Alex's p.o.v
She remembers being locked inside the closet in Parkers room, his closet was somehow wet and musty. He kept her there when her mother and stepfather hade overnight trips she begged them to take her with. He caged her whenever he got possessive or when he wanted to see her being jealous. He had countless woman in and out of his room and she looked at the ground in disgust. He assaulted her with somebody else's juices on his junk. These memories never end and they haunt her, especially when she receives direct messages from her mother who supported an abusive asshole.
Mom: << 'Hi, baby.'>>
She rolls her eyes annoyed but still trembling. This woman is her mother, but she hates her. She hates her mother for lying cheating, stealing, abandonment, denial, oblivion and blatant disregard of her only child's dignity. How can she forgive when she still remembers her mother's words?
"What is it?"
She knew that her location was compromised her second year, and due to her achievements, the university uses her as a model for sponsors. She does not like to be in the spotlight because she does not want to give her former pack the satisfaction of knowing that she's alive. They will use her as a model of failure, radicalised, fooled and corrupted by the outside influences. Who did her mother bribe to obtain her number?
Mom: << 'That's no way to speak to your mother.>>
She does not have a lot of affection for her mother, just anger and question.
"Okay, I will drop the call now."
Mom: << 'No. I missed you... when will you come visit?'>>
"Is Parker still there?" Silence stretched, "by your lack of response I gather his still there."
She knows her answer. She hates her pack and more especially Parker. If she 'visits' she might be imprisoned and married off to a sex offender with a disgusting interest in minors.
Mom: << 'That's not fair.>>
Huh?! Did she hear her correctly? What's not fair?! Is her mother about to play victim? That pack made her so terrified of being touched, feeling loved but simultaneously scared of abandonment. Here... she witnessed friendship, community, joy, and she's opening up to the idea of love.
"What's not fair?!"
Her voice chocked and the tears she held back began to fall.
"I know, I failed you as a mother."
"Yes, you did. Speaking about what was not fair, was you and dad's separation. What was not fair was being hated, talked about and bullied for sins I have not comprehension of. What was not fair was being abandoned for days, weeks, and months on end with nothing. It was not fair that youexpected me to raise myself after your separation. What is not fair is not knowing where dad went or if his still alive. What was not fair was you never calling to check up on me whenever you left me with him. I told you everything he did and what was not fair was you trying to mediate instead of being a parent. What was not fair was me needing my mother, but she was out promising me to a sick man. Yes, it's not fair that I can't erase or forget my past. What's not fair is that you refuse to take responsibility for your part."
Now she's crying, she hates crying or feeling this way. She hangs up and focused on her breathing exercises while also taking in puffs from her inhaler. As if her pain was not enough her mother sent her a message saying Parker wanted to speak to her. To apologise. To give them a chance to be a family again. Never. No thank you. She would rather get shot five times and jump off a cliff into a pool of starving sharks than let that happen. Sometimes good people are hurt by monsters and are shamed for being victims. That the norm, right? The world sucks. She sucks. Her entire life sucks. Crying sucks.
"What have I ever done to deserve this?!"
How does one shut off all emotion? Noah calms her but she's a mess right now. Crying does not serve a purpose but to make you miserable, she needs to do something productive. Their faculty is raising funds for new instruments in their faculty; she can contribute by baking. No one hates baked good and she has the best ingredients for gluten free cookies and muffins. for muffins she wants soft and delicate and for cookies she wants chewy, with crisp golden edges and gooey centres.Yes, that. Noah likes chocolate so she will make him his own batch, she will also make oat cookies and ginger biscuits. Good, who needs sleep. She set herself to work, she does not have all the ingredients for ginger biscuits so that's out of the menu. She focused her mind on the task at hand and the instrumentals playing in the background. She's tired and she's grateful oat cookies are low effort, it can't take her more than two hours to complete. Someone knocked on her door, she ignored it, but the knock sounded again and again. Looking through, the peep hole she saw Noah staring directly at her and she released a groan of hopelessness. The kitchen was a mess, she is a mess, her whole life is proving to be a mess. Now this guy is crazy enough to want to be a part of this... Mess for lack of a better word. Noah waited outside with no plans of leaving and outside has to be cold, again she despises how much she cares. Resigned, she opens the door and took a step back allowing her fated to enter.
"Mmn. It smells good."
"Yeah? It is just muffins and cookies."
She goes back to escaping, she does not want to be burdened with any negative emotions, or it will ruin the flavours she's working on. About an hour later she took out the final trey and switched everything off. Clean up time, this looks great but her kitchen is as disorganised as her thoughts. A hand held her back and led her back to the sitting room and pushed her on the couch, next to her lay her art book with her pencils. Water was placed next to her; the man removed his jacket and placed it around her. What is he doing? She got her answer when the alpha began cleaning the kitchen. Why is he here cleaning up her mess?
She does not say anything. She's quiet and she's too scared to ruin the dream. She told her healer friends that she found him, her fated and they seemed to be more happy than her sad reaction. How can she love someone when she struggles to love herself? Her sobs came and passed but fingers trailed her book like a pro. She did not notice how much time passed but when she turned to see the kitchen spotless, dishes placed in their respective places. She was in awe that he was able to do that a short period of time. She has never seen an alpha treat anyone the way Noah treats her. No one has ever been so nice to her without a red string of manipulation attached... literally if it was not for Lucas and Leo, she would have been a loner. A Rouge as she initially expected when she ran away from home... She did not deserve to be forgiven even if she is the one that has been wronged.
"Wow. This is beautiful. Perfect and I'm not saying that because it looks like me. You are really fantastic and talented Axx."
"Axx?"
"Yes. I want to always remind you of how strong you are... If you don't like its."
"It's fine, at least there's a meaning behind you calling me that."
Looking down she saw what Noah saw. It was him, the reason she did not hurt that bad, scream or throw a sissy fit. It was him, in the kitchen cleaning the mess was like a metaphor for her life... She sat on the couch watching him. Eyes meeting his she saw sympathy and she hated it. Hated reactions people gave her when they saw the disarray of her life. If it was not sympathy sometimes it was plain out pity. He did not want either, those looks did nothing to solve her problems. She mostly hated the look Noah gave her; she didn't want to look weak in front of a Deucalion but the look he gave her.... It looks like he wanted to protect her from the world, hold on to her until its daybreak and promise he will not let go. Romantic... Shit she's falling. No. Noah made her feel like he wanted to take all her pain away, not wanting to cry in front of him she disappeared into the bathroom. Locking the door she too deep breaths before taking a long-deserved shower.
Her flat was quiet. That means Noah must have left. Why wouldn't he? He probably has better things to do. As usual her apartment was quiet and lonely, memories threatened to bring back what she could not forget. Exhausted beyond belief, she wore her favourite Sponge-bob square pants pyjamas. She locked the door after going against calling either Lucas or Leo to keep her company tonight. She hates the dark so at night instead of darkness, she dimmed the rooms light. She went in the kitchen to ensure everything is off and somehow left with a cookie in hand... When she entered her bedroom, the sight surprised her.
"You still here? "
Her fated sat on her bed paging through a magazine, she often paged through when she could not sleep which was often.
"I did say I want to be there for you."
"Ridiculous."
Inwardly she smiled, this man was threatening to break down her many walls... If she was not smart, she is going to hand him all the tools he will need.
"If you do not complete drying your hair, you will properly get sick. Common give me the towel, I will do it for you."
That is not true, but she opted out of saying a word, he took the towel from her hands. She sat the awkwardly, she now regrets abandoning Noah at the club for such a stupid reason in his eyes.