Alright, so here we are —my life in a nutshell. Picture this: I'm lying flat on my back, staring at the desert ceiling like it owes me money, and all I can think is, what now? Do I just lay here and slowly die from boredom? Like some tragic cactus hero who perishes not from battle, but from lack of entertainment?
Of course, Lumine sighs. That kind of sigh that says, here we go again. I swear, if sighs were Mora, she'd be richer than Ningguang by now. She crosses her arms, glancing at me like she's already preparing her insurance claim for traveling with me.
"Honestly, Shigeru, we've only been sitting here for ten minutes," Lumine mutters. "You can't possibly be this restless already."
"Wrong," I reply without hesitation. "I was born restless. I'm a professional at it."
Paimon floats over my head, poking my forehead with her tiny finger. "You're already acting like you're stranded in the desert with no food. We literally just ate."
"Yeah," I groan dramatically, "but that was like... ten minutes ago. That's a lifetime in boredom years."
Nilou, bless her sunshine heart, tilts her head with a soft smile. "Maybe you should just rest for a bit? You've been pushing yourself a lot lately."
Rest. Ha. If I rest, my brain will invent new ways to embarrass me. Not safe. Not safe at all.
Greg flicks his tongue lazily at me, like he's agreeing with Nilou. Et tu, lizard?
And then—because my brain works in mysterious and possibly cursed ways—I sit up, grin like an idiot, and turn my gaze toward the squad: Cyno, Alhaitham, Dehya, Candace. Heroes, warriors, legends of Sumeru. And me, the unpaid comic relief.
"Hey!" I say, pointing at them like I just discovered the cure for boredom. "Since we've accomplished a great deal of mission—why don't we hang out?"
Alhaitham blinks at me, skeptical. And honestly? Fair. Because when I say 'hang out,' what I really mean is, prepare for psychological chaos. His eyes narrow, calculating. I can practically hear his brain going, statistically, 87% chance this ends with me regretting my life choices.
Greg lifts his head higher from my shoulder and flicks his tongue in Alhaitham's direction, like he's already giving him a warning. Respect.
Candace shakes her head gently, the voice of reason. "I'll have to pass. Someone has to guard the village."
See? Responsible. Mature. A functioning adult. Meanwhile, me.
Cyno, shockingly, nods. "Yes. It's been a while since I've hung out with anyone. I could use a break."
I nearly choke. The General Mahamatra himself, hanging out with me? What's next, King Deshret crawling out of the sand to ask if I want to play chess?
"Wait, really?" I say, blinking at him. "You sure you're not setting me up for some kind of elaborate punishment later?"
Cyno stares. His expression doesn't change. "If I were, you'd already be regretting it."
"Comforting," Lumine mutters under her breath.
...Fair.
Alhaitham shrugs. "I suppose I have nothing else to do."
And by 'nothing else to do,' I mean he probably just wants to flex those muscles in my face. My guy walks around shirt barely hanging on, like he's auditioning for Sumeru's Himbo of the Year. I swear, if he so much as sneezes, Nilou and Lumine might start clapping. Dangerous man. I need to keep my girlfriends away before I end up questioning things about myself I don't want answered.
Lumine groans. "You really don't have to say everything you're thinking out loud, you know."
"Wrong," I say proudly. "I absolutely do."
Paimon waves her hands frantically. "No, you absolutely don't! Some of those thoughts are way too weird to be spoken!"
Then Dehya smiles, tossing her hair like the fiery mommy she is. "Sure. Why not? Been a while since I got to relax."
Nilou beams, clapping her hands together. "That sounds fun! We haven't really spent time together outside of missions."
Greg flicks his tongue again, this time toward Nilou, like he's voting yes. Finally, my lizard and I are in sync.
And that's it. Everyone's in. Well, except Candace, but honestly? I respect her. Someone has to be the adult here.
Which means—it's time. Time to head to my teapot paradise.
I clap my hands together dramatically. "Excellent! To the teapot we go!"
Paimon floats closer, frowning suspiciously. "Wait... didn't you leave a bunch of dead fish floating in the pond last time?"
My soul leaves my body. "Listen, Paimon. Those koi weren't dead. They were... emotionally challenged."
Lumine gives me that you are the biggest idiot alive look. "Shigeru. We've talked about this. Multiple times."
Dehya raises an eyebrow. "Emotionally challenged fish? That's a new one."
Cyno actually cracks a tiny smirk. "That's... not even a good joke."
"Don't encourage him," Alhaitham mutters, massaging the bridge of his nose.
Nilou, bless her, tries to be supportive. "Maybe... maybe this time they'll be okay?"
Greg flicks his tongue at me like even he's disappointed. Traitor.
I throw my hands up. "Wow. Betrayed by my own pet. Fine. Fine! This time, I'll prove to everyone that my teapot is a wholesome paradise, not a crime scene for aquatic life."
Paimon crosses her arms, hovering closer to Lumine. "Paimon's betting five Mora that we'll find at least one dead fish again."
"Ten," Lumine says immediately.
Nilou gasps softly, trying not to laugh. "You shouldn't be betting on that!"
Dehya smirks. "I'll put in twenty. My Mora's on three fish."
Greg flicks his tongue toward Dehya, like he's confirming the bet. Et tu, Greg?
***
Alright, so let me paint you a picture. We're back in the teapot. Yes, the koi fishes are still dead. No, I don't know how to explain it to a child without traumatizing them. Anyway, me, Lumine, Nilou, and the almighty floating gremlin decided to give the newcomers—Alhaitham, Cyno, and Dehya—the grand tour of our house. And let me tell you, our house is peak chaos museum.
First stop: Lumine's room. Imagine a shrine of swords, artifacts, and about ten too many pictures of me. Some with her, some with Paimon, and some that just scream "stalker energy." I pointed at one where I was mid-yawn and said, "Ah yes, my sexiest moment." Lumine rolled her eyes so hard I thought they'd get stuck.
"Why did I even frame that picture?" Lumine muttered, folding her arms. "You look ridiculous."
I smirked and leaned closer. "So you admit it—you're the real stalker here. Case closed."
Paimon snorted, covering her mouth. "Who even frames a yawn?"
"Someone with exquisite taste, like Blondie here," I said proudly. Greg flicked his tongue like even he was calling me out on my nonsense.
Nilou giggled softly, tilting her head. "I actually think it's cute… in a silly way."
"See? Nilou gets it," I said, puffing my chest. Lumine immediately smacked my arm with the back of her hand. Worth it.
Next, we dragged them into Paimon's room. Big centerpiece? A huge framed picture of the four of us, like some family portrait we didn't remember posing for. Oh, and a snack cabinet. No, scratch that. A snack temple. Chips, candies, instant noodles, you name it. Dehya raised a brow, asked if this was a bedroom or a grocery store. Paimon puffed her cheeks and declared it was called priorities.
Nilou sniffed the air and smiled. "Honestly, it does smell nice in here. Like sweets."
"Correction," I said, sniffing dramatically, "it smells like diabetes."
Greg flicked his tongue toward the snack cabinet, then crawled up on top of it like a dragon claiming treasure. Paimon screeched. "Hey! That's sacred ground!"
Cyno tilted his head. "So you sleep surrounded by food?"
Paimon crossed her arms proudly. "It's called security."
Then Nilou's room. Cute central. Plushies everywhere, pastel colors, and a little picture frame with the four of us again. Nilou was all shy about it, like, oh it's nothing. Meanwhile, me and Paimon were like, cute overload detected. Alhaitham looked around like he was calculating how many bookshelves could fit if we bulldozed the plushies. I don't trust him.
"Don't you dare, book boy," I warned. Greg flicked his tongue at Alhaitham, like backing me up. My lizard knows.
Dehya chuckled. "Honestly, this room suits you, Nilou. Bright and soft."
Nilou blushed lightly and smiled. "Thanks… I just wanted it to feel cozy."
Finally, my room. Average. Normal. Except for the shrine-sized picture of Ayato with his signature. Dehya blinked and asked if I was… a fan. I crossed my arms, looked her dead in the eyes, and said, "I'm his biggest fan." That's not embarrassing. That's dedication.
Cyno walked closer to the picture, squinting. "You even polished the frame."
"Respect the shrine," I said solemnly. Greg flicked his tongue reverently, like he understood the religion of Ayato.
While we were roaming, Dehya suddenly went, "So you guys have your own rooms, huh? Pretty awesome."
Paimon sighed dramatically. "Paimon can't sleep sometimes because it's all cramped."
That confused the three. Dehya tilted her head. Cyno even asked with his straight face, "You have your own spacious rooms… where do you sleep? Under the bed?"
We stared at him like he just suggested eating rocks. Then, Paimon, Lumine, and Nilou all said in sync, "We sleep in that idiot's room."
Jaw. Drop. Collective shock. Dehya laughed, holding her stomach. "To my surprise, even Nilou got influenced by them, huh?"
Nilou just smiled sweetly and said, "It's not so bad."
Lumine sighed. "It's cramped."
Nilou nodded. "It's not that cramped."
I raised my hands. "See? Perfect balance."
Greg flicked his tongue toward me like, liar.
Alhaitham pinched the bridge of his nose like his brain cells were begging for mercy. "No wonder you're all constantly exhausted."
Tour continued: Greg's tiny throne near the fireplace (yes, he has a throne, yes, he uses it like some tiny mafia boss), the kitchen, and then the crown jewel—our cool fountain and bench under the Sakura tree. That's where things escalated into a full-on playground session. Even the broody biceps scholar joined. Cyno, Alhaitham, Dehya, all playing along. Nilou looked the happiest I'd seen her in weeks. And if Nilou's happy? I'm happy. Happy Nilou equals happy life. That's math.
Paimon cheered, clapping when Cyno actually cracked a smile. "Whoa! Cyno laughed! Quick, someone write this down!"
Greg crawled up onto the bench and flicked his tongue at Cyno, like stamping approval. Cyno nodded solemnly back. A man and a lizard, united by awkwardness.
Lumine chuckled softly, watching everyone. "It's strange… but it feels like home."
"Strange?" I gasped dramatically. "This is luxury living! We have dead fish for decoration and a mafia lizard for protection!"
Nilou laughed, nearly falling off the bench. "Shigeru…"
Even Lumine and Paimon were laughing, though Greg flicked Cyno in the face after losing a card game. I swear, this lizard has unresolved anger issues.
When we got hungry, we moved to the outdoor kitchen. Yeah, outdoor. Because if I tried cooking inside, we'd need a new mansion. Lumine and Nilou cooked up a storm. Dehya helped. I flexed to Cyno and Alhaitham about the setup like I personally built it with my bare hands. I didn't. But confidence is key.
"Better find a girl fast, you two," I told them smugly, "or you'll never taste this kind of luxury."
Cyno deadpanned, "Or I could just cook."
"Don't ruin my moment," I snapped. Greg flicked his tongue at me, traitor.
Alhaitham's eyes darted toward Dehya. Oh ho. Oh HO! The idiot in me couldn't resist. "OHHH, I saw that. Our resident scholar has taste!"
Dehya raised a brow, smirking. "Oh? Did he now?"
Alhaitham didn't even hesitate. A book smacked me straight in the face. Lumine immediately followed up by tossing a ladle at his head. And me? I smirked through the pain. "That's why I love you, Blondie."
Another ladle. Right in the face. Lumine snapped, "Shut up, idiot!"
Worth it.
Finally, the food arrived, and we ate outside at the picnic table, under the Sakura tree. It felt… nice. For once, no danger, no stress. Just us, good food, laughter, and a lizard with a short fuse. Perfect.
Nilou leaned her head on her palm, smiling at everyone. "It really feels like a family, doesn't it?"
Paimon nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! A weird, chaotic, probably cursed family, but still!"
Lumine gave a small smile, softer than usual. "It's not so bad… I guess."
Greg flicked his tongue in agreement, settling on his throne like a smug king. And me? I leaned back, staring up at the Sakura petals drifting down, and thought… maybe, just maybe, I didn't completely mess up my life by ending up here.
Spoiler: still probably did. But at least it's fun.
***
Alright, so picture this: bellies full, laughter still echoing under the Sakura tree, and me lying flat on the grass like some heroic potato who just saved the world with his appetite. Dehya leaned back, stretching, and said with a grin, "Thanks for inviting us here. This place… it's nice."
Nilou clasped her hands together, eyes sparkling. "It really is… it feels so magical. Like a dream you don't want to wake up from."
Greg flicked his tongue lazily from his tiny throne beside the bench, like he was saying, 'Yeah, my kingdom's cozy.'
Cyno nodded, his serious face still glued on, but he said, "Yes. I appreciate the hospitality."
Even Alhaitham gave a small nod, which in his language basically means, I'll tolerate you.
I waved them off. "No biggies. You guys are our friends. Dangerous ones at that."
Paimon puffed up her chest. "Paimon says it's an honor you even survived eating with us. That's real danger!"
Dehya chuckled, shaking her head. "Dangerous friends, huh? I'll take that."
I muttered dramatically, "I feel like the main character who collects dangerous Pokémon… except you all can backtalk me."
Greg flicked his tongue and crawled onto my stomach like he was seconding the motion.
Lumine laughed quietly. "That actually fits you more than you think."
We drifted into random conversations—nothing deep, just dumb things like how Paimon's snack stash could feed an army, or how Nilou somehow convinced us that plushies count as home defense. Nilou defended herself with a pout. "Plushies are soft shields! They protect hearts. That counts!"
I raised a finger like I was delivering gospel. "Exactly. If Alhaitham trips over a plushie, it's technically crowd control."
Alhaitham sighed like his soul just aged ten years. "That's not how defense works."
Cyno added, deadpan, "Statistically, tripping hazards account for injuries. He's not entirely wrong."
Paimon smirked, pointing at Alhaitham. "See? Even Cyno agrees! You're just jealous you don't have plushies."
Dehya crossed her arms, amused. "Imagine the great Alhaitham with a plushie collection."
Alhaitham shut his eyes. "I'd sooner collect rocks."
Greg flicked his tongue and climbed halfway up Nilou's arm, like awarding her 'Best Argument Winner.'
And then, out of nowhere, Dehya smirked and dropped the bomb. "So, Lumine. Why exactly did you fall for an idiot like him?"
Time froze. My brain short-circuited. Excuse me? Out loud? In front of everyone? I sat up like someone lit me on fire. "H-Hold up! What kind of phrasing is that?"
Alhaitham, being the heartless walking thesaurus he is, added, "She's wasting herself on that idiot."
Lumine's eyes snapped to him, fiery. "He's not an idiot!" She paused. "…Well, he actually is."
I gasped. "Blondie, betrayal!"
But Lumine continued, her cheeks pink. She looked straight at Alhaitham and spoke slowly. "But he has his own charms, you know." She turned to me, her blush deepening. "He makes me laugh when I don't want to." She fiddled with her hair and added, "He's always there for me." Her voice softened. "He knows how to treat me well." She hesitated, then pressed on, her words tumbling out. "He makes sure I eat, he always protects me, he never gives up even when he should, and… he makes me feel safe." Every word dug into my heart like a warm shovel of love and embarrassment.
Everyone went quiet. Even Cyno stopped breathing like he was calculating something. Me? I smiled like an absolute fool and reached over to ruffle her hair. "Thank you, Blondie."
Greg flicked his tongue softly and perched near Lumine's shoulder like he was approving her speech. Lumine looked away quickly, but her blush betrayed her. My idiot heart almost exploded.
Then Nilou, of all people, puffed her cheeks, her face turning dangerously cute. "I like you too, you know. I may not have spent a lot of time with you, but I actually do."
I swear on Greg's tiny throne, my soul almost left my body. Me? Two confessions in a row? Where's the insurance for this? Someone get me a medic!
Paimon squeaked, waving her little arms. "Wait, wait, wait! Paimon likes you too! But in the 'best buddy who feeds me snacks' way!" She huffed. "Don't leave Paimon out of this!"
I clutched my chest. "This is too much love. My heart can't take this level of cardio."
The conversation carried on, though my brain was fried bacon. I teased Alhaitham whenever his eyes strayed toward Dehya. "Caught ya staring again, scholar."
He didn't even blink. "You're hallucinating."
Dehya smirked. "Oh, I saw it too."
Even Cyno joined in with a dry, "Statistically, you looked at her three times in the last two minutes."
The poor guy was unbothered. His biceps were unmovable. Nonchalant king. Meanwhile, we were all laughing like hyenas, and he just sat there, arms crossed, probably plotting how to murder us with vocabulary later.
Nilou leaned forward, eyes twinkling. "Honestly… I think it's sweet. Even if you won't admit it, Alhaitham."
Greg flicked his tongue and scuttled in front of him, like saying 'face your feelings, nerd.'
I stretched out completely on the grass, hands behind my head, staring up at the pink petals swaying down. And I said, with the most casual tone possible, "Hey guys, let's save Sumeru and the Dendro Archon, shall we?"
Dehya grinned. "You bet."
Cyno nodded firmly. "Agreed."
Alhaitham sighed like he was clocking in for overtime. "Since I have nothing better to do… fine. We're comrades now."
Paimon pumped her fist. "Comrades! With snacks included!"
Lumine and Nilou laid down on either side of me. Nilou whispered, "Let's make everyone happy."
Lumine smirked. "And give that creepy hat guy a good beating."
Greg climbed onto my head like some royalty, claiming his throne. He flicked his tongue with pride, like he was officially our commander now. Paimon flopped onto my chest like a tiny daughter, humming. "Paimon likes this peace. Less chaos. Less chances of dying."
I grinned, staring at the sunset sky through the Sakura branches. "You bet, floating snack."
Then, with a dramatic inner monologue, I thought: This is it. A gang of dangerous friends, a mafia lizard, a snack goblin, and two girls who confessed within five minutes of each other. How am I alive? No idea. But hey… if this is what family feels like, then maybe messing up my life wasn't such a disaster after all.
_____________
End of Chapter 132
Quests Completed:
*Successfully convince dangerous mercenaries, scholars, and eyeliner enthusiasts to hang out in your cursed teapot realm.
*Show Dehya, Cyno, and Alhaitham the rooms without getting arrested for interior design crimes.
*Earn lizard approval at least three times in one chapter.
* Receive back-to-back love confessions without fainting or combusting.
*Catch scholar staring at Dehya. Mock relentlessly.
*Create a picnic under the Sakura tree that accidentally feels like family bonding.
Rewards:
*+1 Mafia Lizard Throne Expansion Pack (Greg can now issue royal decrees from the fireplace).
*Nilou's Smile Buff (All allies gain +20% morale when Nilou giggles).
*Confession Bombshell ×2 (Causes emotional damage, but in a good way).
*Cyno's Rare Smile (One-Time Drop) (Increases team laughter for 30 seconds).
*Snack Goblin's Blessing (Paimon guarantees snacks in every future hangout).
*Alhaitham's Book-to-Face Attack Unlocked (Interrupts idiocy, 100% hit rate).
*Family Bonding Aura (+10 resistance to angst, +5 charisma when teasing enemies).
*Teapot Reputation: "Still Cursed, But Kinda Cozy"
*+1 Free Therapy Coupon (Burned Immediately) – triggered after back-to-back confessions.
*+50 Awkward Eye Contact Damage – from catching Alhaitham staring at Dehya
*+3 Lumine Glare Stacks – for calling her "an idiot's girlfriend" in public.
*+200 Embarrassment EXP – Nilou's wave critical-hit Shigeru's heart.
*+1 Imaginary Degree in Domestic Teapot Management – awarded after surviving the chaos tour without Greg eating anyone.
*+1 Red Hair Damage Multiplier – Dehya's laugh revealed a new weakness.
*+999 Mafia Authority Points (Greg Only) – lizard has more social credit than Shigeru.
*+1 Mild Back Pain Debuff – from lying like a "heroic potato" under the Sakura tree.
*+100 Emotional Stamina Points (Lumine Exclusive Buff) – spent instantly on babysitting Shigeru's idiocy.
*+500 Accidental Family Vibes – picnic unlocked a cursed "found family" aura.
*+1 New Title: The Confession Magnet – passive skill that doubles chances of emotional chaos per chapter.