Luka Modrić
Signed all the papers at once like I said yes to every movement. Gave all the promises one by one, like I appreciated. Accept all the responsibilities together like I do all the time. And him, I was holding hands, held back mine, did the same with me. Standing there together did not reveal the next steps we will take, but not together maybe. I do note the reaction he gave after seeing me. Totally was unseen to him. I can say it clearly. He was not prepared for that. Miles away, across the border, I was requesting myself to forget everything about the past. Neither I could pace back, nor did it listen. Only having the worst would never help to get everything back. It is not calling better luck next time. But there was a saying, 'You get what you give.' Why do each time people change?
After seeing him, after getting the confirmation of why he took the step for not visiting, I made myself sure about previous concerns and what was certain for me. Allocated each distance, I was walking to close it, avoiding the creation around, placed towards the barrier, I was taking each recompose to set myself inside. The world was so cruel for me. I can not say I did not find enough things. When you get too much, you should choose to distribute it away or give the most of it. That's how peace creates. Maybe I was the luckiest one who had everything once and was giving the whole. I did not choose to distribute it. Did not choose to keep it. I only gave it to one person. But I never knew he never needed it.
Maybe he had everything like me. He even was giving it away like I. Possibly, he was waiting for it to give him something back, same as mine. I was not blind. I only expected. If expectation costs more than sins, then what will desire become? I was counting the numbers of my unanswered questions. Hoping to cross the sea and die. I wanted my answers. Why does sometimes life take turns itself, even finding me sticking there still? It surely released me, but I had not moved from there. Still was standing like a lunatic guy, seeing the moments I wished were mine. Enjoying it, too. Since the day I did not smile.
I did not fix the damage, it was created once. I would rather wipe it. It might show the miseries I had once, after a few days. Life is moving at its place, forced me to move with it also. I had no option to speak. The voice of mine has been lost. You can always come back after falling down. You can always be strong after losing. But trust? We always compare trust with a glass. How can you make it accurate again? The poured water is falling out, making my pain increase its tendency. Forcing me to be in the damage again. No, I am taking it. I am not moving.
Matching the perception once, with one, did help me to measure the right neck-to-neck. I never showed sympathy to him. All I did was just give it away when it was not taking me back. I can feel sorry for myself when it is not giving me anything, even only a thing. If my own life is finding a way by itself for setting me forever, I will not let it to find the way I will never be fixed with. Since the day, I stopped thinking better for someone else. Nothing was working out. I did have all the helping hands, but it was not even a little to have myself back. The professional life was burning my luck beneath my knees, let alone personal. I was feeling the heat, life was seeking the chance, all around me. I did not choose life to give me things I never asked for. With all the surroundings and all the bond ships, I did choose him all the time. But he did not choose me back. Maybe I can not all the single time call it a bad luck. But I had to.
Sometimes, we lose the ability to take things more. But life keeps giving it. And we become cruel, with hesitation and pain. We become ruthless, with care and sacrifices.