Jiang Chen woke up to the sound of chanting.
Which would be fine—except it was chanting his name.
He cracked one eye open and groaned.
Across the clearing, his self-declared disciples were lined up in rows. All forty-two of them.
Each had their hands clasped solemnly over a cup of tea. Eyes closed. Faces glowing with enlightenment. A small group of outer sect disciples was weeping in spiritual ecstasy.
"Jiang Chen is the leaf. We are but the water," they intoned in terrifying unison.
"Steep us in wisdom. Steep us in truth."
"Steep us in the Eternal Dao of Napping."
[DING—Your sect has founded a ritual. Ritual Name: Morning Steep. Loyalty +10%]
Jiang Chen sat up and rubbed his face. "This is not happening."
But it was.
Even worse? Someone had built him a throne out of spiritual wood, shaped like a giant teacup. With armrests.
A girl in blue robes approached with a bowed head. "Master… I mean, Revered Founder, please bless today's tea ceremony with your divine gaze."
He blinked at her. "What's your name?"
"Disciple Zhi Rou. Former fourth elder of the Moon Rabbit Dojo," she said reverently. "Now your forever follower."
Why are all of you so terrifyingly sincere?
Jiang Chen raised a hand. "I—listen, I'm not taking disciples. Okay? I'm not a sect master. I don't want to teach anything. I just want to—"
"—Seek the Dao in solitude!" Zhi Rou exclaimed. "Yes, yes, of course! Your refusal is your way of tempering our resolve!"
[DING—Zhi Rou's loyalty has increased by 27%. Warning: She may now tattoo your name on her spirit root.]
Another disciple, a tall one with scars and a horrifyingly punchable face, raised a hand. "Master! A disciple of the Scarlet Lotus Sect arrived this morning. He wants to duel for the right to ask you one question."
Jiang Chen squinted. "Why would I answer questions?"
"Because you are profound!"
"Because your silence is louder than a thousand sages!"
"Because you once said 'drink tea' and four people had breakthroughs!"
"I said it because I was drinking tea!!"
[DING—Denial detected. Emotional Damage Energy: +843]
Jiang Chen stood, finally done with this nonsense.
"Alright," he said, brushing off his sleeves. "I'm ending this farce right now."
He marched to the front of the clearing where a man in flaming red robes was doing slow, dramatic sword forms.
As soon as he spotted Jiang Chen, the man froze, bowed deeply, and shouted:
"I, Feng Ziyun, greet the Supreme Leaf Sage!"
Jiang Chen's eye twitched. "I am not the Leaf Sage."
"Of course. How wise," Feng Ziyun whispered. "Only the truly supreme would deny their title."
[DING—Feng Ziyun's devotion has surpassed the threshold. Initiating 'Challenge for Enlightenment' duel.]
"WHAT? NO—!"
Before Jiang Chen could blink, Feng Ziyun leapt into the air, sword blazing with phoenix fire, and performed a spiral slash that sheared the clouds in half.
People screamed.
Someone fainted.
Someone else offered incense.
Jiang Chen just stood there.
And because he stood there with complete stillness, unfazed by the incoming attack…
The sword stopped an inch from his face.
Feng Ziyun dropped to his knees.
"…He did not even blink," the swordsman whispered in awe. "His cultivation… it transcends cause and effect."
[DING—Feng Ziyun has become your first core disciple. Title granted: Flaming Sword That Does Not Burn the Master.]
"No, wait, revoke that—"
[Core disciples cannot be removed unless dead.]
"…What if I accidentally trip him down a cliff?"
[System locked that option for legal reasons.]
Elsewhere…
On the summit of Crystal Peak, the Sect Master of the Spirit Flow Pavilion was reviewing spy reports.
One scroll contained only one phrase:
"He drank tea. I wept."
Another was written in blood, but the calligraphy was breathtaking.
"…We must find this Jiang Chen," the Sect Master muttered. "He may be the final piece to break through to the Seventh Heaven."
His junior elder trembled. "But Master… he's already surrounded by dozens of fanatics."
The Sect Master narrowed his eyes. "Then we shall infiltrate. Send our best. No—send the weirdest. Let them blend in."
Back in the forest, Jiang Chen sat cross-legged with a scroll in hand.
He was trying to read about spirit beast mating habits, mostly to distract himself, when another system notification popped up.
[DING—New Quest: Pretend to Be a Sage or Get Beat Up by Fanatics][Reward: More Emotional Damage Energy, Passive Skill Upgrade, and Fewer Surprise Duels]
[Optional Sub-Quest: Accidentally Enlighten Someone Again]
"Of course it's a quest," Jiang Chen muttered.
Across the glade, someone burst into tears over a mildly warm teacup and screamed, "I UNDERSTAND NOW!"
[Sub-Quest Complete.]
"…I didn't even do anything!"
[Precisely. Mastery without action—true Dao.]
Jiang Chen faceplanted into the grass.