The sounds of military engines zoomed past the street as they remained hidden under the cover of a manhole. The streets were lit with streetlights, and the white, bright moon was larger than life in the vast black sky. In Eric's eyes, the stars seemed to almost revolve around the moon. Then his admiration was halted by a loud screeching noise that could be heard across the entire city. Judging by how loud it was, Eric could tell it was coming from the city square. The noise suddenly disappeared and was replaced by a deep voice. Eric looked over at the siblings, only to see a slight glimmer of anger and surprise on their faces.
"Good evening, people of Bentiu. My name is Lual Arok Dengor, President of this beautiful country we call South Sudan, also known as the land of the blacks in the south. I am speaking to you today to inform you of my growing suspicion—a suspicion I hope with all my heart is just fantasy. My people, I fear there is an uprising growing and gathering to tear us down. They have their eyes set on our country's growing riches, but I will not give it to them. My intelligence has gathered that our neighbors, whom we thought were our friends, are circling around us like hyenas, ready to pounce on us at any time. I'm sure you're all a little disturbed by the public execution that took place this afternoon. Those people were traitors to this nation, a group tasked by our adversaries to use their tongues to spread turmoil in our country, slowly infecting our people's minds, leading them to believe the government is a traitor to its own people. That couldn't be further from the truth. My people, I can assure you that we, the government, consider our people's well-being every single day. And we are striving to become Africa's richest country by 2031, thanks to the massive amounts of gold being found on our land. But we cannot keep advancing until we put an end to our enemies. So I ask you, my people, are you ready to rise up and answer the call? Will you come to the aid of our future? Are you ready to take up arms and fight for our future, our children, and our growing prosperity? Will you destroy our enemies and manifest our destiny into reality? If so, we will rally together in the city square tomorrow at 4 p.m. Rejoice, my people, for after our swift and great victory, our long-awaited dream…will finally be born into existence."
Silence quickly filled the air. In every house Eric could hear families' murmurs, some excited, some debating. Eric looked over at Arop and Nyangdeng; their faces were a mixture of disbelief and anger.
"So they already knew about us…let's just hurry up and get what we came for," Arop murmured as he climbed out of the manhole.
"I know a good supermarket nearby we can break into. It's not far from here," Nyangdeng said.
Without saying anything, he moved out of the way for his sister so she could lead. And she did. She climbed out and, without even looking at him, started walking. Seeing this, Arop and Eric glanced at each other before following her.
As they walked, Eric was again lost in the vastness of his mind. Each thought hit him like a rock. I need to find him and get the hell out of Bentiu. A big war is coming. We might have to leave Ghana, or even the continent.
"Eric, I'm sorry you had to see that in the bar."
He quickly looked over at Arop.
"What did you say?"
"I said I'm sorry for what happened in the bar."
Eric paused.
"Oh, don't worry about it. It's none of my business."
There was a brief pause before Eric asked.
"Do you think what the revolution wants is right?"
"Hah." Arop lifted an eyebrow.
"I mean, is it really worth it, starting a rebellion? You know what would happen if you lose, right?"
Arop paused, considering.
"I don't know…no, that was a lie. To be honest, our lives aren't bad enough to justify tearing down the entire country for it. And it's not the government's fault that we're poor. We were born into poverty through a long line of miserable people who wanted better lives but didn't make it, thanks to their own destiny. So to answer your question, Eric, no, it's not the government's fault. It's our own existence that's at fault."
Eric glanced over at him.
"Wait, what do you mean, your existence is at fault?"
"Eric, do you believe in the thing called destiny? I believe in it. Destiny is a really powerful concept. It can write a person's entire life from the day they're born to the day they die. And because we were born on the wrong side of the dice, we had to suffer the effects of destiny's cruelty."
"Are you saying we're all slaves to destiny's game?"
Arop looked over at Eric.
"That's exactly what I'm saying. We're never free from destiny. No matter how much you run from it, you'll only find yourself spiraling in its palm. Running from the concept of destiny is impossible; there's no escaping it…and that scares me."
"…"
Arop chuckled.
"To be honest, Eric, the more I try to keep up this facade, the more afraid I am of breaking myself. I know my mask is cracking a little more each day, but I just need to hold out. I need to hold out as long as I can, for my family."
"What are you talking about?" Eric looked at Arop in confusion.
"I'm sure you saw it yourself, in the bar."
Eric thought back to the bar, when Arop had lashed out at his sister.
"Are you talking about what happened in the bar? But that was normal. You were just sad about what happened to your family. Anyone would have acted the way you did."
"No. That shouldn't be me. That's not who my family needs right now. My father and grandparents died trying to outrun something predetermined, and I have to follow them."
"You don't have to follow anyone. Let them die in their meaningless war. You have nothing to do with this," Eric shot back.
"You're right, Eric. I don't have to follow anyone. But I will. My family, and even all the adults in the revolution, are dumb as hell—even me. But I don't care. You know, Eric, even though it's blurry, I can still see it. The dark glimmer of nothingness. Death, awaiting me with open arms, as I draw nearer to it."
"But you can escape it. You can escape your destiny."
"To where, Eric?"
"…"
"That's what I thought. I told you—destiny is a concept you can never run from. Even a destined death is nothing but a servant to destiny."
Eric paused, his thoughts spinning; he couldn't focus on one thing anymore, until he violently grabbed Arop's arm.
"You know, don't you. You know you can't win."
"Yes. I'll die. I don't know when, but I know it'll be soon."
"And you're okay with that?"
"Yes. Me, my brother, and my sister will all die alongside every single power-hungry fool who doesn't know their place in life. But like I said, Eric, I don't care. I just need to put some clay on my already cracking mask and wear it to the very end of our days."
"Why…"
"So I don't see tears running down my siblings' cheeks."
Suddenly Eric was hit with a realization.
"You don't care about your parents, do you?"
Arop paused, his eyes widening, then he burst out laughing.
"I guess I don't. Looks like I've been lying to myself this whole time. Geez, I'm such an idiot."
"…"
"You're right. I despise every single adult in this world. I despise that smelly old man who always went on and on about being broke. I despise that old hag who just sat there pretending to be a good mother while she listened and daydreamed about our father's stupid fantasies. And I despise every adult in the revolution who infected their children with their bullshit dreams. You know it too, don't you, Eric. You know that if we somehow win, nothing will change. They've all been deceived by their own ambitions." A tear slipped from his eye.
Eric stayed silent. His mind tried to unravel Arop's ideology. But no matter how many times he tried to debunk it, he always came to the conclusion that Arop was right. Still, he refused to believe it; he refused to be corrupted by Arop's worldview.
There was a long pause before Arop asked.
"Do you have a conclusion?"
Eric paused before responding.
"No, but I have a question for you. Even if you don't believe it's possible to defy the predestined, will you not at least try, for the sake of the two people you love?"
Arop's face lit up with realization, as if he'd never considered that route before. He took a few seconds to ponder it, until he finally found a response for Eric.
"No, I won't. To convince my siblings and make them see the world for what it is would expose their eyes to all the evils of this world. And eventually they'd adopt their own ideologies, most likely similar to mine."
"…" Eric stayed silent, defeated.
"Eric, what you have to understand is that children like you and me are anomalies. The concept of evil should be completely invisible to us. We shouldn't be able to see even a flicker of it. But I can see it in full, while you know it's there, yet turn away from it." He looked over at Eric for an answer, but Eric remained silent.
"Five years ago I remember thinking to myself, why do adults love children but yet despise us at the same time? I eventually came to the conclusion that it's because we were born without any black in us. Because of that, we couldn't perceive black…I remember it like it was yesterday. I was running home one day, after just buying something from old man Keji. It was raining, so I decided to take one of my favorite shortcuts. Then I saw it—black at its most beautiful. A man was getting stabbed by a group of men near the gully. I watched as his lifeless body fell into it. But not before his lifeless eyes met mine. In that moment my eyes truly opened for the first time in my life. I was enlightened, and through that enlightenment I saw a world with little color. The only colors I could see were black, white, and red—nothing else. I was shaken; I couldn't move my body; my vision darkened; the only thing I could hear was static. Then the men saw me and chased after me. I evaded their hands as I ran home. I remember thinking, they want to hurt me? But why? They're adults. At that moment it just didn't make sense to me. I eventually somehow lost them. I didn't get much sleep for weeks; all I could see was that memory replaying over and over again. Until one day I overheard my parents and their friends talking about some young men who'd been arrested for multiple murders and gotten life in prison. I admit, I was relieved, but it took a long time before I finally got over it…So do you understand now, Eric? I've already been defiled. I'll never again have the privilege of being a child again…Eric, children are the most beautiful things in this world. They're the physical manifestation of ignorance. That's why I won't save my siblings from death. It's better to die unaware of what the world really is than to die already exposed to its evils." Several tears fell from his eyes.
"…Eric, do you know what I fear even more than death? That I'll eventually grow up and become just as black as the rest of them. And that's where it all comes back to destiny. To me, destiny is the most evil of all concepts. It's a supreme outer god, a concept that rules over all. In my eyes, destiny is darker than black."
There was a brief pause before Arop continued.
"All I can do now is keep living with the hatred I bear toward my powerless self, and keep pretending to chase an unreachable dream with my brother and sister, until the very end."
Eric turned toward Arop.
"Arop, the things you just told me shouldn't have come out of your mouth. And they weren't meant for my ears. No child should know such things."
"So you agree."
"No…no, I don't. I admit some of what you said was true. But I refuse to adopt your ideology."
"Still clinging to your ignorance?"
Eric didn't respond; he just looked deep into Arop's eyes, his own coated with determination.
"Eric, do you think it's weird that I only have love for my siblings? And do you think I'm an abomination, a disgusting being who should no longer be allowed to live?"
"…"
Arop chuckled and tapped Eric on the arm, smiling.
"Eric, let's be friends. I've never really been able to have this kind of conversation with anybody my age. You must be really smart," he said, reaching out his hand to Eric.
"Sure."
Eric shook his hand.
"From today on, we're friends. And don't worry, I refuse to corrupt anyone with my ideology. They'd probably pass me off as autistic anyway," he said, looking at Eric with a bright smile.
Eric could only nod.
At the corner of Eric's eye he could see Nyangdeng glancing at them. Their eyes met, and she instantly shot him a menacing glare before continuing her fast walk. She must really not like me, Eric thought.
On their way to the supermarket, Eric and Arop talked about themselves and their pasts. Eric talked about his experience with soccer and why he'd finally quit the sport he loved. Arop related a past experience about a time he'd sprained his ankle during practice. But at the back of his mind he had the answer to Arop's earlier question. Eric believed Arop was a walking abomination, a boy turned into a monster by evil through his own wisdom. He didn't hate Arop, only his ideology. Despite everything Arop had said to convince him, he refused to falter. Eric didn't want to live in a world narrated by destiny; otherwise, what was the meaning of life itself? If human beings have no free will and are fated to embrace black, then why keep living, why be just a pawn in a far greater narrative? This is why Eric refused to adopt Arop's ideology—because that ideology was black itself, a black so horrifying it would devour him whole, leaving nothing but a shell of his former self, filled with black and a never-ending rage for life. Eric didn't want to become that monster, so he would prove Arop wrong. He would keep denying it until he could find the real beauty of life and show it to Arop. He would change his lens and save him, and himself. This he vowed.
"Aro—"
The sound of gunshots rang out, followed by the loud roar of approaching military engines.
They quickly hid in an alleyway as the vehicles passed. Each one carried several men in the back, with a huge gun mounted on the roof. Each gun was manned by a soldier who rotated it around, as if he couldn't wait to unleash it. Eric gulped.
"Nyangdeng, how far is the supermarket?" Arop asked.
She took a while to respond.
"It's just around the corner."
As soon as the noise of the trucks disappeared, they ran, taking quick looks across the street before turning the corner. In front of them was a massive unfinished building that towered over everything else in the city.
"This is massive. I always thought this was a new government building," Arop said.
Nyangdeng remained silent.
"I don't think this is a supermarket. This looks like a mall."
"Never been in one."
Suddenly a chilling gust of wind passed by them, stinging their skin. Eric felt uneasy; something wasn't right. I know some people are afraid of the military, but you'd think somebody would feel brave enough to break into the mall. Plus they ransacked the stores, so what's the difference? he thought, looking around for any broken windows or shards of glass, but there were none. Then, right on cue, the wind returned, whispering in his ear, but besides the sound of the wind he this time heard a flapping noise—fabric flapping. He looked up and saw white fabric with letters written in red spray paint. It read: NO TRESPASSING, THIS WILL SOON BE USED AS A TEMPORARY MILITARY FACILITY. THOSE WHO ARE CAUGHT WILL BE ARRESTED IMMEDIATELY AND TAKEN INTO CUSTODY TO BE INTERROGATED.
Eric's eyes widened as he stared up at the sign.
"Arop, look." He pointed.
Nyangdeng's face twisted into fear, but Arop stayed calm; his expression didn't even flinch.
"We have to go back," she said, backing away.
"You. Show us where Atem and Akeer are."
Eric nodded slowly. He agreed with her; it wasn't worth it. Even though Atem needed aid, it was better to wait until tomorrow evening; maybe they could find a nearby clinic.
Eric took a step back, then Arop spoke.
"You can go back. Me and Eric are going to get what we came for."
Her mouth opened and closed, only managing a few broken sounds.
Eric looked over at Arop, only to find him staring back—not with anger or ill will, but like a friend asking another friend to venture along with him, as if Eric were the only one he could possibly trust. But something disturbed Eric. It was the look in Arop's eyes. For a second Eric caught a glimpse of a glowing golden light flashing in them. But Eric assumed it was just a trick of the eye. Too many unbelievable things had happened to him recently, from abnormal dreams to the discovery that there might be a massive war—at this point he was doubting his own sanity. But despite his fear of things bigger than him, he decided to go in. He was tired of running away, tired of being afraid, and tired of feeling so weak and relying on others. Deep inside he knew it was stupid, but how was he going to prove Arop wrong if he remained a coward? And besides, he had this strange feeling that as soon as he stepped foot in the mall, it would act as the catalyst for everything else that happened afterward.
Eric nodded, agreeing to go with him.
"A-are you serious? It's not safe."
Arop turned his glare toward Nyangdeng, his expression morphing into annoyance.
"This is why I didn't want you to come."
"But…if we get caught—"
Arop interrupted her.
"How useless can you be, Nyangdeng?"
Her eyes widened, filling with tears.
"You know what, fine. You can go back to Mother, or you can stay here and be the lookout. Do whatever you want."
Her lips trembled, and tears slid down her face, but she quickly wiped them away and turned her back to them. Try as she might, she couldn't stop her loud sniffling from being heard.
But her brother just ignored her while he knelt down to pick the lock, until they both heard a click.
"Whistle if you hear anything."
Nyangdeng didn't respond.
As Eric followed Arop, he glanced back at her, only to see her watery eyes before she disappeared behind a wall of concrete.
Inside, the mall was dark; the only light came from the moon shining through the windows. Some parts had cracked walls and cement bags scattered about. Other areas were sealed off with tape, warning that those parts were still heavily under construction.
"Are you sure there are supplies here?" Eric asked.
"No, but there's an if. And if there's an if, there's a possibility," he said, jumping over the construction tape.
"Strugglers don't get to choose."
Eric looked at him, confused. In response, Arop gave him a smile.
"You'll eventually understand."
What a weird person. But for some reason I feel used to it. We've known each other for just a couple of hours, but it feels like I've known him my whole life. His thoughts were interrupted by Arop's voice.
"Is that the moving-stairs thing?" he asked, pointing to two escalators.
Eric nodded.
"Yes, they're called escalators."
"Wow, I've only ever seen them in movies."
He immediately started running toward it.
"Race you to the top."
In a split second, Eric hesitated before succumbing to Arop's peer pressure.
They both jumped over the construction tape and began running up the escalator. Eric ran as fast as he could, but Arop was a few steps ahead of him. Eventually Eric's fatigue kicked in, and he tripped on the last couple of stairs, sealing Arop's victory.
Eric caught his breath as he crossed the final step, only to meet Arop's smiling face at the top.
"I win."
Eric gave him a thumbs-up as he tried to catch his breath.
"Looks like they closed off the entrance to the rest of this place," he said, pointing to a barred gate.
Eric got up and tugged at it, but of course there was no way through. Then he looked up and saw space between the top of the gate and the ceiling—narrow, but there.
"You think you could get through if I boosted you up?"
"I could get through, but what about you?" he asked.
Eric hadn't thought that far ahead. As he quickly considered what to do, he realized something.
"Wait, can't you pick the lock again, like you did earlier?"
"I can't. I tried earlier, but my pin broke off inside," he said, pointing to the tiny piece of metal sticking out of the lock.
Eric sighed.
"Looks like you'll have to go without me. I'll just wait outside with your sister," he said, getting into position to boost him up.
"Maaaybe you don't have to."
"What?"
Arop tapped Eric on the shoulder before pointing at a broken window on the roof.
Eric looked at Arop, confused.
"Look there," he said, pointing to a ladder on their left that led up to the roof.
Eric's heart dropped to his stomach.
"What, no, no. That's too dangerous."
"You'll be fine. I'm coming with you."
That didn't make Eric feel any better. Right before he could say no, he stopped himself. Gritting his teeth, he looked Arop dead in the eyes and nodded.
Before Eric could even prepare himself, he was on the roof, on his knees, crawling, feeling the now-violent wind rushing past him. But Arop looked unmoved by the world as he stared up at the night sky.
"Eric, are you okay?" he said, smiling down at him.
Eric could only nod in response. Even the slightest effort to speak made his heart lurch.
Arop chuckled.
"Eric, look over there."
He looked, and Eric saw a city without its lights, except for one specific part near the center.
"Is that where the army is?"
Arop nodded.
"Yes. And the sooner you get out of this city, the better. And with your luck, you might not get involved."
As they stared off into the city, they both remained silent, envisioning what it might become in a couple of months.
Arriving at his conclusion, Arop asked Eric this.
"Eric, what exactly do you plan on doing after you leave?"
"I…I don't know. It's…it's not for me to decide."
Another gust of wind passed by, filling Eric's ears with its whispers.
"Of course."