"You're hiding something."
"What? Me?" She asked, trying to sound clueless, but her voice gave her away.
"Yes, you," I said, watching her closely.
"What could I possibly be hiding?"
"Maybe something to do with Kai," I said, leaning in, trying to meet her gaze.
She looked away. "I already told you; he didn't tell me how he got the wounds."
"I'm not talking about that," I said quietly. "And I'm not letting it go until you tell me."
For a moment, she didn't move. Then she looked at me—really looked. I could tell she was weighing her options, trying to decide if she should spill it or not. But Zara and I didn't do secrets. At least, we never used to.
We'd spent years spilling everything, crushes, embarrassing moments, things most people wouldn't dare say out loud, without thinking twice. I already knew what she was holding back. I just needed her to say it out loud.
And I understood why she was scared. It was a new territory. No one had ever confessed their feelings to her before. Sure, boys liked her; how could they not? She was beautiful and kind, with a smile that could melt the coldest heart. But no one had ever said it to her face. No one had ever been bold enough. Until Kai.
After a while, she leaned closer, her voice barely above the wind, and finally whispered, "Kai told me he has feelings for me."
"And?" I asked, keeping my tone soft, not pushing, just inviting.
"I didn't know what to say."
"You didn't give him an answer?"
She shook her head. "No, I didn't."
"Did you at least say something? Maybe a no?"
"Nothing. I just sat there."
"Poor guy," I sighed, shaking my head. "He must think he scared you off."
"Don't worry, I let him know I'd think about it and give him an answer."
"That's better," I nodded. "So… what will you tell him?"
"I don't know."
"You don't like him?"
"I didn't say that."
"You like him?"
"I didn't say that either."
"Well, you're going to have to give him an answer."
"I know," she murmured, rubbing her head like she was trying to clear the fog in her mind. "I'm just… I'm so confused."
"Alright", I said, shifting beside her. "Let's try something simple. You're stranded on an island. Who would you rather be stuck with—Kai or Aarav?"
She lifted her head slightly, giving me a flat look. "Seriously? What are we? Ten?"
"Hey! I'm trying to help you here. Focus," I said, snapping my fingers playfully. "So, who are you picking?"
"I don't know," she shrugged, clearly overwhelmed.
"You're going to have to give him an answer. You can't leave him hanging."
She exhaled deeply and curled into herself, pulling her knees to her chest. "I just don't know," she said, burying her face in her arms.
I looked at her, heart heavy with empathy. I understood how torn she was. This wasn't just about Kai. It was about uncertainty, about feelings she hadn't had time to process. It was new, unexpected and maybe, a little terrifying.
Kai was a great person, but that didn't mean she had to be pressured to say yes just to spare his feelings. She didn't have to say yes just to spare their friendship. Especially when she hadn't even realized how he felt.
She hadn't had time to consider her own heart.
"It's okay," I said softly, gently rubbing her back. "You'll figure it out."
Her head stayed buried, but I felt her shoulders soften.
Summer break was just around the corner. Soon, she'd have nothing but time—time to sit with everything she was feeling.
As I sat beside Zara, still trying to calm her, a voice called out behind us.
"Is everything okay?"
I turned to see Emerald standing there, concern written across his face.
Zara didn't move an inch. Her head remained buried in her knees, completely withdrawn from the moment.
"Is Zara okay?" He asked again, eyes glued to the distraught Zara.
"Don't worry; she's fine," I replied softly.
Shifting focus, he said, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure."
I gave Zara a soft touch on the shoulder. "I'll be right back," I whispered, then stepped away with him.
He waited a beat, then looked at me with a flicker of hope in his eyes. "Will you be free this weekend?"
"Probably. Why?"
"I have tickets to a concert," he said, pulling one from his jacket and holding it out.
My eyes widened. "What tickets?"
"It's for the Miruya concert," he said, a tentative smile tugging at his lips. "Would you like to come with me?"
My breath caught.
"I'd love to!" I replied, almost jumping with excitement.
While my friends swooned over Dustin Beaver, my heart had always belonged to Miruya. Seeing him live in concert had been a dream of mine for years.
"See you Saturday?" he said, flashing a wide, hopeful smile.
I nodded, unable to hide my excitement. He walked away, still smiling.
I knew how Emerald felt about me, he had confessed his feelings not long ago. I had been honest with him: my heart belonged to someone else but still, it was clear he hadn't given up.
Accepting the ticket made me feel a pang of guilt, but maybe this was a chance—to clear my head, to think about something other than Alek, and maybe even see Emerald for the kind person he is.
I turned to head back to Zara but froze.
Alek was there, suddenly in front of me, hands in his pockets, eyes unreadable.
Was he watching me?
"Hey."
"Hey," I replied quickly, instinctively hiding the concert tickets behind my back.
Why? I don't know.
"What are those?" he asked, his gaze dropping to my hands.
"Nothing," I said, trying to sound casual.
"Is it a date?"
My heart skipped. He had been watching me.
"No!" I replied firmly, waving a hand in front of his face, completely forgetting I was still holding the tickets. His eyes followed the movement, then locked onto mine.
"Why are you still ignoring me?"
"I'm not," I said, but the words felt weak even to my own ears.
"You hide when you see me. You change direction when we're about to cross paths. You come by my place but always leave before I'm off work. You avoid me like I'm some kind of plague. You don't look into my eyes anymore. Just like now. Why are you looking down?"
Silence.
I didn't know what to say. I was guilty as charged.
"Look at me, Marina"
The way he said it wrapped around my heart like sunlight. I felt it ring through me. I wanted to look at him. God knows I did. But I was scared that if I did, I'd fall even deeper into the maze I'd been trying so hard to escape.
"Marina?," He called again, gentler this time. I shook my head, eyes still cast downward.
Why wasn't he letting me escape? He wasn't helping me escape either? Didn't he realize what he was doing to me?
"Should I apologize again? I'm sorry." He was moving closer, bridging the gap between us. Was it all in my head?
"For what?" I whispered, finally finding my voice. "I'm not mad at you."
"I'm not convinced," he said. "Let me take you to lunch on Saturday. We could go to Mando's."
My heart skipped a beat. A part of me panicked. Would it count as a date?
It had been ages since we were alone—just the two of us. The last time that happened, it ended in a disaster, I had a full-blown girl emergency and he ended up sprinting to the store like his life depended on it, only to return with pads in one hand and a sweater in the other, looking like a bewildered father-to-be in a maternity ward.
The poor guy looked more panicked than I was.
Honestly, the things he's endured with me and Zara could fill a sitcom. Sometimes I look back and I just can't help but laugh.
"I already have plans."
"Family stuff?"
"No." Pause. I'm going to a concert. With Emerald."
Silence.
He looked away for a moment. Then, his voice cracked slightly as he cleared his throat.
"Oh." He paused. "A date?"
I couldn't answer. I dropped my gaze again, feeling suddenly exposed. Why couldn't I just say no or yes? Why was I acting like I had something to be ashamed of?
I finally looked up, just as he smiled.
"I'm happy for you."
I didn't know what to feel about that. A small, selfish part of me had hoped to see something, anything, fracture in him. But his eyes held nothing but warmth. Genuine happiness. It would've hurt less if he had stabbed me with a knife.
"Let me know when you have time," he said gently. A wide smile playing on his face. "I'd still like to treat you to that meal."
And with that, he turned and walked away.
I stood there, motionless, hollow. My chest felt tight, like something was collapsing inside me.
Eventually, I found the strength to walk back to Zara after what felt like an eternity. She looked a lot better, less lost than when I'd left her. However, her expression shifted to concern.
"What happened to Alek?" she asked, her eyes following his retreating figure.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He was just here to say hi, and he looks so broken. Like someone dropped a boulder on his heart." She narrowed her eyes. "That swine Masha better not be messing with him again."
I joined Zara and watched as he walked into the distance, concern washing over me. How did I not notice that before...?
That's when it hit me.
The world seemed to pause.
Everything stilled.
Zara's voice faded into a blur.
Was I the reason he was like that? Was he upset about "my date"? Does he perhaps... like me?
Those were the only thoughts echoing in my mind.
♡♡♡
Youth is the fleeting spark between innocence and experience. That time when dreams feel endless and the heart learns how to soar and how to break.
My peak of youth was at sixteen.
Sixteen is when you start collecting firsts that stay with you forever. First goodbye. First kiss. First heartbreak. First rebellion...
The first time you truly believe the world might actually be yours. The first time you realize that maybe, just maybe, the boy you've liked for so long might actually like you back.
I remember racing home after school, cracking open my journal and scribbling down every highlight of the day. I laughed at some pages while cried over others.
Sixteen was the age I felt most in my life.
I cried my deepest tears at sixteen. I laughed my loudest laughs at sixteen. And my heart fluttered like never before, all at sixteen.
All of it, every laugh, every tear, every skipped heartbeat, moulded the person I am today.
When I was bullied, I cried. I learned that pain can shape you, but it should never define you.
When a friend passed his audition, I cried. I learnt that joy doesn't have to be your own for it to move you deeply.
When Mr Tantrum tripped and fell while chasing Zara, I laughed so hard I nearly choked. I learned that laughter can be healing, even in the middle of chaos.
When a friend graduated, I cried. I learned that goodbyes are never easy, but celebrating someone else's next chapter is just as beautiful an act of love.
When he called me his angel, my heart fluttered. I learned that words carry weight, and sometimes, a simple phrase can make you feel seen in a way you never thought possible.
When a friend moved away, I cried again. I learned that distance can strengthen a friendship, but it can also stretch it.
When I saw the wounds on his body, I cried. I learned that the people we care about often hide their pain, and being present for them sometimes means sitting with the hurt we can't fix.
When he told me he looked forward to school because of me, my heart fluttered. I learned that we often matter more to others than we realise. We might just be the reason they keep showing up.
When he kissed me, my heart fluttered so wildly I forgot how to breathe. I learned that first love is pure magic, and even if it doesn't last forever, it will always live in the pages of our youth.
And that, is the beauty of youth.