Sebastian quickly carried Violet into bed and tucked her under the blanket. The thick blanket made a huge difference. She gradually stopped sneezing as Sebastian fed her the hot herbal tea.
"Better?" He asked as she nodded and sniffed.
"Where have you been the whole day? Have you been dressing so thin the whole day?" He questioned as she nodded.
"I went to the farmhouse nearby. I forgot my sweater." She mumbled with a guilty pout.
"Vi, it's a mountain area. It's a four-season country…" He wanted to nag, but a yawn caught up. Violet couldn't help but steal a smile.
"Are you still so tired after sleeping the whole day?" She asked as they chuckled together before he climbed in to snuggle with her.
"Vi…" He called out gently as she met with his rare, relaxed gaze.
"I haven't slept well for days. There are days where I just lay in bed and let my eyes close. When I finally sleep, I have no idea when or how long before I wake again. But it's never enough…I will still feel very tired." He confessed as Violet began to worry.
He pulled her in closer to him. He could easily spot her shy blushes with her reddening nose as she sniffed. He could sense her nervousness as he distracted her instead.
"Thanks for dinner. It's tasty but... It's so umami yet simple." He wanted to criticise but did otherwise, considering she must have put in a lot of effort.
Instead, he fetched his bowl of sweetened bean curd and savoured it while Violet took another sip of her hot water awkwardly.
"Hmm? You don't like the noodles?" She forced herself to ask as she didn't like being awkward with him.
"The one in Lai On is better. Have you been there before?" He confessed knowing she had seen through him.
"Nope. It's near Kung tap right?" She asked, trying to recall her geography as he nodded.
"The noodles are too thick in this region, though this was surely handmade and way better than the shops…" He explained as she nodded meekly.
"In Lai On, they use instant noodles and it's chewy, umami, just very comforting with soft, tender beef slices…" He slowly expressed his memories on purpose to help Violet relax, too.
"I know that feeling! Simple food, especially instant noodles, always gives you that feeling! How can something so simple be so yummy?! It's like just the basic instant noodles with some fragrances." She concurred happily as he smiled with some hint of fatigue.
"Fragrances are?" He asked curiously to keep her momentum.
"Onions, garlic, ginger, lemongrass, chillies…" She stopped when she saw his excitement.
"Black pepper!" They exclaimed together and laughed.
"That's important!" He cheered. "That's the soul!" She clapped happily.
"But what made it sweet? Cause the one in Lai On is sweet yet savoury, unlike here it's always savoury only." He asked curiously.
"Sweet soy sauce or sugar, whichever is available… Or even both. Sugar would be like salt to bring out the flavours." Violet explained.
"It would be nice to have sweet onions then…" He lamented.
"It's not easy to get them, and they are usually very expensive. Do you love sweet stuff?" Violet questioned, noticing it was prominent.
"Yes.. thanks for dessert." He swallowed the last bit as Violet smiled. "Don't get me wrong. It's a nice, simple dinner." He reiterated as Violet chuckled.
"You're afraid of calories, aren't you? You have been sleeping for days without exercising…" Violet teased.
"Yes, you're very right. I need to start tomorrow with my routine." Sebastian reminded himself of his self-control. Violet had just pointed out one of the bad habits he had still not stripped off entirely. Having a sweet tooth was very bad for his diet and career.
Violet noticed the change in his mood as she quickly thought of something else to talk about. "Oh yeah, ready for your cooking show?" She asked as he shrugged and yawned.
"Are you sure you're alright and ready for work?" She asked, observing him worrily.
"What about you? No wonder Sam is always so worried about you…" He stared at her intensely with twinkling eyes.
"What do you mean?" Her mumbles were whispers now as he inched closer to her.
"Honestly, I am always very worried about the ones I keep close to myself. At Phut Bi, when I snapped, I thought it was a natural reaction, but to the extent of… That reaction was something I used to do to Janice… With you… Then… I realised…" It was tough for Sebastian to initiate such a conversation, but he knew he had to with Violet.
"It didn't matter…" Violet mumbled carefully.
"It does, Vi. I don't want you to be on the fence about us. I just… I don't want anything to change between us. I know I agreed things ended back then, but Vi, I cannot help but be concerned for you all the time. When you're down, sick, your miscarriage… It's all so hard not to care… Your feelings, your well-being…" Sebastian sighed.
"My feelings are genuine and intense for you, Vi. I know I'm not in a position to pursue anything with you, but… I thought that by being your companion, helping in any way, and even just my existence, would probably be comforting for you. Cause it does for me, especially at times like this." He confessed and Violet was glad to hear.
"Sebby, I'm not ready for anything either. I'm not expecting anything in return but to be of comfort to you…" He interrupted her, forgetting something important.
"But one thing…" He raised a finger, which made Violet stare at him intensely.
"I'm an actor. I have a professional job that requires me to do intimate scenes with my co-actresses, especially since I'm planning to dive into the romance genre. I don't want you to be upset. It was also part of the reason I avoided such a genre previously. Janice can't handle it." He explained.
"I totally understand this. Sam and Jade… I mean, his partner had gone through it. I have seen them, and I know how it works. It's just a job. I am fine with that. Having said so, you don't have to explain anything to me." Violet justified.
"I want to. I just don't want to hurt you. I just don't want us to end up in a misunderstanding and destroy all these… that we have walked together to be here together so comfortably…" He held on to her hands so tightly as she smiled.
"I don't have the courage for love or a relationship… I don't know. I just don't want another marriage or commitment cause I don't want to hurt anyone else like I did with Dexter." She admitted.
"I'm not expecting another marriage either, Vi. I just felt why can't two people who are comfortable with each other, despite their circumstances continue accompanying each other. There are many people around us daily, but it's rare to find a good company. Now that we have…" Sebastian paused, reminiscing about all that they had gone through.
Violet smiled, understanding his intention. "That doesn't mean I can't handle this… I do enjoy your company very much, too. I didn't expect that the tattoo encounter would lead me here today with you, too…" She met with his gentle gaze.
"Vi… Would you like to take one step at a time with me?" He asked sincerely.
"Then, what are we now?" She questioned.
"Companion?" He questioned as she smiled.
"It's broad, you know, being a companion…" She teased with a smile.
"Only in private can you show all the affection and whatsoever…" He warned.
"I know… or Sam will kill you too." She replied solemnly.
He kissed her forehead, knowing she was right. He noticed her position was uncomfortable, so he wanted to help her lie in a better posture position but she stopped him.
"Sebby, I… We can't…" She thought he wanted another lovemaking session. He chuckled.
"I know… You're still delicate. That's why you mustn't fall sick. Come closer, I will keep you warm." She snuggled into his arms and comfortably settled down, but she couldn't help staring at him worrily.
He knows that worry looks in her eyes, as he has seen it many times in himself. He had the same look back then whenever Janice went out late at night.
"Are you sure you're fine, Sebby? I know we spoke earlier before she turned up and all, but after last night…" Violet's eyes reddened because she understood how he felt very well.
You once loved a person to the extent of willingly dying for them. But to reach the point where the once willing sacrifices turned into just plain humanity, it hurts the one who walked away than the one who was left behind.
"Vi, you know how it is. We will get by it." He tried comforting her, but her gaze was still reddening.
"What about yours?" He asked while caressing her cheek.
She blinked away her welling tears. "Nothing. Still the same."
He gently wiped the first streak of tears away from her eyes. "You didn't tell him about the baby?" She shook her head.
"What's the point?" She leaned further into his arm, knowing he should end the topic as it was still uncomfortable for her.
He finally truly understood the true meaning of what it meant to feel so right but yet so wrong. For once in a long while, he was glad with one thing in his life: their new status, companions.