It was another one of those boring mornings, where even Kazuki looked like he was about to fall asleep just breathing. We were all chilling outside, doing absolutely nothing productive, when Kai—of all people—had a genius idea.
"What if we dressed up as teachers and went to the elementary building to teach for a day?"
Leon immediately clapped his hands. "YES. CHAOS!"
Crimson, already putting on fake glasses he randomly pulled out of his backpack, grinned like a maniac. "I call dibs on P.E. teacher."
Kazuki blinked. "We are 100% going to get expelled for this."
"Correction," Crimson said. "You're going to get expelled. I'm immortal, remember?"
MJ, clutching a clipboard like it gave him teacher powers, nodded. "I'll be the math teacher. I'm smart enough, right?"
We all looked at him.
"...Right?" MJ repeated, less confidently.
Anyway, we somehow snuck into the school's supply closet and stole some spare uniforms. Crimson's was two sizes too small. He didn't care.
Leon dressed up like a science teacher with goggles and everything, even though he couldn't tell the difference between baking soda and cocaine.
Kazuki dressed like a chill history teacher, sunglasses and all, despite looking like he just rolled out of bed.
Kai actually looked like a real teacher. Tie, blazer, clipboard. He was terrifying.
We marched into the elementary wing like we owned the place. A few younger students looked confused. One raised their hand.
"Are you guys real teachers?"
Crimson leaned down and whispered, "Do real teachers break the fourth wall?"
The kid blinked. Crimson turned to stare directly at the metaphorical camera. "Hey reader. Yeah, you. This is your fault. You're still reading this. I could be doing taxes or eating pizza, but instead, I'm pretending to teach kids algebra I don't understand. Think about your life choices."
He then turned around and screamed, "DODGEBALL TIME!!!"
Balls started flying like it was World War III. Crimson chucked one so hard it broke a lightbulb. A kindergartener cried. Crimson patted his head. "Toughen up, soldier."
Meanwhile, MJ was writing math problems on the board.
"2+2 equals... fish?"
A kid raised their hand. "Is this Common Core?"
MJ nodded proudly. "It's Uncommon Core."
Leon was in the science lab trying to do a demonstration. "Alright kids, this is what happens when you mix cola and Mentos."
He dropped an entire pack of Mentos into a giant bottle. It exploded. So did the ceiling fan.
"SCIENCE!" he screamed.
Kazuki was in the history classroom giving lectures on why pizza should be a national holiday. A kid asked him what year the Civil War started.
"Uh... sometime before TikTok?"
Meanwhile, Kai actually had the kids sitting quietly. They were reading and doing worksheets. We don't know how he did it.
Until Crimson kicked down the door wearing three ties and a traffic cone. "BREAK TIME!"
He threw candy everywhere.
"Bro, what are you doing?" Kai yelled.
"I'm helping education," Crimson declared, standing on a desk like he was preaching to the heavens.
Security finally started getting suspicious. That's when MJ, the genius, suggested the final move.
"Let's combine all the kids into one giant class for a 'school-wide performance.'"
We herded all the kids into the gym.
Crimson stood on stage with a mic.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. BOYS AND GIRLS. TEACHERS WHO'RE ABOUT TO LOSE THEIR JOBS. I PRESENT TO YOU: UTTER CHAOS."
He pressed a button. Confetti cannons went off. Loud dubstep music played from the speakers. We all jumped into a choreographed dance that made absolutely no sense.
MJ fell over three times.
Kai tried to leave the stage but got pulled back by Leon.
Kazuki dabbed. In 2025.
Kids were screaming. Teachers were trying to regain control. Then the principal showed up.
Crimson looked at him dead in the eye and said, "This isn't what it looks like."
The principal opened his mouth to respond. Crimson threw a smoke bomb and we all ran.
We made it back to our wing of the school, changed out of our disguises, and pretended nothing happened.
Kai sat down, exasperated. "That was the dumbest idea we've ever had."
Kazuki grinned. "And the most fun."
Crimson turned to the camera one more time. "Tune in next time, dear reader. Same chaos time. Same chaos channel."