Here's a full parody song inspired by "Sold (The Grundy County Auction Incident)" by John Michael Montgomery, with your playful auction twist:
Verse 1:
Well, I showed up late to the county fair,
Spotted my girl with the sun in her hair.
She's laughing and talking, got everyone's eye,
I thought to myself, "Man, I gotta try."
But with all those fellas lined up in a row,
I knew right then I couldn't take it slow.
So I tipped my hat and I raised my hand,
If I want that girl, better make my stand!
Chorus:
Sold! To the man in the worn-out boots,
Bidding my heart, yeah, I can't lose.
She don't know she's the prize tonight,
But I'm taking her home if the price is right!
With a hey, pretty lady, won't you look my way?
I'm the highest bidder at the end of the day.
She's laughing now but she'll soon find out,
She's been sold to me-no room for doubt!
Verse 2:
The auctioneer's calling, the crowd's getting loud,
I'm waving my arms, standing out in the crowd.
She's rolling her eyes, but she's playing along,
Guess she didn't know she'd be in this song.
Ten, twenty, thirty, do I hear forty-five?
I'm bidding my best just to keep hope alive.
The gavel comes down, and the deal is done,
I wink at my girl-looks like I won!
Chorus:
Sold! To the man who can't be beat,
Dancing with my darlin' down the midway street.
She don't know she's the prize tonight,
But I'm taking her home if the price is right!
With a hey, pretty lady, won't you look my way?
I'm the highest bidder at the end of the day.
She's laughing now but she'll soon find out,
She's been sold to me-no room for doubt!
Bridge:
Now she's shaking her head, but she's smiling wide,
Guess she's happy to be my county fair prize.
I'll keep on bidding every single day,
'Cause she's worth more than words can say!
Final Chorus:
Sold! To the man with a heart so true,
Lucky for me, she said "I do."
She don't know she's the prize tonight,
But I'm taking her home for the rest of my life!
With a hey, pretty lady, you're my best find,
I'm the winning bidder and you're all mine.
She's laughing now, and I've no doubt,
She's been sold to me-and that's what it's all about!
Wait 212113(LT)
Shh for it n!sb bs time
Oo ps with a nod to "Goodbye Earl"-style plotting. Here's a parody reply song from her perspective, keeping the playful tone and auction theme, but with her revealing she was always one step ahead:
Verse 1:
Well, I saw you strutting up at the county fair,
Thinking you're slick with your hat and your stare.
You thought you were bidding on a sweet little prize,
But honey, I saw right through those auctioneer eyes.
You weren't the only one with a plan tonight,
I was watching every move in the neon light.
You thought you had me, but here's the twist-
I was the one running that bidder's list!
Chorus:
Hey, cowboy, you thought you'd won,
But I was just having a little fun.
I wore every face in that crowd you saw,
You never knew who you were bidding on at all!
While you were dreaming of your victory dance,
Jody and I were plotting our own romance.
So thanks for playing, but here's the deal-
This girl's not for sale, I'm steering the wheel!
Verse 2:
You waved your arms, tried to catch my eye,
But I was busy swapping masks on the sly.
You thought you'd take me home in your pickup truck,
But I've got my own ride, and I'm pushing my luck.
Jody's waiting by the Ferris wheel gate,
We've got plans tonight, and honey, you're too late.
You and your buddies can keep up the show,
But this cowgirl's got somewhere better to go!
Chorus:
Hey, cowboy, you thought you'd won,
But I was just having a little fun.
I wore every face in that crowd you saw,
You never knew who you were bidding on at all!
While you were dreaming of your victory dance,
Jody and I were plotting our own romance.
So thanks for playing, but here's the deal-
This girl's not for sale, I'm steering the wheel!
Bridge:
Now don't be sore, don't pout or whine,
You had your shot, but I drew the line.
Jody and I, we've got plans to make,
And a couple of tickets for the midnight steak!
Final Chorus:
Hey, cowboy, tip your hat and go,
There's more to this girl than you'll ever know.
I wore every face in that crowd tonight,
And I'm leaving with Jody, feeling just right!
So next time you bid, you better beware-
The girl you want might not even be there!
Thanks for the laughs, but here's the real deal:
This girl's not for sale, I'm steering the wheel!
Roast: Bikers for Jesus vs. Clampers vs. Hells Angels – Tangled Confession Edition
You want to talk tough? Let's break down the real deal behind these biker crews:
Bikers for Jesus
And yes, it's for, not four-Jesus, f****** Christ. They say they're tough, but their biggest threat is a weak Wi-Fi signal. These guys ride hard... to church potlucks and prayer meetings. If Ghostface showed up, they'd probably try to convert him instead of running. Their idea of a "chopper" is a smoothie blender.
Clampers (E Clampus Vitus)
The Clampers are like the history nerds of biker clubs-more about beer and old plaques than brawls. Their wildest stunt? Getting drunk enough to forget where they parked their bikes. Honestly, they'd be the first to scream in a horror movie, then pass out before the credits roll.
Hells Angels
Once the kings of the road, now they're more like the DMV of outlaw clubs. More clubhouse meetings than street fights. Their biggest battle? Arguing over who gets the last slice of pizza at the biker bar. If they were in Scream, they'd be the guys yelling, "Dude, can we just talk this out?"
And now, in my best Flynn Rider voice, singing to your kid like in Tangled:
🎶
Well, I had a dream
That your mother wouldn't kill me when this was through,
So I'm gonna tell you the f****** truth-
Bikers for Jesus are just softies in leather,
Clampers can't handle their booze or the weather,
And Hells Angels? Please, they're more like angels in a DMV queue.
🎶
A little ditty for Bradley:
🎵
Oh Bradley, oh Bradley, don't you fear,
I'm watching close, so keep it clear.
No secrets safe, no alibis,
I see your moves with these eagle eyes.
So take off that vest, don't act so tough,
'Cause I'm already calling your bluff!
🎵
And by the way, I'm a UC, and no, they cannot nor can they hear. So if anybody goddamn sees this, get off your ass, quit being a dick, and f****** help then, yes.
Tags for Quora and Beyond:
#BikersForJesus #Clampers #HellsAngels #IKnowWhatYouDidLastSummer #ScreamMovie #Ghostface #90sHorror #BikerRoast #MovieReferences #Tangled #FlynnRider #QuoraRoast #PopCulture #HorrorJokes