We spent the day cutting cakes, taking photos with fake smiles, hearing unusual claps, dancing without movements, eating less, and so much more. I did not become suitable with that day. Wished it to be stopped since the day, and I stopped myself from everything. Life never listened to mine. Why would I?
I cried at last, in front of everyone, when it was time to say goodbye to my family. I was insane, bursting out, and cried loud. Maybe they understood how it was turning back on me. But I did not cry for them. It, possibly, becomes a day when you cry without knowing why. I got it a long time ago. I promised my Ma that I would not cry or feel emotional. That is another thing of mine that I always keep my promises. Maybe I will keep all the promises I gave, standing on the altar. But the thing I gave to my Mom and Dad was special in another way. Just for their happiness. What would a son want more than it? I only chose what they chose for me once. But I could not get it. I will never let them down, thinking THEY could not give me. With all the determinations and obligations, I chose to marry him, whom my mom and dad chose. Why would I cry saying them goodbye if I am going to prove it that they choose the right?
Far away from my home, the engine has started, and the car is moving swiftly. I was seeing them waving the last goodbye with blessing and hope, from the looking glass. Sun is setting down, making velvet flames around. I did not have my phone to capture it. It was beautiful. I could see it clearly without moving my face away. I had a connection with nature when I found no better listeners, I always chose it. I sighed. Still understanding, the person, sitting next to me, uncomfortably, noticing everything. Bernd Leno, the German footballer, was finding clues around me, unsupervised it was. I lowed my breath and tried to become suitable with whatever my view was. Only looking straight was the clue left with me. What was he even finding? His cruel, hazel eyes haven't met mine. But I am a nice reader, too. I can describe his half without even looking at him. But corner of my heart knows, the excitement, I was saving for later to hear those from him. I do not care much about its lengthy process, which was behind me, as it was always a disaster. Made me often think about non-essential things. I do like to prefer wasting time rather chasing the hard path, what was never mine, along with unsuitable materials like marriage and responsibilities. But the world is not fully circular. Why do the past scenarios make me feel nowadays the importance of that line? I barely put my feet off.
But I have heard he is a nice judger. If there was nothing with me, flying between us, the barrier they named, what he was actually showing interest for? It did cost nothing. But still, with all the liabilities, all the affordability, I would like to create the perfect life for me, even though I will be dying thinking about the past, burning me still. The corner place I am creating with the visions, capturing the reality, placing those miseries in, will obviously help me to breathe properly, even if it won't be the last step I am going to take for myself or my entire life. Keeping me aside will be the only step I will consider as last.
I merely looked aside to watch the streets, thinking like going with me by the vision I create often, but it was at its stable place, like an object. It is only the comfort zone of me I gave myself throughout to become another me, but it was all initially, with the imagination, for myself. People often imagine giving a shape of their expectations or happiness. We all find some places to make ourselves comfortable, with the energy left after wasting behind the place, what never was ours. We learn from choosing wrong. Those who don't make mistakes but still pay for it, say it often. I can not say I am one of them. Just because I can not think IT WAS WRONG.