I went so fast that I couldn't even process what I'd done. I was in the hallway, with my back against the wall, next to the living room door.
'Is someone going to come after me?' I thought. I don't think a lie like that would have worked at all. I'm pathetic.
I brought my right hand up to my face, covering half of it, and stood there, waiting.
I tried not to think about it. I tried not to listen to the video. Even with the door closed, something could be heard.
Just thinking about it makes my eyes hesitate between what to see: reality or memory. If even one of them were a mere dream, I'd never be like this.
Breathing slowly, I was able to calm myself and clear my mind of anything unnecessary. I don't know if calm is the right word, since I was still nervous, but I was better than usual.
I decided to wait the rest of the time sitting on a step of the stairs to my left. His house was quite similar to mine; it's smaller, but the layout of the first floor is similar.
I could see the entrance door in front of me.
Wasn't my excuse to go to the bathroom? What am I supposed to be doing here? Should I have told my dad? I could have saved him from seeing something... No, wait, I'm the one who should be worried.
I don't want him to see something like that, he'd just worry more about-
The classroom door opened, interrupting my mental reflection. Otsuki was the one who left the classroom.
At first, she was staring at the bathroom door, but she quickly noticed my presence.
She was looking into my eyes. Just like before, when I'd locked eyes with her, I looked away, staring at the wall.
"...What do you want?" I asked, nervously, but trying to sound as natural as possible.
Before answering, she sighed. She responded with a regretful, and slightly disgruntled, tone.
"…I should have listened to my mother earlier."
After saying that, she began to lower herself to the ground. Without giving me time to think about what she'd said, she knelt before me, both hands in front of her, resting on the ground, her forehead touching it.
"I'm really sorry." His tone was slightly serious, though there was a hint of hesitation beneath that thin layer of formality, mixed with a hint of embarrassment.
"They should never have given me the video, and I…" He spoke slowly, searching for the right words. No matter how long it took him to speak, his words didn't feel light.
"…in the first place, I shouldn't have shared the video with more people. I caused all of this."
She admitted that she was the one who shared the video with the entire class, or at least with someone else.
"And, to tell you the truth, I don't know why I got all worked up in class. I don't know why I believed that in the first place. The rumor came from the video, and when I heard it, I decided to believe it."
His tone turned remorseful and embarrassed. If this was an apology for what happened in class, he shouldn't have said all those things.
"I shouldn't have said anything to you, not in public, not in private. Who in their right mind would think something like that?"
Incredulous that she had ever thought such a thing, Otsuki pressed her head further into the ground, causing her hair to hide what little of her face was visible from the sides.
"In the first year, even in the hallways, you were always seen together, and everyone in class thought she was your girlfriend, until you clarified it, of course."
In a nostalgic tone, she mentioned how little she knew about my sister. Pausing briefly, she lifted her head and looked me in the eyes again.
"Every day, all week, people were imagining what had happened, and no one was on your side. Everyone probably started to feel like everything was going too far."
She tried to look at me steadily, but her vision was shaky. She kept trying to look down or to the side, but she always came back to look at my face.
"But when you didn't respond, everyone started... saying awful things. You doing this to me is nothing compared to what I've done."
The more he spoke, the more his tone became sadder and sadder, with increasing weight. His expression also changed, going from doubtful and disappointed to bitter and sad.
"And now, I've tried to hide it. Instead of sharing the video with the principal, or showing it to my mother myself, I've hidden it from everyone. Everyone except the class. Then, they were the ones who spread the video the most, but it's my fault."
She looked down at the floor, her entire head falling to the ground again, once again apologizing.
"I'm ashamed of all this. You can not forgive me if you don't want to, but… I'm sorry."
As she finished speaking, as she finished saying those sincere words, she began to tremble, even if only slightly. Without warning, she whispered one last sentence.
"...If my father saw what I've done, he would surely…" Along with that weak voice, a small cry could be heard from her throat, followed by a couple of tears falling to the ground.
"…?"
The whole time he was talking, I avoided thinking about anything other than his words.
I felt nervous again when I saw her walk out into the hallway, and I was surprised when she knelt down in front of me. At first, I didn't want to accept that she was apologizing, but I didn't end up cutting her off; I listened to her words.
Though, regardless of my intentions, when she lifted her face to look at me, I could only focus on one thing: I wasn't looking down, much less below her neck.
All I could focus on was that white patch on his nose.
Those voices echoed in my head.
'Why do you accept her apology?' 'Aren't you the one who should be apologizing?' 'Gross.' 'Sexist.' 'She didn't do anything wrong, and yet…' 'I hope she doesn't get a scar.'
'She's crying. She's crying because of you. How does it feel to see someone cry because of something you did?'
'You're no one to comfort her.' 'You don't even know her. She's a stranger to you. She's no one, and yet, she's still more than you.'
"Otsuki…"
"S-sorry, I don't know why I suddenly became like this." She used a calmer tone of voice, although still upset and sad, as she wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, rubbing her eyes with it.
"…You didn't have to apologize." Guiltily, I said everything I could. The words I had to say could never leave my mouth.
"Yes, I did. I did something horrible, and for that, I want to make up for it."
"You don't have to make up for anything." I cut off his kind words with an equally kind tone, the only difference being the weight between them.
"Hey?"
"We've both done something wrong, so we're on equal footing. You don't have to do anything, it's that simple."
"But…"
"If you want to do something, just explain everything to the class. I don't care what they think, but it would be better for me if they didn't talk behind my back."
Leaving the friendly tone behind, I spoke calmly, with a less agitated but still light voice. The words and phrases I spoke were also like that.
I was rejecting her kindness. I didn't want her chasing my tail out of guilt; it wasn't fair.
No matter how sincere your feelings are, we're still strangers, and we'll remain that way after this. You've already apologized; you have nothing more to say to me.
She was on her knees, looking into my face, as she had been throughout the conversation. Her expression was now much more relaxed than before, although it still held a hint of regret and skepticism.
"Then I'll listen to you. Don't worry about my nose either, it's nothing."
Still maintaining her pleasant tone, she let what I'd done go. I wasn't surprised, nor did I reject the idea of being forgiven so easily, but I still didn't accept it.
Otsuki got up from the floor and leaned her back against the wall. We both fell silent. I was staring at the floor when she stood up; I didn't want to look at her anymore. I couldn't stand it.
"Ah." The silence didn't last long, as something clicked in Otsuki's head.
"I should have warned you sooner, but with the apology, I forgot everything. It was my mother who forced me to apologize. She's really pissed off..."
I doubt that all of this was done just for her mother, but if you put it that way, it seems like she was forced to cry...
"Go to your father's, he doesn't look so well." In the blink of an eye, Otsuki's mood plummeted, a dejected vibe spreading across her face and voice.
I was surprised to hear that. Since he's my father, he should be fine. I'm sure it's just him being paranoid.
"…Thank you."
After getting up, I walked over to Otsuki's side and looked into her face as I spoke those words. She didn't respond, but she did nod.
I approached the living room door and entered.