She walked by, and the world tilted.
"The most beautiful girl I have ever seen," I breathed, as if saying it aloud might tether me to reality.
Kai, unimpressed, snorted. "Didn't you say the same thing about Amandla just yesterday?"
I turned to him, feigning offense. "If you have evidence, present it. My eyes would never cheat on my Celly."
They laughed at my deadpan sincerity.
Kai, still grinning, tilted his head. "Your relationship with Naomi ended just a month ago. How do you move on so fast?"
"Isn't that everyone?" I countered.
"Nope," Alek interjected. "Some people need a lifetime to forget someone."
"Sweet but sad," I mused.
"You aren't wrong about that."
Kai tilted his head at me. "Have you told her you like her?" He paused before adding with a smirk, "And her... and her... and h-?" He pointed at three different girls with a playful but pointed tone.
I shot him a glare. "Okay, I get what you're trying to say," I cut him off before he could finish counting my numerous crushes. "Yes."
He blinked. "Wait… you actually told them?"
"Yes."
His surprise deepened. "Really?"
"Yes! Goodness gracious, how many times do you want me to say it" I admitted, voice barely above a whisper.
"Well?" He leaned in. "What happened? Why are you still single?"
A breath caught in my throat. "…Isn't it obvious?"
Realization struck, lighting up his face in amused shock and a little delight. "You got rejected? By all of them!?"
"Lower your voice you wild cockatoo!" I hissed, eyes darting around while my hands worked to restrain Kai who at this point was drowning in laughter.
I used to have a lot of luck when it came to dating—until everything came crashing down. I was seeing two girls at the same time and when they found out about each other, it turned into a full-blown physical showdown over me. It didn't take long for the story to spread like wildfire. Suddenly, my reputation was sealed: a two-timer.
From then on, the attention didn't stop, but the interest did. Many girls still admired me from afar, but none wanted to get close, afraid they'd end up being just another name on my list.
"You should come to me for lessons." Alek teased.
I scoffed. "Look who's talking."
We were still caught up in our banter when a group passed by—Zara, Marina, Issa, and May. They were walking quickly, Issa and May evidently struggling to keep up.
"Hey," I called out, but only Issa and May looked back to wave. Zara and Marina didn't even glance our way but instead increased their pace.
I turned to Alek who was nonchalantly sitting on the ground with one leg straight and the other bent. His hands were behind him, holding him up as he leaned back slightly, looking very relaxed. "Didn't you say you made up with both of them?"
"I did," he said, completely unfazed.
"Then why are they avoiding you?"
He shrugged. "There are three of us here. Why assume it's me? For all I know, it could be you."
The audacity. "Me?" I let out a forced laugh, but a thought took root, winding itself around my chest.
Marina was probably still avoiding Alek… but Zara?
Slowly, I turned my gaze to Kai, searching his face, waiting for some kind of confirmation. But he wasn't looking at me.
His eyes were locked on Zara's retreating figure.
And suddenly, I knew.
Kai had already confessed his feelings to her.
That's when an idea struck me—a little game to show Kai just how hard it would be, not only to win Zara's heart but also to get Alek's approval. I had no idea how difficult it would be myself.
I turned to Alek. "What would you do if Zara and I started dating?"
The way his face hardened, you'd think I'd just called him the worst slur known to mankind. Kai too, turned his attention to Alek, curiosity gleaming despite his usual insistence that he didn't care what Alek thought—as long as Zara accepted him.
"What would your promiscuous ass be dating Zara for?" He said flatly.
Ouch.
"Say, hypothetically," I clarified.
He didn't miss a beat. "What would your promiscuous ass be hypothetically dating Zara for?" His face remained serious—too serious to be throwing around accusations like that.
"This is a hypothetical situation! Why are you taking it so seriously?" My voice edged up in frustration.
"I don't like that idea," he shot back, louder.
For a moment, I assumed he just thought the idea of me dating Zara was absurd—probably because of my so-called "promiscuous ways". So, I tried a different approach. Someone undeniably better for her.
I gestured toward Kai. "Okay then, what would you do if Zara and Kai started dating?"
Without hesitation, Alek whipped around to Kai and barked, "Why would this weird ass be dating Zara?"
Kai's mouth actually fell open. I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, trying to process the insult.
"Alek, we're speaking hypothetically here!" I tried to reason, again.
He didn't budge. "Why would this weird ass hypothetically date Zara?"
"Oh my goodness," I muttered under my breath. It was like his brain had completely shut off the second Zara's love life was put on the table. Does he think she's going to remain his little "bubbly bunny" forever?
Most people, including me, assumed Aarav was just too shy to confess his feelings for Zara. But that was far from the truth. No, he was deathly afraid of Alek. The tales of him beating up anyone who bullied Zara had spread far and wide. One thing with most stories is that the details become distorted, very quickly.
It soon went from a simple tale of "a brother protecting his sister from bullies" to "a brother beating up anyone who so much as looked at his sister romantically."
Realizing there was no reasoning with him, I patted his shoulder. "Relax. It was just a joke."
His breathing was heavy, as if he'd just run laps on the field. "Well, I don't like jokes like that," he muttered.
It was clear—no one was worthy of Zara in his eyes.
Tough luck for Kai.
I glanced at him, reading his expression. His face was composed, but his eyes—his eyes—told a different story.
Later, he would tell me it wasn't Alek's words that shook him. It wasn't even the thought of fighting for her.
It was the realization that Alek's opinion might influence Zara's decision.
Doubt settled into Kai's chest.
And for the first time, he considered the possibility that she might reject him.
***
The final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. The classroom buzzed with the sounds of chairs scraping against the floor and hurried conversations as my classmates gathered their things.
I turned to Zara who was also busy stuffing books on her backpack. "Were you able to talk to Kai?"
She blinked at me, stiffening slightly. "About what?" she asked, her tone too casual—almost defensive.
I raised an eyebrow.
"I just painted him," she added quickly. "Why are you asking so many questions?"
I exchanged a look with Marina. Something was off.
"I asked one question," I pointed out.
Marina leaned in, rephrasing, "Did you talk to Kai about his bruises?"
"Oh," Zara exhaled, as if realizing what we were actually asking. "Yeah, I did."
"And…?"
"He didn't give me a straight answer," she admitted. "Just told me his life story."
"Nothing stood out?" I pressed.
"A lot did," she said, fidgeting with the strap of her bag. "But nothing specifically pointed to where he got the bruises."
"Where could he be getting them from?"
"Could be from his part-time job."
"He works part-time? Where? He hasn't mentioned anything of that sort to me!" I said
"I also found out just yesterday. Might be because he just started." Zara let out a breath. "He was so sad when he talked about his father. Have you met him before?"
"I did, once," I replied. "But he was too drunk to even recognize Kai."
Zara's eyes dimmed. "That's awful. He mentioned his father's alcoholism and how it practically ruined their lives."
Marina frowned. "He didn't say anything else? Just the drinking?"
"Nope, nothing more," Zara answered, shaking her head.
Before any of us could say more, Mr. Neo appeared at the doorway. His tall frame leaned slightly against the door as he called out my name. I looked up, startled. It was almost home time—what could he need? Was I in trouble?
I walked over, heart ticking faster than it should.
"This came for you yesterday," he said, handing me a letter. "I completely forgot about it. Just remembered now before you left."
"Thank you," I said, taking the letter and heading back to where Zara and Marina were waiting.
"You got a letter?" Marina asked, eyes lighting up. "From who?"
"Maybe a secret admirer?" Zara added with a teasing grin.
"It better be," I laughed, tearing the envelope open.
But then, I froze.
"Who's it from?" Zara asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper. When I didn't respond, Marina got up and gently snatched the letter from my hands, which were still suspended midair, locked in shock.
"Oh my goodness!" they gasped in perfect sync, their faces lighting up.
"You did it, Zane! You finally made it!"
I was still too stunned to react when they suddenly threw themselves at me, wrapping me in tight hugs and planting excited kisses on my cheeks. A single tear slid down my face, the only movement I could manage in that overwhelming moment and that's when I realized it was indeed real.
♡♡♡
Everybody has regrets.
Just a few days ago, Alek told me his biggest regret was not loving freely. At the time, I was confused, I always believed he loved and experienced all there was of teenage love. But now, I understand what he meant.
Zara regrets not leaving room for options. She says things she doesn't mean when she's angry, then later punishes herself trying to apologize. But what happens when the person you owe an apology to is no longer there to hear it? What then?
I regret not loving myself enough to believe that I, too, deserved the kind of love I saw in movies or read about in books. Among all my friends, I'm the only one who's never known what it feels like to love and be loved deeply, sincerely. Not because I didn't want to, but because I was afraid of the unknown.
They used to say that with the kind of life I'm aiming to live, "finding real love would be like trying to find a needle in a haystack."
They weren't wrong.
They told me to find it in one girl. But when I was sixteen, my eyes wandered to all of them. Every girl seemed to hold a piece of something I was missing.
Every laugh, every look, every brush of a hand felt like it could be something real. But I didn't know how to choose. I didn't know how to love.
What would I tell my sixteen year old self if I met him right now?
"Zane, love doesn't just fall into your lap, you have to be brave enough to let your heart try. We deserve love even though we never had a good picture of what it should be like at home. Let your heart feel, you deserve it. You've always deserved it."
How do you apologize to yourself?
I had two dreams in life. The universe moved oceans to give me the first. The second? To build a home. A loving one.
I'd like to believe this isn't failure, just a pause before the beginning.