Jiang Chen had one humble desire.
To sip tea. Grow some cabbage. Nap under a peach tree without someone shouting "Enlightened Master Jiang" or "Great Leaf Sage of the Whispering Bamboo Path."
So when a snow-white falcon—wearing a ridiculous golden tassel—swooped down and dropped a scroll onto his breakfast bun, he almost dropped dead.
"Honored Master Jiang," the scroll read in elegant calligraphy, "The Blade Pavilion respectfully requests your sacred autograph on our Sect's 2nd Anniversary Commemorative Robes. A sample is enclosed. We shall auction it to raise funds for blade research and junior disciple enlightenment."
Attached was a silk robe ten feet long with gold embroidery that spelled, "One Sip Cuts Through Ten Thousand Techniques."
It even had his face on the back.
Holding a teacup.
Glowing.
Jiang Chen had never posed for this.
"Who the hell designed this?!" he shouted, nearly choking on his bun.
Zhi Rou stood beside him, holding a brush like a sacred relic. "Your humble disciples, of course. We have nineteen variants. This is the 'Tranquil Edge' edition. Would you prefer to sign the 'Floating Tea Slash' model instead?"
"I'd prefer to sign a retirement form!"
"Ah," she murmured reverently. "True detachment. You refuse even fame. What a sage."
[DING—Zhi Rou's devotion has reached 'Fanatic Level 2.' She will now intercept assassination attempts on your behalf.]
"…Wait, assassination attempts?!"
Zhi Rou nodded solemnly. "The Green River Clan claims you once destroyed their top disciple's core with a quote."
"I said 'shut up' because he wouldn't stop bragging!"
"Exactly. Words sharp enough to slice through meridians…"
[DING—You have unknowingly created a new technique: "Verbal Decapitation." Damage scales with target's ego level.]
"System, STOP naming things!"
✦
Elsewhere in the Martial Territories...
A woman with silver hair, standing atop a sword-shaped cliff, folded the scroll in silence.
"The robe was refused."
Gasps echoed around her as dozens of elders stood to attention.
"He declines? That means—"
"Surely a test!"
"Or perhaps… a challenge."
The woman's expression was unreadable.
"No. It's a message."
She turned slowly, eyes glinting.
"We go to him."
✦
Back in Jiang Chen's peaceful forest.
Well. Formerly peaceful.
He watched as Feng Ziyun, his extremely loyal second disciple, slashed at a bush.
"Master! I have fought sixteen trees and two aggressive squirrels. I believe the seventeenth tree contains wisdom."
"You're dueling plants now?!"
"They disrespected your spiritual footprint by growing crooked."
[DING—Feng Ziyun has developed a new sword form: "Botanical Reprimand." Enhanced precision when surrounded by vegetation.]
"Please stop learning from nonsense!"
[Too late. It's engraved into his inner flow.]
Suddenly, the skies thundered—not from clouds, but from a massive metal ship descending through mist, shaped like a blade.
Emblazoned on the side:
[BLADE PAVILION DIPLOMATIC SHIP — "FAST, SHARP, AND CIVIL"]
Jiang Chen stared.
Zhi Rou stood beside him, serious. "They've arrived."
"I have eyes."
"They brought a parade."
"I HAVE EYES."
Indeed, hundreds of sword cultivators emerged in shimmering robes. Petals rained down. Banners rippled. Music played.
At the front, a girl with twin swords strode forward and bowed deeply.
"Master Jiang," she called out.
"I'M NOT A MASTER—!"
"I, Yue Qian, the top blade of the Eastern Blades, request a duel!"
The forest fell into stunned silence.
A squirrel dropped its nut.
Wind rustled nervously.
Jiang Chen blinked. "You WHAT?"
"If I win," she declared, "you must answer three questions. If I lose… I become your disciple."
"I don't want either option!!"
[DING—New Duel Detected: Yue Qian vs. Confused Sage.]Outcome: Higher Fame, more chaos, two new accidental techniques.
[Declining will trigger: 'Misunderstood Arrogance Arc.' Popularity with sword sects decreases.]
Jiang Chen sighed. "Do I get a third option?"
[Hiding in a hole: 8% success rate. Highly risky.]
✦
Elsewhere again...
A distant ancient beast looked up from its nap.
"That tea-drinking menace again? I just rebuilt my cave!"
A rival clan leader paused mid-training.
"That farmer's aura... it trembles across provinces now."
A traveling merchant pulled out five different robes of Jiang Chen. "Prices are spiking again. Triple the spirit stones. Limited edition only."
✦
Back in the field...
Yue Qian struck a stance so elegant, the petals stopped falling midair.
"Please. I've searched for a worthy opponent all my life."
Jiang Chen yawned.
Just yawned.
[Passive Technique Triggered: Drowsy Indifference. Lowers morale of nearby opponents by 75%.]
Yue Qian staggered.
"I… I feel my spirit wavering. This aura—it's not sleepiness. It's transcendent stillness!"
[Duel won.]
[New disciple acquired: Yue Qian, Peerless Blade.]
"NOOOOO—"