Li Zihan had always felt his System was a piece of junk.
But—
As it turned out, the System was even more of a piece of junk than he could have possibly imagined.
Standing in the middle of a forest, Li Zihan's expression was somewhat dazed.
When he'd departed, there had been five of them in total.
Himself, Ana, and Sirin.
As well as Ancestor Kevin and, substituting for Su who was working overtime observing ripples in the Sea of Quanta, Black Tiger Ah Fu.
It couldn't be helped.
"Ah-Li, where are Ana and… and Ancestor?"
The girl with one gold and one blue eye clutched her still-dizzy head, her expression bewildered as she scanned their surroundings.
The only person beside her was Li Zihan.
There was no sign of the white-haired old timer with an invincible aura, no Brother Fu Hua whose solid pecs brought her chest measurements up to Sirin's level, and no sign of her distant cousin, Ana.
"We were probably scattered," Li Zihan answered swiftly.
The young man, who had clearly been screwed over by the System in a major way, narrowed his eyes and addressed it directly.
"Care to explain?"
[System transmission error…]
The System, which could almost certainly be confirmed as a product of some shoddy, bug-ridden game developer, emitted a useless sound.
[Your team has been scattered. Generating map and locating teammates now.]
Due to the transmission error, Ancestor Kevin, Brother Fu Hua, and Ana were all lost.
A map materialized before Li Zihan.
A world map.
A world map, clearly labeled with the word "Campione!"
Among the magi who defy the will of God and toy with demonic knowledge, there are those they revere as Kings.
You have likely heard their name on at least one occasion.
Campione—God-Slayer—the illegitimate child of Epimetheus. A Devil King.
Regrettably, we mortals possess no means to oppose them.
Only a God-Slayer of equal power, an angel in service to our Father in Heaven, or a taboo heretical deity can stand against them as an equal…
[Excerpt from a letter written by Cardinal Antonio Tebes to the Papal Office in the early twentieth century]
This was a world ruled by Devil Kings who slew gods and usurped their divine Authorities.
Honestly, this world was not very friendly to Li Zihan.
His body contained the composite spiritual foundation of three demigods.
In a world like this, where gods descended to the mortal realm and became Heretical the moment they were provoked, he was practically the most conspicuous target imaginable.
However, Li Zihan wasn't particularly bothered by this.
Plenty of people already wanted him dead; what did a few more matter?
He quickly scanned the map, searching for Ana, Kevin, and Fu Hua's locations.
There were five small red dots on the map, corresponding to the five of them.
Ana was in the Lighthouse Country—Los Angeles.
Kevin was in the Vatican, within Silly Italy.
Brother Fu Hua was in Shenzhou—the Lushan area of Jiangxi.
And Li Zihan and Sirin were in England.
Five people in total: three in Europe, one in Asia, and one in the Americas…
The sheer geographical spread was absolutely ridiculous.
"Can you explain the reason for this?" the young man asked the empty air, feeling that the System had been excessively unreliable this time, all while Sirin gave him a slightly confused look.
Because of this screw-up, his mission had instantly morphed from a romantic honeymoon with his girlfriend into a mad dash across the globe to find said girlfriend and his teammates.
["The Tree" seems to have detected some fluctuations.]
The System's reply was slightly alarming.
[It did not discover you, nor did it discover me. However, it noticed that the development of one of the leaves on its body was somewhat peculiar.]
[It took too much of my energy to distort its perception.]
The System explained the reason for its spectacular failure.
Distort the perception of the Imaginary Tree, which is itself a multiverse?
Li Zihan was stunned.
He had assumed that in such a situation, the System would have told him to grab his friends and family and run for the hills.
He never expected it to actually fool the Imaginary Tree.
The System… seemed to be less of a piece of junk than he thought.
"You're actually pretty strong," Li Zihan remarked casually, squinting as he suddenly felt the System had received some kind of upgrade.
[It was actually quite dangerous.]
The System's voice was suddenly overflowing with pride.
[If your strength hadn't increased, causing me to update, I genuinely might not have been able to trick that illiterate tree.]
The System updates when its host gets stronger?
The young man processed this new piece of information.
Is it a symbiotic relationship? he thought, now roughly understanding why the System insisted on binding itself to a host.
"Right, you just mentioned you 'updated'," he said, recalling how software updates often added new features.
"Did you get any new functions?"
…
The System fell silent.
As if organizing its words, it stewed for a long moment before finally speaking.
[Um, does adding an extra Compensation Chest to the apology rewards count?]
It then saw Li Zihan's incredibly complicated expression.
This thing goes through a whole update, and the end result is an enhanced apology function?
Could it possibly get any weirder?
[This function is excellent! You might get a really powerful item from the chest!]
"For real?"
Perhaps because the System had managed to trick the ultimate old monster, the Imaginary Tree, a sliver of undeserved hope began to sprout in Li Zihan's heart.
[Of course! And what's more, a Compensation Chest has been added to all apology emails. You can claim four—no, five chests all at once!]
The System, which had also classified the recent transmission error as another bug incident, had unconsciously revealed a rather pathetic truth.
For every bug discovered, the System issues an apology and sends a compensation email.
And each compensation email contains only one chest.
In less than two months, it was now sending out five of them…
This frequency of apologies proved an undeniable fact that the System had to admit.
It was riddled with bugs from top to bottom.
"Claim all."
The young man, still very much interested in opening loot boxes, opened his mail once again, earning a look from Miss Sirin as if she were watching a lunatic have an episode.
Transmigration Chance +1Transmigration Location +1And…Gift Pack +5
And then—
Like a shooting star—no, like a pincer attack streaking across Chaldea.
Before Miss Sirin's astonished eyes, five oversized chests plummeted from the sky with the force of falling meteorites.
Then, they landed smoothly.
Not even a speck of dust was raised from the ground.
It was a scene that completely spat in the face of physics.
"A-Ah-Li, what is this?"
Miss Sirin, who still hadn't processed what was happening, stammered slightly, her exquisite little face a mask of pure shock.
"Probably our supplies."
With the Herrscher of the Void right beside him, the young man wasn't worried about finding his teammates at all. He started humming a lucky tune and placed his hand on the first chest.
"It's time… to show off my true unboxing skills."
PS: To hell with the Genshin Impact planners.