Chapter 89: TIE DAO KU VS BAI NING BING
Fang Yuan sat in his PRIVATE TWITCH CHAT BOX (thanks to his PURPLE THORN TOKEN RIZZ), watching the auction like it was a GACHA PULL.
AUCTION ARC (DEMONIC STONKS)
HOST GU MASTER (HYPEMAN MODE):
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! FROST BREATH GU! RANK 3, CHILLS YOUR OPPONENTS LIKE A GHOSTED DM! STARTING BID: 23K PRIMEVAL STONES!"
TWITCH CHAT REACTS:
💀 "BRO'S SELLING RIZZ-BE-GONE GU?!"
🍿 "FANG YUAN'S JUST SIPPING TEA LIKE A SIGMA."
🐍 "30K FOR A COLD SNAP? OVERPRICED!"
Fang Yuan YAWNED as frost breath Gu sold for 38K.
Next up—FLAME HEART GU (LITERALLY A MINI VOLCANO FOR YOUR CHEST).
BIDDER #1 (NO CHILL): "35K!"
BIDDER #2 (COPING): "36K!"
BIDDER #3 (MALDING): "40K!!"
Fang Yuan SMIRKED (DEMONIC STONKS ACTIVATED):
"PEASANTS."
GRASS TREE ARMY GU (OP PLS NERF)
HOST GU MASTER (SCREAMING):
"RANK 4 GRASS TREE ARMY GU—TURNS EVERY PLANT INTO A MEAT GRINDER! STARTING BID: 250K!"
TWITCH CHAT LOST IT:
💀 "BRO'S SELLING A LAWNMOWER FROM HELL?!"
🍿 "FANG YUAN'S EYES GLOWING LIKE DEMONIC STONKS."
🐍 "THIS GU'S MORE EXPENSIVE THAN A GYATT IN SHI ZI RESTAURANT!"
Fang Yuan IGNORED IT. He had BIGGER PLANS.
INSTANT SUCCESS GU (PAY-TO-WIN EDITION)
Fang Yuan DROPPED THE BAG:
"180K. SOLD."
TWITCH CHAT MALDED:
💀 "BRO JUST SPEEDRAN HIS BID!"
🍿 "FANG YUAN'S WALLET HAS MORE RIZZ THAN TIE DAO KU."
🐍 "INSTANT SUCCESS GU = LIFESPAN DLC."
TIE DAO KU'S NPC ARC (HUMILIATION MAXIMUM)
Meanwhile, at SHI ZI RESTAURANT…
TIE DAO KU (WORKING OFF DEBT LIKE A NPC):
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GUARDING A GYATT PARADISE INSTEAD OF HUNTING FANG YUAN—"
FANG YUAN (CASUALLY WALKING PAST):
"OH? TIE DAO KU? WORKING HARD OR HARDLY WORKING?"
TIE DAO KU (INTERNALLY SCREAMING):
"FANG YUAN!!!" (EXTERNALLY: "...welcome to Shi Zi Restaurant, sir.")
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO GOT FOLDED INTO A WAITER!"
🍿 "TIE DAO KU'S RIZZLESS ERA CONTINUES."
🐍 "FANG YUAN'S GASLIGHTING IS IMMACULATE."
BAI CLAN'S MALDING HOURS (COPIUM OVERDOSE)
BAI FENG (CRYING INTERNALLY):
"WE HAVE TO PAWN OUR GUS TO PAY FANG YUAN?!"
BAI ZHAN LIE (FULL MALD):
"I'LL KILL HIM—"
BAI LIAN (REALITY CHECK):
"NO. HE'LL LEAK OUR SPIRIT SPRING SECRET."
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BAI CLAN JUST GOT TAXED BY FANG YUAN!"
🍿 "BRO TURNED WAR CRIMES INTO STONKS."
🐍 "FANG YUAN'S DEMONIC RIZZ IS UNMATCHED."
FANG YUAN'S PAIN TRAIN (GYM ARC BUT WORSE)
Fang Yuan sat in his SECRET GRIND ROOM, activating:
YIN CLOUD GU (emo phase)
YANG CLOUD GU (sigma grindset)
LIGHTNING CRACKLED (DEMONIC BGM PLAYING) as Fang Yuan YEETED his old BOAR STRENGTH PHANTOM like a SKILL ISSUE.
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S RESPEC'ING HIS STATS?!"
🍿 "FANG YUAN'S BUILD OPTIMIZATION IS PEAK."
🐍 "LIGHTNING FOLDING THAT BOAR LIKE A LAWN CHAIR!"
INSTANT SUCCESS GU (SPEEDRUN ANY%)
Fang Yuan INJECTED PRIMEVAL ESSENCE like it was GAMER JUICE.
INSTANT SUCCESS GU ACTIVATED (RAINBOW LIGHTSHOW):
BOAR PHANTOM? DELETED.
HORSE STRENGTH? ACQUIRED.
BULL STRENGTH? ACQUIRED.
TURTLE STRENGTH? HALF ACQUIRED (LOL).
COST? 6 MONTHS OF LIFESPAN.
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S SPEEDRUNNING PAIN!"
🍿 "FANG YUAN'S PAIN TOLERANCE IS DEMONIC."
🐍 "HALF-TURTLE STRENGTH = MEME BUILD."
BATTLE STAGE ARC (30-0 FLEX)
FANG YUAN (CASUALLY WALKING IN):
"WHO'S NEXT?"
OPPONENT (IMMEDIATE MALD):
"I FORFEIT!"
FANG YUAN (UNFAZED):
"EZ."
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S FARMING NOOBS!"
🍿 "FANG YUAN'S WIN STREAK IS CRACKED."
🐍 "TIE DAO KU IN SHAMBLES SOMEWHERE."
TIE DAO KU'S NPC PANIC
TIE DAO KU (SCREAMING):
"FANG YUAN ESCAPED TO FOURTH INNER CITY?!"
BAI NING BING (COLD AS ALWAYS):
"Who are you?"
RIZZLESS REVENGE ARC
Tie Dao Ku SCREAMED LIKE A MALDING NPC:
"YOU— YOU KILLED MY YOUNG MASTER! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! AND YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER ME?!"
Bai Ning Bing (COLD AS ICE):
"Who are you?"
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S CLUELESS EVEN IN BATTLE!"
🍿 "TIE DAO KU'S RIZZLESS RAGE IS PEAK COMEDY."
🐍 "BAI NING BING'S QUEEN OF EXECUTIONS ERA CONTINUES."
BATTLE STAGE (CLOSE RANGE MALDING)
TIE DAO KU (FULL NPC ENERGY):
IRON HAND GU (meaty fists)
HAND BLADE GU (edgy arm swords)
BAI NING BING (SIGMA GRINDSET):
ICE EDGE GU (frosty katana)
CLANG CLANG CLANG—
Tie Dao Ku SPAMMED ATTACKS like a BUTTON-MASHING NOOB, forcing Bai Ning Bing back 100 STEPS.
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S FOLDING HER LIKE A LAWN CHAIR!"
🍿 "BAI NING BING'S ICEBLADE IS CRACKING!"
🐍 "TIE DAO KU'S NPC COMBO IS KINDA SLICK."
BAI NING BING'S GLOW-UP (ICE QUEEN MODE)
Bai Ning Bing ACTIVATED HER ULT:
"FROST BREATH GU!"
WHOOSH— A BLIZZARD hit Tie Dao Ku, slowing him down like a LAGGY SERVER.
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "SHE JUST HIT HIM WITH THE DC!"
🍿 "TIE DAO KU'S MOVEMENT SPEED DEBUFFED TO 0."
🐍 "BAI NING BING'S KITING GAME IS STRONG."
ICE CRYSTAL GU (FINAL BOSS TRANSFORMATION)
Bai Ning Bing's body TURNED INTO DIAMOND ICE, her eyes GLOWING BLUE like a K-DRAMA VILLAINESS.
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S LITERALLY ELSA NOW!"
🍿 "TIE DAO KU'S ABOUT TO LEARN THE HARD WAY."
🐍 "THIS ISN'T A BATTLE, IT'S A EXECUTION."
TIE DAO KU'S MALDING HOURS (SKILL ISSUE)
Tie Dao Ku SWUNG HIS ARMS LIKE WINDMILLS, but Bai Ning Bing PARRIED EVERYTHING.
Then—BAM!
ICE EXPLOSION GU!
Tie Dao Ku's left eye GOT YEETED.
TWITCH CHAT:
💀 "BRO'S BLIND IN ONE EYE NOW!"
🍿 "TIE DAO KU'S FUMBLING LIKE A NOOB."
🐍 "BAI NING BING'S OUTPLAY IS CLEAN."
FINAL SCENE (NPC DEFEAT)
Tie Dao Ku (SCREAMING): "I ADMIT DEFEAT!"
Bai Ning Bing (COLD SIGH): "Pathetic."
HOST GU MASTER (NPC VOICE): "BATTLE OVER! BAI NING BING WINS!"
TWITCH CHAT FINAL REACT:
💀 "TIE DAO KU'S RIZZLESS ERA CONTINUES!"
🍿 "BAI NING BING'S QUEEN OF EXECUTIONS TITLE SECURED."
🐍 "FANG YUAN'S SOMEWHERE SMIRKING LIKE A VILLAIN."