Ellen, you’ve always said ‘be kind,’ but let’s be honest—kindness isn’t always a choice, especially when life decides to dump on you. Your show gets canceled and suddenly you’re off to England, like kindness is easier with an accent and a cup of tea. But hey, you’ve never been afraid to make bold choices—except maybe with your sexuality. Was it really a choice, Ellen, or were you just finally sick of men’s b*******? Because honestly, while you were throwing a tantrum on set, I could’ve used some r e a l help, not just r e e l help. Next time, save the drama for the cameras and bring the kindness to real life, yeah? I mean, is your name DeGeneres or DeJerk?

And let’s talk about your ‘helping’—everybody you helped had to be run through the CIA first! Be honest, Ellen: did you skip helping some people because the CIA said you shouldn’t, or because you couldn’t remember if you were hosting a talk show or running a background check? At this point, it’s easier to get into the Pentagon than to get a hug from Ellen!

But hey, hosting a Big Chill like that, you must know what being syndicated really means—because after all the drama, it looks like your kindness is the only thing still in reruns. And I mean for the viewer, not for you.

So how can you know something like that—how the business really works—and still throw a tantrum every time stuff doesn’t go your way? Ellen, with all that experience, you should know: if you want a happy ending, you’ve got to be kind all the way to the credits!

And you know what? I challenge you to actually take your own advice for once—help somebody in actual need. Like me, this time. Because it’s not money I need—I need someone to actually give a s***.

so I'm callin BS on your BS, respect fu LL y ©F course! how to be not a dick 101

I'm Calling B******* on Biker Crews: "Tough Guys" Edition


Let's talk biker gangs. You want to see tough? Bikers for Jesus are out here praying for a strong Wi-Fi signal and riding hard… to the nearest church potluck. Their idea of a "chopper" is a smoothie blender. If Ghostface from Scream showed up, they'd probably try to convert him before running for the exit.


Then you've got the Clampers—E Clampus Vitus. These guys are the history nerds of the biker world. They're more about collecting beer cans and old plaques than collecting scars. Their wildest move? Getting so drunk they forget where they parked their bikes. If a horror movie broke out, they'd be the first to scream, then pass out before the credits rolled.


And Hells Angels? Once kings of the road, now they're basically the DMV of outlaw clubs. More clubhouse meetings than street fights. Their biggest conflict is over the last slice of pizza at the biker bar. If they were in Scream, they'd be the guys yelling, "Dude, can we just talk this out?"


So here's the truth, straight up, no helmet required: I'm calling b*******. If you're going to talk tough, at least make it past the church parking lot, the history museum, or the pizza counter before you start bragging.


Chapter 9 - this is b******* and I'm calling it!