The official meeting began with prayer before an older woman with a warm demeanour took charge to speak to the group.
To be honest, I was hoping for a sermon that would reinforce my belief that the Order of Paragons and any related institutions were evil and looking to destroy the world. Instead, the woman was talking about charity and how women can support it in their communities.
It was a well-thought-out speech. However, I found myself drifting a little and looking around at the women. It was frankly not a bad atmosphere. The calm spirit in the hall was almost intoxicating because it felt safe.
Out there in the world, there is always a sense of alertness, but in this room, there were no feelings of violent aggression. I almost forgot the reason I was in this place. It was like the Kingmaker did not exist in this perfect moment.
When the sermon concluded and another prayer was made, the women started talking to each other again. I did not have time to get lost because Eunice appeared mysteriously to whisk me away to another room.
"I hope the group was not too tough," She said with some amusement as we walked.
"No, not really," I replied.
"You do not have to be coy. When most of our novices come, they are young girls who are not sure about who they are. It is inevitable that you will notice a lot of discord and competition. That is what we are about here."
"What do you mean?" I asked as we walked through a bright hallway.
Eunice stopped and faced me. I had to brake like a cartoon character.
"In the modern world, women are encouraged to be stronger and fight. The sentiment is good, but women are not meant to fight like men. The outside world puts women in competition because men encourage it." Eunice said.
I wanted to both agree and disagree.
As a supporter of women being able to do anything they want, I wanted to say women can fight like men. On the other hand, I did believe that men and their systemic power do encourage women to fight more than women want to fight each other.
Unfortunately, these thoughts sounded too jumbled in my mind to express them correctly.
Moreover, I could hear the Kingmaker in my head once again accusing me of being a fraud, someone who did not really have empathy. I pretended to be a forward-looking person, but I was just a basic man-hater.
I hated that voice.
"When most women come here, they think that they have to compete with their fellow women because it is what is taught in the outside world. The promotions in the chapter only come when the realisation comes that the only true competition for a woman is herself."
"Each of our novice members has to demonstrate that they have learned that the Order of Paragons is about a personal life of virtue every day. As long as one is looking at another woman to determine if they are more or less virtuous, they will not be embodying our tenets."
I frown as I look at the serious Eunice.
"How can you truly assess jealousy without open competition? We are all humans. We do have moments when we feel like we are not as good as others."
Eunice smiled kindly. "Naturally, we are not trying to eliminate natural feelings. We hope to redirect it through the different stages in the chapter. The novices only need to understand that concept, and by the next stage, they will be ready to practise the core concept."
I understood what she was trying to say, so I nodded.
"Now, I would like to meet our special mommy class," Eunice said before leading me further down the hallway and opening a door.
I realised at that moment that there had been no women with babies during the sermon. I was clearly not attentive enough earlier. Now, when I thought about it, I should have noticed it since no baby was crying during the meeting.
The room Eunice led me to was softly colourful, with everything I assumed babies and mothers needed.
"We only have babies here, not older children, even though we hold events that include them quite frequently. Most of our mothers prefer to personally care for their children. It made sense for the chapter to have the resources. We have updated the room over the decades," Eunice sounded quite proud.
"It is a beautiful space," I said because I did not know what else to say since I did not know enough about babies.
Eunice nodded before continuing. "Come and meet one of the most valued members in our mommy class. She is a mother of six, so she might give you a little more insight into this path. She has also been a great help to our younger mothers."
She ushers me into the room where a surprisingly young-looking woman with the most benevolent aura is seated. She has the glow of motherly love as she coos at the baby she is holding in a soft yellow blanket.
"Good afternoon, Marta," Eunice said with familiarity. "How is the little one doing?"
Marta smiled back. "He is being a perfect angel."
"Business as usual, I see," Eunice said, and they both laughed in that soft, feminine way. I smiled stiffly as I thought of my own laughter, which was like the cackling of a witch.
"This is Catherine. She is here to learn more about what we do here. I thought she should learn more about the joys of motherhood," Eunice explained as she pulled a chair for me to sit down beside Marta.
I sat down after a moment of hesitation beside Marta.
"Would you like to hold him?" Marta asked with kindness.
From experience, I knew not to refuse to hold a baby when a mother asked. To mothers, their babies were the most perfect things in the universe. Therefore, not wanting to hold their perfect angels was an affront to a great degree.
I nodded and held out my arms. The pleased mother carefully placed the baby into my arms, and I cradled him with care and brought him to my chest. Despite my feelings about having children, I could handle the basic childcare.