The good news was that nobody here had actually had their stomach removed.
The bad news was that the research was proceeding in full swing—quite literally, in the most explosive sense imaginable.
Within the very first hour of the very first day after the project launched—
From Courtroom No. 1 on the tenth basement level, which Minister Bones had temporarily converted into a laboratory, came a series of ear-splitting explosions.
Jane Yu, who was researching spell-resistant clothing in Room No. 2, burst through the door wand-first. She was fully armored in the Flamel family's ancestral battle robes, topped with a Bubble-Head Charm.
The scene inside was utter devastation: what had once been solid stone tables and chairs now lay in ruins. A brass cauldron on the floor was reduced to smoking fragments, its blackened edges still hissing with heat. The shelf beside the table had toppled over, scattering potion ingredients across the floor like confetti from hell. Only the potion cabinet in the corner remained miraculously intact.
But the wreckage wasn't the worst part—the toxic fumes made the room nearly uninhabitable.
A acrid stench of burnt ingredients mixed with the sinister reek of Acromantula venom, filling the laboratory with an ominous black-green haze that seemed to writhe with malevolent life.
Jane Yu sucked in a sharp breath at the sight.
She should have known—a workplace accident had struck after all!
Had Augustus really been blown to wizard bits this time?
"Augustus?" she called out. "Where are you? Are you still breathing?"
Something dark twitched beneath the rubble of stone furniture—probably an arm.
Jane Yu quickly employed Levitation and Repair Charms to shift the debris and drag him free.
Augustus's robes had been blasted to ribbons, hanging off his body in tatters and exposing bare skin beneath.
"Cough, cough!" Blackened beyond recognition, Augustus's sooty face revealed only two white eyes and a flash of teeth as he grinned. He clutched something in his fist. "Everything's perfectly under control... Thanks to your Spell-Shielding Hat and Robes—my arms and legs are still attached! I used to have to reattach them myself, which is how I perfected my orthopedic techniques..."
Completely unbothered by his half-naked state, he opened his clenched hand—
Inside was a lump of black-green, charcoal-like substance of questionable origin.
"Were you attempting alchemy?" Jane Yu quipped, already imagining herself singing prison ballads in Azkaban. "Let me guess—you tried to boil the cauldron completely dry to extract the residue at the bottom, thinking you could create pills, and triggered an explosion instead? Do you remember Chapter One of Magical Drafts and Potions from first year? Boiling potions dry completely transforms the magical properties of the ingredients!"
Augustus shuddered; Jane's words seemed to awaken some deeply buried student trauma, causing him to blurt out:
"You're absolutely right, Professor Snape! Five points from Ravenclaw!"
Former Hogwarts graduate and Snape victim, meet current Hogwarts student and Snape beneficiary—both fell into stunned silence.
It wasn't difficult to imagine what kind of brewing torture this wildly inventive Augustus had endured under Snape's tutelage, developing such a well-practiced reflex for deducting points from his own House that it persisted years after graduation.
"Er... brewing potions yourself is different from giving patients ready-made ones..." he mumbled sheepishly. "I barely scraped an Acceptable..."
In short, Augustus's shortcomings in potion-brewing were now glaringly obvious.
Jane Yu immediately imposed a brewing ban on him.
"Cherish life—stay away from potions. Focus on medicine instead," she sighed deeply. "As long as you don't try extracting anyone's heart, liver, spleen, lungs, or kidneys, I can work with everything else. Here are some research directions based on frontline Auror requests: emergency treatment for Cruciatus Curse victims, rapid-healing bandages, powerful anti-choking and fire-suppression spells, anti-curse topical treatments..."
Feeling appropriately chastened, Augustus agreed readily, donning fresh Spell-Shielding gear and promising never to cause another workplace accident.
Jane Yu believed that as long as he stayed away from potion-brewing and vital organ extraction, this brilliant healer couldn't possibly cause more trouble.
But she soon realized her optimism was tragically premature.
Because before she'd even warmed her chair—
The enchantments on her Flamel ancestral robes automatically triggered, enveloping her entire form in a shimmering silver shield!
Another series of explosions erupted, even more devastating than before, threatening to reduce the entire tenth level to rubble!
Fortunately, she reacted swiftly, casting a series of reinforced Protego charms to shield the corridors and walls, preventing this nearly three-hundred-year-old Ministry building from complete collapse.
Once bitten, twice shy—or in this case, twice blown up, thrice prepared.
After the blast subsided, Jane Yu took exactly 0.01 seconds to cast a Bubble-Head Charm as a gas mask, then charged wand-first into the adjacent room.
The scene was horrifying!
The laboratory assigned to Augustus for medical and potion research had become a complete wasteland: the freshly repaired stone furniture was once again reduced to fragments, even the sturdy wall bricks had cracked and were shedding powder through spreading fissures. Every cauldron in the corner—regardless of material—was now scattered debris. The shelves and their potion ingredients had been incinerated to ash, and even the previously intact storage cabinet had been obliterated.
Before she could ask where he was, an arm confidently emerged from the wreckage.
Jane Yu, now a seasoned expert at disaster recovery, efficiently cleared the debris—
And extracted 0.5 + 0.25 + 0.25 of an Augustus.
But Augustus was even more skilled at self-repair than she was at rescue operations. With practiced ease, he used his intact right arm to cast bone-mending spells, reattaching his left arm, then straightened his left leg and downed a bottle of specialized Skele-Gro he'd prudently stashed in his Spell-Shielding Robes. Several additional charms ensured perfect joint alignment and smooth mobility.
As he'd claimed, his orthopedic skills were truly Britain's finest.
Soon he'd reassembled himself completely and stood with an awkward grin.
"Actually, I was researching emergency treatment for Cruciatus Curse victims. Would you believe that?"
Faced with Jane Yu's "let's hear this explanation" expression, Augustus broke into a cold sweat, scratching his head nervously.
"Just a minor miscalculation... I was studying emergency measures for Cruciatus victims. You see, prolonged exposure typically proves fatal because the curse causes violent internal organ spasms. After several applications, the victim's heart frequently fails. But wizarding healing spells are inadequate, so I visited Muggle hospitals to observe their supplementary medical techniques."
He mysteriously produced a half-destroyed pill box from his ruined robes' right pocket, whispering:
"This is all that survived... It's a Muggle miracle drug they use for heart attacks. Take a look."
Jane Yu accepted the box and was shocked by the label—
Nitroglycerin tablets!
"Before coming here, I quietly purchased the manufacturer's entire inventory... naturally, I paid in pounds," Augustus sighed. "I believed this miracle drug had tremendous research potential—it might fill the gaps in our cardiac treatments. After all, you can't simply regrow a heart. So I used Specialis Revelio for analysis, then Diffindo variants to extract the components... then I added catalytic potion ingredients... and well, you witnessed the aftermath..."
The explosion's cause was finally clear. Jane Yu felt her hand trembling as she held the nitroglycerin.
"Do you realize you were manufacturing explosives?" she asked with hollow dread. "Thank Merlin for Shield Charms—otherwise we might already be singing Azkaban blues as fugitives—"
Her words died as Augustus's face turned deathly pale!
Following his horrified gaze, she spotted a bloodless foot protruding from the corner rubble!
"We're finished... really heading to Azkaban now..." Augustus muttered. "I... I've killed someone! How could anyone else be here? Who was it?"
"Forget the prison songs!" Jane Yu quickly excavated the wizard fragments and began casting healing spells. "Still warm! We can save him!"
"You're right," Augustus snapped to attention, nodding rapidly. "Thank goodness I kept some potions in my robes... I'll extract part of his intestines and administer the medicine directly—maximum absorption rate! Before the Ministry notices someone's mysteriously vanished—don't give up, we can still save him!"
Their efforts proved worthwhile—Augustus'sGasterexigo and Entrail-Expelling Curse finally found their proper application.
But just as they performed emergency treatment, footsteps echoed from the doorway!
Both looked up in terror to see Minister Bones standing there, surveying the scene!
Caught red-handed. This time, they were truly finished!
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