There was one small problem with basing his new female lead off of Yoo Joonghyuk: she was supposed to be a sympathetic character with a hidden heart of gold, not a frigid bitch. Yet Yoo Joonghyuk seemingly had no redeeming qualities other than being good-looking, tall, and extremely successful.
What did Lee Seolhwa see in him? What did his fans see in him? What did his hypothetical fictional male love interests see in him? What did Uriel see in him? ...Actually, never mind, he already knew the answer to the last question. All the fanart on Twitter of Yoo Joonghyuk fucking his teammates in various positions still haunted his dreams sometimes at night.
The door to the bedroom he shared with Lee Hyunsung suddenly slammed open with a bang, and Kim Dokja nearly jumped in surprise.
"We're hosting the career reveal downstairs right now," Han Sooyoung's young assistant said while chewing loudly on a piece of bubblegum. She blew a mint green bubble, and it popped with a loud noise. "So you better head downstairs, ahjussi."
The girl's name was Lee Jihye, if he recalled correctly based on what Han Sooyoung had told him, and she was a student from a high school nearby. Kim Dokja wasn't sure if it was even legal to employ underpaid child labour, but either way, she was a terrible production intern so it all worked out in the end.
"Thanks for letting me know, I'll head down right now. Do you call Han Sooyoung ahjumma?"
Lee Jihye furrowed her brows in confusion. "Why would I call her ahjumma?"
"Because she's older than I am," Kim Dokja replied. He closed the lid of his laptop and got to his feet.
Lee Jihye's jaw dropped open, and she pushed herself off from the wall she was leaning against. "No way! Are you serious?"
"Did she tell you to call her unnie? She's turning 38 this September, so she's actually old enough to be your mom." he lied. Han Sooyoung had wronged him so many times by now (and vice-versa) that he didn't even need a reason for petty acts of revenge anymore.
Clearly this did sound like something the notoriously amoral Han Sooyoung would do, because Lee Jihye looked somewhat convinced. "Woah, I had no idea. I thought she was like 26 max."
"She keeps her face looking young by taking years off the lives of everyone around her."
The two of them made their way down the stairs to where the other inhabitants of the house were sitting on the U-shaped array of couches. Jang Hayoung was seated between Yoo Sangah and Kim Namwoon on one couch, while Jung Heewon, Lee Hyunsung, and Lee Seolhwa occupied the one opposite them. Yoo Joonghyuk was sitting all by himself on the couch in the middle like some sort of trashy reality TV royalty, which meant the only spot left was next to him.
Han Sooyoung was actually present for once on set, and she winked at him from where she was hovering behind the cameramen as he begrudgingly sat down next to Yoo Joonghyuk.
"What kind of weird homoerotic seating arrangement is this?" Jung Heewon muttered.
Kim Dokja pretended not to hear her.
"Just keep talking like you normally would, everyone. Don't mind the cameras," Han Sooyoung told them with an insincere smile. She was holding a blank whiteboard under her arm, and she passed it to Lee Jihye when the girl reached her side.
"What were you doing upstairs earlier, Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah asked curiously.
Kim Dokja scooted a little closer to Yoo Joonghyuk in order to hear her better. The man flinched away from him when their legs brushed, and he mentally rolled his eyes. Despite what Jung Heewon thinks, a little man-to-man contact won't make you gay, Joonghyuk-ah.
"Just finishing up some work," he told her. "Sorry for the wait."
"It's alright, we didn't—"
"Speaking of work and careers," Lee Hyunsung said stiffly, "what do you guys do for a living?" His face was flushed a bright pink, which could either be from the embarrassment of reciting such a scripted line or his proximity to Jung Heewon.
"Should we take turns guessing?" asked Jang Hayoung, sounding both agitated and equally scripted.
Han Sooyoung dragged her hand over her face in irritation at their complete lack of acting skills. She poked Lee Jihye in the shoulder, and her assistant dutifully scribbled down a message in black marker on the whiteboard and held it up for everyone to see.
[ PLEASE RELAX, EVERYONE, AND ACT NATURAL ], the board read. So that was what it was for. He should've expected Han Sooyoung to come up with such a contrived and condescending way of speaking to them from behind the scenes.
Kim Namwoon licked his lips nervously. "So uh, who wants to go first? Should we go clockwise around the couch?"
Lee Hyunsung opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. He had clearly forgotten what line he was supposed to say.
"Is there a prize for whoever guesses the most careers correctly?" prompted Lee Seolhwa.
Yoo Sangah sat up a little straighter in her seat. "Of course. There's more Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes in the kitchen," she said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the entryway. "Actually, um, I'll go get them right now."
Everyone exchanged hesitant looks. Kim Dokja could physically see their levels of motivation dropping by the second.
"How about this: whoever guesses wrong at each turn will be forced to take a bite of a cake," Jung Heewon suggested. "How's that sound?"
[ SHOW OUR SPONSORS SOME RESPECT ], Han Sooyoung's whiteboard read.
"Whatever, it's not like you paid me to be on this show anyway."
[ STOP TALKING, JUNG HEEWON. ]
"Who cares? Just edit it out of the final cut."
[ STOP. TALKING. ]
"I'll even swear if I fucking want to."
Huh. He had always thought he was the only one Han Sooyoung coerced into signing up for free, but apparently that wasn't the case. It was scary how far that woman's reach was.
Before the situation could escalate, Yoo Sangah reappeared with a familiar platter of wilted-looking cakes. She set them down on the coffee table with a tiny flourish and sat back down in her spot beside Jang Hayoung.
"Does someone brave want to volunteer to go first?" asked Lee Seolhwa, brushing a hand through her long locks. Her entire face glowed when she smiled, and she seemed like a genuinely lovely person, which made her interest in someone like Yoo Joonghyuk all the more baffling.
Lee Hyunsung looked like he was ready to take on the responsibility, but he faltered when he caught sight of Lee Jihye's whiteboard.
[ YOO JOONGHYUK, THAT'S YOUR CUE. YOU GO FIRST ], the whiteboard insisted.
Yoo Joonghyuk ignored it.
[ YOO JOONGHYUK! ]
"The oldest person here can go first," said Jung Heewon. "I'm guessing that narrows it down to Joonghyuk-ssi, Dokja-ssi, or Hyunsung-ssi, right?"
"How old are you, Joonghyuk-ssi?" asked Jang Hayoung, eyes bright. It seemed as though she hadn't completely given up on him yet. Kim Dokja could understand that; the allure of a handsome face was indeed hard to combat.
"28," said Yoo Joonghyuk.
Kim Dokja blinked. Wait, that couldn't be right. He could have sworn he was older than this bastard. "I didn't know you were also 28. When's your birthday, Yoo Joonghyuk?" he asked, feigning nonchalance.
Yoo Joonghyuk held his gaze for a heavy moment before replying, "August 3rd."
"I was born in February."
So they were the same age after all. How disappointing. Seungah would have called Lee Gyubin hyung. Or rather, oppa.
"I guess that means you two are the same age, and probably the oldest people here," Jung Heewon remarked. "Should we be speaking to you two formally then?"
"Ah, please don't," Kim Dokja said sheepishly. A little part of him just died inside at the reminder of his gradually advancing years. "There's no need to be so formal, we're all equals here."
There was a hint of a smirk on Yoo Joonghyuk's face as he took a sip from his cup of water.
"Is anyone older than 28?" asked Jang Hayoung, looking around the room.
"I'm also 28 years old, but my birthday's in September," said Lee Hyunsung. He flashed Kim Dokja an apologetic smile. "I guess Dokja-ssi can go first?"
Kim Dokja sighed. He had not been looking forward to this at all. "Sure. Does anyone want to guess what I do for a living?"
"Why don't you give us some keywords as a hint?" Yoo Sangah said helpfully.
Yoo Sangah was truly the MVP of the show with the way she was single-handedly dragging other useless members of the cast like Yoo Joonghyuk across the finish line. Kim Dokja had no idea how Han Sooyoung had managed to get her onto the show, but he suspected psychological manipulation and hypnosis were involved. "Computers, and…creativity?"
"Like a graphic designer?" asked Jang Hayoung.
"A teacher," Kim Namwoon said with conviction. "An online English teacher or something."
He didn't know why Kim Namwoon thought he was in a position of authority over anyone. Maybe he had unconsciously come off as fatherly when he swindled Yoo Joonghyuk into sharing a room with him? "Ah, no. Both of those guesses are wrong, unfortunately."
"A translator? Or an artist?"
"No, but those are good guesses too."
"Are you a full-time investor?" Lee Seolhwa reasoned.
"I do work from home, but no."
"Don't tell me you're in a multi-level marketing scheme," said Jung Heewon, shuddering a little at the thought.
"...No."
Jang Hayoung leaned forward curiously. "Do you sell stuff online? Are you your own boss?"
"In a way, maybe?"
"Are most of your work completed online?" asked Yoo Sangah.
"Yes, I do spend most of my time working on my laptop."
Yoo Sangah tapped her index finger against her lips. "Do you code for a living, Dokja-ssi? Are you a web developer or a software consultant, maybe?"
He had no idea she had actually noticed what he was up to everyday, and the thought made his heart warm. "Your guess is close, Sangah-ssi. I did briefly work for a software company before I quit to pursue my current job, which is—"
"I didn't make my guess yet," Yoo Joonghyuk interrupted.
Kim Dokja paused. He had noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk hadn't said anything earlier, but he had just assumed it was because he wasn't interested in participating in a childish guessing game. "Do you really think you'll be able to guess correctly?" he teased.
There was a glint of something sharp in Yoo Joonghyuk's dark eyes. "Is that a challenge?"
"What, are you afraid you'll fail?"
Jung Heewon groaned and squeezed the cushion in her arms. "Can you two stop posturing and move on already? We don't have all day here."
Lee Hyunsung let out an awkward chuckle at her words, while Yoo Sangah smiled indulgently and whispered something in Jung Heewon's ear.
[ LET THEM POSTURE AT EACH OTHER. IT'S GOOD TV ], Han Sooyoung's whiteboard added shamelessly.
Yoo Joonghyuk shot her a dirty look before turning to stare Kim Dokja in the eyes. "You're a writer," he said confidently, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kim Dokja almost did a double-take. "How the hell did you figure it out? Did you see my laptop screen?"
"You type really loudly," Yoo Joonghyuk replied. His face was mostly expressionless, but there was a faint note of amusement in his voice.
"What does that have to do with anything?"
Kim Namwoon reached over and clapped him on the back, hard. "What kind of writer are you?" he asked eagerly. "The serious kind? Or are you one of those bloggers on social media? Are you famous?"
Kim Dokja tried to lean out of the range of Kim Namwoon's grabby hands, which only brought him closer to Yoo Joonghyuk. "I'm a webnovel writer, so no, I guess it doesn't count as serious writing."
Yoo Joonghyuk had long since spaced out beside him, and was currently staring at a spot on the ceiling with unfocused eyes. Kim Dokja envied his ability to extract himself from any social situation through indifference and sheer douchebaggery.
"What genre of novels do you usually write, Dokja-ssi?" asked Yoo Sangah, dropping her chin onto her hands and smiling up at him.
Kim Dokja was glad that she didn't seem put off by his unconventional career, even though he would have understood if she preferred someone with a more stable job. "Mostly science fiction."
Well, he was technically in the process of attempting to write a fantasy novel, the key there being 'attempt'.
"How well-known are you?" Jang Hayoung studied his face curiously. "Would a casual reader recognize you? I read webnovels sometimes, and I wonder if I've come across your work before."
"I think it depends."
Lee Jihye waved her arms animatedly to catch their attention. Once they were all looking at her, she jabbed her marker at the whiteboard in emphasis as Han Sooyoung watched on proudly. [ GO ON, KIM DOKJA. TELL THEM HOW MUCH MONEY YOU MAKE. ]
Jung Heewon perked up at the sight of the words. "So, author-nim," she drawled, "how much money do you make? Does it hold a candle to this guy's annual income?" She jabbed her thumb at Yoo Joonghyuk.
There was no way he was going to talk about his income and risk getting identified just to impress them. He wasn't that desperate to find love, even if Han Sooyoung apparently thought he was.
"I don't know what his net worth is, so I wouldn't know what to compare it to," Kim Dokja deflected. "Let's move on. Isn't it Yoo Joonghyuk's turn now?"
"But you didn't even tell us what your pen name is," Kim Namwoon whined. He sounded like a little kid that didn't get to play with his new toy. "Are you Abyssal Black Flame Dragon? Disaster of Questions? Salvation? Sovereign of Eight Heads? Ice Flower Goddess? Chronos? Kaizenix?"
"Are you looking up the list of richest webnovel writers?" asked Jang Hayoung, leaning over to peer at his phone screen.
Kim Namwoon flashed her a thumbs up.
"Sorry, but I'd rather not associate my real-life identity with my pen name." In fact, he'd prefer not to talk about himself at all. "But no, I'm not Abyssal Black Flame Dragon. Sorry to disappoint."
"Wait, does this mean you're one of the other authors?"
"I'm nowhere near that level of popularity."
Han Sooyoung dragged her hand down her face in exasperation.
"Hey, why don't you choose someone to go next this time?" Jang Hayoung suggested, sounding excited. "We can switch things up a little."
"Sure." Kim Dokja's eyes roamed around the group as he thought about what to do. Judging by how these shows usually went, he should probably choose Yoo Sangah, but would that come off as too forward? Would it be better to choose someone neutral, like Lee Hyunsung?
His answer came in the form of Han Sooyoung's trusty whiteboard. [ KIM DOKJA. PICK YOO JOONGHYUK AND MAKE HIM GO NEXT. ]
Right. Of course Han Sooyoung would want Yoo Joonghyuk to go first or last in order to make his career reveal more impactful. But if he went last, then they wouldn't get to find out who he would have picked to go after him, which would mean a lost opportunity for drama.
"Don't listen to her," Jung Heewon said snidely. "Pick who you want to pick, Dokja-ssi."
[ YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO SHUT UP, JUNG HEEWON. PICK YOO JOONGHYUK, KIM DOKJA. ]
Well, whatever. He supposed he did owe Han Sooyoung one for spreading false information about her earlier to Lee Jihye.
"I pick Yoo Joonghyuk," said Kim Dokja, resigned.
Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at Lee Jihye and back at Kim Dokja. "I participate in competitions."
Jung Heewon arched an eyebrow. "I thought we were doing keywords as hints?"
Yoo Joonghyuk just stared at her with silent distaste until she threw up her hands in exasperation. "Fine! Do whatever you want."
Kim Dokja was willing to bet everyone here had secretly looked up Yoo Joonghyuk after Kim Namwoon's outburst the first night, but no one needed to be told in order to realise they should draw out the suspense for as long as they could.
"Are the competitions online or offline?" asked Lee Hyunsung.
"It depends."
"Are you participating in team competitions or solo?"
"Team."
"This is so hard to guess," said Jang Hayoung, laughing awkwardly. "Haha. Ha."
"Right," said Kim Dokja.
"I know who you are," Kim Namwoon announced. Clearly, he hadn't gotten the memo that they were supposed to hype the reveal up. "You're YJH, the number one pro gamer in the country." He leapt to his feet and punched the air, and the vibrations from his sudden movement caused a few Dokkaebi Steamed Cakes to tumble off the platter and onto the ground. "You're the Supreme King! I'm your biggest fan, Joonghyuk-hyung."
Jang Hayoung started clapping, and as far as he could tell she was being completely sincere. Kim Dokja joined in sarcastically just to make Yoo Joonghyuk scowl.
From the lack of surprise on everyone's faces, it was clear that they had all done their research. After all, Kim Namwoon's outburst on the first day hadn't exactly been subtle.
Lee Jihye scribbled down a new message on her whiteboard and held it up for everyone to see. [ PLEASE PRETEND TO BE SURPRISED BY THE REVELATION. ]
Yoo Sangah immediately schooled her face into a look of shock so the camera could get a good close-up of her, while Jung Heewon just rolled her eyes.
[ DON'T LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA, JUNG HEEWON ], the whiteboard warned.
"Fuck you too," said Jung Heewon.
If anything, Lee Hyunsung looked even more enamoured with her.
"I didn't know you were a celebrity, Joonghyuk-ssi," Yoo Sangah lied. "You don't seem like one at all."
"Yeah, you're unexpectedly humble for someone who shows up regularly in fan art," Kim Dokja said with a straight face.
Yoo Joonghyuk looked like he had a few choice words to say to him, but unlike Jung Heewon, he knew better than to do it in front of all the cameras.
"Do you have a lot of free time as a pro gamer?" Lee Seolhwa piped up.
"It depends on the time of year."
"Is the job stressful?"
"No."
The polite exclamations of surprise and questions continued for a while in that vein, and Yoo Joonghyuk was surprisingly patient with his replies. Kim Dokja wasn't sure if it was because his manager had yelled at him after his not-so-gentlemanly behaviour earlier, or if he'd finally had a change of heart and decided to take the show more seriously. Or maybe he was just in a good mood because they were all jerking off his massive ego.
Yoo Joonghyuk chose Lee Seolhwa to go next, much to the visible disappointment of Jang Hayoung, who dropped her head dejectedly onto Yoo Sangah's shoulder and stayed there for the rest of the night. Kim Dokja tried to maintain a polite distance between him and Yoo Joonghyuk throughout the rest of the gathering, but it was hard not to accidentally press their legs together whenever he leaned over to say something to Yoo Sangah. After around the third time it happened, Yoo Joonghyuk seemed to get desensitised to his touch, and stopped pulling away.
In the end, Yoo Sangah ended up winning the whole platter of Dokkaebi cakes as the prize for getting the most answers right. "Does anyone want to share these with me?" she asked sweetly.
"I can take two," said Kim Dokja. He could always use them as stress balls later.
Yoo Sangah passed them to him with a look of relief.
None of the careers of the other incarnations had been entirely unexpected. Yoo Sangah worked at the human resources department of a software company, Lee Seolhwa was a family doctor, Lee Hyunsung was a policeman, Jung Heewon was a bartender and kendo instructor, Jang Hayoung was an interior designer, and Kim Namwoon was a university student majoring in game design. He was the youngest out of all of them, having just turned 20 this year.
The knowledge of Kim Namwoon's age seemed to pique Jung Heewon's interest. "Why are you on this show anyway? Aren't there tons of ways for university students to get a date? Just use an app or something."
"I'm working on a game right now and my business partners said this would be good exposure for us," Kim Namwoon said proudly.
"Is that so," said Jung Heewon, narrowing her eyes at Han Sooyoung. "Hey, can I ask you guys a question? Did anyone here get paid to be on the show?"
Her question was met with silence from everyone.
Han Sooyoung cleared her throat loudly. "Why are you guys discussing financial matters on camera?" she demanded. "C'mon, let's talk about love! Did you forget this is a dating show? Keep the romance flowing, you guys."
"Did you embezzle the money, Han Sooyoung?" Jung Heewon pressed. "How is it possible that no one's getting paid to do this, not even Joonghyuk-ssi?"
"Isn't love the greatest reward of all?" Han Sooyoung said cryptically.
"Don't answer my question with a rhetorical question."
"Alright, time's up." Han Sooyoung pretended to check the time on her phone. "It was great speaking to you guys but my crew and I need to head home for the night so bye see you tomorrow!"
"Get back here!"
"Ah, Jung Heewon-ssi, please sit down—"
"Hey," Kim Dokja whispered to Yoo Joonghyuk. "Did you also get blackmailed by Han Sooyoung into doing this?"
Yoo Joonghyuk, who was back to resting on the couch with his eyes closed, opened an eye and glanced at him. Just when he thought he wasn't going to answer, the man spoke up, "Yes."
He was always too curious for his own good. "What kind of dirt does she have on you? How did you come to owe her a favour anyway? Come to think of it, how did you even meet Han Sooyoung? Is she your ex-girlfriemhpf—"
A hand clapped over his mouth, muffling his words.
"You're too nosy," Yoo Joonghyuk told him, glancing at the cameramen standing by the wall. There was a tinge of exasperation in his voice, and the pads of his fingers were warm where they rested against his cheek.
His eyelashes are really long up close, thought Kim Dokja. He mentally noted it down for future use in his book. "Let go," he said defiantly. It came out sounding pretty muffled, but the meaning was clear.
They stared at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Yoo Joonghyuk released him, and after a brief pause, wiped his damp hand over Kim Dokja's knee for good measure.
This time, Kim Dokja was the one to flinch away. Whether it was out of indignation or embarrassment, he wasn't sure. "What do you think you're doing?" he hissed.
"I'm going to bed," said Yoo Joonghyuk. Without waiting for acknowledgement from the others who were busy watching Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa struggle to hold Jung Heewon back, he left the room.
Kim Dokja stared at his back until it disappeared from sight, his heart beating a little too quickly in his chest.
***
[ Constellation Observatory ]
[Uriel]: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[Yi Sunsin]: Please stop screaming.
[Sun Wukong]: You've been screaming for five minutes already; my ears are starting to hurt.
[Uriel]: Don't resuscitate me after I die! My heart has completely melted.
[Bihyung]: Hey, uh, let's move on to our round of predictions, okay? Pick a whiteboard, everyone. The two people whose pictures are on the board are whom you're assigned to, and you'll have to guess who they're going to send their Heart Signal texts to tonight!
[Asmodeus]: I have Yoo Joonghyuk and Jang Hayoung.
[Yi Sunsin]: My assignments are Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa.
[Sun Wukong]: Looks like I have Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja.
[Uriel]: Jung Heewon and Kim Namwoon... Want to switch? I'll trade you Kim Namwoon for Kim Dokja!
[Sun Wukong]: Haha, I'm good.
[Bihyung]: How about we start with you, Asmodeus? Since you guessed the most correctly last time?
[Asmodeus]: Jang Hayoung's an interesting person. Although she sent a text to Yoo Joonghyuk last time, he clearly didn't reciprocate her affections and she looked rather rejected tonight.
[Bihyung]: She's been talking to Kim Namwoon a lot tonight, hasn't she? She even leaned on him at one point.
[Uriel]: I feel like a lot of the girls were surprised when he revealed his age though. 20 is a bit too young.
[Sun Wukong]: She's only 23, it's not that big of an age difference.
[Asmodeus]: I disagree, I doubt she's interested in Kim Namwoon. I'm going to have to go with Yoo Joonghyuk again; there really are no other choices.
[Uriel]: Hmph. She could go for Kim Dokja.
[Sun Wukong]: What's with you and Kim Dokja?
[Asmodeus]: As for Yoo Joonghyuk, the answer is obvious: Lee Seolhwa.
[Yi Sunsin]: I agree. That's probably one of the most stable relationships on the show currently, despite him being in the centre of attention.
[Sun Wukong]: That's who I'd pick too.
[Uriel]: But...
[Bihyung]: Ah, did you want to go next?
[Uriel]: I'm just saying, if we made it possible for members of the same sex to message each other then maybe we'd see some really interesting results! I'm sure Han PD would agree with me!
[Asmodeus]: This is a dating show. They're here because they're attracted to members of the opposite sex, and they're looking for heterosexual relationships.
[Uriel]: No one asked for your opinion.
[Yi Sunsin]: Now, now, Uriel, who do you think Jung Heewon will text tonight?
[Uriel]: Lee Hyunsung. And Jang Hayoung for Kim Namwoon. I think he knows he has no hope with Lee Seolhwa.
[Sun Wukong]: Poor guy.
[Yi Sunsin]: Speaking of Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa, I guess I'll go next? Lee Hyunsung has been pretty obvious about how much he likes Jung Heewon, there's no surprise there. Lee Seolhwa's choice is also easy: Yoo Joonghyuk. Both pairings seemed fine with the careers and ages of their partners, so I doubt anything will change from yesterday.
[Bihyung]: Well put! It's hard to tell, but I think Yoo Joonghyuk looked pretty impressed when Lee Seolhwa revealed she was a practising doctor. The job definitely suits her; she's been very gentle with everyone.
[Uriel]: Yoo Joonghyuk looked more impressed when—
[Sun Wukong]: I guess I'm the last one left? It's funny that the two people I got—Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja—actually make up the halves of a relationship. I'm confident they'll be texting each other tonight.
[Yi Sunsin]: I'm surprised Kim Dokja didn't choose Yoo Sangah to go next during the career reveals.
[Sun Wukong]: Yeah, that's a bit of a mystery. They also didn't talk much while cooking dinner together, but the silence was comfortable and they worked well together.
[Uriel]: I don't think Kim Dokja really feels anything towards her right now.
[Asmodeus]: He was asking about her job and whether she liked it there or not. You'd have noticed if you were paying attention.
[Uriel]: Well, if you were paying attention, you would have noticed that he came off more as polite than genuinely curious. Yoo Sangah was the one initiating all their conversations tonight, and he mostly only reciprocated after being spoken to first.
[Sun Wukong]: I dunno, maybe he's just slow to warm up to people. I'm still going to stick with my guess.
[Bihyung]: Now that everyone's done making their predictions, it's time to reveal the Heart Signal Lines of tonight!
HEART SIGNAL LINES
Yoo Joonghyuk -> Lee Seolhwa
Kim Dokja -> Yoo Sangah
Lee Hyunsung -> Jung Heewon
Kim Namwoon -> Jang Hayoung
Lee Seolhwa -> Yoo Joonghyuk
Yoo Sangah -> Kim Dokja
Jung Heewon -> Lee Hyunsung
Jang Hayoung -> Kim Dokja
[Uriel]: I knew it! See, Jang Hayoung chose Kim Dokja! I'm proud of her, she has a good eye.
[Asmodeus]: She only chose him because there were no other options.
[Uriel]: You're just jealous you lost.
[Sun Wukong]: Huh, so the love polygons have really untangled themselves by now. I'm almost disappointed.
[Bihyung]: We'll be back after the commercial break to see how our incarnations will react to the texts they received...or didn't receive.
He walks along the road, holding out his hand and letting his fingers catch on each bar of the fence surrounding the park near his apartment. He steps onto soft sand that shifts under his running shoes, and he makes his way towards his secret hiding spot under the slide. Mother usually comes back from work just when it's almost completely dark outside. She gets worried if he isn't back by then, so Kim Dokja always makes sure to keep track of the sun's path across the horizon. The trees are awash in the golden light of the sun, looking like someone dipped them leaves-first into sugary syrup. Which means it's around 6:00 pm. All the other kids are usually home for dinner by now, so he's always alone here.
Today, though, he's not alone.
There's a small boy around his age sitting in his spot with his back to the play structure. He's holding a Game Boy in his hands, and it's the newest model that Kim Dokja has only ever seen in department stores when Mom takes him shopping. He really wanted one for his birthday, but he knew better than to ask. Father gets mad if Mother spends too much money on him.
Kim Dokja ducks under the slide and stops in front of him. "You're in my spot," he says. He's a little hesitant about confronting someone directly, but it was his secret hideout first. No one has ever joined him here at this time before.
The boy looks up at him, then looks back down again. His school bag is lying beside him on the sand, which means that he hasn't been home since school ended.
Kim Dokja doesn't want to go home either. The fact that the two of them are both stowaways excites him, and he already feels closer to this random kid than all the other boys in his class. This is a bond that no one else shares with him.
Shrugging off his school bag, he sits down beside the boy in the sand and crosses his legs. "...What game are you playing?"
The boy doesn't say anything. He's playing some kind of fighting game, and Kim Dokja can hear the tinny sounds of cheery music coming from the console. Kim Dokja takes out his own notebook and a pencil and cracks the notebook open, but he can't seem to concentrate enough to write anything down on the page. The music is really distracting.
"Can I watch?" he asks cautiously.
No reply.
Silence usually means no, but Kim Dokja is feeling extra brave right now. Making sure that the boy doesn't notice, he shifts on the sand until he's sitting a little closer to him so he can see the screen of the Game Boy.
Kim Dokja doesn't need to play video games to know that the boy is really good . He methodically works his way through all of the opponents, making quick work of them. He always beats them in just two matches and never has to engage in a third one. Kim Dokja is incredibly impressed, and he can't help but let out small exclamations of surprise whenever the boy successfully pulls off a complicated combo.
After a while, he notices that the boy has started tilting his screen a little to the left, like he's making sure Kim Dokja can see what he's doing.
"You're super good at this game," he says earnestly, because it's true. "You're much better than all the kids I know."
The boy glances at him out of the corner of his eye. There's a faint hint of a smile on his face, and Kim Dokja smiles back at him as wide as he can. He's not going to mess up this chance to make a new friend. All the boys in his class already have their best friends and friend groups, and he's never been able to fit in with them. The only person who played with him before was a girl, and she moved away to America last year.
After playing for a while, the boy starts looking bored. After finishing his match, he sets his console down on his knees and glances over at Kim Dokja.
"What are you doing?" he asks. It's the first thing the boy's said to him since he arrived.
"I'm writing a book," Kim Dokja replies. It's not really a book, more like a journal of all the story ideas he gets when he's daydreaming. But it sounds cooler when he says it like that, like he's an actual professional.
The boy nods like he understands though, which makes his chest feel warm. He has a really nice-looking face, Kim Dokja thinks. His black running shoes look really expensive too, and his clothes are crisp and brand new. Kim Dokja doesn't know how to properly describe it, but the boy looks like a novel protagonist; a hero. Or a prince.
"What's your name?" he asks, trying not to sound too eager.
"Joonghyuk."
"I'm Kim Dokja. Dokja, like 'only child'," he says excitedly. He realizes he's being too loud and adds in a quieter voice, "Hey, when's your birthday?"
Joonghyuk presses his lips together in thought like he's not sure if he wants to tell him or not. But he does, in the end. "August."
"I'm born in February." Kim Dokja is the shortest boy in his class, and it's rare for him to meet someone even shorter than he is. "Are you in third grade? I'm in Grade 4. You should call me hyung then."
When he visited his aunt's place with his mother two years ago, he saw his older cousin defending his little brother from a bunch of bullies. His cousin had gotten in trouble with his uncle for fighting, but Kim Dokja had thought he was the bravest kid his age he had ever met. He wanted an older brother for a long time, and then he wanted to be an older brother to someone and be able to protect them as Mother protected him. He wants them to depend on him, to think he's important. But none of the other kids in his class really liked him, so he never got the chance to meet anyone like that.
Joonghyuk scrunches up his nose at the suggestion. "I'm in Grade 4 too."
"Oh. Okay, then we're the same age." That's a little disappointing, but maybe it's actually easier for them to become friends this way. "You can just call me Dokja then, and I'll call you Joonghyuk."
"Are you always this bossy?"
Kim Dokja's smile slips off his face. He knows he shouldn't be upset by a rude comment from a stranger who means nothing to him, but he can't help it. "Oh. I'm sorry."
Deep down inside, he knows it's his fault that none of his classmates want to hang out with him. He was too sensitive and had girly hobbies, like reading.
They lapse into silence. Joonghyuk picks up his console again but doesn't start the game. Kim Dokja can hear the sounds of him flipping through the character selection screen, and he tries to ignore it. Maybe he should just go somewhere else and stop making a fool of himself.
Just when he's thinking about packing up his stuff and leaving, he hears a voice speak up beside him.
"Do you want a turn?"
He looks up from where he's flipping through his notebook, startled. Joonghyuk's holding out the console towards him, though his eyes are fixed on some faraway point in the distance.
Kim Dokja smiles shyly at him. "Okay."
***
He woke up with a start. After fumbling around on his nightstand for his phone, he grabbed it and checked the time: 11:26. The bed on the other side of the room was empty; Lee Hyunsung had already left for work. Kim Dokja let his head drop back onto his pillow. He couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about, but he could feel the start of a migraine in his temple.
Surprisingly enough, Han Sooyoung was standing in the kitchen when he made his way downstairs after getting dressed. She was leaning against the counter, flipping through a sheath of papers with a look of concentration on her face. She glanced up, hearing the footsteps, and grinned. "Hey, you lazy bum. Do you always wake up at noon?"
"You're blocking the refrigerator," said Kim Dokja.
She clicked her tongue in annoyance and moved out of the way. He grabbed a carton of orange juice and poured himself a glass. Between sips of his juice, he asked, "What are you looking at? Your bank statement?"
"I'd frame my bank statements and keep them on the wall if I had as much money in my account as you do," she retorted. "Sadly, I'm a working-class woman and too busy working on the show to jerk myself off over my account balance. So no, I'm not looking at my bank statement."
Kim Dokja blinked in surprise at the vehemence in her reply. "Are you still mad that Jung Heewon accused you of embezzlement last night?"
"Of course I'm not mad," she scoffed. She was clearly still mad. "She's an idiot; why would I ever do something that would land me in jail? I value my freedom over anything else."
"What are you spending your budget on then?" he asked curiously. "Rent for the mansion? The cameramen's salaries? Lee Jihye's non-existent salary?"
She sighed and shuffled through her papers, making them rustle loudly. "Do you know how expensive the celebrity guests are? My funds are getting drained faster than a politician's stash of cocaine during election season. I should have just stuck with 4 celebrity guests, not 5. Damn it!"
"That's a terrible metaphor," he told her. "Who are you even inviting as the observers? I thought you said you were going to stick to lesser-known celebrities to save money."
"I was , but then I realized I needed some sort of viewership guarantee to appease the sponsors. Luckily one of the guests gave me a discounted rate because she's a fan, or else I would've had to sell my kidney to pay her. Or your kidney."
"If she's a fan of Yoo Joonghyuk, shouldn't she not want him to find a girlfriend?"
Han Sooyoung stared at him for a few seconds before looking away. "I have no idea what's going on in her head and I don't want to know either."
Kim Dokja silently agreed with her. He was friends with one of his most loyal readers and followed her on Twitter, and the sheer amount of wank he had seen in her retweets had long since convinced him that getting involved in celebrity fandoms was a bad idea. [Judge of Fire] might have the nerves of steel required for it, but he did not. The shipping wank alone in the comments section of his own webnovels already gave him a headache, and that was only a tiny sampler of the sort of drama on other platforms.
"By the way," Kim Dokja said as an afterthought, "I remember you said something one of the female guests here being my type when you were trying to convince me to sign up. Who were you referring to? Or can you not tell me, because that would interfere with the show?"
Han Sooyoung waved her hand. "Does it matter now? Clearly she wasn't your type in the end."
"Oh? So who is my type then, Director Sooyoung, in your esteemed professional opinion?"
"You really want to know?" she asked dryly.
"Why are you talking about it like it's some sort of exciting revelation? Isn't it just Sangah-ssi?"
Han Sooyoung smirked at him. "Yeah, I see why you might think that."
"What are you trying to imply?"
"Nothing." She slid a piece of paper across the counter towards him. "Anyway, here are the instructions for planning the date this weekend. The guys will be in charge of coming up with date ideas and writing them down on cards, and the crew will place them into anonymous envelopes. Then the girls will have their pick of which one they want to go on. I'm giving you a head start here by showing you the instructions before anyone else, so use it wisely."
Kim Dokja scanned the text on the paper. Most of it was empty fluff used to pad out the word count. He felt like Lee Jihye probably had a hand in writing this. "So basically, there's no guarantee who you'll end up on a date with."
"Yep, it's completely up to the girls which one they pick," Han Sooyoung said with conviction.
He hadn't known this woman for half a decade for nothing; Kim Dokja could easily tell she was lying through her teeth. "You're going to do something to these 'anonymous' envelopes, aren't you."
"I'm not going to force the girls to pick someone in particular. I'm not a sadist," she replied, sounding offended that he'd think so lowly of her. "But yeah, if you want to know, I will be adding an element of randomization into the process. Just to make things more challenging."
Having finished his juice, Kim Dokja rinsed his empty glass under the tap. "What's the point of randomizing everything?" he asked over the sound of running water. "Wouldn't the viewers want to see their preferred couples go on dates together, and not two people who can't even stand each other?"
"How will you know it's true love if you don't put it to the test?" she shot back, sounding passionate. "Besides, haven't you noticed that the relationships on this show have basically stabilized?"
She was right. He was pretty sure that Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk were consistently texting each other, while Yoo Sangah and he were also texting each other. Even Jung Heewon seemed to be warming up to Lee Hyunsung. Meanwhile, Jang Hayoung had pretty much given up on Yoo Joonghyuk. Dating shows thrived on romances and love triangles, which meant that the current situation was a little lacking in the drama department.
"Stability is stale ," Han Sooyoung complained. "There are still six episodes left and we're not going to be introducing any new inhabitants, so I have to shake things up some other way. You'll still get to spend time with the others during the weekend, so don't cry if you get stuck on a date with Jung Heewon for one day."
"I don't mind going on a date with her," he said mildly, drying his hands on a towel.
It was true. He didn't exactly mind it per se, but he also hoped it wouldn't happen. They were both so firmly in the mutual friend zone that it would just be awkward, and he also didn't want to get in Lee Hyunsung's way.
Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes. "You never mean what you say. Why didn't you drop a hint last night about your fat wallet? You know everyone thinks you're a struggling artist getting paid minimum wage to write erotica, right? The fact that you were so cagey about your pen name makes you look even more sketchy."
Kim Dokja grimaced.
"Seriously, Kim Dokja." Han Sooyoung exhaled through her nose. "You're never going to find anyone if you don't open yourself up to the people you meet. If you actually like Yoo Sangah, then try to trust her. Don't worry about the show. I promised that I'll edit out anything too personal, didn't I? When have I ever broken a promise that's not money-related?"
"I should plan a date that Sangah-ssi would want to go on then," he said slowly.
Han Sooyoung slapped her hand over her face. "That was the opposite of what I was trying to tell you," she said, sounding exasperated. "Are you doing this on purpose?"
"So you're saying I should choose somewhere I want to go, and see who joins me there?"
"I'll give you full marks for effort," she said sarcastically. "But yeah. You're not going to end up with someone you're expecting anyway, so you might as well pick an activity you like. And who knows? You might even end up having fun."
"Thanks for cursing me."
Han Sooyoung checked the time on her phone and groaned. "Ugh, I have to head back to the office. I probably won't be there tonight, but the crew members and Jihye should take care of anything. Good luck, Kim Dokja! You'll need it."
"Bye."
After a few seconds, she poked her head back into the kitchen. "Don't you dare tell anyone else what I told you," she threatened.
"Just leave already."
***
[ Constellation Observatory ]
On the screen, a hand belonging to Lee Jihye deposited a handful of multi-coloured envelopes onto the low table in the girls' bedroom. There were no names on any of the envelopes.
[Uriel]: It's happening! Wow, I really hope they'll be able to guess correctly! Especially since the envelope colours are all random...
[Bihyung]: They don't know the envelope colours are randomized, do they?
"Thank you," said Lee Seolhwa. "They all look very nice, I'm sure the guys spent a lot of time making the cards. Who wants to pick first?"
Both Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Sangah had their eyes on a blue envelope that looked relatively plain.
[Sun Wukong]: Huh, you can really feel the tension in the air.
[Asmodeus]: All's fair in love and war.
"Hayoung-ssi can go first," Yoo Sangah said encouragingly.
"Oh, is it alright if I do?" Jang Hayoung asked, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. "I think I'll pick this one." She plucked a pastel pink envelope off the table and started breaking open the seal.
[Uriel]: Does anyone remember which guy that card belonged to? Ahhh, the segment with the guys flashed by so quickly that I can't recall!
[Sun Wukong]: I think you were just too busy paying attention to other things.
[Yi Sunshin]: It's very kind of Yoo Sangah to let Jang Hayoung have the first pick, especially since she's been in low spirits the whole day. I admire her sense of justice.
[Bihyung]: Indeed.
Jung Heewon looked relieved. "Should we still go by age, or can we have a free-for-all?" she asked. "Not going to lie, I kind of want to see what's in the silver envelope. Green looks too earthy and nature-oriented, and I really don't want to go hiking or something."
"We can always show each other contents after we open them," Yoo Sangah suggested, ever the mediator.
"I guess that's fair." Jung Heewon looked appeased.
Lee Seolhwa nodded too, and they each reached for an envelope.
[Uriel]: Open it open it open it!
[Asmodeus]: Interesting. Yoo Sangah and Lee Seolhwa reached for the blue envelope at the same time, but then Lee Seolhwa either changed her mind or decided to let her have it, because she changed directions and picked the green one instead.
[Yi Sunshin]: How very noble of her.
[Bihyung]: Green, nature...Lee Seolhwa really likes plants and animals, right? I guess she wouldn't mind if it's an outdoor activity.
"Ooh, mine's a movie and coffee," Jang Hayoung said cheerfully. She looked pretty pleased. "I wonder what movie we're going to watch?"
[Uriel]: This feels like Kim Dokja's card! The handwriting seems like it would belong to him as well, and the tone of the message fits his personality.
[Asmodeus]: Not necessarily. There's not enough information to tell.
[Uriel]: We'll see. I still think it's him.
"'Meet you at the Constellation Mall on Saturday'," Jung Heewon read out loud. "Isn't that where the kimchi museum is? I guess that's cool. What does yours say, Sangah-ssi?"
"I think we're going to the Ihwa Mural Village, though I admit the card is pretty cryptic," she said, smiling. "I feel like this might be Dokja-ssi's? He's a writer, and I get the feeling he also appreciates art."
[Asmodeus]: Good logical deduction.
"That makes sense," said Jung Heewon. "Yeah, I feel like mine might be from Hyunsung-ssi. He knows I've been to the rice cake museum before."
Jang Hayoung looked slightly disappointed at Yoo Sangah's words. Turning to Lee Seolhwa, she asked, "Where is your date, Seolhwa-ssi?"
"I think we're playing some kind of game," she replied. "An escape room, maybe? Or some kind of maze?"
"Sounds like fun," said Jung Heewon. "Do you know which escape room it is?"
"It doesn't say."
"That would probably be from Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi then, right?"
[Sun Wukong]: That sounds like something Yoo Joonghyuk would be interested in. Both he and Lee Hyunsung are the active types that work out regularly, and Yoo Joonghyuk definitely has a competitive streak.
[Bihyung]: Agreed.
[Uriel]: Would Yoo Joonghyuk really want to do an escape room? He seems more like the type that would just break out of it through brute force.
[Yi Sunshin]: He does seem like someone who'd prefer something more direct, or an activity with more freedom.
"Yeah, that sounds like something that guy would want to do," Jung Heewon piped up. "So...the movie date's Kim Namwoon, the escape room's Yoo Joonghyuk, the mall date is Hyunsung-ssi, and the mural village is Dokja-ssi?"
"I think it's totally possible Dokja-ssi would want to watch a movie together," said Jang Hayoung, looking determined. "And Namwoon-ssi watches a lot of true crime shows and he's pretty active too; maybe he's the one who chose the escape room?"
[Uriel]: Oooh, she has a point. I want to agree with Jung Heewon but I can't, sorry!
[Bihyung]: Yeah. Escape rooms are pretty popular among young people nowadays.
Lee Seolhwa smoothed her fingers over her card. "You're right, that is likely. Kim Namwoon also seems like he would enjoy spending time at the mall...this is rather puzzling."
"I doubt Dokja-ssi would choose a pink envelope though," Jung Heewon said, looking at her own silver envelope. "He doesn't seem like the type to make such a gamble. I think whoever wrote that card was gunning for you, Hayoung-ssi. You should go for it."
[Uriel]: Oh no...they've fallen into the director's trap!
Jang Hayoung flushed a little at the insinuation. "Ah, you're right. I'm really overthinking this, aren't I?"
"Either way, I like the colour silver." Jung Heewon stretched her arms above her head with a yawn. "I think I'm pretty satisfied with my decision."
"I'm happy with my choice as well," said Yoo Sangah, sliding her card back into its envelope carefully. "I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow, right?"
The screen faded to black.