Tiffany Haddish Presents: Kids Have Amnesty…SAY…What!?
Reverse Parenting—How Kids Would Raise Their Grown-Ups (Because Somebody Has To)
Inspired by the fearless humor of Tiffany Haddish. For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
Amnesty Day—No Time-Outs, No Filters, No Mercy
Give kids a mic and the promise they won't get grounded, and suddenly they're not just the students—they're the teachers. Today, it's all about how kids would whip their parents into shape, if only someone would let them.
The "Snack Before Stress" Rule
"Mom, you need a snack before you yell at the WiFi again. Trust me, nobody makes good decisions when they're hangry. Here, have a juice box and chill."
The "Time-Out for Parents" Policy
"Dad, you need a time-out. Not as a punishment—just so you can finish your coffee in peace and maybe stop yelling at the lawnmower."
The "Use Your Inside Voice" Reminder
"You tell me to use my inside voice, but when you're on the phone with customer service, it's like you're trying to talk to Mars. Deep breaths, Mom. Deep breaths."
The "It's Okay to Cry" Pep Talk
"Hey, it's okay to cry when you're frustrated. I do it all the time. You don't have to hide in the bathroom—just use my blankie, it works for me."
The "Say Sorry Like You Mean It" Lesson
"When you mess up, just say sorry. Don't blame it on being tired or 'having a lot on your plate.' I say sorry when I spill juice, you can say sorry when you spill your feelings."
The "Screen Time Limits for Grown-Ups" Rule
"Mom, you say I need less screen time, but you've been scrolling for an hour. Let's both put our tablets down and go outside. You can even push me on the swing—bonus exercise!"
The "Ask for Help" How-To
"You always tell me to ask for help, but you try to do everything yourself and then get mad. Next time, just ask me to help with dinner. I make a mean PB&J."
The "Bedtime for Parents" Mandate
"Dad, you look tired. If I need a bedtime, so do you. No more 'just one more episode.' I'll tuck you in and read you a story—maybe something with dinosaurs."
The "No More 'Because I Said So'" Agreement
"If you want me to listen, you've got to explain stuff. No more 'because I said so.' Let's make a deal: you explain taxes, I'll explain TikTok."
The "Celebrate Small Wins" Cheer
"You clap when I tie my shoes—so I'll clap when you find your keys. Go, Dad! You did it! Participation trophy for adulting."
The "Practice What You Preach" Challenge
"You tell me to be patient, but you lose it when the drive-thru is slow. Let's both count to ten and pretend we're waiting for Santa."
The Ultimate Verdict
"Look, raising parents isn't easy. But if you listen, snack often, and say sorry when you mess up, you'll turn out just fine. And if you ever need a pep talk, you know where to find me—probably under the table with the cookies."
Special thanks to Tiffany Haddish for inspiring kids to keep it real (and maybe raise the bar for grown-ups, too). For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.