Umbridge "Excellent, very good."
Umbridge resumed her saccharine tone:
Umbridge "Now, wands away. Quills out."
Most students exchanged bewildered, dispirited glances. Five years of Defense Against the Dark Arts instruction, and no professor had ever demanded wand confiscation during the inaugural lesson—even Lockhart had demonstrated Cornish Pixies.
Umbridge surveyed the room, confirming universal compliance with quills, ink, and parchment before extracting her own wand with evident satisfaction. The instrument proved remarkably diminutive—proportional to her stature. She tapped the blackboard, conjuring floating text:
"Principles of Defense Against the Dark Arts"
Umbridge "I must observe that your previous Defense Against the Dark Arts education has been woefully inadequate—constantly rotating instructors, complete disregard for Ministry curriculum standards—resulting in inevitable O.W.L. examination failures. However, these deficiencies will be rectified this year. I shall provide proper, focused, Ministry-approved defensive theory—transcribe everything I say."
Quill scratching filled the classroom like restless insects. Umbridge patrolled with predatory satisfaction until every student completed their transcription.
Umbridge "Now, everyone possesses Wilbert Slinkhard'sDefensive Magical Theory, correct?"
Scattered murmurs of acknowledgment rippled through the room.
Umbridge "I must emphasize proper protocol—when I pose questions, you will respond 'Yes, Professor Umbridge.' Let us attempt this again. Everyone possesses Wilbert Slinkhard'sDefensive Magical Theory?"
"Yes, Professor Umbridge."
The classroom responded with mechanical uniformity.
Umbridge "Splendid."
Umbridge beamed with maternal satisfaction:
Umbridge "Turn to page five, Chapter One: 'Basic Principles for Beginners.' Absolute silence."
Professor Umbridge abandoned the classroom center, settling near her lectern to observe each student with hawkish intensity. Orli opened her textbook, feigning scholarly engagement while her mind wandered. This exceeded even Professor Binns's legendary tedium. She contemplated strategies for neutralizing this bureaucratic menace, but inspiration remained elusive. Beside her, Harry's head swiveled with barely contained agitation; ahead, Ron twirled his quill unconsciously; diagonally forward, Hermione fixed Umbridge with unsettling calm—her book remained unopened.
Minutes crawled past in oppressive silence. Growing numbers noticed Hermione's peculiar behavior. Even Umbridge could no longer ignore the defiance:
Umbridge "Do you have questions regarding this chapter, dear?"
Hermione "Not about the book."
Hermione replied with crystalline clarity.
Umbridge "Then continue reading."
Umbridge displayed her teeth in a predatory smile:
Umbridge "Other inquiries may be addressed after class."
Hermione "I have questions about your teaching objectives."
Hermione persisted with unwavering determination.
Umbridge finally granted Hermione direct attention:
Umbridge "Your name?"
Hermione "Hermione Granger."
Hermione answered without hesitation.
Umbridge "Well, Miss Granger, my objectives are perfectly transparent—had you listened attentively."
Umbridge declared with bureaucratic finality.
Hermione "Yet you mentioned nothing about practical defensive spell application."
Hermione observed with surgical precision.
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