Chapter 12: No Wonder You're the Teacher
"Teacher, we don't have time."
"Even if you're busy, you still have to eat."
Asuka glanced at the bustling Ichiraku Ramen stand before firmly pressing each of his three students into a seat.
"Eat."
"Three bowls each."
"Your teacher is paying."
"Now that you're officially ninja..."
"...there's something cruel I need to tell you."
"Treat every meal..."
"...as though it's your last."
"Because you'll never know whether tomorrow..."
"...or an accident..."
"...will arrive first."
As he spoke, he discreetly pointed toward the former Senju district and lowered his voice.
"You all know I was born in Year 33."
"Senju Nawaki died in Year 37."
"I was old enough to remember it."
"Tsk..."
"I heard the shinobi who recovered his body say..."
"...his stomach was completely empty."
"He entered the Pure Land hungry."
"Who knows whether there's food in the afterlife?"
Thump!
Before he could continue, something smacked him squarely on the head.
Rubbing the rapidly growing lump, Asuka angrily turned around.
"Who hit me?!"
"I did."
The reply came without the slightest hesitation.
Asuka slowly raised his eyes.
Slender legs.
A slightly rounded belly.
Long crimson hair flowing to her waist.
And...
A bulging vein on her forehead.
...Why is she here?
Watching Kushina casually sit beside him as though she fully intended to eat ramen, Asuka immediately straightened his posture.
"Brother Teuchi."
"One super deluxe tonkotsu ramen."
Then he noticed another familiar figure following behind Kushina.
Lady Mikoto.
After squeezing his rapidly shrinking wallet inside his pocket, Asuka glanced at the menu before asking cautiously,
"Lady Mikoto..."
"Do you have any dietary restrictions?"
Mikoto smiled gently.
She exchanged a glance with Kushina.
The two women immediately understood each other.
"None."
"As long as it's free."
"...Heh."
They're obviously planning to make me pay.
Even so...
He still ordered another deluxe ramen.
She's already married...
Yet she's leaving her husband behind to come eat ramen.
Tsk.
Fugaku...
Just get divorced already.
---
Watching their teacher's increasingly suspicious smile, the three genin quietly huddled together.
"...What's wrong with Teacher?"
"No idea."
"He looks like he's plotting something."
"I heard his relationship with the rest of the clan isn't exactly great."
Keeping that question in mind, they patiently waited until Kushina and Mikoto finished eating and left.
Only then did they all turn toward Asuka.
"...Teacher."
"You and those two...?"
Asuka glanced around before lowering his voice.
"It's nothing."
"The Fourth Hokage's wife stayed with the Senju Clan for a while."
"She knew Nawaki."
"They're connected somehow."
"But regardless..."
"That unlucky kid died before he could even eat a proper meal."
"Even if Lady Tsunade herself stood right in front of me..."
"...it wouldn't change the fact that her brother starved before dying in an explosion."
"So remember."
"As ninja..."
"Treat every meal as your last."
"Never waste food."
"And never go hungry."
Watching the two pregnant women disappear into the distance, Asuka folded his arms and muttered,
"Seeing their stomachs getting bigger and bigger..."
"...really makes me uncomfortable."
"Sometimes I even dream that Kushina sits on top of me..."
"...and controls the Nine-Tails inside her stomach to slap me."
"And Lady Mikoto..."
"If I don't manage to sterilize either her or Fugaku..."
"I get strangely anxious."
"If some butterfly effect happens..."
"...and Mikoto gets pregnant again after Sasuke..."
"...the Uchiha Clan might as well ascend to heaven on the spot."
The three students stared blankly at him.
Seeing the troubled expression constantly changing on his face, they couldn't help asking,
"...Teacher?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Heh."
Asuka rolled his eyes before looking toward Hanahana.
"Hanahana."
"What do you think about sterilization?"
"You long for freedom."
"You understand the Hyūga Clan better than I ever could."
"Do you really want your future children..."
"...to inherit the same curse you bear?"
Hanahana froze.
She actually began considering it seriously.
"...Idiot."
Asuka flicked her forehead several times.
"I was joking."
"And you actually started thinking about it?"
"Don't worry."
"You'll never have children."
"Idiots can't find boyfriends."
With that, he pulled several mission scrolls from his pocket and stuffed one into each student's hands.
His expression immediately turned serious.
"Mission briefing."
"From this moment onward..."
"As your instructor and acting captain..."
"...you will obey my orders."
"Yes, Teacher!"
"Good."
"Iruka."
"Hanahana."
"You two will gather intelligence."
"Visit every household that reported a missing cat."
"Pay special attention to homes occupied only by elderly people."
"Yūgao."
"You and I..."
"...are going to acquire some cats."
"..."
"...I mean..."
"...go find cats."
"Understood!"
---
Watching Iruka and Hanahana head into the village, Asuka led Yūgao toward the village gates instead.
"...Teacher?"
Seeing the road become increasingly remote, Yūgao hesitated.
"The missing pets shouldn't have left the village..."
"...right?"
"They haven't."
"They're definitely still inside Konoha."
"Then why are we..."
She quietly sniffed.
Looking at Asuka's back, her mind replayed everything that had happened at the ramen stand.
Teacher is taking me outside the village...
Could he possibly...
"Stop imagining weird things."
Without even turning around, Asuka casually waved a hand.
"No need to be so nervous."
"I'm not a lolicon."
"I'm taking you to Cat Granny."
"She lives outside the village."
"...Huh?"
Yūgao blinked awkwardly.
"...Teacher..."
"...Can you read minds?"
"No."
"But you're standing there protecting your chest."
"That's practically the universal pose for 'I've met a pervert.'"
"Besides me..."
"...there isn't another person around."
"...That's true."
Embarrassed, Yūgao scratched her head before hurrying after him.
I really was overthinking...
---
When they finally reached Cat Granny's house...
Yūgao's eyes immediately sparkled.
Cats.
Cats everywhere.
Tiny kittens.
Big fluffy cats.
Long-haired cats.
Short-haired cats.
One of them was somehow so ugly...
...that it circled back around to being adorable.
"Granny!"
Ignoring the cats rubbing against his legs, Asuka waved toward the old woman smoking her pipe.
"I'm here!"
"Oh?"
Cat Granny slowly opened one eye.
Recognizing Asuka, the wrinkles on her face immediately deepened into a smile.
"Asuka."
"Back to do business with this old woman?"
"Heh."
"Not this time."
"I'm here for something else."
Hearing he wasn't buying anything...
Half of Cat Granny's smile disappeared.
She slowly set down her pipe.
"Speak."
"What do you need?"
"I'm here..."
"...to acquire cats."
"...?"
Holding two kittens in her arms, Yūgao tilted her head.
Acquire... cats?
Did I hear that correctly?
Unlike Yūgao...
Cat Granny wasn't surprised at all.
She calmly opened a notebook and flipped through several pages.
"How rare."
"I never thought Konoha would let you handle D-rank missions again."
"It's been years."
"I assumed that chapter of your life was over."
"I thought so too."
"But I recently became a teacher."
"So I figured..."
"...I'd let the kids grind a few D-ranks."
"How many are you acquiring this time?"
"Let's start with twenty."
"There haven't been many missing cats these past couple of days."
"...Twenty."
Cat Granny glanced through her notebook before quietly whispering something to a nearby kitten.
"Meow."
The kitten nodded before darting outside.
Moments later...
To Yūgao's utter disbelief...
Hundreds of cats of every imaginable color and size poured into the room.
---
Now wearing a pair of cat ears, Asuka slowly surveyed the gathering.
"If you stay with Cat Granny..."
"You'll never starve."
"But you won't exactly eat well."
"I have a better opportunity."
"You can enjoy both."
"Go freeload food..."
"...and affection..."
"...at the homes of villagers who've reported missing cats."
"You all understand what 'never missing a meal' means."
"So I won't waste time explaining."
"I need cats that don't scratch people."
"Cats that love attention."
"Cats that enjoy cuddling."
"Cats willing to sleep beside their owners."
"As for the ninja cats..."
"You can freeload too."
"But don't disappear after two months."
"You need to stay with your new families long-term."
"Oh."
"And leave out the really fat ones."
Asuka grabbed one particularly round cat and lifted it into the air.
"They don't look capable of winning fights."
"If the original cat ever comes back..."
"I need you to chase it away."
"Then politely direct it back here to Cat Granny."
"Teacher!"
Yūgao hurriedly tugged on his sleeve.
"We can't complete missions like this!"
"...Why not?"
Asuka casually tossed the fat cat aside before patting her shoulder.
"Those runaway cats chose to leave."
"They're adults."
"They should take responsibility for their choices."
"There aren't that many free lunches in the world."
"You don't get to spend days wandering around outside..."
"...then happily return to your warm home afterward."
"Think of cats as people."
"It'll make more sense."
As he spoke, he removed his cat ears and gently placed them on Yūgao's head.
"Imagine your husband."
"He runs away."
"He freeloads food..."
"...sleep..."
"...and affection..."
"...from other women."
"Then once he's tired..."
"...he wants to come home."
"Would you accept him?"
"..."
"If those owners couldn't keep their cats' hearts..."
"They can simply raise new cats."
"Besides..."
"We're giving the original cats directions."
"They won't starve."
---
Listening to the cats' conversations through the magical cat ears...
Yūgao slowly fell silent.
She discovered something shocking.
The cats...
Thought exactly like people.
They joked.
Complained.
They even told dirty jokes.
Looking toward one particularly shameless black cat, Yūgao blushed furiously before immediately pointing at it.
"Teacher!"
"That cat!"
"It's saying inappropriate things!"
"..."
Why are even the cats here so indecent?
Removing the cat ears, Yūgao handed them back before picking up a tabby kitten.
"...Teacher."
"These cats don't all look like the missing ones."
"Won't people notice?"
"Don't worry."
"I know an excellent grooming salon."
"...A salon?"
Looking down at the sea of kittens surrounding her feet, Yūgao's expression became increasingly complicated.
At that moment...
She finally understood how her teacher had managed to complete more than three thousand D-rank missions.
Technically...
This felt a little dishonest.
But somehow...
It also felt incredibly satisfying.
After all...
Why should runaway cats be rewarded by returning home after enjoying their freedom?
It was just like a marriage.
If the "wife" grew tired of home...
Ran away...
Lived comfortably elsewhere...
Then eventually wanted to come back...
Why should everything simply return to normal?
The genin who spent days searching...
Thought they'd reunited a family.
But perhaps...
They'd actually forced someone back into a life they no longer wanted.
If a cat desired freedom...
Then let it have freedom.
Just find the owner another cat.
Simple.
By the time she'd finished convincing herself, Yūgao looked at Asuka with newfound admiration.
No wonder...
He's the teacher...
And I'm only the student.
His way of thinking...
Is completely different from ordinary people.