The next morning, Wayne stirred awake and found himself still holding onto Penny. He studied her delicate features as he traced her long and dashing eyelashes. It tickled her awake.
Wayne's heart pounded, wondering who it would be as he kept his hands to himself for a moment, letting her react. She instantly sat up in shock. Wayne instantly sat up to check on her.
"Pei Li… You're alright?" He called out the safest name as she turned to meet her gaze.
"Wayne… Something is wrong…" She said solemnly.
"What do you mean? You're…" Wayne was doubting it was Penny.
"Little Freedom, she is not coming out…" Penny's eyes were filled with fear as she held on to Wayne tightly.
Wayne pulled her in for a hug as he comforted her, but his own worries grew.
"Let's seek help? You're alright with that?" He asked as their gaze met. She nodded as they quickly went to get ready.
He couldn't drive her to the appointment he had arranged earlier with a well-known lady psychiatrist, but he kept her on a phone call while she took a taxi to the hospital. That way, he would be able to listen to her every conversation and also track her location. Wayne purposely arranged for a female psychiatrist, as he knew the conversation would lead to a sensitive past.
"Ms. Wu, how can I help you today?" Dr. Herli spoke.
"I need your help for…" Penny's words were left hanging with doubts. Dr. Herli encouraged her to speak up. "Just let me know anything. Since it's the first session, let us start with your problems."
"I think I have bipolar disorder… and I am the second personality," Penny admitted while Dr. Herli took down her notes calmly.
"Have you been experiencing any memory loss…" She wanted to ask a set of routine questions, but she paused and carefully recalled what she had just heard.
Penny nodded. "Yes, there are memory gaps. I know what bipolar disorder is like. And I am the second personality. My name is Penny. My original personality is called Pei Li. She had a twin at birth called Pei Ni. P E I, N I. But she passed away when she was young due to an accident." Penny explained calmly as though she was reciting it from a script.
A lot was going on in Dr. Herli's mind, from assessments to direction, and finally, she landed on recording the session to avoid missing out on anything.
"Is Pei Li aware of this appointment, too?" Dr. Herli questioned as Penny shook her head.
"Could I request to do a video recording? That way, we would be able to revisit everything together, and also with Pei Li if she ever were to come?" Dr. Herli suggested as Penny nodded.
Dr. Herli quickly got everything set up before resuming her session. "Alright, could you please repeat?"
Dr. Herli began to assess her condition. Penny told her everything from the start, including the sexual abuse from her father. She had only hidden the fact of who her husband was to protect his identity, and that they were being stalked recently, for fear it would make their situation worse.
"So you're very sure that whenever there's a danger, you would appear to protect Pei Li." Dr. Herli summarised as Penny nodded.
"However, now, Pei Li is hiding, and you fear that she feels unsafe, but you do not know the cause." Penny nodded again.
Dr. Herli pondered for a bit before questioning. "What's the relationship like with your husband?"
"He had been supportive, and he was the one who had arranged for this session. He is most concerned about both Pei Li and my well-being." Penny explained as Dr. Herli nodded.
"Do you have any idea how Pei Li's relationship with him is?" Dr. Herli asked.
"It's certainly fine because of the notebook Pei Li wrote. But I have no idea why her will to die has resurfaced lately…It's the reason we came to seek help." Penny frowned.
"Has there been any negative sources surrounding her lately? Or has she probably met with your father, which would potentially trigger it?" Dr. Herli prompted.
"No… That's not possible. My husband would certainly not allow that." Penny firmly confirmed. Wayne, who was listening in, instantly instructed his assistant to trace whether there were any suspicious people around him lately.
"Has your husband tried to be intimate with you or Pei Li that could trigger …" Before Dr. Herli could finish her question, Penny gasped loudly. Wayne was a little worried but remained composed, reminding himself it was Penny who could keep herself in control.
"Last night it triggered, especially when I am very sober… I …" Penny began to show signs of anxiety.
Dr. Herli noticed and tried to calm her. "Here, have some warm tea." Penny took a sip.
"How did you feel when it was triggered?" Dr. Herli continued.
"I… I was reminded of the abuses and assaults. I tried to remind myself it's fine now and it's my husband, but…" Penny's eyes reddened.
Dr. Herli nodded in acknowledgement. "How did your husband treat you after that?"
"He helped me to get used to the intimacy step by step… So far, we have only seen each other naked, but we did nothing…" Penny was a little shy when explaining.
"That's good. Is this your first time willingly giving into intimacy without any fear?" Dr. Herli prompted as Penny nodded.
"Previously, when I first revealed myself to him while testing how reliable he was to protect Pei Li, I was drinking every single night. He even prepared those liquors for me. To come and think of it during the assaults, I wasn't very sober most of the time. I would be drinking the leftover beers from that man's stash…" Penny explained in anger as Dr. Herli noticed.
"Is Pei Li aware of all these?" Dr. Herli questioned.
"No." Penny forced her tears away. "She can't."
"So what are the things you hid from her?" Dr. Herli prompted. "The assault episodes. My husband had recently told her about me."
"That could possibly be the cause she is hiding?" Dr. Herli asked. "Yes, but why?" Penny questioned in frustration.
"See, there are times when such a sensitive situation would trigger the swap. What I would suggest is to create a safe environment, and since you have a connection to be able to converse with Pei Li or write to her, explain and detail to her on the security and gentle side your husband shows…" Dr. Herli explained as Penny nodded.
Wayne was also nodding subconsciously at his end. "Would it be considered cheating this way?" Penny's question came as a surprise to Wayne.
"When someone has DID, you have a few alters, and like yours, you have two. Each of you matters. You need to ensure that everyone inside of you is aware and is fine with it. If you don't explain to Pei Li, she might feel hurt and stay confused about it. It could also potentially trigger her to hide more for fear that it was a trauma from the past. My job isn't to judge but to ensure you're emotionally safe." Dr. Herli advised.
Penny nodded after a while, thinking about whether Pei Li knew of her feelings for Wayne and if she would ever consent to them.
"Is it possible for me to suggest that you come visit once a week to monitor your situation? It would be best to be able to meet with Pei Li soon, too..." Dr. Herli suggested as Penny frowned.
"I know it might be hard for you to accommodate that. Perhaps you could get your husband to make the arrangements for Pei Li's visit. I will try to accommodate." Dr. Herli's explanation somehow gave Penny some comfort as she nodded in agreement.
Wayne, in fact, had sent Penny a message to agree to the arrangement, but Penny had muted the phone.
"Alright. I will also prescribe some medicines. Are there any known allergies?" Dr. Herli asked as Penny shook her head.
Noticing Penny was a little taken aback, Dr. Herli gave her some assurance. "If there's anything at any time, feel free to reach out to me again." She handed Penny a namecard.
After bidding farewell to Dr. Herli, Penny had been wondering if her intimate times with Wayne were really the case, especially when she had omitted the fact that someone was spying on them and that Pei Li didn't want to harm Wayne any further. She even considered having more liquor, but she knew that wouldn't help her condition get better.
She knew clearly the reasons for Pei Li's will to die returned were not to trouble Wayne, but she was still figuring out what had triggered it. She didn't want to believe that Pei Li couldn't accept her existence or involvement when she was merely protecting her at all the darkest moments.
Wayne was equally baffled. He wanted to ensure that whether it was Penny or Pei Li, they were both well protected and had their feelings accounted for. When Penny returned home, Wayne welcomed her warmly with a late lunch prepared.
"We will get through it together, alright?" Wayne reassured her as she nodded and ran into his sturdy arms.
"I don't know what to do with Pei Li anymore…" Penny admitted. "I will see through the arrangements," Wayne assured her.
"I have not said some things…" Penny admitted.
"I know… And it's fine. We will figure them out one by one. On who is after us. On why she suddenly wanted to die again. On how do we proceed from here together and with her…" Wayne coaxed.
"Would you get intimate with her, too?" Penny's bold question took him by surprise.
"She's still you, isn't she? And you're still here in this body. It's who you are. I accept you for who you are, but will you be able to do the same? Accepting that Pei Li is in this body with you. Being my wife?" Wayne's question made Penny doubt herself.
"I don't know. I mean… If it's you… I have entrusted her to you in the first place. I wouldn't and shouldn't exist. What right do I have to be jealous or to want to own you just for myself?" Penny teared up as he wiped them away.
"Penny, you have a beautiful mind. You are another side of who you are, and so is Pei Li. You are the one who is always so mature, cares, and protects. That allowed Pei Li to be carefree and childlike just the way she should have grown to be. What you have been through alone is the burden I want to share from now on. You have every right to feel as you wish. And if Pei Li ever asks the same, I would tell her the same, too, that she has every right to feel what she wants to. I only want the best for you both." Wayne held her hands in his.
"So, if you could, please think more of yourself?" Penny hugged him tightly as she sobbed. Wayne knew that although Penny was made to be strong and protective but even the ones made of steel could break at pressure points.