Sylus pov:
Today is the day I am marrying Liya.
I am supposed to feel victorious - I am supposed to feel proud, stable, confident, unstoppable. This is what everyone expects of me. This is what Liya's side of the family expects. This is what my people expect. A wedding that looks like mine, a bride that fits my lifestyle, my name, my position. Everything is perfect. Everything is amazing. Everything is in a straight line.
But inside of me...something is wrong.
Off.
Heavy.
Still...I brush it off.
Liya is perfect for me.
She looks perfect standing next to me.
She matches my status, my ways, my future.
Y/N?
Y/N is...
...nothing of the sort.
Too tender, too sloppy, too full of emotions, too spontaneous, and too much excess baggage for me to deal with.
I hope Y/N shows up today with that "loving" boyfriend, like the one who goes by Zayn. It's comical to think about how he thinks of himself as a great person. Just picturing him standing there makes me almost laugh.
Y/N should be there to see how much she missed out on and how she will regret everything about me.
I want her to feel the loss and pain of her bad choices.
I want her to choke on all that because she'll finally realize the best thing that could have ever happened to her was me.
I find my jaw tense as I place my cuff links.
I am going to make her regret every second of it.
I exit my bedroom and walk down the corridor of my house, and I have determined that today is going to be a day when I do not think about her at all! I am going to be thinking of Liya, thinking about my wedding vows, and thinking about my future with Liya.
When I reach the Grand Hall, it's like I'm hit from all directions by several different flashes bright lights, flowers everywhere, the sound of music, and everyone smiling, gossiping, and anticipating the beginning of the ceremony.
Standing in front of me is Liya's father, standing tall and proud and his chest is puffed out with pride ready to walk his daughter down the aisle.
But what about me?
I'm not looking at Liya.
I'm not looking at anyone in the crowd.
All I care about is this!
Where is she?
Where is Y/N?
Where is the face I want to see receive the breaking?
Where is the girl whose heartbreak I wanted to experience?
Where is the fire in her eyes as she gazes at me with another woman?
I continue looking across many guests.
Then-
Zayn.
He's at the entrance.
I can't move.
He looks...
Not human.
Not alive.
Not sane.
He's only a broken shell.
He is covered in snow.
His hair tangled in snow, on his shoulders melting down through his thin shirt. An extremely lightweight shirt that is inappropriate for the current climate. This man appears as though he was caught in the eye of the storm and had no desire to make it through.
His visage...
My. God.
Puffy cheeks
Bloodshot eyes
As if tears had flowed from his eyes for the duration of a week.
The air appears to have been stolen from this man.
And the locket...
The locket of that woman.
There is an emptiness that drops from within me like a heavy, cold, steel ball.
What brings him here like this?
Where's she at?
He should be laughing like an idiot while holding her hand and having her in a position to see her face twist with jealousy.
So, I could see her regret.
But instead, Zayn...
Zayn's face is filled with regret.
My heart is pounding in my chest, not painful but very uncomfortable.
In spite of this, I keep my cool.
I maintain my ego.
I rush toward him.
Quickly.
Way too quickly.
"Where is Y/N?" I ask, trying to laugh but it comes out completely wrong. "Where's your girlfriend? Huh?'
He doesn't even blink.
Zayn's eyes are still locked on me, completely void and dull, as if the world ended, and he never got the memo.
It infuriates me.
"What?" I yell again, "She couldn't stand to see me with someone better?"
"She's gone, Sylus."
Everything freezes.
The clinking of glasses.
The music.
The crowd.
The Wedding.
The air I breathe.
The pulse in my chest.
The thoughts in my head.
Everything I was thinking before disintegrates.
I grab his collar without thinking, my rage boiling in my chest.
"Shut Up!" I hiss. "Shut Up! Don't fucking say that! Don't you dare!"
He doesn't resist.
He doesn't try to defend himself.
He doesn't even flinch.
He just slowly raises his trembling hand again...
He hands me the locket.
Her locket.
The locket she always touched when she was nervous. The locket she slept with. The locket she had when she told me she cared. The locket she wore around me like a shield.
I look at it.
It feels like a dead bird in my hand.
Before Zayn spoke again, I saw how badly he wanted to keep the truth from me. But, against his wishes, he did speak. "She died calling your name, Sylus." When Zayn said these words, my lungs were sucked out of me. I was left without air.
Zayn had tears in his eyes, but there was no emotion in his eyes.
"She was in my arms, and when she died, she kept saying your name over and over again. She continued to call for you as she was losing consciousness, as she was unable to get enough breath to get the words out, and as her body continued to shake from all the pain she was suffering. All she wanted was you."
The only sound I heard from Zayn was his laboured breathing; Zayn sounded completely depleted. "Sylus, she continued to call for you over and over again until she died."
Zayn was not done with me.
As he held my y/n's locket, he reminded me again of how she died with my name on her lips. He demonstrated with his actions that he was still a part of me, even after my broken heart would have been unable to feel it.
When Zayn looked at me, I did not see sympathy or hatred but rather disgust mixed with heartbreak.
Then he uttered the words that will stay with me for as long as I have breath. . .
"How could she even love you, Sylus?"
When he said this to me, I was frozen in place.
Zayn got closer to me, his mouth was tight and his voice was strained from the pain and rage of what he said.
"She died in my arms, Weeping for you;that's so humiliating, Sylus. T-that's so pathetic of you."
How.
Could.
She.
Even.
Love.
You.
I felt something collapsing in me one-by-one more than guilt more than shame; it's a humiliating awareness.
Because the moment he said it, memories hit me like a storm.
Her smile.
Her eyes lighting up at the smallest things.
Her waiting.
Her hoping.
Her loving.
And me?
I destroyed her.
I ignored her.
I replaced her.
I humiliated her.
I pushed her into someone else's arms.
I pushed her into sickness.
I pushed her into death.
For the first time in my life, I hated myself.
Deeply.
Violently.
Completely.
Destroy everything with my own hand and ego.
I tried to speak, but my voice cracked before even a single words came out. My throat tightened so hard that I barely swallow dry air; the shame, the suffocation.
Zayn continue slowly but sharp enough to cut me with bleed.
"She kept whispering your name until her last breath.
While she shook in pain, while her chest struggled, while she bleed, while sh-she was in my arm infront of me.
She still loved you.
And you weren't even there."
My stomach dropped so fast I thought I would vomit right there.
I took a step back.
And another.
And another.
My heart was pounding in my ears, my breath turning shallow, my hands shaking.
Shame washed over me so violently I couldn't stand still.
I felt like the smallest, ugliest, most disgusting human being alive.
And then the guilt...
Oh God, the guilt.
It wrapped around my throat like a rope, pulling tighter with every word Zayn said.
I stared at him and his swollen eyes, for the first time I realized-he loved her; he actually did love her more than anything. I did nothing.... Not a single thing to deserve her.....none and yet she.....she died taking my name.
I whispered, voice broken:
"Stop... please... stop..."
But Zayn didn't stop.
He leaned in, his voice shaking with grief:
"She cried for you while I held her.
She begged for you.
She waited for you.
And you were busy planning a wedding. But her....she was dying thinking of you "
Tears finally spilled from my eyes burning, humiliating tears that refused to stop.
I felt stripped naked.
Exposed.
Crushed under the weight of what I had done.
Every breath hurt.
Every heartbeat felt like a punishment.
And then zyan looked away not because he forgave me but because he can't stand a sight of me.....he hates me. More than anything.
To be continued......