"So our brilliant plan is to sit inside an abandoned warehouse, eat food, and wait for an immortal mad scientist to come personally deliver himself to us?" Logan mumbled around a mouthful of food, staring across the warehouse at Kakashi and Deadpool.
He had been expecting something considerably more complicated after agreeing to help them, perhaps a carefully planned assault or some kind of elaborate infiltration. Instead, he had spent the last hour sitting on an overturned wooden crate while Deadpool consumed an alarming quantity of snacks and Kakashi calmly drank tea as though they were having a picnic.
"Yes," Deadpool replied without hesitation. He was sitting on the floor with several packets of chips, a box of pizza, and what appeared to be an entire collection of candy bars arranged around him.
"That is exactly the plan. Step one, locate a warehouse. Step two, fill warehouse with snacks. Step three, wait for evil clone man to arrive. Step four, hit him until he regrets his career choices."
Logan stared at the pile of food. "You brought enough food to feed twenty people."
Deadpool looked offended. "That's because I'm preparing for battle. You can't expect a professional mercenary to fight evil genetic scientists on an empty stomach. That's how heroes die. Nobody ever tells you that the real weakness of every superhero isn't kryptonite, magic, or an evil genius. It's low blood sugar."
Kakashi glanced at the pile. "Most of that isn't food."
Deadpool slowly looked down at the candy bars.
"Excuse me?"
"Candy isn't a balanced meal."
"You've been hiding your face for your entire life and somehow you're still judging my nutrition."
Logan snorted into his drink.
Deadpool pointed at him. "Don't encourage him. You're supposed to be the grumpy one."
"I am the grumpy one."
"Then act like it."
Logan took another bite of his food and shrugged. "You're annoying."
Deadpool smiled beneath his mask. "See? Now we're bonding."
Kakashi sat against one of the warehouse pillars, his Sharingan inactive as he watched the entrance. "The plan is simple because it needs to be. Essex knows we're looking for him. After what happened at his facility, he'll understand that we discovered his research. He also knows that we found Logan."
Logan looked toward him. "And you think he'll walk straight into this place because of that?"
"Yes."
"Why would he come if it's a bait?"
Deadpool stopped eating for a moment and looked at Logan. "That's actually a very good question. Unfortunately, our entire plan depends on the answer being incredibly stupid."
Kakashi sighed. "It's because he would believe that even if we kill the clone that comes here, we still wouldn't be capable of killing all of his other clones."
Logan frowned. "He's right."
"Exactly," Kakashi replied. "That's why he would be confident. He has hundreds, possibly thousands, of bodies that he can throw at us. Even if we destroy one, another can replace it. From his perspective, there is almost no reason to fear walking into our trap."
Deadpool raised a finger. "So basically, we're exploiting his gigantic ego."
Kakashi nodded.
Logan shook his head. "You two are insane."
Deadpool looked at him. "That's unfair. Kakashi is the insane one. I'm the comic relief."
Kakashi ignored them and continued explaining. "Essex should also assume that we don't know how his cloning system works. He'll believe that even if he loses this body, his real consciousness or another clone can simply continue his work. That confidence is exactly what we need."
Logan leaned back against the wall. "And you're certain he'll come himself?"
"Not necessarily himself," Kakashi said. "He may send someone else first."
Deadpool looked around the warehouse.
"Like another bunch of mutant mercenaries?"
"Possibly."
For several hours, the three men simply waited.
The warehouse was quiet except for the occasional sound of Deadpool opening another packet of food.
Logan eventually glanced toward him. "How much are you eating?"
Deadpool looked down. "Not enough."
"You've eaten three pizzas."
"Four."
Logan stared.
Deadpool shrugged. "Stress eating."
"You don't look stressed."
"That's because I'm extremely emotionally mature."
Kakashi looked at him. Deadpool immediately added, "Compared to certain people."
Logan looked toward Kakashi who continued staring at the warehouse entrance.
"You know," Logan said after a while, "I still don't understand the mask."
Deadpool immediately perked up. "Oh, thank you."
Kakashi looked at him. Deadpool pointed toward Kakashi. "I've been trying to get him to talk about his mask for weeks."
Logan glanced at Kakashi. "What's under it?"
Kakashi's eye narrowed. Deadpool leaned closer. "Exactly. That's what I asked."
Logan shrugged. "Maybe he's ugly."
Deadpool gasped. "Don't say that. I'm trying to convince him that he's secretly handsome."
Kakashi sighed. "Can we focus on the mission?"
Deadpool shook his head. "No. We're sitting in a warehouse waiting for someone who may or may not arrive. There is literally nothing else to focus on."
Logan looked toward the entrance. Then back at Deadpool. "I hate to admit it, but you're making the waiting less annoying."
Deadpool placed a hand over his heart. "That is the nicest thing anyone has said to me this week."
Kakashi suddenly raised one hand. Both men stopped talking.
His eyes focused on the entrance. "We have got company."
The warehouse doors exploded inward.
Dust and debris filled the entrance as two figures appeared through the smoke.
A man stepped into the warehouse.
Nathaniel Essex or at least another one of him.
He wore an immaculate suit despite the ruined industrial surroundings, looking completely out of place among the rusted machinery and broken concrete.
But he wasn't alone. A woman walked beside him with red hair and pale skin.
Deadpool said, "Could not you have waited for another minute? We were just going to have a face reveal."
-----Author Notes---------
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