MO XI BLINKED. "I don't need anything," he said slowly.
"If you don't like steamed buns…there's meat too." Gu Mang replied. "I'll split that with you too."
Mo Xi turned his face to hide his stinging eyes. "I just ate. All of this is for you."
Only then did Gu Mang resume his chewing, appeased.
After he finished, the two descended the mountain together. The path was steep and long; Gu Mang didn't like to rely on others, so he stumbled and limped in front, while Mo Xi followed, wordlessly watching his figure from behind.
This view was so familiar. Many years ago, there had been a young general who doggedly led his brothers over hill and dale, blazing a trail through the thorny wilderness. He wasn't particularly tall or imposing, and he had no time to fuss over his appearance, so he was often grimy, and sometimes hunched and ragged. He was like a mayfly trying to topple a tree, whom anyone could crush with their pinky. But this mayfly would always struggle back up after being struck, tenacious and indefatigable. He would never be defeated.
He had once been the army's invincible god of war. He had given countless people faith that they would be victorious, and hope that they would return safely home.
Mo Xi had thought it was for this reason that he yearned to see Gu Mang repent and apologize for his wrongdoings. But when he saw Gu Mang kneeling before each grave in that forest of tombs, kowtowing to the heavens for his crimes, Mo Xi's pain only deepened. The sight of Gu Mang with his spine bent, his spirit broken—this wasn't pleasing at all. Very few enjoyed seeing the strong made fragile, let alone a person who had been your guiding light.
As Mo Xi's thoughts wandered, Gu Mang stopped and turned to look at him. "What is it?" Mo Xi asked.
Gu Mang pointed at the three-way fork in the road, "I don't remember which way to go. Is it left?"
Mo Xi glanced to the left, where the trees had fallen and left a patch of bare ground. The path was blocked off with military-issue chains, and two elite guards from the imperial palace kept watch. A barrier shone behind them, obscuring everything beyond from view.
"That's the forbidden area of Warrior Soul Mountain—no one is allowed in," said Mo Xi. "Go to the right."
Gu Mang looked thoughtfully toward that mysterious restricted area, his eyes slowly growing unfocused. An expression of sorrow washed over his face, as though he had remembered something.
"What's the matter?" Mo Xi asked.
It was precisely sunset. Before Gu Mang could answer, the bleak peal of bells rose from behind the distant city walls, echoing between the heavens and the earth. The wind picked up in the mountain forest, gusting from the depths of the forbidden area and over the meandering mountain path. Leaves rustled on the trees, and birds flitted to and fro. In the cool breeze, Gu Mang slowly closed his eyes.
"I don't know," he said. "But I think I've dreamed of this place before…"
This strange, offhand comment could not be true. When the emperor sealed this area, Gu Mang had already defected. He couldn't possibly have been there before.
"No one can go in there," Mo Xi said. "There are guards keeping watch at all hours. How could you have come here?"
Gu Mang's lips parted, but he didn't know what to say. He could only hum in agreement and walk away, even as he cast longing looks over his shoulder.
Many days of kneeling had left Gu Mang exhausted and half-starved. When they returned to the manor, Gu Mang ate and bathed, then burrowed into his den to drop off to sleep. He made no more mention of the restricted area.
Gu Mang slept soundly all night and well into the next day. When he woke at last, he saw Mo Xi standing in Osmanthus Hall in black and gold robes, his hands behind his back. Upon hearing movement behind him, Mo Xi turned around and tossed Gu Mang a scroll. "Catch."
"What's this?"
"Introduction to Magic and History of Chonghua combined," replied Mo Xi. "Yesterday, I spoke to His Imperial Majesty about your desire to turn over a new leaf. He told me to give you these books."
Gu Mang had been noisily flipping through the scroll. At this, he looked up, eyes shining. "He's agreed to let me start over?"
Mo Xi shot him a strange look before responding. "Let me remind you—I've warned you already that there's no chance His Imperial Majesty will retract your execution order, regardless of what you do to make amends. You cannot change the final outcome, no matter what."
The flowers in the courtyard cast gentle shadows within the hall, but these words were cruel. Mo Xi said: "You will still be used for black magic experiments, and once you lose your value, you will die." He paused. "Do you understand?"
"I do."
Mo Xi closed his eyes. "Think it over carefully and make up your mind before you answer."
"I've knelt for four days; my mind is made up." Gu Mang's bearing was serene, so much so that it reminded Mo Xi of the man from days past, the one who could hold the sky aloft on his shoulders if ever it should fall. "I know His Imperial Majesty only wants me to learn what's in these books so he can continue to use me. Instead of getting a free lunch, it's better if I work for my food. I understand."
"Not only that," Mo Xi said. "The reason he wants me to teach you these subjects is because he holds out hope that you will remember something useful."
"What's wrong with that?" Gu Mang asked. "I too want to know what happened to me in the past. I want to know whether what you all say is true."
Mo Xi's hands clenched into fists, nails sinking deep into the flesh of his palm. "I've explained everything. If you choose this path, don't blame Chonghua for its ruthlessness on the day of your execution. You'd better not be bitter about it."
"Of course I'll be bitter; but you'll die someday, and so will I." Gu Mang caressed the bamboo scroll as if laying a hand on his own future. His thought process was almost bestial in its simplicity. "But if I can do better for some little while before then, I might as well."
He looked up, limpid eyes staring squarely at Mo Xi. "Otherwise, why shouldn't I just die tomorrow? It would be better than spending my days in pain."
Mo Xi found himself at a loss for words. It seemed he always arrived here, whether he was talking to the shameless General Gu or this thoughtless Gu Mang. He silently stared at Gu Mang for a while. "From now on, come to my study every day after sunset, at the hour of xu. I will do my best to teach you." Hugging the scrolls to this chest, Gu Mang nodded.
Thus Mo Xi began to teach Gu Mang a few beginners' spells that didn't require much spiritual energy, as well as pieces of Chonghua's history. Gu Mang had used to know all these things. According to Jiang Fuli, learning them a second time might help Gu Mang recall the memories he was missing. And indeed, it turned out to be quite an effective method.
Day after day passed like this, and the end of spring arrived before they knew it. Gu Mang recalled memory after memory from the past, but perhaps Jiang Fuli's calming medicine was too potent—all he regained were light and unimportant fragments. Most were related to his studies at the cultivation academy.
These memories weren't very useful; perhaps their greatest utility was in letting Gu Mang recover a shadow of his old self, such that he was no longer quite so brainless. Sometimes he swaggered about like General Gu, but other times, he crouched silently in a corner like a wolf. At some times his speech was clever and sparkling with wit, but at others, he stumbled over every word, halting and incoherent.
Much to Mo Xi's vexation, as fragments of Gu Mang's memories returned, he began to inadvertently repeat things he used to say. For example, he would often speak with an absurdly arrogant cant and nearly get his legs broken by Li Wei. Or he'd call Mo Xi "Mo-shidi" and nearly get his legs broken by Mo Xi. Gu Mang had yet to find a balance between his instincts and the rules, and often found himself in situations where he'd have to swallow the latter half of a sentence after starting it. Once, for example, he thought to help Li Wei sweep the courtyard. With a sudden flash of inspiration, he waved his hands and pushed up his sleeves as he strode up to Li Wei and called out, "C'mere, lemme—"
Before he could finish his statement, he met Housekeeper Li's quizzical look and was quickly startled out of General Gu's shadow. He shook his head and carefully stuttered: "Sweeping…h-help you."
As time went on, Gu Mang found he hardly knew how to speak anymore. He often stood in the courtyard with his mouth open, staring vacantly into space. When others called for him unexpectedly, the expression on his face seemed caught between Gu Mang and General Gu, flickering back and forth. He had no idea how he was supposed to act, or what to say to avoid annoying those around him, so when confronted by others, he was wont to simply purse his lips, reduced to long spells of plaintive silence.
Housekeeper Li was compelled to pronounce candidly, "If you ignore the fact he's a felon, that look of his is pretty cute and pitiful."
Mo Xi's sole response was a cold snort.
Nevertheless, whenever he wasn't at court and didn't have other matters on his plate, Mo Xi stayed in the manor and taught Gu Mang to read. As in his youth, Gu Mang liked to scribble in cursive but disliked writing in formal script; he liked Introduction to Magic but disliked History of Chonghua.
On one particular day, however, Mo Xi returned to the manor to find Gu Mang sitting by the Taihu stones near the pond's rippling waters. He was eating an apple and engrossed in reading History of Chonghua. The sight was so unexpected that Mo Xi couldn't help but walk up behind Gu Mang and lean in to see what he was poring over. "What is it? Is this part particularly interesting?"
His voice was low, slow, and deeply charismatic, and his lips were a hair's breadth from Gu Mang's ear. The heat of his breath made Gu Mang jump and whip around to stare, a piece of apple still held between glossy lips. The two were so close Gu Mang's lips nearly brushed Mo Xi's cheek. Although Gu Mang hardly noticed, Mo Xi's ears instinctively reddened, and he abruptly straightened up. At length, he said stiffly, "Don't turn around so quickly in the future."
Gu Mang swallowed his bite of apple with an audible gulp and licked his lips. "You're the one who snuck up behind me and spoke in my ear. How is it my fault?"
Mo Xi had no retort. The wolflike and witless Gu Mang from several months ago would have never said anything of the kind. But his expression right now held some of the former Gu-shixiong's unreasonable manner. Still, Mo Xi knew that he was the one being unreasonable in this situation. "Any more backtalk and you'll be coming to the study tonight to copy Legends of Divine Catastrophe."
Gu Mang opened his mouth. The haughty spirit of the war god Gu Mang itched to make a snappy comeback, but in the end, the shell of the traitor Gu Mang deflated. Pliant obedience once more filled those blue eyes.
Mo Xi couldn't tell which state displeased him more. And he had no desire to continue this frustrating comparison. He lifted his chin and prodded the bamboo scroll in Gu Mang's hand. "Why are you still on this part?"
"Oh…"
Virtue, Mind, and Wisdom were the titles of the three gentlemen of Chonghua. This particular chapter told of the best of them—Wisdom. In the past century, the titles of Virtue and Mind had been passed down to younger generations; Wisdom alone had found no worthy successor.
Gu Mang pointed at the small painting of the Wise Gentleman. "This person looks familiar."