[Beta Maverick]
It was easier to be a better guardian to Avira before now, before I ventured into the deepest part of the pack's forest, the part which was considered sacred, in search of answers, before I went rogue!
Now, I was always angry, I felt the urge to inflict pain on others every second of every day, and Avira just happened to be an unfortunate victim. In place of thirsting for blood, I hungered to whip someone, all thanks to the herb water I consumed on a daily basis.
I had Avira whipped on a daily basis, not entirely because she deserved it but because I needed to inflict pain on someone, and on days when the urge felt greater, I whipped her twice.
But today had been different. Alpha Demian had given me a scare by announcing that there was a rogue wolf in the pack, as if sharing that information wasn't enough, he had ordered the immediate murder of the rogue Wolf upon discovery. Although, no one except Avira knew that I was the rogue Wolf, I still couldn't help but think about the worst.
What if Avira discloses my secret to get back at me?
She had hurried out of the shed after the sorting was completed, and daylight restored, and even though I saw her head to my quarters, I felt uneasy. She was out of my sight, and there was no way to know what she would do, or what she would say, and to whom.
Alpha Demian didn't make things any better as he had delayed in the meeting he usually held with the Delta and I after every general meeting. The meetings which usually lasted for an hour or less had taken two hours today, and even though I was hungry, I felt more worried about the herb which I haven't taken all day, and Avira whose whereabouts, and activities I knew nothing of.
The Alpha did his thing, talking and talking while I did mine, thinking and worrying until the meeting finally came to an end, and I hurried out of the Alpha's quarters, to mine.
"Avira!" I called once I took the footpath that led to my quarters. A part of me wished she was inside, and had not blabbed to anyone while another part of me was rest assured that she hasn't and wouldn't, and yet there was a third part of me that did nothing but doubted her loyalty.
"Avira!" I screamed again, just as I got to the structure, and listened carefully for any sound, any sound at all that will indicate her presence but there was none, and I had begun to tremble lightly now.
"Avira!" I screamed a third time. I was at the back of her window now, and more than ever, I strained my ears to listen, and heaved a heavy sigh of relief when I heard rustling sounds from inside her bedroom. She was climbing out of bed, I noted, and then headed for the tree which served as a shed from the scorching sun. Under the tree was a rocking chair where I sat daily to rest sometimes, and other times to tame the urge to kill which happened on very rare occasions.
I sat on the chair, stretched out my legs, and pondered on the events which surrounded my going rogue. The ancestors of the moonfire pack are unnecessarily stringent, not even the absence of a Shaman in the pack made consulting them directly a thing that was permitted. In my desperation to get answers, I had thrown caution into the wind, and embarked on the scary journey into the heart of moonfire forest, to the very spot which was considered sacred.
I felt a shiver run down my spine as I recounted the event of that fateful night when every other member of the pack slept peacefully, including Avira who did not know that I had left the quarters quietly.
I had returned to my quarters in the middle of the night as a wolf even though it was not a full moon. I also attacked Avira at some point , not because I wanted to,but because I was completely out of control.
Somehow, I wasn't seen by the pack's warriors who were heavily on guard on that night, just like other nights. I willed myself to focus on the spirit being I had encountered in the forest, and just as I felt fear slowly creeping in, and the hairs on my skin raising, I suddenly heard approaching footsteps.
With an alarming swiftness, I turned towards the direction of the footsteps to see that it was only Avira. My movements were so sudden that she was startled, and ended up dropping the cup of herb water on the floor, and emptying the content.
It was I who startled her. It was my fault she dropped the cup, and emptied the content. I had looked from the mess made on the floor to Avira who was still panting, and I had wanted to let it go but the urge to whip someone had suddenly come strongly on me that it was impossible to let her go.
My once remorseful look turned angry in a matter of seconds, and Avira, who was trying to get her breathing even, suddenly became more afraid.
I whipped her on her bare skin twice. It turned out I didn't need to hit her numerous times to feel satisfied, just watching her bleed gave me all the satisfaction I needed. Avira's cries of agony only calmed the urge to inflict more pain on anyone but didn't make me feel any pity or remorseful. I was not capable of feeling sympathetic or remorseful towards anyone. It had been that way since I became rogue.
We continued our nightly routines with Avira putting out the fire, securing the kitchen even though no member in the pack would dare sneak in, while I stayed up on my bed, waiting as I have done these past few days. Waiting for it to begin.
The night gradually became darker and quieter as the time got nearer and nearer to midnight. Avira was sleeping already, I was sure, and I suddenly wished I could sleep too. My eyes which seemed normal stung because of lack of sleep. I recalled when I could sleep like every other wolf but that was in the past, and what I wouldn't give to be able to sleep again, and not be a rogue.
I had considered confiding in the Alpha and asking for a solution if there was any but I knew better than to do such as Alpha Demian was not one to be confided in. As much as we hated humans, Alpha Demian hated rogues twice as much, and being the pack's Beta would not make him hate me any less than he would hate on any other person.
It clocked midnight just then, and like it had been since I became rogue, I felt a heavy bang in my heart. This was followed by violent trembling, and it was nothing like I have ever felt.