Chapter 11: Teacher, Have We Picked Up the Missions Yet?
It was a bright, sunny day.
Even though it was only February, the sun was warm enough to make people want to peel off a few layers of clothing.
...Much like the person running past them.
"Sigh..."
Yūgao Uzuki wiped the sweat from her forehead as she watched the man in a green jumpsuit sprint into the distance.
"I wonder when I'll have as much energy as Guy-sensei..."
"Morning..."
A weak voice drifted over from beside her.
Turning around, Yūgao saw Hyūga Hanahana slowly making her way toward the meeting place.
She looked absolutely miserable.
With her pale Byakugan and ghostly complexion, she resembled a wandering spirit more than a shinobi.
Seeing her teammate's half-dead appearance, Yūgao shivered.
"Morning, Hanahana."
"You don't look so good either."
Hanahana forced a bitter smile.
"Neither do you."
"I just hope nothing unexpected happens today."
"Yeah..."
"I've been bedridden for two whole days."
"Some of our classmates have already completed two missions."
"A few teams have even finished three D-rank missions."
"Three missions in two days?"
A familiar male voice suddenly interrupted them.
The girls turned around together.
The moment they saw their instructor...
They silently prayed.
Please...
No more surprises today.
We don't even need to learn anything.
Just don't send us back to bed again...
---
Naturally, Asuka had no idea what they were thinking.
Seeing the lingering exhaustion on both girls' faces, he casually placed a hand on each of their shoulders and proudly declared,
"Yūgao."
"Hanahana."
"Have you two ever heard of Konoha's legendary 'Ten a Day'?"
"...!"
The girls' eyes widened simultaneously.
They exchanged horrified glances.
At exactly the same time...
The latest village gossip flashed through both of their minds.
Recently, two major events had taken place in Konoha.
The Fourth Hokage's inauguration.
And his wedding.
Many villagers working outside the village had returned home to celebrate.
According to the neighborhood gossip, one middle-aged couple, reunited after being apart for so long, had quietly "completed their mission" while their child slept.
And according to the village's elderly gossips...
They'd done it...
Ten times in one day.
"..."
Asuka watched in confusion as both girls' pale faces instantly turned bright red.
Their heads lowered.
Their eyes became fixed on the ground as though they'd discovered buried treasure.
He looked down as well.
There was nothing there.
Completely baffled, Asuka reached out to check whether they had fevers.
"Ahhh!"
"Ahhh!"
Two terrified screams shattered the peaceful morning.
The girls simultaneously jumped backward.
Asuka froze with both hands suspended awkwardly in midair.
"..."
Slowly withdrawing them, he looked up at the sparrows flying overhead and sighed inwardly.
These students are impossible.
What did I even do?
Why are they clutching their chests like I'm some kind of criminal...?
---
"Teacher!"
"Sorry I'm late!"
Panting heavily, Iruka came running toward them.
Bending over with his hands on his knees, he apologized repeatedly.
A few moments passed.
Asuka said nothing.
...Teacher isn't going to punish me for being late, is he?
Nervously, Iruka looked up.
"...Teach—"
He blinked.
Asuka was squatting on the ground...
Drawing circles with a twig.
"..."
Iruka turned toward his teammates.
"What's wrong with Teacher?"
"Why does he look so... constipated?"
"Hmph."
Hanahana snorted.
Pulling Iruka closer, she pointed accusingly at Asuka.
"You just got here."
"You don't know what happened."
"He proudly tried telling us that kind of gossip."
"Is that something a teacher should be talking about?"
"...?"
Iruka looked at Asuka.
Then back at Hanahana.
"What kind of gossip?"
Hanahana's cheeks puffed out in anger.
"It's..."
"It's that stupid Konoha legend!"
"'Ten a Day!'"
"Doing it ten times in one day!"
"How is that something to brag about?"
"No!"
"Even if it is something worth bragging about..."
"He shouldn't be saying it in front of two girls!"
As she finished speaking, she angrily kicked a pebble across the ground.
Weren't the Uchiha supposed to be cold and aloof?
Where did this shameless pervert come from?
---
"...Ten a Day?"
Iruka rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"...Isn't that something worth bragging about?"
"I looked into Teacher's background while I was recovering."
"He completed seventeen S-rank missions..."
"One hundred sixty-nine A-rank missions..."
"Two hundred eighty-seven B-rank missions..."
"Three hundred thirty-four C-rank missions..."
"And..."
"...three thousand seventy-eight D-rank missions."
"...How..."
"...How many?"
Hanahana's voice shot up several octaves.
She stared at Iruka in disbelief.
"Iruka..."
"Did you just say... three thousand seventy-eight?"
Iruka nodded proudly toward Asuka.
"That's right."
"Konoha's D-rank mission maniac."
"Back then..."
"The village actually created a new rule because of him."
"Only jōnin leading genin teams were allowed to accept D-rank missions."
"Any other jōnin who accepted them would be fined."
"But Teacher ignored it."
"He paid the fines himself."
"Then he started using shadow clones disguised as other people to accept missions."
"That lasted until someone..."
"I heard it was some self-proclaimed champion of justice..."
"...reported him for disrupting the mission market by accepting jobs even while losing money."
"After that..."
"The Third Hokage assigned several Hyūga clan members to permanently blacklist Teacher at the Mission Assignment Office."
"..."
Hanahana slowly turned toward Asuka.
"So..."
"When Teacher said 'Ten a Day'..."
"He meant ten D-rank missions?"
"Obviously."
Iruka looked at the girls in confusion.
He genuinely couldn't understand what went on inside their heads sometimes.
Back when they were Academy students...
The gossip he'd overheard from the girls was always full of strange dirty jokes.
---
"Teacher..."
"I'm sorry."
Hanahana pulled Yūgao along with her.
Standing behind Asuka, both girls stared guiltily at the circles he'd drawn on the ground.
"We misunderstood."
Asuka casually tossed away the twig and dusted off his hands.
"I'm not that petty."
"When you girls go on missions in the future..."
"If your menstrual cycle causes a mission to fail..."
"I can always perform surgery to modify your body."
"When you get married..."
"If you decide you don't want children..."
"I can also perform sterilization surgery."
"Or perhaps even—"
Before he could finish...
Both girls had begun trembling.
Asuka pursed his lips.
Then vigorously ruffled both of their hair.
"You really can't take a joke."
"I was only teasing you."
"...S-Sorry, Teacher."
"I'm serious."
"I really was joking."
"Come on."
"Let's go."
---
Asuka led the three genin directly toward the Mission Assignment Office.
Originally, the reason he'd studied medical ninjutsu wasn't just because he wanted to explore Yin–Yang Release.
It was also because of two particular people.
Uchiha Mikoto.
And Uchiha Fugaku.
Those two...
Were absolute monsters.
If he hadn't failed to find the right opportunity...
Itachi would never have been born.
What a shame.
I wonder if Lady Mikoto will ask me to perform a tubal ligation someday.
...Or I could just snip Fugaku instead.
---
The moment the four entered the Mission Assignment Office, the smile disappeared from Asuka's face.
His eyes landed on the Hyūga shinobi behind the counter.
"...I'm back."
"Hm?"
The Hyūga looked up.
The moment he recognized Asuka—and the Uchiha fan crest on his back—his expression immediately stiffened.
"...Uchiha Asuka?"
"Mhm."
Asuka nodded enthusiastically.
The Hyūga sniffed.
"There are only C-rank and D-rank missions here."
"If you want S-, A-, or B-rank missions..."
"You'll have to see the Hokage."
"Relax."
Asuka hooked an arm around his three students.
Leaning forward until his chin rested atop Yūgao's head—while absentmindedly wondering why her hair smelled so nice—he grinned.
"I'm a teacher now."
"Hurry up and let me see today's mission list."
"..."
Only then did the Hyūga realize Asuka wasn't alone.
He'd brought three Academy graduates with him.
"...How embarrassing..."
Hanahana forced an awkward smile as she noticed the increasingly suspicious look on her clansman's face.
Teacher really doesn't seem very popular...
---
"Hand it over."
"...Huh?"
Before the Hyūga could react, Asuka snatched the mission list out of his hands.
While picking his nose, he began reading aloud.
"Investigate missing pets..."
"Character background checks..."
"Garbage collection..."
"Search for lost animals..."
"Help harvest sweet potatoes..."
"Babysitting..."
"Still the same old jobs."
After looking it over for a while, he began pointing.
"I'll take five missing-cat investigations."
"Five lost-pet searches."
"No dogs."
"I've hated dogs for the last two years."
"Also three garbage collection jobs."
"Forget babysitting."
"I hate children who run around with diarrhea."
"Oh."
"And this background investigation too—"
"Teacher!"
Yūgao hurriedly tugged at his sleeve.
Looking up at him anxiously, she pleaded,
"That's enough."
"Really."
"That's enough."
"We're accepting missions..."
"...not buying groceries."
"We don't need this many all at once."
Asuka blinked.
Then looked toward the Hyūga behind the counter.
"...Is it really that many?"
"Heh."
The Hyūga let out a cold laugh.
He bent down, picked up another mission scroll that had fallen onto the floor, slammed it onto the counter, and ground out through clenched teeth,
"Every single time you come here..."
"I feel like I'm running a store."
"Thanks."
Asuka happily dumped the pile of mission scrolls into his students' arms.
Then he waved cheerfully at everyone in the office before leading his team out.
---
Nearby, another shinobi swallowed hard as he watched the four figures disappear beneath a mountain of mission scrolls.
"...Why are they allowed to take more than ten missions at once?"
The Hyūga let out a long sigh.
"Because..."
"...that's Uchiha Asuka."
"So?"
"When he first became a ninja..."
"The Mission Assignment Office only had three rules."
"After he showed up..."
"It expanded to eleven."
"Eight of those rules exist..."
"...because of him."