who are dumber than I am."
After saying this, he turned to the audience and added, "No offense."
No offense? That was obviously deliberate.
Ron had no doubt that if Sheldon kept running his mouth any longer, the other twenty-five scientists in the room would happily tear him limb from limb.
Thinking of this, Ron couldn't help but start worrying…
Would he still get to enjoy that big dinner tonight?
---
"I've had enough of your arrogant attitude!" Leonard finally exploded. "Maybe I didn't get into college at eleven like you did. Maybe I didn't get my PhD at sixteen, but instead at twenty-four. But you're not the only person in this room who's smarter than everyone else!"
He jabbed a finger toward the audience. "No offense."
The scientists in the audience: We feel so very called out right now.
"I'm obviously not the only one here who feels insecure and desperate for validation!"
"So you admit you're an egomaniac?" Sheldon seized the chance to pounce.
"Yes!" Leonard turned to face everyone. "I—Dr. Leonard Hofstadter—was never good enough for my parents. So now, I'm trying to reclaim my self-esteem from all of you strangers!"
He was laying it all out. Ron could clearly see the scientists in the front row clenching their fists. If Leonard and Sheldon didn't start fighting each other soon and give the rest of the audience some catharsis, Ron had no doubt someone else would jump up there and beat them both to a pulp.
Leonard pointed accusingly at Sheldon. "But he's even worse!"
Sheldon ignored him, raised his hand to his forehead in a ridiculous Force-push gesture. Leonard swatted his arm away. "Enough! Quit it already!"
Ron took a few steps closer, phone still recording—no way was he missing this drama.
"You can't blow up my head with your mind!" Leonard snapped.
Sheldon calmly kept up his childish pose. "Well, maybe I can give you an aneurysm instead."
"Cut it out!" Leonard yanked Sheldon's hand away again.
Sheldon gasped theatrically and turned to the audience to denounce Leonard's behavior. "Did you see that? He hit me! He actually hit me! My God! Video games and violent movies have completely desensitized him!"
"You were the one trying to explode my head!"
"So it worked?" Sheldon looked absolutely delighted.
"No, it didn't! You're insane!" Leonard shouted, almost losing it.
"Then let's see who's really insane!" Sheldon put both hands to his temples again and declared to the audience, "Heads up, people in the front row—this is the radiation zone of the Force!"
"Knock it off!"
"I will not!"
And so the two of them kept going—one of them determined to unleash imaginary powers, the other frantically trying to stop him.
"Hahahaha…" Ron was laughing so hard his phone was shaking in his hand.
Penny was starting to get worried. "That's your brother. Are you sure you're not going to do something?"
"It's fine," Ron said, waving her off. "Sheldon's been like this since he was a kid—brilliant."
Then he turned back to keep filming.
Penny looked helpless and turned to Howard. "Is this normal for physicists?"
Howard didn't even look up as he kept recording the scene. "More common than you'd think."