Octavia was not in camp. That much was clear to everyone by now.
Lily had been asking everyone she met at the patrol posts, and soon the guards began helping her spread the word. The same thing was happening with Clarke and Bellamy, and eventually, the whole camp was looking for Octavia. But as much as Lily appreciated the help, it only confirmed what she already feared—Octavia was gone. No one had seen her since that morning.
Lily's eyes scanned the camp until they landed on Bellamy. He was pacing near the dropship, his fear barely hidden beneath the determined way he moved. He looked like he was trying to stay in control, but she could see it—the panic beneath the surface. And she felt powerless. There was nothing she could say to take that fear away.
"Lily, hey," Miller called, drawing her attention. She turned to see him approaching with Jake at his side. She had talked to Miller a few times before—he was kind, always willing to help around camp. Lily thought she had seen his father once on the Ark. She wasn't sure, but Miller's calm, capable demeanor reminded her of one of the guards she'd met back then. If that really had been his father, she often wondered what could've led to Miller ending up in the Skybox. But it didn't matter. Not down here. Down here, they were all the same.
"Anything?" she asked, hoping—just for a second—for good news.
Both boys shook their heads.
"Nothing," Jake said. "It's like she vanished."
Lily exhaled, realizing she'd been holding her breath. Her eyes found Bellamy again—tense, coiled, like every second that passed without news chipped away at his control.
"He'll go look for her," she whispered, more to herself than to the two boys beside her.
Jake took a step forward, following her gaze toward Bellamy.
"Alone?" he asked, his tone more tired than anything else.
Lily nodded slowly. "If it were up to him, yes." Her gaze never left Bellamy, who was now gathering more and more people to look for his sister. "But he can't," she said quietly.
"You'd go?" Miller asked her, and Lily looked up at him briefly.
"Of course," she answered without hesitation. With Octavia gone, Bellamy needed all the help he could get. And if Octavia was hurt, maybe Lily could help as well—assuming Clarke wouldn't go for some reason. Between the two of them, Clarke was the one with more experience in medicine.
"Were you studying to be a guard on the Ark?" Jake let out a little tired chuckle.
Lily turned to him with a tight, tense smile. "No, nothing like that," she answered shortly.
"Med technician, Jake," Miller explained, and Jake looked at him with a small frown.
"Ah, yeah," he muttered. "I must be tired."
They all were. Lily felt it too. She had barely slept in two days, but adrenaline was keeping her on her feet. She was tired—but not enough to stop. Bellamy needed all the help he could get. And she really wanted to help him.
Her eyes moved again and caught sight of Bellamy walking toward her. Lily let out a slow breath before taking a few steps to meet him halfway.
"Hey," she said as gently as she could.
"She's not here," he replied, his voice trembling. "Something must have happened, Lily. I have to go."
Her hand moved before she could think—firm and gentle as it rested on his arm. Her eyes searched his.
"You can't go alone, Bellamy," she said. "It's too dangerous."
"No…" he muttered. "My sister, my responsibility." He was being reckless again—like he always was when he was scared or worried.
"That might be true, but you are not alone," she insisted, her voice firmer than she expected it to be. "We're a group. We watch each other's backs."
Bellamy looked at her silently. His face was tense, his jaw locked, like he was trying to hold something back. But then his eyes flickered—just for a second—something raw, something like doubt or fear.
His breath caught, then left him in a sharp exhale, as if letting go of something heavy. His shoulders squared, his expression tightening into resolve.
Then he turned his gaze past her shoulder, jaw setting with purpose. "I need all the weapons," he said to Miller, voice firm once again.
"I need all the weapons," he called to Miller, his voice sharp and commanding—the tone he always used when giving orders around camp. Lily was always surprised by how quickly he could shift, how much he held inside without letting anyone see.
Her eyes followed him as he brushed past her and walked toward Miller and Jake.
"All of them?" Jake asked with a frown.
"All of them," Bellamy repeated shortly. "Go!"
Lily watched as Jake nodded quickly and disappeared into the tent where they had set up a makeshift armory. They had used pieces of wood and spare parts from the dropship to craft spears, knives, and axes. Clarke and Bellamy had decided to store them all together so that whoever was assigned to patrol would also help guard them.
Lily's eyes remained on Bellamy as he frenetically went through the weapons Jake had brought out. He was quick to gather them all together and pick them up in his hands.
"Lily, come on," he said, making his way towards the main fire in the camp. "Hey, everyone!" he shouted, getting the attention of the people around them. "Gather around and grab a weapon," he put the weapons on the ground, his voice incredibly steady for the frenzy his body was moving with. "My sister's been out there alone for twelve hours. Arm up, we are not coming back without her."
Lily felt the fear getting back at her, as she looked at the woods. It was the middle of the night, and the perspective of going out was always scary. But it was the same situation for Octavia, and they could not leave her alone.
As few of the delinquents bent down to arm themselves, Lily was quick to kneel and take one of the knives. She held it as firmly as she could in between her fingers; she really hoped it wouldn't come to the place where they'd actually had to use those weapons. Would she be able to defend herself? Or someone else? Would she really be able to kill someone?
I don't want to kill anyone, she thought letting out a shaky breath.
But Octavia was out there. Alone.
What was the most important thing?
Lily knew the answer, but she didn't like what the repercussions could be. But there was no other choice. Or maybe there was; she did not have to go. It was not expected from her, she was not a soldier… but she wanted to go. The reason though she didn't know, or maybe she did.
Her eyes moved up to look at Bellamy, who was standing next to her giving orders to who had decided to join his searching party. It would have been much easier to let him go with the others, but she had seen how scared he was; scared and worried. Lily knew that maybe her presence would not have made any difference, but she wanted to go. Despite all of her fears.
As she stood up, Bellamy turned to her, probably noticing her moving. His dark eyes moved to the knife in her hand, and she saw him hesitating, but before he could speak she interrupted him.
"I want to help you, and Octavia," she said, trying to keep her voice as steady as she could. Then their eyes met. "We're not arguing on that," she said finally.
Bellamy was quiet for some moments, looking at her intently, but at the end he nodded his head.
"Thank you," he said quietly.
Lily dropped her gaze, giving her shoulders a shrug, "No need," she answered, just before she heard Clarke speak to Jasper.
"You don't have to do this," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder to stop him from bending to take a weapon. "You haven't left camp since we brought you back." Clarke was speaking the truth, and Lily shared her worries about him going out. But could they keep him inside forever?
For as much as she would like to feel safe and know that the people around her were too, she knew that was not possible…
"Clarke," Jasper said, "I need to do this." His voice was tense, as were his shoulders, but he had a strong resolution in his eyes, the same he had every time he was around Octavia.
"We need all the people we can get," Bellamy spoke, taking a few steps towards where Clarke and Jasper were standing. His arms crossed over his chest, and his tone wasn't leaving room for much choice. Lily took a breath as she observed Jasper nod his head to go take a weapon.
"I'll be taking some of the medicines I've made," Lily said, making Clarke turn towards her, "I hope we won't need it, but just in case."
Clarke nodded her head.
"Good idea," she answered, with a nod.
"We also need a tracker," Bellamy added, as he looked at Clarke. Of course he wanted the person most skilled among them in tracking people, and after Clarke agreed with it, he called for Finn.
Lily turned around to see where he was, but she could not see him around the fire. Then she felt Bellamy shift beside her.
"Where is he?" he muttered under his breath.
"In his tent with Raven," Clarke answered, her tone flat, but it was not difficult to see how bothered she was by that. "He'll be here soon enough."
But that didn't sit well with Bellamy, "Now, that's what I need," he said tensely, his urgency slipping from his control once again. "Finn!" he called again, raising his voice, "We're leaving!"
"Bellamy–" Lily whispered as he passed by her, followed by the group that would go with them to search for Octavia. Bellamy was growing restless, but luckily Finn's voice came from inside one of the tents.
"All right," he said, walking out, "I'm coming."
Lily let out a breath, sharing a glance with Clarke, before they started to follow Bellamy and the others, but then Finn called for the other girl.
"Hey, wait!" he said and Lily turned to Clarke, she didn't seem eager to speak to him, and she didn't feel to blame her at all.
"I can stay, if you want." Lily spoke, with a little encouraging smile.
Clarke bit her lips, but after a moment, she shook her head.
"It's all right," she said, "I'll be there in a minute."
Lily nodded, not pushing her and with a last look at Finn making his way towards Clarke, she kept following the others. As she did so, she noticed Bellamy look at where Finn was and let out a frustrated breath.
"Jasper," Lily said, her eyes never leaving Bellamy, "Can you go grab the ampoules that are on the desk in my tent?"
"All of them?" he asked.
"Yes, please," Lily said, thanking him as he made a quick run towards the tent.
Lily's eyes were still on Bellamy, and he seemed to start getting angry as he looked at Finn and Clarke. And before he could move, she stepped forward, putting a hand on his chest to not make him go towards them.
"I know it's difficult for you," she said, keeping her voice down as their eyes met, "But we don't need you to lose your temper, now."
"You don't get it–"
"You're right, I don't," Lily knew that nobody could fully understand what Bellamy was feeling, and she didn't want to pretend she did. "But I know that we have to be fully focused, and we need you to lead us. This is the only way we are going to help Octavia."
Bellamy didn't say a word.
His eyes dropped briefly to the hand Lily had placed against his chest, then slowly lifted back to meet hers.
His posture shifted. The tension in his shoulders loosened just enough. A breath escaped him—shallow and quiet.
And for a second, Lily thought that maybe she had reached him.
Then—
"Guys, guys, come here!" A voice rang out across the clearing, urgent and loud, making Lily and Bellamy turn towards the crowd. People were starting to look up.
"What is it?" Lily looked up as more people gasped in delight, her brows furrowed as she saw the night sky coming alive with many fallen stars. There were so many, she had never thought of seeing something so beautiful in her life.
"There are so many…" she whispered, feeling Bellamy taking a step from behind her, their shoulders brushing against each other. And for some silly reason, she felt her heart beat faster from the proximity. Her mother had told her stories about people looking up at the sky during summer, when the nightmare of radiation was still far. She had always wondered what it'd look like.
"They didn't work," Raven's words made the smile from Lily's face drop in an instant. That nice warm feeling inside her chest disappeared, and only terror filled her. "They didn't see the flares."
"A meteor shower tells you that?" Bellamy asked from where he was standing, his voice tense once more.
"It's not a meteor shower," Clarke explained, her eyes fixed on the sky, "It's a funeral."
"Oh, my God…" Lily muttered, her eyes filling with tears.
"Hundreds of bodies being returned to the Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side," Clarke kept saying. Each word made Lily's chest get tighter and tighter. And looking up again, those lights became the most horrific sight she had ever laid her eyes upon.
"They didn't get our message," Clarke said again, turning to Raven.
They had failed. Marcus and the Council had killed three hundred people. All those poor souls had died thinking that the Earth wasn't survivable. A tear rolled down her cheek, as Lily tried to keep her whimpers inside. And a terrible thought crossed her mind, as her eyes moved up, crossing Bellamy's gaze. He didn't hold it for more than a moment before he dropped his gaze. And another tear rolled down Lily's cheek, unable to say anything.
"This is all because of you!" Raven yelled angrily. Lily didn't even turn; she knew who she was talking to, and she didn't want to look at that scene. Her eyes closed, and her lips pressed into a tight line. More and more tears wetted her cheeks.
"I helped you find the radio," she heard Bellamy arguing back defensively. Lily found herself shaking her head—she didn't want to hear any of that anymore.
"Yeah!" Raven yelled back, "After you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!"
"He knows," Clarke was the one who spoke, "And now he has to live with it."
Lily took a deep breath, not wanting to open her eyes; she knew she'd look up, and she didn't want to see those lights ever again.
But she didn't have to look at the sky to feel what they meant.
All those people. Three hundred lives. Gone. Because of one choice.
Her chest ached—not just with grief. Maybe it was disillusion, for wanting to believe that they had actually stopped that culling from happening. Or maybe it was pity, knowing how many people had been lost. Or maybe it was disgust, and that hurt very much.
She had wanted Bellamy to care. To regret.
And now he would.
She opened her eyes just in time to catch his face again—strained, jaw clenched, gaze unreadable.
And when he turned away, when he dropped his eyes instead of meeting hers.
He'll carry this forever, she thought heavily, hating herself for wanting to reach for his arm despite everything.
Then his voice cut through the silence.
"All I know is that my sister is out there, and I'm gonna find her."
Lily didn't say anything. But the tear that slid down her cheek didn't fall only for the dead.
"You coming or what?" he asked roughly, looking at Finn, who nodded his head quietly.
Her eyes stayed on Bellamy—watching the way his shoulders stiffened, the way he didn't quite meet anyone's gaze now. But he would not have stopped, and when he turned, his eyes met hers.
His jaw was tight, his mouth set in a line too flat to be calm. A breath passed through his nose, sharp and low, before he looked away.
"Do whatever you want," he said quietly.
Then he turned to the others.
"What are we waiting for? Move out!"
Lily remained rooted to the spot, her fingers curled tight around the hilt of the knife. Her breath caught in her throat, and for a moment she didn't know if she could take a step forward.
The weight of the death of all those people, and knowing that she too was blaming Bellamy for that, really felt too much. But her eyes could not leave his frame as he led the others towards the exit of the camp.
He knows, she thought, and Clarke was right—he didn't need any of them to keep reminding him. And yet again, even if she wanted to be angry at him, and she was, it was not enough for her not to feel the same urge that she had felt when he had entered her tent that night. She wanted to help him. And she didn't want to leave Octavia.
So, drying another tear with her hand, she followed the others into the woods.