Aftermath
I cannot make sense of what Rani said at all. Whose "Soul" am I? I am Fujimaru Ritsuka, am I not? I have lost my memories, but still, I am me. Saber stays quiet, though.
As we get back to our room, Rin is already waiting for us. "You won?" She seems relieved, and surprised. But mostly relieved.
"Yes," I say. "But we… did nothing, really. Rani killed herself." Rin's eyes widen in shock. Well, this is not the first time Rani did this, and yet, she may have won against us.
"Why would she do that? She had the advantage, for the most part." That seems a bit rude, but then again, it is analytically correct. And Saber as well as I know that it is true and Lü Bu could have killed us with a blindfold, if he really tried.
"She said 'he' told her not to fight me, but to study me… And that I am 'his Soul'. But that makes no sense," I tell Rin.
"Oh my god," she gasps. Then, she takes her terminal and runs scans on me, I suppose.
"What—" I would like to know what she is doing, really.
"Shut up," Rin commands. Saber sits down on the bed, watching us uncomfortably.
"It's true, isn't it," Saber asks Rin. Do they again know something that goes over my head? This feels unfair.
Rin puts down her terminal, bites her bottom lip and nods. "I can't believe it. How could this happen? How long did you know?!"
Saber crossed her arms in front of her chest defensively. "I don't owe you any answers." Rin sighs.
"Could any of you please explain?" Really, I think as the one this concerns the most, I should know.
"Let your girlfriend explain," Rin says, leaving for her own room. Of course, even if it was something crucial, feeling jealous because I am dating Saber instead of her is more important. I look at Saber expectantly.
"You know, you're… not really you here, right? Like, not flesh and blood or anything, like in the real world." I nod. This is some sort of digital simulation, so of course I am not real. My conscience is fused with a cyberframe, like an avatar, so I can move around and interact in this simulation. That is the gist of it, if I remember this correctly.
"A cyberframe is always made of three parts… Mind, Soul and Body. If you don't have all three, you'll vanish soon enough. Though, the Soul… is the least important for the cyberframe to stay intact."
"And I am just a Soul?" I ask. What does this mean, anyway? Saber shrugs.
"From what her check revealed… you only have Fujimaru Ritsukai's Soul. Her personality, her will. You are Fujimaru Ritsuka, but without the Mind you don't have memories."
"Then, if my Mind was elsewhere, without my Soul… It would not be me?" This is too philosophical.
"So to say. It's your capacity of thinking, your logic and your memories. Usually the Mind is so influenced by the Soul that even without the Soul, the personality stays somewhat the same, though… I dunno how to put this. Less intensive, and more cold."
"That person Rani talked about…" There is no other way, is there?
"Yes. It's probably your Mind."
"How could I get split like this? And… where is my Body?" Saber rubs her chin, thinking hard on this. I am sure Rin would be more suited for this talk, but she is not available.
"I dunno, really. But if that other you had the Body, you would have disappeared by now. Maybe your Body got destroyed? Then… whoever of you doesn't die, will be the complete one in the end, I suppose."
This goes way over my head. There is another me?!
Why didn't you accept me as your son?
Were you ashamed of the circumstances of my birth? Because I was born to Morgan le Fay, the witch?
Did you despise me because I'm not like others, a homunculus?
Am I not the son you can expect?
I gave my whole life to you. And never once, did I ask for anything in return.
The one time I did, all I wanted was you to call me your son once. To accept me, you were the father I always looked up to, before I even knew of our blood relation.
I wanted to be just like you, a supreme king. Strong, skilled. I knew, as your son, one day I would be.
I loved you.
But you hated me. You couldn't accept me, Mordred, the witch's son.
There was no way I could have loved a father who couldn't accept me. I needed to surpass you, because you were wrong.
You were cruel, and cold.
I wanted to take everything from you, because you took everything from me.
But, father…
Why?