Chapter-02
Luka's Diary,
There were so many things to describe. When somebody asks anyone about their pasts or the pain they saved for so long, nobody could explain the way it should be explained. It is not required to show the things that are bothered. It is not either considerable to show the things more what never bothered. The things were between two sides, where trust came after a significant sacrifice. The blame was echoing underneath. But sometimes, we took the blame and moved on. We never looked back, stared at the thing we wished once. We just see the reflection through the eyes, where pain builds and falls.
It is true that love is a complex and relevant emotion. It can rebuild us, it can kill us. Sometimes, it can re-birth us after dead. We just commit blindly, faithfully. We dedicated, we considered, we cared, we waited, we- we benevolent. We did not leave any chance to turn back. What we did, did from heart. We showed the dignity, and we kept chasing the falls. But in the end, 'We' turned into just 'Me'. It was never a complete shape of heart. One side was absent after looking behind. It actually turned back, with all the miseries I held it. Then, I released it, let it be how it should be. Alone, I took the courage to continue. As deeper as I stepped in, it kept extending its shape. Just from one side, never filled another. Every piece of its, were took the chance to enter and make it more increased. Never listened to mine, never looked at me. It only kept hurting me. Who knew the time when the heart shape turned into pain? It never filled itself to stop the duration. As it never listened mine.
Love was a burning side of me. Trust was the oxygen. It lets it burn and burn my whole life. I never opened my mouth to even breathe. I did not need any air. But God never called my name. Ending the chapter was the choice, but turning the page was the wish. God made somebody luckier. Who am I to blame? Who were I to wish even? When I got nothing left with me, I took a breath and felt the pain, what was only there, my heart. My incomplete heart, hurting with me, burning with me. Took the courage and inspiration, left with nothing.
We all can say bravery that good things are waiting on the way. We just need to keep walking. Does anybody ever think how we sacrifice and replace the choice, as our wish became an option? We want that more what hurts more. But we know how we fit perfectly and how much dedication we did. In the end, it will never matter to us even if we turn away and get happiness. Why does each time expectation kill us? Even after giving our all things, why does it feel like still not enough? Why do we watch someone get our happiness even after not doing half what we did? Why do each time we find a more luckier person than us? Witnessing their achievements kill us. Why do we feel sorry for us considering the deeds we did? Why are we even living?
It should be considered if your loved one makes any mistake, which leads you to get pain. But not when it comes to you. We worship ourselves when we fall in love. Love is the weakness, and so are souls. And it is also the strength, as we name it after faith. It can not be replicable, but God removed you from there cause He knows about the feelings you don't. But He also knows it how much trouble you would face but still not more than the previous one. Whether I am accepting it or letting it go, I make myself prepared for everything. I have seen a lot of things in my life. I lost myself. Lost everything behind someone. I just wished. I did everything. But the necessary point was to be awared off the capable one, hurts me too. It is easy to be in another place and thinking about the previous one that it was not better, it is good to be at present place - won't change the truth of deservation. Still trying to figure out how the pain felt like. Why is it too much?