Ellen, you’ve always said ‘be kind,’ but let’s be honest—kindness isn’t always a choice, especially when life decides to dump on you. Your show gets canceled and suddenly you’re off to England, like kindness is easier with an accent and a cup of tea. But hey, you’ve never been afraid to make bold choices—except maybe with your sexuality. Was it really a choice, Ellen, or were you just finally sick of men’s b*******? Because honestly, while you were throwing a tantrum on set, I could’ve used some r e a l help, not just r e e l help. Next time, save the drama for the cameras and bring the kindness to real life, yeah? I mean, is your name DeGeneres or DeJerk?

And let’s talk about your ‘helping’—everybody you helped had to be run through the CIA first! Be honest, Ellen: did you skip helping some people because the CIA said you shouldn’t, or because you couldn’t remember if you were hosting a talk show or running a background check? At this point, it’s easier to get into the Pentagon than to get a hug from Ellen!

But hey, hosting a Big Chill like that, you must know what being syndicated really means—because after all the drama, it looks like your kindness is the only thing still in reruns. And I mean for the viewer, not for you.

So how can you know something like that—how the business really works—and still throw a tantrum every time stuff doesn’t go your way? Ellen, with all that experience, you should know: if you want a happy ending, you’ve got to be kind all the way to the credits!

And you know what? I challenge you to actually take your own advice for once—help somebody in actual need. Like me, this time. Because it’s not money I need—I need someone to actually give a s***.

so I'm callin BS on your BS, respect fu LL y ©F course! how to be not a dick 101

I'm Calling B******* on Office Life—Or, When the Government Budget Controls Your Career


People love to complain about office drama, paper jams, and toner meltdowns. But here's the kicker: I never even got the chance to hate my job because the CIA literally controlled every move I made. What I was allowed to do, where I could go—it all depended on their budget and clearance. And ironically, that budget? Tight as hell.


So while you're losing it over a broken printer, I'm over here wishing I could clock in somewhere without the government budget deciding my fate. You think office drama is bad? Try living where your "boss" is a faceless agency, and your "job description" changes based on funding cycles and classified priorities.


I'm calling b*******. Next time you want to swap office horror stories, remember: some of us never even got a shot at the nine-to-five sitcom. And trust me, the real drama isn't in the break room—it's in the shadows where budget cuts and bureaucracy pull the strings.


Chapter 12 - this is b******* I'm calling it!