Boom's Name Today:⚡ His Holiness Lord Rizmah The Third, Wielder of the Sacred Joint, Slayer of Logic, Protector of Elbowlandia
Scene opens: Boom scratching his elbow. A comet explodes. Somewhere across the galaxy, a religious cult awakens.
BOOM:scratches elbowMan, itchy today. Hope it's not that cosmic poison ivy again—
Immediately, 13 ships warp into orbit. They're chanting.
ALIEN CULTISTS:"ALL HAIL THE SACRED FLEXOR! THE GREAT SCRATCH HAS SPOKEN!"
BOOM (facepalming):Y'all turned my skin irritation into doctrine.I can't even moisturize in peace now?
He turns to the reader like he's filming a confessional on a reality show.
BOOM:You reading this, yes YOU,with Cheeto dust fingers and emotional baggage heavier than your download folder —you did this.
You stuck with this story for 10 chapters.You're basically a cult member now too.
BOOM:You wanted plot?Bro, you can't even plot your own sleep schedule.You've been "fixing your life tomorrow" since 2020.
BOOM:And before we go any further —Author, get in here.
A floating keyboard with anxiety materializes.
BOOM:Look at this clown.The author's out here thinking he's writing a masterpiece,while eating cold noodles at 3AMand Googling "funny synonyms for diarrhea."
BOOM (mocking):"OoOoO I'm gonna make the funniest novel ever!"Bro, your drafts look like rejected Discord messages and intrusive thoughts.
BOOM:He keeps promising arcs,but can't even finish an anime without skipping 3 seasons and watching the ending on YouTube.
BOOM (to the readers):And you're STILL HERE?!What is this? Emotional Stockholm Syndrome?
Your standards are lower than my GPA in 5th grade.You're out here laughing at elbow cults when your WiFi password is "ilovemom123."
Meanwhile, the Cult of the Elbow has built a 400-meter gold statue of Boom's joint.
CULTIST #1:We shall rename this planet… Boomtopia.
CULTIST #2:The elbow is life. The elbow is law.
BOOM:I can't even be mad.That statue's got better bone structure than me.
BOOM (to the readers):You ever wonder how this novel has made it this far with no real story?
Same.We've got more side quests than a Bethesda game with 900 bugs and no map.
BOOM:This whole thing started because I tried to help someone cross the street,and now I've married a planet, ended a civilization with a yawn,and started a religion because of dry skin.
BOOM (turns to author again):Yo, writer-boy.
You think you're clever with these jokes, huh?
Your idea of romance is adding 2 new characters and making them trauma-bond over exploding fruit.
Your Google Docs is 90% one-liners and 10% existential dread.
Boom turns back to the readers.
BOOM:And YOU.You still haven't gotten up from your bed.Your phone's at 3%. Your motivation's at -17%.
BOOM (leans close):You're not reading this for the story.
You're here because your brain needed something dumber than your life decisions.
Welcome. You found it.Congratulations.You've officially joined the Cult of Elbow.
Now please take a moment of silence...for your dignity.
BOOM:We have reached a new low.A beautiful, flaming, hysterical, meme-drenched low.
A final explosion. The statue collapses. Boom sneezes again.
CULTIST #3 (crying):The Sneeze... was divine.