Riku found himself back in that place. He still didn't understand why it was happening in the first place, or why it existed at all. To him, it was nothing more than a nuisance. It was like being robbed of the opportunity to show his worth.
Just like the first time, he was there. Instead of wearing the orange and black tracksuit he had last time, he was wearing his school uniform.
…
Riku stood in front of her. He was going to run away. He wanted to run away.
He , on the other hand, was silent, with an expression that said nothing. He was just staring Riku straight in the eyes.
What do you want now?
Being confronted by him again felt like a punishment.
"Don't you think what you were going to do was stupid?"
A smile spread across his face as he approached Riku. Without even thinking about it, Riku took a step back.
She saw him only as a threat. His silly behavior was annoying. It seemed like a child's imitation. A demeaning imitation. She was ashamed to see someone her own age behave like that.
The simple fact that he had that smile plastered on his face, in such a sarcastic way, was enough to make me not trust him.
It's the only thing I can do
After taking a step forward, correcting his earlier 'mistake' of stepping back, Riku grabbed his shoulder, pulling him out of the way, pushing him to the side.
"How aggressive!"
He continued to maintain his composure, while Riku looked at him out of the corner of his eye.
But, a single blink was all it took for Riku to lose sight of him.
As he continued walking forward, Riku bumped into something just as he blinked.
…?!
He stepped back to see what was happening.
"You should also watch where you're going. If you're distracted by something so small in such a big and empty world, I don't think the problem is the world itself."
Riku looked back to see that he had indeed changed places in an instant.
When speaking, heHe reached out his hand to the spot Riku was staring at. It was empty, just like the rest of the place.
"You can take a pill if you start seeing hallucinations~"
It would be nice if you disappeared if I had one, yeah.
"How bad!"
He kept making exaggerated movements, as if he were crazy.
…What are you going to do then?
Riku had assumed it would be impossible to get such a leech off of him. He was in a hurry, anyway. Although heprevented him, he needed to return.
"It's you who wants to do something."
That 's why I want you to get out of the way!
"Let me get out of the way, let me go…"
He pretended to be rambling about Riku's intentions, but he treated it all as a joke. No one could take anything he said seriously in that tone. Purely sarcastic can't do anything. That's why fake people aren't capable of anything.
"…Do you think that if I let you move forward something will change?"
That's why he broke his clownish composure. He still maintained that air that suggested he was just messing with Riku, but his tone was much more serious, highlighting his unbroken smile, which didn't fit his mood at all.
If you let me go, I can try again.
"Do you think you can change in such a short time?"
I'm not going to change, I'm just going to tell you what happened.
Riku grabbed his shoulder again, trying to push him away again.
"But you can't do it if you don't change."
He removed Riku's hand from him, moving his arm away from the shoulder Riku was holding.
"Do you think you're capable of doing anything in the deplorable state you're in?"
As he pulled Riku's arm away, it began to crack at the slightest contact. A crack formed in both his uniform and the arm itself.
That ?
"I can do so much to you just by touching you? I didn't expect you to be like this. Not even that you were dying. How exaggerated..."
HeHe put his seriousness aside and returned to using his characteristic playful and childish tone.
Riku didn't take his eyes off his arm. No matter how much he touched it, absolutely nothing would happen to it. It wouldn't break anymore, and it didn't hurt anymore. Only whenhe touched it was when it broke.
Just seeing that made him stop trying to move forward.
So…
Riku tried once more to escape with another opening. If the front was the only cover, he could escape to the side, or in this case, to the back.
He tried to turn around as quickly as possible, but…
"If it didn't work before, why try again?"
Fuck...
"Do you want me to surround you from every possible direction? Is that the only way you'll be able to see your powerlessness? Or do they have to break you further?"
He stood before Riku again, both hands clasped behind his back. He didn't need them at that moment.
…Okay, I give up.
Disappointed with such a result, Riku raised his hands to the sky in a vague manner, not raising them beyond the elbow.
"You don't have to raise your hands either, or you might get robbed."
Don't worry, you're doing something much worse.
The conversation had reached a dead end. Nothing else was going to happen. Riku had accepted for the moment that he couldn't contradict her, but he wanted to get out of this place more than anything.
What do you want?
"I wonder what I want…"
I don't want to waste any more time in this shitty place.
"Well, what can I do?"
He sighed. As if about to ramble, he began circling Riku as he spoke.
"If I had to tell you something, I'd say I don't want anything from you. First of all, you're not going to give me anything. Secondly, nothing, that's all you're going to give me. I'm not going to gain anything from this. Is that clear to you now?"
Why don't you let me go then?
" Because then you wouldn't get anywhere. This isn't a flat place. No matter which way you run, you won't get anywhere."
… If you're not going to tell me anything, I'll find my own way out.
"You will find your way out when you have fulfilled your purpose here."
what am I doing here?!
" You're in charge of this whole place, so you know…"
Riku was angry at not understanding anything and not getting any answers. He was too impatient to listen to her rambling. He was frustrated at not being able to get out.
On the other hand, he stopped pacing, and his expression and voice became more neutral and cold. For him, this was no longer a joke.
"If you want to leave, then tell me. What's your reason for leaving here?"
I've already told you, I have to go back...
"Come back for what?"
I have to explain to everyone what happened.
"What happened?"
I have to tell you that you are wrong.
"About what?"
About the video that they showed me.
"What video?"
The one they taught me before I came back here.
"…So, you intend to defend yourself, is that true?"
Yes… No, I just want to clarify the truth.
"You know that if you tell them the truth, you're defending yourself, right?"
What 's that about?
"If you don't understand the purpose of something so clear, let's go for something simpler first…"
Riku didn't understand anything he was saying; he only knew what he was going to do when he left that place. After explaining it to him, he knew that was the only thing he could do.
"How are you going to explain everything to them?"
Why do you ask that? Isn't it clear? Do you think they won't believe me?
"No. Even if it's something that could happen, if your father talked to them, at least one of them, he could fix everything."
That 's why I have to get out of here! I can't let them doubt me any longer...
"How are you going to explain everything to them?"
I just answered you! I'm going to tell them what happened!
"What are you going to use to tell them what happened?"
What ? How do you think I'm going to do it? I just have to talk to them and get everything straight.
"You won't be able to talk to them."
If you're going to spout that nonsense, you'd better let me go already!
"Have you even stopped shaking?"
Huh ?
Riku didn't notice anything strange about his body. He was normal. He wasn't trembling, he wasn't stressed, nothing was wrong with him. The only thing that stood out was the crack in his arm, but even with that, he would be able to speak.
"How are you going to be able to speak if you can't even control what you say?"
But, I don't…
Her statement was enough to slowly unsettle Riku. It was as if she were reminding him of the situation he was in.
"You can't tell them anything if you can't look them in the eye and say it all without hesitation.
"The moment you blink, you'll start crying, you know that better than anyone.
"If you can't look them in the face while you're saying it, how do you expect them to believe you?
"If you can't tell them nicely, how can you think they're going to trust you?
"Inside them, there's a mixture of fear and morbid curiosity. They're dying to know the answer, because they know it would be crazy for what they believe to be true.
"That's why they prefer to believe whatever they want if you don't say anything.
He began to approach Riku little by little, and as soon as he noticed him approaching, Riku began to take steps back. He wasn't trying to escape, but he didn't want him near him.
The closer he got, the more stressed he became, and the more his chest hurt. That's why he kept moving away.
Hehe was getting angrier and angrier
"If you haven't been able to change in 15 years, it's impossible for you to change now!"
N-no, I can still do it. I can show them that I can change.
" Anyway, changing now wouldn't do any good!
"Do you think just moving forward is enough?!"
"Do you think letting go of all the weight is enough!?"
"There's no one going to carry that weight for you! It's something only you can bear! Trying to ignore it will only exhaust you!"
I can change even while carrying that weight. I can tell him. I can calm-
"You're overestimating yourself. You know better than anyone that saying things is very easy, but when you try to do it alone, you'll fail. You can't stand so many people staring at you. You couldn't even handle one!"
T-that's not true, I can do it... I...
"You should have had that attitude long ago! What's the point of being positive now?! Is it self-pity?!"
N-no… II…
"People like you should taste the failure you are never exposed to by never taking risks!"
I can try it now…
"You could do it if you were prepared! If you go about life blindly, it'll only get worse! You should say what you think you're capable of, and not make those false promises!"
"There's no point in having such a positive attitude that won't get you anywhere!"
…
His anger had ceased. Riku could only wallow in his reality. He was trembling. His legs wouldn't respond. He couldn't look at her face either; he was too focused on not crying to do so. Much less could he speak. Everything was against him again.
"…Anyway, that talk is worthless if when the moment of truth comes, all you're going to do is run away.
"You act like you can avoid everything. All you do is put things off. You can't run away. Nothing you do today will be remembered forever, but everyone will remember what happened today long enough to affect you."
…
"You can't erase what's been done; no one decides what's next, and the current situation will always be chaos. Would it be reasonable to say that none of this makes sense if reality has always been this way?"
...I don't…
"It's not their fault they think that way. It's not your fault for wanting to confront them. But they don't have the decency to ask questions, especially considering the drastic ideas they have in their heads, and to top it all off, you're incapable of standing up to them; that's not like you. Where's all that motivation and hope you had at the convention?"
...So what do I do?
"It's your choice. If you can't handle that pressure, you can release it.
"The price to pay to be able to speak would be the humiliation of such an explosion."
"People would forget all the drama of that video, to remember the story of that kid who cried like a baby over something stupid."
...
"What are you going to do, Riku?"
…
They are not wrong… it's me who doesn't understand what's going on.
Hearing that sentence, his smile returned slightly to his face.
"I see you've finally opened your eyes."
… It's… Is this really what I want?
"You know very well that you would hate for that to happen to you, it's normal that you don't want it to happen!"
HeHe raised his arms to the sky, a tone of excitement and satisfaction in his voice. The anger of a moment before was now pure ecstasy.
"But it's a dream that has always seemed so far away!
"This is the bizarre situation you needed."
Punishment…
"Pay for your actions. Pay with your laziness. Didn't you say you deserved to be judged, but that everyone would see it as a tragedy?"
Yes… if I let…
" Now you can find forgiveness in a different way! Now is when you can redeem yourself!"
No… I can't…
"This is what she would want!"
…?
Within that space, Riku lay motionless, focused only on the conflict raging in his mind. He hovered around him, igniting his inner flame.
Every time he turned, he confused Riku more.
With every step he took, he divided Riku further.
Every memory it brought back made Riku more desperate.
The voices slowly returned, all repeating that red-stained phrase. The white surrounding them grew ever more intense, while a noise of the same color invaded their ears.
Only one sentence resonated within Riku, but he was slow to react.
"Since you're the one responsible, you should feel what she felt at the time. That's paying!"
"Rejoice at such a shitty deal, from which you could never get her out!"
The now bright white began to blind Riku, the only thing visible being his mind, besides himself.
"Let the rest of them get the better of you! Let them decide your fate!"
" This is what you deserve!"
Everything seemed to spin. Riku collapsed, trying to stay on his feet by placing his hands on the ground, which felt like it was going to burn his hands from the brightness. The voices grew louder and louder, and they trampled on each other. But his voice would always dominate.
"No one can make up for their mistakes. They are destined to live alongside them, and, if they are smart enough, their presence will remind them what not to do so they don't make them again."
He never stopped shaking. His teeth kept chattering together as his jaw trembled. He couldn't stay seated, he was shaking so hard; his arms couldn't support him. They were about to collapse.
"And you are no exception! Accept your failure and live with it! Accept your punishment and live with it! What can someone fix when they've broken everything?"
The crack in his left arm began to crack further, spreading pain throughout his body. From that moment on, the crack began to hurt, as if someone were squeezing it.
"It's not the rest of us's fault you're so weak! It's all your choice!"
"You're not going to fix anything, so let others enjoy your suffering!"
She doesn't...
Riku started thinking again. He was still trembling. He could barely keep his arms in that position.
"Nothing makes sense anyway, so why not give it one now??"
They don't...
He tried to plant his foot on the ground. It burned. He felt like it would break if he exerted any more force; he thought he couldn't get up. Everyone wanted to see him lying on the ground.
"No one trusted you anyway, it would be better if you at least gave them something good!"
I don't…
The voices were making him dizzy, his arm was killing him, and the weight was crushing him, but still, he tried. He stopped supporting himself with his arms and used his legs to prop himself up. Little by little, he was able to rise, feeling a horrible sensation with every inch he climbed.
"You weren't going to get anything anyway, so now you can do something!"
Don't you dare say that again...
Riku stood with his eyes closed. The light prevented him from opening them. But that wasn't going to stop him. Little by little, he was able to open his eyes. Even though they were watering, he would be able to see what was in front of him.
"You were both going to share the same destiny, you were brothers for a reason!!"
You…
That light that dazzled him slowly faded. It turned black.
" You've always been a fraud, a nobody!"
"Someone just approached you to talk to her! You were just a tool, a device!"
"She should have had friends! She did have some identity! You're just someone who plays along! You're nothing!"
I'm sick of hearing this.
Something started pulling on Riku's cracked arm. It was pulling from behind.
"Surrender for their sake! It's the best you can do! If you only suffer, you'll end up dying sooner than you deserve!"
I can't take this nonsense anymore.
He kept pulling Riku. He had no intention of stopping. His voice was the only one that could be heard. It was making him deaf.
"You're the one who wanted this."
...
Riku turned around quickly, ready to get rid of him. He was tired of listening to him. He wanted to get out of that place, to find a more comfortable solution. Only, the force pulling at his arm wouldn't let him leave. It wouldn't let him leave.
Riku clenched his fist, determined what to do. He was going to hit him. Riku put all the strength he could into his arm. He wasn't going to let him get in his way again.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed.
With all the strength I could, I slammed my fist into Otsuki's face.