Chapter 3
Katherine released a deep sigh, collecting her kids bags as she slung them on her arms, before holding her kids hands and walking inside. She hung their bags on the nightstand and went to the kitchen to make them cold milk and cookies.
"How was school today? I hope you didn't face any challenges in school." She inquired, handing them a glass of milk.
"School was interesting; I have two friends," Jasmine beamed, smiling cheekily, her lower lip stained with milk. Katherine smiled; she felt her worry eased, then turned to Hanith, who had his eyes on his milk as he shifted a little.
"What about you, Hanny?" Katherine asked. Her son was more like her when she was young. Her little boy was introverted and shy in nature, which always made her worry.
"Good," he mumbled in a small voice.
Katherine smiled, ruffling his hair adorably, "It's okay; you'll soon have friends," she reassured him before Jasmine took his hand.
"I'll always be with you, and I'm already your friend," she grinned while Hanith smiled shyly.
Katherine laughed, pulling both of them in a simple hug, "And I'll be your best friend," she mumbled, collecting the empty cups. She instructed them to go shower and put their dirty clothes in the laundry as she went to the kitchen to make dinner.
After a while that her kids had left, she rinsed the dirty cups, taking out the pan to make a light meal for dinner. She brought out the ingredients, washing them gently as she put on her apron. She started cooking, making pasta for the night.
"It's pasta for the night," Katherine hollered for her kids to hear over their hushed voices.
"Okay, Mom."
Dinner went smoothly that night with silence; only the clanking sounds of cutlery could be heard as Katherine fawned over her children to eat more. After dinner, she followed the twins to the beds as she sat in the rocking chair, taking the bedtime storybook to read.
"Hanith, Jasmine," she called softly, covering them with the blanket, "Mom wants a little request from you, and I hope you two will hear me out," she said softly, staring at the glowing bedside lamp.
"Yes, Mom." They looked at each other before nodding in agreement.
"I would like both of you to start calling me 'Aunty' instead of 'Mom' for some time," she uttered, biting her lips nervously. She couldn't have her children calling her 'mom' when they come to her workplace. Her babies were her strength and weakness; she would do anything for them. She didn't want him to know about them.
"Okay, Mom." Hanith whispered in a dejected tone.
"Why, Mom?" Jasmine asked, staring at Katherine. Her eyes bored into Katherine's soul to search for her deepest secret.
Katherine gulped, feeling bad. "Ah," she laughed nervously. "Can you just do that for me? I'll explain to you two later, uhn—" she mumbled hopefully, "Trust Mom on this."
"Is it because of—" Jasmine's voice was muffled by Hanith's hand. Who glanced at his twin sister, then at Katherine, who was waiting for Jasmine to finish her statement.
"Because of what?" Katherine inquired, but her question was brushed off as a jasmine question.
"You've cut your hair again," Jasmine stated; her voice was accusatory while Katherine chuckled awkwardly, running her hands through the hair.
"Ha ha," she felt ashamed, "I just want a new look." she said in question, unsure if her kids would believe her.
"You drink also," Hanith's small voice came in.
And the book Katherine was holding fell in shock as she blinked. "I—I," she bit her lip, not knowing what to say and how to refute.
She wanted the ground to open and swallow her; she wanted to disappear, not to be in the heavy room with the accusatory statement in the air, making it uncomfortable for her to breathe.
Katherine left the room quickly in shame and ran to her room. Shameful tears rolled down her cheeks. Her kids knew she drank after all her effort to hide it.
She was a bad mother! She raised her head as tears streamed down her face; she wanted to drink more; her throat bobbed in anticipation to feel the hotness of alcohol in it, but she couldn't. She didn't want to disappoint her children further.
She put her hand in her mouth to stop herself from shouting as she bit down on her thumb. She was really trying; she was really trying to leave alcohol as a coping mechanism, but whenever she hit the button and broke down, alcohol was always available to give her undiluted comfort for some time.
Katherine didn't know how to face her kids after all her promise to stop drinking with her therapist's help, yet she was back at it again.
She was weak, giving in to her addiction. What if—what if Hanith and Jasmine decide to leave me? She thought, biting her thumb hard.
Her heart wrenched in anguish; she was failing as a mother! What was she teaching her poor children? She was passing her trauma on to them.
Katherine closed her eyes abruptly, feeling her head throb, and a flash of the past passed through her brain, and she flinched. suddenly feeling cold, and she hugged herself hard, rocking herself at the same time, counting to forget.
"Mom," she heard a tiny whisper, and a choking sound escaped her mouth.
"Mom, we are sorry."
Katherine shook her head vehemently, her heart twisted in guilt. They didn't do anything wrong; she was the bad guy here and who ought to apologize for breaking their trust. She wiped her eyes quickly, opening the door ajar as she peeked her head in, looking down to see her kids hold each other. She felt another tear erupt in her.
"Mommy, you are crying," Jasmine's voice trembled. "We are bad kids. We make our mom cry," she burst out in tears as Hanith's face was coated with mucus and tears.
"Mom, we are sorry for being bad children," they cried as Katherine fell on her knees, tears on her face also.
"I'm the bad guy here; I'm the bad mother," she blamed herself as her head was downcast, feeling ashamed. Jasmine and Hanith came to her, wrapping their arms around her.
"You aren't a bad mother," they refute her earlier statement, "you are the best, Mom," while Katherine choked on her tears at her children's words. She wanted to deny it but kept mute.
She wasn't good. She was just trying and struggling.
"We don't want you to be taken away from us," Jasmine whispered. "We heard they take away parents from children if the parents are found drinking."
Katherine felt her heart tug at her children's words as she patted their backs reassuringly. "I'm sorry for making you worry," she mumbled. "I'm sorry for making you worry."
"We are sorry also," they said, raising their heads as their small palms wiped her tears.
"Thank you, buds."
After a while, "Mom, can we sleep with you tonight?" Hanith asked in a small voice.
Katherine laughed gently, pecking their cheeks as she opened the door for them to enter. Both of them jumped on her bed while she followed their suit and fell on the bed.
She kissed each of their foreheads as they returned it, "Good night, buds."
"Goodnight, Mom."
Katherine had a smile on her face; today had been a rollercoaster of emotions for her, and she hoped the following day did her good.