It's been 3 days locked in this house with no water and no food. Maybe it would have been easier if my hands were not tied to a chair. I tried screaming for help but nobody could hear me. Maybe it's because of this wet towel inside my mouth and the tape covering my mouth. I was starting to feel dizzy and weak. Why? Is it because I'm a woman?
Sizwe and I have been together for 2 years. He was fine in the first 18 months of our relationship. But all of a sudden he had changed on me. Ever since he lost his job, he comes home late and does whatever he wants with me. I'm either a maid or a sex slave. I want out of this life. He beats me up like I'm some kind of a punching bag. He uses anything in front of him to beat me. Everything in the house has turned into a deadly weapon. Even a pillow can now be used as a murder weapon. I'm scared for my life. I don't have a cellphone, I don't have money, all I have is Sizwe. The same Size who treats me like trash. The same Sizwe who once brought a woman over and had sex with her in my presence and forced me to watch. The same Sizwe who doesn't want me to have friends. The same Sizwe who broke my cell phone and forced me to burn it on the stove. The same Sizwe who would come back from God-knows-where and force himself on me because he knows that I have nowhere else to run to. He knows that I have no one to cry to. He knows that I have nowhere to go.
My parents live in a different province. I last spoke to them three years ago and I still regret ever making that phone call. Unfortunately my step mother is the one who answered the phone. She called me all sorts of names and I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped and started swearing at her which is something I don't do but she forced me to the edge. I was just trying to have a conversation with her but she made it clear that SHE DOESN'T WANT ME IN HER HOUSE OR ANYWHERE NEAR HER HUSBAND (my father). Since he doesn't have a backbone, whatever she says goes.
I started having all these terrible flashbacks of my stepmom abusing me while my father sat there and did nothing. My tummy was growling, I was starving. My eyes were closed and everything around me started to spin. I could see the light. The angels were calling my name, my ancestors have come to fetch me. I think God finally heard my prayer. It's about time I leave this world.I knew that my death was near so I said my small prayer asking God to forgive all of my sins before my soul finally departs from my body.
Just when I thought I was on my way to heaven I was woken up by a loud slap on my left cheek. "My Nono. Wifey."
Sizwe is back. The person I used to love has turned into a beast and has turned me into a punching bag. Bit by bit, I let him. I thought he was gonna change but no. Instead, he only gets worse. He untied me and laid me on the bed. He gave me food to eat and water to drink.
"I love you," he said while wiping away the tears from my eyes.
"Then why are you doing this to me?" I asked him in a low voice as I groaned in pain.
"I'll never do it again. I was drunk. I'm sorry, please forgive me, it will never happen again" he said with teary eyes. I could hear the sincerity in his voice and see the regret in his eyes as he knelt down in front of me to apologize. If I was still the same old Nobuhle I was going to forgive him.
"You always say that but … then you… t…the … then you beat me again… Why?" I asked while sobbing.
"This time around I mean it. I do. You know you are the one who make me do all these bad things. You are the one who make me do all these things. I forgive you Nono," he said. As always, he shifted the blame on me.
"Then why did you lock me in here? Three days, Sizwe? Three days. Three days without bathing, eating, going to the toilet…" I tried to express my frustrations but he quickly interjected.
"See why I always beat the shit out of you? You disrespect me! I told you I was drunk! Now shut the fuck I'm not going to explain myself to you. If you want me to leave I will leave and lock you in here again. I'll go where I find peace since clearly you don't give me peace!" he yelled.
"I'm sorry, Sizwe. Please… I wi…will give you peace… please don't leave me here," I said. Tears rolled down my cheeks soon after. My head was filled with rage. My heart was overwhelmed by darkness. I'm naturally humble, but Sizwe is slowly creating a demon inside me. He is slowly sucking out my kindness.
Sizwe abused me enough and I don't see myself leaving like this anymore. I really don't.