Qin Yu suddenly remembered she hadn't yet confessed the truth to Shenhe.
Now seemed like the perfect time.
A perfect time, indeed... but the pressure of confessing to Shenhe felt even greater than it had been with Keqing and the others.
After all, this entire "persona" had been created for Shenhe in the first place. It was Qin Yu's own misguided belief that this was the best way to approach Shenhe that had led her to conceal the truth.
Though this internal conflict had allowed her to reach this point, the pressure of confessing wouldn't simply vanish.
Still, everything should be fine.
Shenhe had previously declared she would accept every facet of Qin Yu's being. Keqing, Ningguang, Hu Tao, and Yanfei hadn't distanced themselves after learning Qin Yu's true nature—in fact, they had become even more affectionate.
So, Shenhe should react similarly. There shouldn't be any problems.
Qin Yu steeled herself and said nervously, "Shenhe, there's something I need to explain to you, or rather... confess."
"What is it?"
Meeting Shenhe's gaze, Qin Yu hesitated, "It's... about us."
"What about us?"
Qin Yu reached out and gently grasped Shenhe's hand, which lay outside the blanket.
Taking a deep breath, Qin Yu confessed, "Actually, I've been hiding my true personality from you since our second meeting."
"When I first approached you, my motives... weren't entirely pure. But I thought, as long as I reciprocated with equal value—being a good friend and creating wonderful memories for you—it would be okay."
"However, the real me isn't as virtuous as the persona I created. I can't even live up to that ideal, and I worried you'd hate me if you knew the truth. So I kept up the act."
"The closer we became, the more terrified I was that you'd despise me once you discovered the truth."
"But... I can't keep this up any longer. Your feelings and affection make it impossible for me to continue like this."
"So, even though I've dragged this out for so long, I want to interact with you from now on as my true self. Of course, if there's anything you don't like, I'll do my best to change..."
After blurting out everything in one nervous breath, Qin Yu anxiously glanced at Shenhe.
Shenhe pondered for a moment.
It's a little hard to understand why she would think I'd dislike her. Shenhe couldn't quite grasp it, having expressed her feelings countless times.
Yet Qin Yu still fretted over it.
But if she says she decided to confess everything because of my feelings and emotions, then everything I've expressed wasn't for naught. Shenhe mused.
"I see."
Shenhe returned Qin Yu's grip, and with that single gesture, Qin Yu felt a weight lift from her shoulders.
"I'm very glad you told me this. It feels like we've grown even closer."
"C-closer?"
Shenhe nodded. "Closer in heart."
So that's what she meant. I thought Shenhe was going to confess too, like Keqing and Ningguang.
But if that were to happen, I think I'd... Qin Yu trailed off, lost in thought.
Shenhe spoke again, interrupting her reverie.
"Why would you think I'd dislike you?"
"Because..." Qin Yu chuckled sheepishly. "Because I tend to overthink things, I guess."
But after taking that first step, I realized it wasn't like that at all.
I was such a coward back then, Qin Yu couldn't help but think.
Though I'm still not exactly brave now... No, no, no—deciding to date Keqing and Ningguang simultaneously was already incredibly bold.
Look at me now, so daring.
Lost in these wandering thoughts, Qin Yu heard Shenhe speak again.
"Do you hate the persona you created?"
"Huh? I've never really thought about that before. If I had to say whether I hate it or not, definitely not... Why are you asking that?" Qin Yu found Shenhe's question intriguing.
Shenhe murmured, "If you hadn't created that persona, would you still have sought me out?"
Qin Yu had never imagined such a scenario.
If not...
"I... I'm not sure," Qin Yu replied uncertainly.
"I'm so glad you came to find me. If you hadn't, I might still be living a monotonous life of cultivation in the mountains. I don't feel anything toward that kind of life, but I can't say I hate it either."
"But—"
The warmth of her breath, the warmth of her body, the warmth of her gaze—everything was so close, within reach, surrounding her, never leaving.
"It's so much better than before," Shenhe murmured, shifting closer.
"So thank you for coming to find me, and thank you for creating this persona. Without it, we might never have met again, formed this bond, or become who we are now."
A warmth spread through Qin Yu's chest and eyes.
"Shenhe, aren't you... aren't you embarrassed to say that?" she mumbled into her pillow, her voice muffled.
"Why should I be embarrassed? True feelings should be expressed, shouldn't they?" Shenhe asked, puzzled.
"W-well... that's true."
I really do need to thank my past self for creating this persona, Qin Yu thought.
Without it, even if the System had given me the objective to "get close," I might not have gone to find Shenhe.
But that's just a possibility.
The reality is that I created the persona, donned the mask, and actively sought her out.
We met, got to know each other, and gradually deepened our understanding... and the persona played an indispensable role in making that happen.
It gave me the strength to proactively learn about Shenhe.
So, this "magic" not only made me more likable and protected me, but it also propelled me forward...
Of course, it also restrained me, Qin Yu thought.
That's why I'll never use it again when I'm alone with Shenhe or the others.
Even so, Qin Yu couldn't help but feel grateful for this "magic."
And in her heart, she praised her past self: "Well done."
Qin Yu's body and mind relaxed completely.
She felt she could start to like herself a little more.
Though now there were even more complications, and she was still so... greedy. Qin Yu sighed inwardly.
"Shenhe."
"Mm."
Qin Yu turned back to face Shenhe, smiling. "Thank you for saying that."
Receiving Qin Yu's gratitude intensified the fervent, hazy emotion Shenhe still held in her heart, allowing her to smoothly articulate the remaining words she had been formulating.
"Qin Yu, I've figured out what I want to say."
Qin Yu's interest piqued. "Then tell me."
Whether it was romantic love or something else entirely, all Shenhe wanted was to hear, feel, and confirm Qin Yu's emotions.
But to elicit a confession from Qin Yu, Shenhe knew she had to confess first.
Only emotion can exchange for emotion.
And to receive Qin Yu's most fervent and purest emotion, Shenhe needed to express her own most fervent and purest emotion first.
Her feelings for Qin Yu.
Shenhe pondered for a moment, struggling to find the right words.
Like? Not deep enough. Trust? Not deep enough. Dependence? Not deep enough. Pale words, utterly inadequate to describe this pure and profound emotion.
The only phrase that came close was this:
"Qin Yu."
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
The only phrase that came close was this.
Shenhe's voice pierced Qin Yu's heart with effortless ease.
After the initial shock, every emotion surging from her heart transformed into warmth, flooding her entire being, rushing to her face and turning it crimson.
Qin Yu's mind dissolved into a puddle of mush.
What did Shenhe just say? Love... Love... Eh?
Even though Qin Yu had heard Shenhe's words clearly, she struggled to grasp the situation.
Yet, in stark contrast to her muddled thoughts, an indescribable joy and overwhelming happiness coursed through her, making her feel as if she were melting from the inside out.
"And you, Qin Yu?"
"Me?" Qin Yu murmured, dazed.
Shenhe whispered, "I want to hear your heart's voice."
Heart's voice?
Does she want me to respond to this? To this confession... respond? As Qin Yu thought this, Shenhe's earlier declaration echoed in her mind once more.
Shenhe loves me? Love... Qin Yu's gaze locked with Shenhe's once more.
Unable to resist, Qin Yu leaned in and kissed her.
The moment their breaths mingled, Qin Yu's entire being trembled. She longed to lose herself in this overwhelming joy, but another powerful emotion ignited by Shenhe kept her thoughts clear.
"I... I love you too," Qin Yu said, her face flushed crimson.
Shenhe stared at Qin Yu, stunned.
The hazy yet overwhelming emotion in her heart had materialized into reality. Upon realizing this, Shenhe grew puzzled. Is this what love feels like?
It doesn't quite feel right.
The emotion was undoubtedly intense and fiery, but... Shenhe sensed it wasn't the so-called "love" she had imagined.
"So, does this mean we're dating now?" Shenhe asked.
"Eh? Ah..."
Shenhe confessed to me, and I accepted. I guess we are?
But... does this mean I've accepted confessions from three women now?!
Well, I've already decided to have them all. If Shenhe truly wants to date me, I'll accept and genuinely become her girlfriend.
But... becoming Shenhe's girlfriend?
For some reason, Qin Yu felt a strange uneasiness.
"Shenhe... do you really want to date me?" Qin Yu asked.
"I don't know."
Hearing Shenhe's words, Qin Yu felt a similar sentiment.
Being Shenhe's girlfriend? The thought stirred a tempest of confusion within her.
She didn't deny her love for Shenhe, but the idea of becoming a couple felt strangely awkward, a sense Qin Yu couldn't quite articulate or understand its origin.
Then Shenhe continued, "You once said that romantic love is a deeper emotion than mere affection. If that's true, I want us to share a deeper, more profound connection. But I still feel... it's not deep enough."
Only then did Qin Yu understand the source of her unease. Becoming Shenhe's girlfriend would feel like a demotion in their relationship.
Shenhe added, "Friends are close because they're friends. Lovers are close because they're lovers. Family is close because they're family."
"I love you, Qin Yu, but... even the word 'love' doesn't quite capture the nuance of my feelings for you. It's... inaccurate."
Shenhe leaned in close, her forehead touching Qin Yu's. She closed her eyes.
"I don't understand my own feelings. I don't know how to accurately describe them. But I realized it... the moment you confessed to me."
Shenhe gently placed her hand on Qin Yu's cheek.
"I want to hear more of your innermost feelings, Qin Yu, to truly understand your emotions. And I want to pour out my own heart to you, everything about me."
"Putting labels like 'friend,' 'lover,' or 'family' feels so restrictive. What I want is... hmm, a deeper connection with you, Qin Yu, one that transcends any defined relationship..."
Qin Yu understood everything Shenhe was saying.
She could feel Shenhe's pure emotion, one that went beyond mere romantic love.
She could also sense Shenhe's greed.
Shenhe relentlessly craved Qin Yu's heart, wanting more and more, deeper and deeper, like an insatiable abyss.
Yet Shenhe also yearned to give back equally, to endlessly express herself, to pour out her entire being, and to have Qin Yu accept every part of her.
Qin Yu felt a profound longing stir within her.
A relationship that transcends any relationship...
"Does that mean it would be closer than any other bond?"
"Yes."
"Does it mean we'd never be apart, no matter what?"
"Yes."
Qin Yu closed her eyes and whispered softly, "That sounds wonderful. I want that too."
Never to be parted, always within reach.
"Then we want the same thing," Shenhe said.
"Yes, we want the same thing."
Compared to being mere lovers with Shenhe, this felt far better.
Constantly delving into each other's hearts, endlessly experiencing each other's emotions, never fearing the severance of their bond—transcending everything, all things.
But when Qin Yu opened her eyes, she found herself captivated by Shenhe's breathing.
Their lips met again.
Soon, Qin Yu awkwardly retreated under the covers.
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing."
Despite having just professed a whole stream of idealistic, spiritual love-like sentiments, Qin Yu's ultimate desire was to kiss Shenhe. The realization left her mortified, shamefaced, and deeply embarrassed.
Shenhe considered this. Perhaps Qin Yu was troubled by their sudden kiss.
"It's okay," she said. "I don't mind at all. In fact, I quite enjoy doing this with you."
That's not it at all!
But... if she enjoyed it, then that's good, Qin Yu thought. She realized she might have enjoyed it too.
Wait, "enjoyed it too" is wrong.
I like it, but only a little! Yes, just a little!
"We've talked enough. L-let's go to sleep?" Qin Yu peeked out from under the covers.
Otherwise, I don't know what might happen next.
"Alright."
Qin Yu sighed in relief, but the thought that she and Shenhe had deepened their bond, mutually confessing their love, made sleep elusive.
Ah, forget it!
Qin Yu pulled out her Anesthetic Pistol and gave herself an infant-like slumber.
"Qin Yu?"
Feeling the steady rhythm of the breathing of the person beside her, indicating she had already fallen asleep, Shenhe finally relaxed, relieved that Qin Yu hadn't intended to harm herself.
She gazed at Qin Yu's sleeping face, and within seconds, Qin Yu unconsciously pulled her into an embrace.
Holding Qin Yu, Shenhe recalled Ningguang's words:
Qin Yu is already dating Ningguang... Dating is what they call being in love.
A heavy feeling settled in Shenhe's heart, and she recognized it as jealousy.
But it didn't matter.
As long as she could spend her life with Qin Yu, nothing else truly mattered.