> "They say laughter is the best medicine.
But that's because they've never had a katana enema."
— Deadpool, philosopher, madman, unlicensed therapist
---
[Location: Earth-19969 – Mid-Deadpool Timeline]
There are places even mercenaries don't go for free.
Wade Wilson—aka Deadpool, aka "Mr. Chimichanga," aka "This Timeline's Problem"—was in one such place.
No, not a battlefield.
Not a hell dimension.
Not even his ex's birthday.
He was in… therapy.
Strip club therapy.
And not the sexy kind.
---
[The Setting – "The Pole of Reflection"]
This wasn't your average exotic dance venue.
No.
This was a sad, dimly lit bar with neon signs like "Cry First, Grind Later" and a half-broken jukebox playing Celine Dion's "All By Myself" on repeat.
Deadpool sat at the bar wearing a Hawaiian shirt over his suit. His mask had tiny sunglasses taped to it.
> "Bartender, give me something strong. Like childhood validation."
The bartender (a cyborg pirate otter, don't ask) slid him a glass of "Memetic Regret."
Deadpool (to himself):
> "Vacation, they said. Relax, they said. Reflect. Heal.
But I don't do healing. I do deflection. Preferably with bullets."
---
[Mid-Flashback – System Lounge]
> MC: "Take a week off. Do something normal."
> Deadpool: "Define normal."
> MC: "No guns, no murder, no breaking the fourth wall for 24 hours."
> Deadpool: "…I can give you 12 minutes."
---
[Current: 7 Minutes of Restraint Remaining]
He sipped the regret. Surprisingly fruity.
Then she walked in.
Vanessa.
Or, well… a memory of her. Maybe a hallucination. Maybe a system-generated emotional fragment trying to poke his trauma.
> "You're still hiding behind jokes, Wade."
Deadpool:
> "Jokes are cheaper than therapy. And less messy than bullets."
> "You're afraid. That if you stop laughing, you'll remember why you started."
He didn't reply.
He looked at the drink.
And for once… he didn't crack a joke.
---
[Later That Night – Rooftop Above the Strip Club]
Deadpool sat under a billboard that read:
"Smile! You Might Still Be Alive!"
He looked at the stars. For once, he didn't interrupt their silence.
Then his system pinged.
---
[Chat Group – Nightline Session]
Deadpool (typing slowly):
> "Hey.
So. I kinda… actually chilled.
I didn't stab anyone.
Didn't cry.
Didn't laugh too hard.
I just… existed.
And that felt weird.
Weird, but okay."
Kazuma:
> "Who are you and what have you done with Wade?"
Rimuru:
> "Proud of you, actually."
Tsunade:
> "...Might be time for real therapy, though."
Esdeath:
> "I liked you better when you were bleeding sarcasm."
Deadpool:
> "Don't worry. I'm bottling it up again. Just needed to let the cork hiss."
---
[Final Scene – Wade's Apartment]
He microwaved a chimichanga.
Watched cartoons.
And taped a new label on his katana.
It read: "Break in case of emotional emergency."
He stared at it.
Then at himself.
> "Still broken. But damn if I don't sparkle."
---
End of Chapter 17: Deadpool