The interior of W&J Wizarding Wheezes was still very much a work in progress.
Though the walls and shopfront had been freshly painted and redecorated, the merchandise was yet to be properly arranged. Cardboard boxes filled the stockroom to bursting, leaving barely any space to move, and unopened goods were stacked so high outside they nearly touched the ceiling.
The twins set to work unpacking boxes, stocking the empty shelves with their wares.
"This lot's all the students' favourites—you know, the classics, specially designed for dealing with professors," said Fred, giving major shareholder Jane Yu a product manager's tour. "Skiving Snackboxes—the nosebleed ones; Trick Wands—our hottest item; Canary Creams—those need to be kept out of Ginny's sight; and these Auto-Answer Quills and Spell-Checking Quills…"
Jane Yu was long used to these little gadgets—they were all inventions the twins had cooked up over the past few years.
But the next box they opened left her speechless—
A pile of edible Dark Marks!
"You really have jumped on the latest trend," Jane Yu said, picking up a skull with a snake curling from its mouth. "Pity the Death Eaters can't register a company logo with the Ministry, but I reckon their merchandise would sell like hotcakes."
The twins' eyes lit up, practically glowing.
"Chasing trends, keeping up with the times!" they chorused, giving her a thumbs up. "Thanks to you, we've got loads of experience making merchandise! Give us a Dark Mark and we'll turn it into stickers, tattoos, fireworks—you name it! And if you could get us a high-res photo of You-Know-Who, we could have his statue and all his Death Eaters streaking through the streets. His fans would be fighting to buy them—we'd make a fortune!"
No sooner had they finished than a loud, choking sound came from the doorway, as if someone was being strangled.
All three turned to look. The twins immediately let out an exaggerated hiss, and Fred called out mockingly, "Officer!"
Now Jane Yu finally understood who the "annoying Ministry bloke" was.
It was none other than their own brother: Percy Weasley.
"They'll murder you in your sleep!" Percy's face was ghostly pale as he stared at his brothers in horror, nearly fainting. "How dare you—Dark Marks—You-Know-Who and Death Eaters—high-res—streaking—Merlin's beard, I'm not approving your shop licence, I'm going straight back to the office to get your paperwork!"
"Oi!" Fred and George protested in unison. "What paperwork—your high-res cauldron reports?"
Percy's face went from white to crimson in a heartbeat—pure, righteous outrage.
"You—you—you—do you call this proper? You wrote 'joke shop' on your application, and you're selling this sort of sordid rubbish? Is this right? Is this decent? Is this suitable for underage students?"
He yanked a large ledger from his robes, voice rising an octave as he read:
"Date: Monday; Action: Routine patrol; Location: Weasley's Wizard Wheezes; Incident: Stocking love potions banned by the Ministry's latest regulations—no major impact, fined 2 Galleons.
Date: Tuesday; Action: Routine patrol; Location: Weasley's Wizard Wheezes; Incident: Insulting a public official—raising the third finger of the right hand at this officer, making an international gesture of goodwill—fined 3 Galleons.
Date: Wednesday; Action: Routine inspection; Location: Weasley's Wizard Wheezes; Incident: Manufacturing a realistic executioner's noose game—suspected of promoting serious bloodshed and violence—no major impact, fined 2 Galleons.
Date: Thursday; Action: Routine inspection; Location: Weasley's Wizard Wheezes; Incident: Assaulting a public official—causing bruising to this officer's eye, damaging the Ministry's image—fined 5 Galleons…"
Jane Yu, listening from behind the twins, was stunned by the endless list of daily fines and infractions—half of them apparently consisted of the twins beating up or arguing with their own brother.
Born of the same family, why torment each other so?
Was Percy Weasley really planning to get rich by fining his own brothers?
"All right, enough! Isn't this all about money?" George, his head throbbing from the recitation, dug into his pocket and produced a handful of Galleons. "I'll give you five Galleons, Percy—let us punch your left cheek. Then another five, you turn the other cheek. Then another five, and you sign off our paperwork—"
Percy was so furious his hair nearly stood on end. He snatched the Galleons and flung them aside, rolling his eyes.
"Attempting to bribe a public official! Absolutely disgraceful! Just look at yourselves—failing your exams is one thing, but you've managed to open a joke shop that's practically dabbling in gambling, vice, blood, and violence! Why don't you open up in Knockturn Alley? Diagon Alley can't contain the likes of you!"
"Brilliant idea!" Fred and George said together. "We'll open our next branch in Knockturn Alley! No paperwork needed!"
"You—you—" Percy, feeling he might die of exasperation, played his trump card. "Don't forget, you still need my signature for your paperwork. I'm telling you, if you keep this up, my name will never appear on your business licence!"
The twins fell silent, exchanging a reluctant glance.
Fred raised an eyebrow, while George strode over and pulled down the shop's shutter.
"What are you doing?" Percy bristled, every hair on end. "If you dare assault a Ministry official again, it won't be just five Galleons this time!"
"Sensitive, are you, Percy?" Fred mocked. "Can't a public official even take us on?"
"We've no intention of doing it ourselves—you're so feeble you'd fall over if we so much as touched you," George said, grinning wickedly as he stepped aside to reveal Jane Yu behind the shelves. "But if I bring out our shareholder, the famous Miss Jane, how do you plan to handle that?"
Now it was Percy's turn to be struck dumb.
He instantly performed a lightning-fast transformation in front of his brothers: straightening his back, smoothing his slightly messy hair with his right hand so the gel would hold, nervously setting aside his enforcement ledger, and neatening his wizarding robes until he looked perfectly presentable.
Finally, with an air of utmost formality, he took three precise steps forward, cleared his throat with a fist to his mouth, extended his right hand, and launched into his classic opening:
"How are you?"
~~~~❃❃~~~~~~~~❃❃~~~~
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