SLAP!
In full view of everyone, Alan delivered a resounding slap across the Dark Phoenix's face.
The moment his hand left the protective force field, it disintegrated into dust.
"You didn't eat breakfast, did you?" Alan taunted. "Put some strength into it!"
A thousand minds reeled in confusion. What is happening? He looks like he's trying to die! The mind of a madman was impossible to predict; he never played by the rules.
"I will grant you your wish." The Dark Phoenix's eyes blazed with fury, the searing sting on her cheek a constant fuel for her rage.
BOOM!
A maelstrom of black flames erupted, instantly engulfing both Alan and Apocalypse. The force field, which had held against a barrage of advanced weaponry, was utterly useless, offering not even a second of resistance against the Phoenix's power. To his last moment, Apocalypse never understood Alan's sudden change in personality.
At the center of the black inferno, only the Dark Phoenix remained. The surrounding mutants swallowed hard, their gazes filled with terror, fearing that in her bloodlust, she would turn on them next. Magneto signaled for a retreat, but with only Magik and Nightcrawler capable of teleportation, they couldn't possibly evacuate everyone at once.
SCREEE!
Suddenly, a brilliant, piercing cry echoed through the heavens. A great sun appeared in the sky, plummeting towards them. The golden radiance was so intense that everyone had to shield their eyes.
"The Phoenix!?" Cyclops, his ruby quartz visor protecting his vision, stared in awe. It was a literal phoenix from myth and legend.
"It has finally come. My destiny." The Dark Phoenix's face was a mask of serene acceptance. This was how it was meant to be.
The cry grew louder, the golden light bathing the world as the celestial bird dove straight towards her. The light receded, and the world fell silent.
"I am the Phoenix."
The flames engulfing Jean Grey had turned from black to a brilliant gold. The overwhelming, world-ending aura had intensified, as if a god of destruction stood before them. The Phoenix Force had merged with its host, revealing its true, complete form.
But everyone's gaze shifted to the figure standing behind her.
Huh?
The Phoenix turned, puzzled. A stranger stood a short distance away. His upper body was a swirling cosmos of stars against a night sky, his lower body composed of pure white light.
"Who are you?" she demanded.
"Captain Universe Alan, at your service." Alan struck a pose, his hands crossed as if preparing to fire a Kamehameha wave. "Phoenix-ian from the Nebula M78," he declared solemnly. "I have been watching you for a long time."
"Shouldn't you be dead? I killed you myself, just now," the Phoenix said, her brow furrowed. She remembered it clearly. There wasn't even any dust left.
"Can't I be resurrected? What's the big deal?" Alan said nonchalantly. He had, of course, cast Greater Resurrection on himself beforehand, and it had triggered the moment he died. He just hadn't bothered to cast it on Apocalypse.
Alan tugged at his new cosmic-themed costume. "Superheroes in tights are all perverts," he complained. "This thing is riding up in my crotch. They must have some kind of special fetish."
The other mutants in skintight battle suits shot him angry glares. What's your problem with tights? We like them tight! We like them wearing them!
"Aren't you going to explain?" the Phoenix asked, her voice low and dangerous. She could sense a power within Alan that was no less than her own Phoenix Force.
"It's simple," Alan said, spreading his hands with a smug grin. "I was just pretending to join Apocalypse to stop him from causing too much destruction. Then I tricked him into coming here so you could take him out. Don't I look like a good guy?"
No! Not at all!
"That's not what I was asking," the Phoenix said, rolling her eyes. Who cared about Apocalypse? He was already dead. She cared about the source of Alan's power.
"Oh, so you're coveting my beautiful body," Alan said, clutching his chest with a delicate, fragile expression. "I'm a righteous priest, you know. I have the 'Avatar of Light' passive skill. It's only natural that the Uni-Power would choose me." When the Phoenix Force had descended, the Uni-Power had come with it, possessing Alan the moment he was resurrected. As a being of pure light, it was naturally drawn to his light-based priest skills.
"What is your intention?" The Phoenix no longer cared about the so-called Uni-Power. She needed to know if he was friend or foe.
"Such a direct confession! You've caught me completely off guard! Give me three days to think it over before I give you an answer," Alan said, preening and posturing, completely exhausting the last of the Phoenix's patience.
"There can only be one god on Earth," she declared. "You can die."
As she spoke, her power erupted. A fiery phoenix silhouette enveloped her, the searing golden flames twisting the very fabric of space around them.
BAM!
The two figures collided.
But it was not a battle.
"I suck… slurp…"
Alan ducked, his lips locking with hers, his limbs wrapping around her like an octopus.
Eww…
The madman was forcefully kissing the Phoenix! And with such passion and force!
The Phoenix struggled, her arms pushing against him, the Phoenix Force blasting outwards in waves, but she couldn't break his grip. In the crowd, Magik's expression was a mixture of emotions. She unconsciously clenched her fists. As time ticked by, the Phoenix's struggles grew weaker, until finally, she went limp, allowing him to continue.
Everyone had expected a cataclysmic battle. Instead, they got a French kiss.
"Cyclops, are you crying?" Havok asked, noticing the tear tracks leaking from under his brother's visor.
"No, I just got some sand in my eye," Cyclops said, hastily wiping his eyes.
"Doesn't your visor protect you from sand?" Havok muttered, confused.
For a full fifteen minutes, Alan did not stop. The golden flames around the Phoenix gradually receded, until they were extinguished completely.
"I've really done it now. I think I kissed her brain out." Alan looked down at the woman in his arms. Jean Grey's eyes were glazed over, her mouth twitching, drool trickling from the corner. She looked as if her very brainstem had been sucked out. In truth, Alan had used the kiss to suck the Phoenix Force from her body.
Hiss…
Suddenly, Alan's face contorted in a grimace. He clutched his stomach, sucking in a sharp breath. He quickly laid Jean down. "I feel it coming! I can't hold it in!"
The next second, he shot off like a meteor, breaking through the atmosphere and into space. Out in the void, Alan bent over, his body wracked with abdominal cramps.
Pfffft… BOOM!
A jet of golden flame erupted from his rear. The Phoenix Force had been expelled from his body. The golden flame re-formed into the shape of a phoenix, which glared angrily at a now-relieved Alan.
"What are you looking at, you stupid bird?" Alan shook a fist at it threateningly. "I'll beat you up!"
The Phoenix Force, defeated and humiliated, sped off into the depths of space. As Alan returned to Earth, the Uni-Power departed from him, soaring into the cosmos as a single, bright star.
…
Weeks later, at the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.
With everyone's help, the school was rebuilt. The students returned to their youthful, carefree lives. Charles, now adapted to his new body, resumed his duties as headmaster.
On the lawn, Jean Grey finally bought her Eastern-style breakfast from the stall, but Alan was nowhere to be seen. He was sitting on the steps with Illyana, flirting.
Seeing the two of them so engrossed in their conversation, Jean's heart filled with a complex mix of emotions. She squeezed the soup dumpling in her hand.
Splat!
The soup burst out, splashing onto her face. She blushed, embarrassed. Though the Phoenix Force had taken her dark persona with it when Alan had absorbed it, the memories and feelings remained fresh.
Alan looked deeply into Illyana's eyes. "My dear Magik," he said, "there's something I've always wanted to do to you."
"Don't say it. I know what you mean." Illyana closed her eyes shyly, tilting her chin up slightly.
Seeing this, Alan paused for a second, then a mischievous grin spread across his face. "Naughty girl."
He reached into his armpit and pulled out a black marker. Illyana felt a tickle on her thigh. She opened her eyes to see that he was neatly drawing a grid pattern over the hole in her fishnet stockings.
"ALAN!!!" Illyana looked around frantically, but he was gone. She could only scream his name in fury. All this time, the one thing he had wanted to do was "fix" the hole in her fishnets. Only a true madman would think of something so ridiculous.
Having finally fulfilled his heart's desire, Alan decisively returned to the city that needed his protection: Gotham.
[Chapter Complete]
***
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