My daily life as a princess is actually quite busy. There are so many things I have to learn, from finance, different arts and history. What's awful about this, is that I'm expected to be good at all of them. Being the oldest doesn't help my case neither does my skin colour. They say it's the least I could do not accounting for how much effort I put in. One doesn't need acknowledgment to be great but it would feel nice to be complimented once in a while. Tell me: Wow you are amazing! I can't believe I have such a brilliant daughter. Affirm my work. Look me in the eyes and acknowledge my existence.
Though no such thing happens here, for it is expected. I drown myself in books filled with lovely worlds where such things exist. Where such things are a normalcy that it puzzles me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that my parents don't pay attention to me, it's just that they have no time to. That is why we maximize the time we spend with each other during celebrations for public show. We are a united front for everyone to see. An envy for all. When the curtain falls, we go back to our respective places, places we are needed more than in each other's presence.
It gets lonely from time to time but, you are slumped with so much work to do, that you don't notice the time flying. I get to host this extravagant tea parties extending invitations to other noble children my age and I get to watch how they interact. I see how privileged they feel how they take for granted what they have. I see the nobles strongest vices and virtues reflected by their own children. Do parents even realize how easy it is to see through their persona just by interacting with their children? Though this is not always the case. Some of those children have divergent personalities. I call them 'unconformists'. They are those who stopped listening to the instructions of their parents, those who were 'dropped on the head' or those influenced by a certain event that changed them.
During this parties I am supposed to make connections but you saw how I failed at that back then even now. None of them share my sentiments. They are already polluted by the adult world. They start with stating they are elite which I do not refute. We are elite moreso me. Though it was never a choice I made. It was just luck. I am here by grace nothing else. No one chooses to be born a peasant the same way no one chooses to be born a King. The second thing they start discussing is of marriage. How much I hate this talks. It's already enough you had no choice over your birth but you get no say of who you get to marry and it gets to determine the rest of your life. Since when did wanting to live a life of solitude become a sin. Wasn't it a great sage revered in this country who said for those who aren't married it is better to be single. Don't get me wrong. I have seen beautiful marriages before. It just elludes me why people seek marriage when they see how miserable their parents are. Maybe it's hope. Another thing I don't get is that they resort to having lovers never sticking to one, sleeping with each one, contracting venereal diseases. Those who live with this ideology will forever remain wanderers. Always searching for a place of rest but leave when they find out it is all but temporary. You seek permanence yet are not willing to bear it's burden.
It all the more shows marriages importance but the problem is we are expected to make such a weighty vow when we don't even know ourselves. How is such a thing to last? That is the problem with noble marriages. It is all about power moves not the mind's psychology. We are children trying to get married to old men who have had enough time to know themselves. This 'unequal marriages' are the scariest things I've seen. She is but a child so she is susceptible to his own ideologies. Molded into what he wants. God, I am here by your grace and I pray by grace that I do not marry young. If I am to be married, let him be a man led by your grace and one who sees the frightening truths of society. If that is not to be grant me mercy and let me not live in such a society a second longer. For power is no longer helping me but pushing me to a dark destiny.
Since when was being rich so hard.
It is hard but yet again so easy. Everyone wants to live like me. Even I knowing me, would want to be me. I am not bothered by menial tasks. I have servants at my beck and call. They would do whatever I ordered regardless of whether they liked it or not. The palace pays well. They would never find a rewarding job such as this. It may sound conceited but it is true. The evidence lies within the countless applications lying in the palace managers office. I once assisted him as part of my training, and I can say for certain, sorting that mess is something I wouldn't want to do again. Don't worry though. He gets paid well. He deserves it after putting up with all the needs of the royal family and the palace staff. We also prefer people with recommendations, clean backgrounds or those trained at the academy so sorting through the paper work becomes slightly easier. Honestly, if there was one man who needed a vacation from this place it was the palace manager.
Another good thing about being rich was the fact I could afford everything and anything. Everything had a price. State the right one and it was yours. People are moved by money and what it can do. The greater the amount the more respect you gain. My nation was one of the wealthiest countries so many others sort alliances with us. I know you must be thinking of the disparity between the rich and poor. Worry not. The systems my father had in place, greatly helped the people especially in the agricultural sector. Most villages were self sufficient and the tax adjusted accordingly. The people loved him.
Of course they did or else I wouldn't be seated here, at a tea party, people questioning me on my plans for my 16th birthday.