"My name is Tsukinomori Mashiro. Um... I-I'll be in your class from now on. And, also, um... I-I'm going out with Ooboshi Akiteru-kun..."
I knew from that moment that the day would hold nothing but trouble.
The brand-new gorgeous transfer student had just declared in her ten- second introduction that we were dating. The entire class turned to look at me, their faces reminiscent of skydivers who only just noticed mid-flight that they didn't have parachutes.
"Ooboshi... Seriously?!"
"A stunner like her is going out with... him?"
"Dammit! Shut down at the first hurdle!"
"Wait. Who's Ooboshi again?"
The room erupted with questions and doubts, but the resentment in each
and every voice was unmistakable.
Also, what was up with that last guy not knowing his own classmate's
name? If probably-Suzuki caught wind of this, I was sure he'd be outraged!
I couldn't believe the attention I was suddenly getting just because I had a
"girlfriend" now, when I was so average in every sense of the word. These guys were seriously too obsessed with that sort of thing.
"H-Hi, Tsukinomori-san! I have a question! Where did you and Ooboshi- kun first meet?"
"Huh? Oh, um... In a bathroom."
"Huh?"
Oh my God. Please, think before you speak.
It wasn't even true! We met way before last night! You know, like ten
years ago? Maybe put that pretty little head of yours to use and come up with an actual good answer!
"A-Actually, I forgot! So, um... Don't ask me ever again please!" Mashiro bowed her head, then scampered off towards her seat without
taking any further questions. A wave of disappointed murmurings swept over the class, but thankfully they dropped the subject. I was once again reminded of the reality of the situation.
People were a lot more reasonable in real life than say, in anime, where they would definitely have questioned her within an inch of her life about our relationship. Though all eyes were on me for a little bit, everyone would soon forget about us and move on with their own lives.
There was, of course, a risk of the boys simping for her, considering how cute she was, but none of them would be stupid enough to bother since she had a boyfriend. Ashamed to admit it as I was, my uncle's reasoning was sort of beginning to make sense. I supposed he wasn't the CEO of a global enterprise for nothing.
Mashiro gracefully took her seat at the desk next to mine, keeping her head down bashfully. The seat had been free for some time, and I suddenly wondered just how far my uncle's reach extended. Maybe he had something on the principal. I knew I wouldn't want to be blackmailed by someone like him.
"We'll get through this somehow."
I shot my neighbor a sympathetic smile. The nervous look on her face disappeared into thin air.
"Don't talk to me, toilet troll. Don't think I forgot what you did." Her frosty glare chilled me to the core.
"You were doing a great job of playin' the innocent shy girl up there.
What's with the attitude now?"
"Oh, it's nothing, really. Just that I hate you and everything about you." "Uh... You're s'posed to be pretending to be my girlfriend, y'know." "Oh, these ignorant plebs won't notice, as long as we keep up
appearances when they're watching. In the meantime, I'd appreciate it if you just left me alone. Don't even look at me."
"Th-That might be kinda tough, don't you think?"
We were whispering to each other, just to make sure no one would hear us. It would probably be safer to at least pretend we were getting along, even when we thought no one was watching, but it looked like Mashiro wasn't willing to play ball.
"D'you think they're really dating?"
I could already hear the dubious whispers of our classmates. I hate to say
I told you so, but...
"She looks super pissed! Like she hates him or something!"
"Oh my God dude, this is why you're still a virgin! Couples fight
sometimes, y'know? I mean, your parents are at each other's throats all the time!"
"Oh yeah! Makes sense. I guess they really are a couple."
I did say whispers, didn't I? Because I could hear every last word.
I was just glad they were so dense. Just like Mashiro, I was starting to
think that we really could fool them.
However, even if we could trick the masses, the few friends I had were
another matter. One of them was leaning forward from behind me now, whispering into my ear.
"I didn't know you had a girlfriend! How come you were keepin' it a secret?"
"I'll explain later, Ozu, but it's not what you think." "Thought so. Did seem kinda sus."
"Glad you think so. It saves a lotta time."
"Is it to do with... y'know?"
"Yeah."
Ozu was as perceptive as they came. He already knew about my negotiations with Tsukinomori-san. After all, it concerned his future too.
He was one of the major players in the group I was trying to get into Honeyplace Works, as well as the biggest reason I was doing this, and so it'd be unfair not to explain this mess properly to him. The problem was just how I was going to explain.
"I'll tell you more later, but basically I just gotta pretend to be her boyfriend."
That seemed like a good enough way to sum it up. Ozu burst into laughter. "What is this? Some kinda romantic comedy?"
"Says the guy who was called in by the super-hot student council
president the other day."
"Huh? She just wanted me to look at the student council computer 'cause
it was busted."
"Yeah, but she asked you when she coulda asked anyone else, or even
someone from her grade. She's gotta be interested in you."
"It'd be dumb to get my hopes up over a stupid computer problem."
"That's not all, though. What about that weird girl who bumped into you at the mall outside the station? Y'know, the crazy one who swiped some sweet bread? Haven't you been running into her all the time lately?"
"I did bump into her at the station the other day, I guess. She wanted me to buy her some more sweet bread."
"Dude, that's when you say 'yes' and then you get onto her route."
"Bro, she's insane! She was askin' me for food when she met me like, one time before that. Don'tcha think that's super fishy?"
"So you didn't buy her any?"
"Duh. I reported her to the police straight away."
Model citizen, Kohinata Ozuma.
"Even VN protagonists aren't that dense. At this rate, you're gonna get a
bad end."
"C'mon, you're making way too big a deal of this." Ozu grinned at me. Everyone in this life can be categorized as a main character, or a side
character.
There was no doubt in my mind that Kohinata Ozuma was the former, and
one of the chosen few. Everything I'd seen over the three years I spent by his side 100% belonged in a romantic comedy series.
It was like he met a brand-new hot girl every single week, and I'm talking the kind of hot that most of us could only hope to meet once in a lifetime, if at all. They came from all over: on the street, in school, or online. Not only that, but it was so obvious that every single one of them was into him.
It wasn't like Ozu was going out looking for these girls, either. He didn't have any interest in romance. All he cared about was his own hobbies like programming, anime, and making games. In fact, he was basically the king of all geeks.
He met all these new girls so often, completely by accident, and he wasn't even aware of it. And now he was trying to tell me his life wasn't a romantic comedy?
"All you need now is an affectionate little sister. Too bad you got Iroha instead."
"She's into you anyway. Doesn't that make your life a romantic comedy?" "Like I told ya a hundred times, she is not."
Every girl in my life hated my guts. Iroha did her best to wind me up at
every opportunity, and I still didn't dare to look in Mashiro's direction,
mainly because I valued my life.
My relationship with girls was pretty sad, now that I thought about it. "All I'm sayin' is that I don't wanna hear you callin' me dense ever
again," Ozu finally said.
"Whatever. Maybe when Iroha starts acting like a high-schooler in love,
I'll actually believe you."
I decided to keep an eye on the news later, just in case there was any talk
of hell freezing over.
The first period passed agonizingly slowly, but pass it did, and it was
eventually break time.
Since Mashiro was the new girl, she didn't yet have a textbook of her
own, and so I had to share mine with her. It wasn't fun. Whenever my hand bumped into the A.T. Field around her, she would begin to growl and glare at me.
Knowing that the next five periods would be more of the same, I felt my heart sink into a murky depression. Not only that, but the stress could adversely affect my own studies, making it a lose-lose situation. I was starting to wonder whether doing all this for the sake of my future was even worth it. It was as these gloomy thoughts battered my mind that I noticed a guy approaching with a grin plastered on his face.
It was creepy as all hell. Whatever he wanted, I could immediately tell it wasn't good. Anyone could.
"'Sup, Ooboshi. Didn't know you had a girlfriend."
"Yeah..." I gave as innocuous an answer as I could.
"Isn't there that cute kouhai you're always hangin' out with though? I
thought she was your girlfriend."
What a stand-up guy, saying all this in front of my "real" girlfriend.
Incredible. I guess it was just lucky that fake girlfriends felt no jealousy. Also, what did he mean by "cute"?
I couldn't work out what his aim was. Either he was just a flat-out dumbass, or he was trying to cause trouble between Mashiro and me. Whichever it was, it was annoying.
"Huh? You mean Ozu's sister? Yeah, I kinda know her, but we're not that close."
"Really? You act like you're close. Didn't she come to the classroom just for you the other day?"
"She wanted some advice, that's all. Something she couldn't ask Ozu." "I dunno, man, seems kinda fishy to me... Like, real fishy."
Ugh. Who was this guy, acting like it was any of his business? It was
starting to piss me off, and so I devised a scheme to get out of this as soon as I could.
"Look, I get it. Gossip is addictive, and you want as much as you can get your hands on. But lemme tell you something."
"Yeah? What?"
"You're interested in Kageishi-sensei, right?"
"Huh? How d'ya know?"
Dude, everyone knows.
Even if Ozu was my only friend, I still had regular powers of observation.
There is nothing more powerful in this society of ours than information. I always had my ears peeled, since there was no telling when something would come in handy, and it wasn't like it expended too much energy. I wasn't about to give away too many of my secrets, though.
"It's a pretty big rumor, y'know."
"Well, you know how it is... that cold gaze of hers. It's like, being scolded by her just once would be life-changin', y'know?"
"Don't you wanna know what kinda guy she's into?"
"Uh, I guess. But it's not like I'm gonna ask her."
"I already know. I heard it from one of the other teachers."
"No way! You gotta tell me! C'mon! I'll do anything!"
Gottem.
Though I worried for his future, if it was this easy to trick him.
"She likes men who like muscular men."
"She... come again?"
"She likes men who like muscular men."
"Oh, right. You mean she likes muscular men."
"No, no. She likes men who like muscular men. Men who like muscles on
other men." "Muscular?"
"Yeah, muscular."
"So what you're sayin' is... if I make a show of really being into muscular men..."
"Kageishi-sensei's heart is yours."
"Yeah boooooooooooooooooooooy!"
We high-fived.
My head hurt from having such a dumb conversation. Even if it was
necessary to get him off my back, it was still super cringey.
At least from tomorrow on he would be shunned as somebody
ridiculously interested in hunky men, which would stop him crawling up the social ladder to steal my most average of seats.
I saw him off as he skipped back to his desk with a prayer in my heart.
May the thin shreds remaining of your dignity be blessed.
It was then that I felt somebody watching me from the next desk over. Somebody being Mashiro, of course. Her eyes were stuck to me like glue. She was probably appalled at the kind of conversation I was capable of.
I was appalled, too, so I hoped she could just forget about it. I sent the message across with my own gaze.
She immediately scoffed and looked away, which was a complete surprise... not.
I instantly decided never to stoop to that level ever again, even if it was for the greater good. Not that I expected Mashiro to treat me any differently either way.
Oh, how wrong I was.
After witnessing what she had, Mashiro's attitude towards me in the second period was even worse, which I didn't even realize was possible. She outright stole my textbook from me and replaced it with a light novel, as though inviting me to amuse myself while she actually got on with work.
Since I wasn't able to do anything else, I read it, finishing the whole thing by the time the lesson was over. It was one of those standard romantic comedies with a dense protagonist. I could take it or leave it, to be honest, but I did wonder why Mashiro picked it out for me. After class, it was time for another break.
"I'm hungry. Buy me a rice ball. Make sure it's some sort of fish flavor, too."
"Hey, I'm not runnin' a delivery service here."
"You should be willing to do this much for your girlfriend. Or do you just want to call the whole thing off?"
"Fine... I'll get you one."
And so off I embarked to buy my fake girlfriend some food. She continued to make unreasonable demands, treat me like dirt, and insult me all the way up until the third period.
I knew the whole thing was awkward as hell, but that didn't mean she had to act like this towards me. She'd been so reserved and cute when we were young, too, so it was a real shame. What had happened between then and now for her to end up like this? Even first period had been bearable, at least. It was only after the break that her mood worsened.
Was she jealous because that guy had talked about me and Iroha?
Nah, couldn't be.
Maybe if she were my real girlfriend she'd react this way, but she wasn't.
Plus there was the small matter of her hating me with the intensity of a thousand suns. There was no reason for her to be jealous.
I didn't know the passing of time could be so brutal. The small, puppy- like girl who would waddle after me wherever I went was now a harsh mistress with a heart of stone, who treated others around her like a slave the moment her mood turned south.
She was just as annoying as Iroha, except in a whole different way. I was not looking forward to having to do this with her all the way up until graduation. But if I didn't, what would happen to me and my friends?
While I was busy lamenting my future, time ticked by, and before long it was already the start of the fourth period. The moment the bell chimed for the start of the lesson, the room fell into an immediate silence.
That's right. It wasn't just Mashiro who demanded unfettered worship. It was time to welcome the Venomous Queen to the classroom, who would no doubt rule it with her usual iron fist.
The door crashed open.
Everybody froze where they were.
Even the relentless, overbearing crack of her heels on the floor did
nothing to break down the thick tension in the room.
Her hair, done up in a meticulous bun, bounced with every step she took.
Kageishi Sumire rapped her knuckles on the teacher's desk, before sweeping her gaze over the silent classroom without a word. The students were frozen stiff under her venomous gaze.
"I am glad you have evolved past the stage of monkeys." The tiniest of
smiles played at her lips as she realized she had everyone under her complete control. "Class starts now. Page 127. Cubic equations."
Sumire cracked a ruler down on the desk. All forty students in the room pulled out their textbooks in perfect synchrony.
Peculiar as her mannerisms were, Sumire's classes started like any other. It was only at this point that things started to get strange.
"All right, question time. If there was something you didn't understand, put your hand up now."
A ripple swept through the class.
We were used to this now, since it was halfway through the first semester, but at first it had thrown everybody off guard. Usually, teachers would explain the contents of the textbook before asking if there were any questions. Kageishi Sumire did the opposite.
"There's no point in reading out the textbook like the other teachers do. They're no better than tape recorders. I assume you can all read, so read by yourselves. It's the teacher's job to explain what you still can't understand."
That was what she said in our first ever lesson with her. I remember being impressed; it certainly sounded like an effective way of teaching.
But, of course, not every student was as well-prepared as me.
There was one boy—a serious, glasses-wearing student—who claimed he forgot to read the textbook before coming to class, for example.
He was clearly just trying to make a point.
He was one of the brightest in the class, and I was pretty sure he'd never missed an assignment in his life. He didn't forget. He purposely didn't do the reading. It was obvious just what kind of stunt he was trying to pull.
"I was just hoping you might be able to teach us properly, instead of using these unorthodox methods."
It was mutiny!
Sumire watched him carefully for a time before letting out a small sigh. "A pity. You'll have to read it later."
His mutiny attempt was completely ignored.
"I-I just think it's weird not to go through the material in class. In fact,
I've never met a teacher who 'teaches' like this."
"That doesn't surprise me. I base my teaching on different values from
most teachers."
"B-But that's just reckless!" he protested. "It's like you don't even want to be here!"
"I'm reckless? What about failing to review the material before class, like I asked you to?"
The student had no comeback for her whatsoever. Sumire took this as her cue to continue.
"If you wish to require hand-holding your entire lives and end up living in poverty, go right ahead. However, I am not prepared to take responsibility for your actions. I shall teach and lead my students to success in my own way. That is the only responsibility I have."
The student could do nothing but grumble.
"Making good on your word. Self-discipline. Reporting mistakes to your superiors immediately. These are all qualities you will need in the real world. If you don't learn this now, your future will be very bleak indeed."
"N-Ngh..."
"Remember that if you have any hopes of making it in life. Now sit down."
"Y-Yes, ma'am..."
The student shriveled back into his chair. There was no gleam of confidence in the eyes behind those glasses now. Meanwhile, Sumire was as eloquent as ever. She didn't pull her punches when it came to backing up her arguments.
"Okay. Next question."
The tension in the room stayed high throughout the lesson. The single hour seemed to stretch on for two, perhaps even three, until the bell finally set us free.
"Time's up. Read up to page 135 for next time. Goodbye."
Just like that, the frozen air in the room began to melt.
Sumire packed up the materials in front of her and made for the door. But
just before she opened it, she turned and looked in my direction. There was a ripple of surprise through the room as students turned to look at me. I could feel thirty-nine pairs of curious eyes burning into my skin.
I was starting to get used to this sort of thing.
"Ooboshi-kun. Come see me in the counseling office at lunch." "Why?" I asked.
"To discuss the assignment, of course," she explained in a low voice, while at the same time staring daggers at me.
"Ah. Of course."
"Don't be late."
With a few more loud clacks of her high heels, she was gone. The class
remained silent until the sound of her footsteps had faded completely.
"You gonna be okay, Ooboshi?"
"Huh? Why?"
It was Takahashi who had spoken, a student I didn't really talk much to. In
fact, his name might not have been Takahashi at all. Though he sat away from most of the popular kids, he was still one of them.
"She wants to see you in the counseling office all by yourself. You musta done something huge!"
I just wished people would leave me alone, though I guess I couldn't blame him for being curious.
The counseling room was famous for being the most dangerous part of Sumire's territory. Students who were failing or were repeatedly late were called there for "re-education." It was impossible to look into the room from the outside, so what actually happened during these sessions couldn't be verified. Although, I did hear rumors of one guy who went in with a mohawk and covered in piercings, but came out with a shaved head and round, teary eyes.
Not only was it said that she kept all sorts of "training" equipment in there, but the room was totally soundproof and blocked any sort of internet signal. I wouldn't be surprised if she had it arranged that she could claim extraterritorial rights in response to any accusations that arose.
It was no wonder that the Venomous Queen herself summoning me there caused a stir. But it wasn't nearly as big a deal to me personally.
"Yeah... she's probably set up the guillotine, ready to take my head," I replied casually.
"How come you're not freaking out?"
"Because it'll take more than that to kill me," I said, standing up from my seat.
"You sure it's gonna be okay?" Ozu asked from behind me.
"Et tu, Ozu? Don't worry, I won't be long."
"I-If you say so." He gave me a poorly-concealed anxious smile and
waved a trembling hand at me.
Meanwhile, I prepared myself for war.
I couldn't wait for the Venomous Queen to show me what she had.
***
"Pardon me."
I gave the standard three knocks along with a polite greeting. I then waited for the smooth voice from inside to give me permission to enter before opening the door.
The first thing I noticed upon entering was the brass bull statue: an actual brazen bull. I would just love to be tortured by that thing. Kappa. The brazen bull was one of the cruelest torture devices throughout history. If the PTA caught wind of this, the school would have a super hard time trying to explain themselves.
That wasn't the only torture device looming in the room. Not only that, but the lights were off, making everything gloomy aside from the old-fashioned candle and its flickering flame.
Kageishi Sumire stood at the end of the room as though nothing was wrong, right in front of the defendant's chair.
"You're early. You must be looking forward to the execution," she said. "I don't like to waste time, no matter how little."
I ignored Sumire's chuckle as I walked by, then sat down in the chair. The
next moment, a bloodcurdling crack pierced through the air as she slammed her heel on the ground.
"I'm so sorry, Akiteru-sama!"
She was on her hands and knees, slamming her head down so hard that it was denting the floor. If you looked up the word "apology" in any Japanese dictionary, you'd probably see a picture matching this scene exactly.
"It appears you understand the weight of your crime, Murasaki Shikibu- sensei."
"Y-Your eyes are... so cold!"
"Of course. I was so looking forward to your execution that I came as soon as I could."
"B-B-But I've been so busy with the tests, that I haven't had time to do the illustrations!"
"Busy, huh? Why have I heard you've been watching 'My Honey' live, then?"
"I-I'm allowed to have hobbies!"
"I wonder if you'll be able to meet your deadlines if I smash up your TV satellite."
"Wh-What?! No! Please! I need anime to live!"
"You're right. I wouldn't go that far... I wonder what the rest of the class would think if they saw you like this."
Kageishi Sumire. Also known by her pen name: Murasaki Shikibu-sensei.
The Venomous Queen, who preached to her students about how important it was to succeed in society, was also an illustrator who had never managed to keep to a deadline in her entire life.
This would probably be a good time to mention that all these torture devices were actually detailed replicas which she used as references for her drawings. They were here so that she could draw at work; without the school knowing, of course.
"'If you pigs don't know how to read a clock, then I suggest you pack your bags and get out of here immediately.' Remember that?"
"Hngh..."
"'Every human starts as a worthless pig. Once you learn how to dance to society's tune, you become a monkey. You lot are still far off from becoming full-fledged humans.'"
"Hnghngh..."
"'Making good on your word. Self-discipline. Reporting mistakes to your superiors immediately. If you don't learn this now, your future will be very bleak indeed.'"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Th-That's all just an act! I'm just messing around! I-I don't do it because I crave power or anything, I swear!" the Venomous Queen wailed with tears streaming down her cheeks and mucus dripping from her nose.
I was literally so close to taking a picture and sending it to the class group chat.
The group chat that I wasn't part of...
She should count her lucky stars that I didn't have any friends.
"You talk pretty big in front of the class, don't you?"
"I'm a teacher!" she protested. "It's my job to be strict! I don't want all
the jocks and delinquents to realize they can push me around! My authority would shatter!"
"What makes you think that? Our class is pretty chill, you know."
"It happens in practically every manga with a teacher protagonist!" "Right, in manga, maybe..."
Those manga required insane classes to make the plot interesting. Though
I doubt explaining this to her would work, seeing as she seemed to believe that manga was a quality source of information in the first place.
"And to think I actually like your style of teaching..."
I didn't see the point in teachers who simply copied the textbook's contents to the board. It was a much better use of time to have the students read up ahead of class. After that, you could pick the teacher's brains for anything you needed, rather than having them repeat the information that was already available to you. It was much more efficient.
I just hoped that me admitting to liking it wasn't going to come back and bite me in the ass one day.
"Anyway," I continued, "how many of the drawings have you done? I want a progress report."
"Oh, um. Well..." Sumire pulled out a tablet PC and shot me her sweetest smile. "I've done this much!"
The screen was blank.
"That's it. Get in the bull."
"Noooooo! Not the bull!"
"You've done nothing! You've got nothing but rough sketches right now!
How did you think this would fly?!"
"It's not my faaaaaault!" she whined. "I just have a case of artist's block!" "In that case you need to tell us! Not wait until it's too late!"
"But I can't just tell you that I'm struggling! It'll ruin my good image!" "You don't even have a good image to ruin!"
"Owie! Owie! Ow! I'm sorry! Please stop! Not my pressure points!
Aaaah! Aaah! I'm gonna breeeaaak!"
I stuck my fingers right where she was most sensitive. Sumire screamed
and gasped before collapsing to the floor. Her hips twitched while she supported herself on all fours. Meanwhile, the expression on her face didn't lose to any hentai heroine.
By the way, you know those pressure points right on your shoulders?
That's where I was pushing. It worked better than I expected. In my quest for keeping my body working as efficiently as possible, I was already well- versed in all the human pressure points.
"I don't think anybody'd believe this is what you're really like." "U-Ugh... D-Don't tell... them..."
"I guess I should've known from the moment we met..."
I looked down at the teacher on the floor below me, and began a trip
down memory lane.
***
It all started during summer vacation last year.
On that day, the weather forecast announced that Japan was officially experiencing the worst heat wave in years.
I could well believe it as I grumbled from the heat and took my seat on the train to get to Tokyo Big Sight. I was on my way to Comiket, an event which boasted a long history and was overflowing with all kinds of talent.
My goal was to hunt for illustrators there. Ozu and I had refined the basic setting of our game, and we were now searching for people who could help flesh it out with scenarios and illustrations.
Well, I knew I was probably biting off more than I could chew. I was still a high-school student, after all. What sort of professional, or even semi- professional, would trust me?
I raced around from booth to booth anyway, handing out my card to anybody who looked good, even though it was obvious they thought I was just messing around or something from the looks I got.
The first two days were a bust, but that didn't put me off trying for the third. After seventy-eight quasi-polite rejections, I finally met her.
It was at a booth selling doujinshi based on popular shounen shows. The covers of the books depicted young boys being toyed with by voluptuous women. Red-blooded male as I was, I felt a shock seeing those young boys in such provocative situations. But despite my aversion to the materials, I could already sense it, just by seeing these realistic-looking young boys with their older partners.
These guys had talent.
I searched up the name of the group and the illustrator there and then, but
all I got back was their group webpage, and there was nothing to suggest that their work was being used or sold in any official capacity.
In other words, the goods on the stall were all they had. They had no contracts with official retailers or companies and were a solely independent group. My heart began to pound excitedly.
To think that a group this talented hadn't been picked up by anyone yet! This convention really was teeming with skilled artists.
"Excuse me. Is the artist for these comics here?" I hurriedly asked the sales girl.
I wasn't sure if she was a cosplayer they'd hired, or just a friend of theirs. She glanced behind her nervously.
"U-Um, there's someone... someone who wants to see you..." she called out timidly.
"A publisher?" The woman turned around. "I'm flattered, however..." The moment she saw my face, she froze. I froze.
Who would've thought that the most feared math teacher in our school
would be drawing erotic comics featuring middle-school boys and older women (who, for all I knew now, could be their teachers)?
***
"Of course you didn't have any professional experience; as a teacher, you're not allowed to have a side job. To be honest, it's already kinda sketchy that you're making money off doujinshi in the first place."
"W-Well, I can't give them away for free! The doujinshi market would crash! It's important to have respect for others in the trade, you know, especially at an event like that!"
"At least that part of your personality is admirable."
It showed a lot of confidence, too. Confidence that her work was too good to just give away for free. Incidentally, I agreed with her there.
The quality of "Murasaki Shikibu-sensei's" shota erotica was unbelievably high. It was the kind of work I'd expect to see on the cover of an adult manga magazine. I just couldn't get my head around why such a talented illustrator was working such a wholesome job as "high-school math teacher."
"I still feel really lucky to have met you there. I managed to get myself a
super-talented artist from it, after all. And if you refused, I could simply show everyone your work."
"Ugh... What kind of despicable student blackmails their own teacher?"
"You were the one taking such a huge risk in the first place, although I'd have to commend you for not going forward and signing up with any publishers. If anyone finds out what sort of stuff you're into, you're finished."
By day, she was a math teacher.
By night, she drew shota porn.
What was worse, was that most of the stories in those comics involved
female teachers seducing their innocent students. The boys ranged from elementary to high-school students, but that didn't make things any better.
"And to top it all off, it turned out that you lived on the same floor of my apartment building!"
"It's a curse!" she wailed. "First I have to deal with you at school, and now you're even sticking your nose into my home life!"
Our group's name, 05th Floor Alliance, came from the fact that most of our members lived on the same floor in the same apartment building, by complete chance. Only the lead scenario writer, Makigai Namako-sensei, lived pretty far away. There was actually a free apartment on the floor, and I'd thought about asking him to move there, but in the end I decided it was probably a little much. As a professional, he was already doing us a big enough favor by writing the story for us.
I've also heard that isolation is good for the creative process. Him living so far away was probably what was getting us such great and original work fromhim.
So anyway, that was the reasoning behind the name of our group. Just in case you were curious at all.
"All right. Let's get back to the matter at hand here." I folded one leg over the other as I sat in my chair, looking down at Sumire who was kneeling before me on the floor. "You know what to do if you don't want your little secret getting out, don't you?"
"I-I'll... I'll draw," she said hoarsely, pressing her forehead into the floor again before lifting it up almost immediately. "I swear the whole artist's block thing is true, though! I promise I'll give you your drawings, if you help me snap out of it!"
"I guess that's part of my job too. All right. I'll do anything I need to, if it
means you'll get those illustrations done." "Anything?"
"Anything within my power. Except extending your deadline, of course."
"I wouldn't ask something so outrageous. But there is something you could do for me... right now." Sumire's lips curled into a seductive smile. "Drop those pants, and show me the goods."
Silence. And then...
"Hello? Police?"
"Nooooooooo! Not the police! I'll be fired! Please! Come on! I need this
paycheck!"
"Shut up, you perv! You can't complain about me calling the police on
you after what you just said!"
"I didn't mean it like that! I don't usually draw older men, you know? I
can draw young boys fine, but if you really want me to make these drawings, I need some kind of reference!"
It was hard to believe that she was supposed to be the adult here with all that whining. Also, her excuse was sus as hell.
"It's not like I'm asking you to draw any nudity, though! Why would you need to see my 'goods'?!"
"It's called anatomy! I need a naked reference to work out what a character will look like with clothes on!"
"Sure, that much makes sense..."
"I know there are people who don't need references for that sort of thing, but I'm not one of them! Cutting corners will only lead to a drop in quality, and I'm not prepared to risk it." Her tone of voice was suddenly much more serious than it was before.
Despite her strange set of interests, I knew she genuinely wanted her work to be the best it could be, and I wanted to respect that.
"That explains about 95% of the reasoning behind your request. Where's the other 5% coming from?"
"I was just thinking that I might never get the chance to lay my eyes on a high-schooler's meat ever again..."
"Nine... one... one—"
"I'm joking! It was a joke! Look, I'm laughing! Ha ha ha!"
"Jokes are supposed to be funny!" Maybe the string of sleepless nights
was really starting to get to her head. That might also be why her treatment of
our class had been particularly harsh lately.
"Just get some sleep for now, all right?" I sighed.
"I'll sleep. Just don't do anything to me, okay? I'm not really into anyone
over the age of fifteen."
"I wasn't planning to do anything." Even though she was my teacher and I
wouldn't want to anyway, the rejection was still painful in its own right. "Just get some sleep so you can get back the little sanity you had. I'm guessing you haven't slept much because of this whole artist's block thing you've got going on."
"Stop trying to be all nice. It's weird."
"Quit trying to start a fight, then!"
"I wasn't! I was just saying! It's not my fault!"
"Your words are your responsibility!"
"It's just weird how it's like you know about my whole sleeping thing and
I didn't even tell you."
"I've talked to you almost every day for a year. I know what you're like." "Even then... but you're right, I haven't slept in days." Sumire put her
head in her hands and sighed.
When melancholy struck, she actually looked quite attractive. Maybe it'd
be better for her if she stayed depressed her whole life.
"Just sleep," I repeated. "Sleep, get some sugar into your system, do some
jumping jacks, and then get drawing. You can have twelve extra hours on your deadline."
"Thanks..."
"See you later."
I didn't want to stick around. The longer I spent here, the worse the
rumors would be.
I got up from the defendant's chair (although by now I should probably be
calling it a "throne"), waved a hand, and got ready to leave my perverted math teacher behind.
"Wait. There's something else," she called out from behind me. "Something else? Something else you need to apologize for?" I asked. "No! Why do you always have to assume the worst?!"
"Experience. Now what is it?"
"It's about Tsukinomori Mashiro-chan."
"Oh?"
"Bear in mind that I'm saying this as your teacher, and not Murasaki Shikibu-sensei. I've heard that the two of you are dating."
"We're not."
"Hm. Didn't think so."
Apparently, she didn't think I was capable of getting myself a girlfriend.
Why was everyone in the 05th Floor Alliance so cruel?
"It was a condition put to me by her dad," I said. "A condition so we can
get what we want."
"That makes sense." Sumire gave a nod. Then, she bowed her head, a
little more sincerely this time. "I know you're doing this for us... so thank you."
"Don't worry about it. I'd never leave you guys behind. It basically guarantees us a job at Honeyplace Works. You're already a teacher, so you've got yours hands tied. It only makes sense that I should do what you can't."
"That's true."
"I hate waste of any kind, but especially wasted talent. I swear I'll get you out of the job you hate so much. And I'll do whatever it takes."
Sumire looked down at the floor. I got the sense she wanted to say more, but she kept quiet. I wasn't about to push her, either, and decided to pretend not to notice.
"We were given strict instructions on how to treat her," Sumire said. "To make sure she sat next to you, to keep her away from any problem students, things like that. But there was also something else."
"They told you she used to be a shut-in before she transferred, right?" "Oh, so you knew. Do you know why?"
"I didn't ask. I didn't think it was any of my business."
"I feel that you need to know." Sumire brought her face closer to mine and
lowered her voice. "She was bullied."
I knew it.
There were many reasons why people decided to shut themselves off from the outside world in general, but not many that would apply to Mashiro.
Bullying was the first conclusion my mind had jumped to.
"She was keeping a secret from her class, but it got out," Sumire continued, "and that was what led to the bullying."
"A secret?"
"Even the people in charge of her transfer don't know what it was." "Right. I guess I wouldn't tell them either, if I was her dad."
I was beginning to understand just what my uncle's aim in all of this was.
He wanted Mashiro to have at least one ally within the class. Even better if that ally was a boy like me, who could step in to defend her. This way, the risk of her being singled out and bullied was much lower.
"That's why, as your teacher, I want to ask you to look out for her, too. It would be nice if she could have at least some good memories of her school days."
"I understand. I'll look out for her."
"Thank you. Sometimes it's good that you like to stick your nose in other people's business."
"Sometimes it's good when you decide to be quiet."
"Don't get me wrong; that was a compliment. Both Ozuma-kun and I have a lot to thank you for, you know."
"I'm gonna head out. Otherwise I won't have time for lunch."
"One day maybe you'll learn to take praise."
Sumire let out a small giggle, which followed me all the way until I
reached the door.
I really shouldn't be so soft on her.
I looked over my shoulder, deciding to leave her with a parting gift to set things straight.
"Praise me all you like; it won't get you any more extensions. Okay?" Sumire responded with an ugly, dissatisfied grunt.
Looks like I saw right through her.
***
"She sure can be strict," Ozu remarked over the phone, "but Sumire- sensei really does care about us students. Even if she's a hardass in class, the stuff she says actually makes sense if you listen. She even understands when I go on about my programming stuff, you know? She's definitely intelligent."
"If you love her so much, why don'tcha marry her? Then you can do me a favor and get her to actually stick to the deadlines."
"I don't like her that much. And I think anybody'd have a hard time tryin'
to whip her into shape. Except you, maybe."
"I'm a high schooler just like you, y'know? I don't think I can do much
about it either."
"Sure, you're just an ordinary high schooler!" Ozu let out a laugh. "Quit laughin' at me!"