Three years ago, Mor had awoken in a hospital, pain burning throughout his entire body. He was still wounded, in more places than he could count. The reason for this was his father. Remembering that moment made his heart rate spike. And even worse, at this moment, Mor realized that he was inches away from death.
Otherwise he would be completely healed by now.
Life Essences were capable of healing a person's wounds completely. But if a person was close to death, they would need to consume more than a hundred plus Life Essences. This realization all but increased MorDrigin's spiked heart rate. And in addition to that, he felt a world of pain crashing into his soul.
Though Mor wanted to cry his heart out, he held it in. As he felt he deserved this, it was his fault.
Three days later, despite not being well enough, Mor went out into the hospital courtyard and began training. He kept on training, pushing himself while ignoring the pain eating away at him.
Multiple times Mor was asked, almost forced even to return to his room and rest. But he wouldn't allow agree, he wouldn't allow them. He just kept on training.
Three hours after he began to train, a sound of footsteps echoed in the courtyard. Yet MorDrigin paid it no mind.
"Mor?" His mother had called out.
Hearing his mother's voice startled MorDrigin for a moment. But he continued what he was doing. Thrusting a stick in front of him, working on his forms while wincing every second or so.
"Hi Mom. Why are you here?" Mor had asked, a forced chip voice in toe.
TayDrigin did not respond immediately. Looking at Mor, she felt her heart sink.
"What are you doing Mor?" She had asked, taking another step closer to Mor.
"What do you mean Mom? I'm training." Mor responded.
"Mor, you're not..."
"Oh come on Mom, of course I'm..." Just as Mor was about to defend himself, he felt a sharp pain in his chest, causing him to trip over and fall.
He didn't get to touch the ground before TayDrigin rushed in and held him in place.
Wincing and holding his chest, Mor did his best to suppress the pain. Then he stood on his feet, pulling himself away from his mother's grip.
"I'm fine Mom." He said, looking for his stick. Just when he was about to pick it up, TayDrigin held him in place. Turning to his mother, Mor held her gaze for a second before speaking. "Mom..."
"You need to rest Mor."
"I don't..." He wince once more. "I don't need to rest Mom, I need to train. Now please let me go." Mor turned back to his stick and tried to reach for it. But he was still held in place.
"Mor...you're still wounded. You need to..."
"No Mom, I need to train. I'm not good enough...I need to become better, I need to..."
Mor did not get to finish his words before TayDrigin pulled him in for an embrace, holding him tight.
"You're good enough Mor...you're good enough."
Hesitating for a moment, Mor wanted to push her away and get back to his training. But then, he lost all energy to do so as he felt his heart well within him. At once, he couldn't control himself as tears fell from his eyes in a steady stream.
'Why am I not goo enough?' Mor thought, the words ringing in his head as he watched the Unformed Ethos racing for him. Ready to rip him into shreds.
As he sat on the floor, leaning against the tree he was thrown into, MorDrigin didn't even have the strength to move a finger. He was consumed by pain, too much pain.
He just sat and stared at the Unformed.
'What's even the point?' Mor had thought, just as the Unformed spun, sending its tail rushing toward Mor.
*CRASH*
The tree was completely obliterated. But MorDrigin was absent from the scene.
A couple of distance away, behind several trees, Mor was leaning on another tree. One in which his mother had just placed him against.
Looking at her, Mor saw her produce a Life Essence out of a spark of light. Without wasting any time, she placed it in his hands and helped him crush it.
After crushing it, the glowing green dust flew into him, seeping through his skin.
At once the pain subsided, and the ringing in his ears began to decrease in intensity so he could faintly make out people's voices.
"He failed so fast."
"How could he lose like that? He's older than all Seedlings here."
"I didn't even know he was a Seedling."
"So that's MorDrigin? The failure of the Drigin family?"
"Quiet!" TayDrigin had yelled, raising her voice for the first time. The sound of her voice was so mighty, he shook everyone to their core, silencing them for presumably an eternity.
Lingering for a moment, TayDrigin returned her sights to Mor, then she asked, "Are you okay?"
It had taken a second, but Mor finally responded with a nod. Which she had caused great relief to her.
"Lady Drigin." One of the Watchers had called out, pulling her attention toward the Unformed headed their way.
"The next Seedling may go." She gave her permission. And without hesitating, a Seedling ran out. He was holding a scimitar with a chain attached to its pummel, while making his way to the Unformed with great confidence.
Taking in a deep breath, Mor made to stand, but was halted by his mother and sister. It would seem even Helai was biting his sleeve, trying to hold him down.
"I'm okay. I pro..."
"He did it!" A Watcher screamed, and what followed was a burst of black clouds.
Following this, Mor found himself in a massive hall, where the echo of the Watcher's words rang infinitely.
"He did it."
At once screams of jubilation filled the air, as everyone — except Mor's group — ran out to congratulate the Seedling.
'He did it. So easily.' Mor had thought, as he felt his being crumbling.
***
Standing in a corner, Mor made sure to be as far away from everyone as he scratched at a tree with his index finger. After giving it a good scratch, the tree began to bend, so its head fell to the ground.
Making his way over to its head, Mor began to pick out a pinkish red fruit. A Nivite mango. As Mor picked out the Nivite mangoes, he tried to focus his mind on the task and nothing else.
But time and time again, his head drifted back to the Unformed. The many Unformed. For the past five hours, they had encountered a total of ten Unformed. Ten times this day he had lost to an Unformed, only for other Seedlings to succeed where he failed. Ten good times.
Then again, it didn't really matter. Because after Mor failed the second time, he had all but lost all will to even try. So each time he failed after that, it was because he didn't give it his all.
Doing so had alleviated the pain of failing. Mor wanted to hold some control over his failures, so that at the end of the day, he would know that he was the factor which stopped him from being an Amyntor, not his ineptitude. That would hurt way more.
Thinking on those who succeeded, Mor felt a tinge of happiness for LoriHaden. Contrary to what he expected, her and her sister MayHaden weren't a mirror of his relationship with his sister.
At the end of the day, LoriHaden succeeded, so she wouldn't be the one that brought shame to her family.
This was good for her. Mor just wished he could have said the same for Calis. Who — as the seconds went by — Mor was finding him becoming the mirror he was expecting LoriHaden to be.
At least he was still trying, unlike Mor. That was the difference between them both.
Perhaps, if Calis failed over a three over dozens of times like Mor, maybe he too would give up. But he doubted Calis would fail so many times. Mor was just never good enough.
Why was he never any good enough? Why could he not succeed no matter how much he tried?
'Damn it.' Mor thought, then squeezed a Nivite Mango so hard it burst, squirting its juices everywhere.
Looking at the chunks of fruit left in his hands, Mor felt annoyed by the fact that he just wasted it. But then, pullings his gaze was the sight of movement just out of his range of view. So he looked down, and saw several dirt rats emerging from the soil and picking out the chunks of fruit before burrowing back into the dirt.
Seeing the dirt rats, Mor remembered a scene from one of his favourite novels. A scene in which he always wanted to replicate in his own book as a direct inspiration from that scene.
Thinking on this, Mor felt a sort of calm followed by deep sadness.
It didn't matter that he wasn't good enough. Not anymore. He was going to find happiness and comfort in the pages of his and others' books. That was what mattered.
'Being an Amyntor was never my destiny either ways, there was no point in fighting it.' Mor thought. Suddenly wishing the day after tomorrow would come now. So all of this would be over and done with.
Pulling his head away from the tree and toward the group in the distance, Mor felt hurt when he saw his sister picking out berries from crawling hedges. He felt hurt because he had finally decided. He made the decision right after he failed the second time this day. He made the decision that he would follow his mother to Canopus, and leave Sai behind.
'I'm sorry Sai.' Mor thought, as he felt his heart bleed.
*CREAK*
The sound pulled Mor's thoughts away from Sai and toward the tree he was plucking fruits from.
Seeing the tree erecting itself once more, MorDrigin had cleared his throat and focused his mind. At once he scratched on the tree once more and it bent low, so he continued to pick out the best Nivite mangoes and place them in a bag TayDrigin had produced from her Inventory and handed out to all the Seedlings.
***
It didn't take long for the group to finish up gathering fruits and finding a good spot to set up camp. Said good spot being near a stream with an open space not interrupted by trees.
As of now, it was already five in the evening. And though it wasn't so late that a group should be setting up camp just yet, they did this because by this time, all Unformed would have recoiled into lumps of stone, uninterrupted till six in the morning.
So as of now, it only made sense to rest up.
Producing a wooden disk from her her Inventory, TayDrigin placed it on the floor. Then using a rock, she smacked it twice so it caught on fire instantly. The fire grew to the size of a normal camp fire. And despite the flames, the wooden disk did not burn up.
The light illuminated their immediate vicinity, which was important because the lights of the luminescent plants were starting to fade. So that just like the effects of sun's absence, the world began to be cloaked by darkness.
Proceeding the fire, most of the Seedlings gathered around it. Leaving some to stay outside the circle. Mor was part of those outside the circle.
He instead found comfort on a tree, leaning against it as he bit down on his Nivite mango. The Nivite mango had a strange and delicious taste. In that it tasted just like a mango, but somehow it also tasted like boiled sweet potatoes.
Mor wasn't complaining.
He just ate his mangoes as he ran himself through his thoughts. This time he wasn't thinking of all the pain he was going through one way or another, but of the story he was weaving.
At this part of his story, the main character and his cohorts had just reached a new city, where they would try to get help in fighting off their enemy. But the struggle now would be to convince the leader of this city to help them.
This was the part Mor was trying to piece together.
As he was thinking, he picked out movement from the side of his eye. Causing him to remove his mind from his thoughts and place it on the approaching figure. It was Sai.
"Hey brother." SaiDrigin said with a faint smile on her face as she made her way to his side while caressing the black blob in her hands.
Seeing Sai, Mor forced a smile.
"Hey Sai," Mor responded, then placed his gaze on the glowing blob. "How's your Ethos?"
SaiDrigin made herself comfortable on the side of the tree he was sitting against, then she placed her gaze on the fire ahead.
"It's okay. I think anyway. It's seeping some of my energy so I think its okay." SaiDrigin responded, now placing her eyes on the bonding Ethos.
"Well, then it's okay. As long as you feel it, then it should be okay." MorDrigin responded, giving a certain response from what he had read from his many many books. Though they were mostly fiction, they were still grounded in the reality of their world Nova. And he had read many times about Unformed sucking energy so they could Form. Which meant that much was true enough.
"I see," Sai responded, then hesitated for a moment.
Noticing her jitteriness, he asked.
"You want to say something?"
Once she heard Mor's words, she wanted to open her mouth to say something. But she didn't.
"Sai?" Mor called out.
Following this, she rose her head and smiled.
"I just...you haven't given up have you?" Sai said, pointing her gaze toward Mor.
Her words had caught Mor by surprise, leaving him stunned. Was that fact really so obvious?
Falling his gaze, MorDrigin searched for the appropriate words to say. But found he didn't have any. So he decided to tell the truth.
"Me trying won't change..."
"You can't give up brother." SaiDrigin blurted.
"It's....I have tried Sai."
"You have to keep trying. You can't give up, even if there is a ninety nine percent chance of failure, you have to keep shoot for that one percent." Sai said, something reminiscent of a plea present in her voice.
'Ninety nine percent.' Mor thought, then he grinned. 'Those are the chances aren't they?'
Not eager to argue with Sai, Mor took another bite of his mango.
"Let's just see how tomorrow pans out." Mor said as he chewed.
"You will try. Right brother?" Sai insisted and Mor hesitated. Then he grinned once more.
Mor did not respond immediately. He thought on what she was asking him, and if he should actually listen. But just then, he remembered that if he did give in, he'd only be setting himself up for a world of hurt.
He didn't want to feel this hurt. Not anymore.
"I will." Mor said, lying through his teeth.
"Promise." Sai said, causing Mor to grit his teeth.
'Why did she have to ask me to promise?' Mor thought, hating the fact that he would have to break a promise.
Hesitating...Mor thought on how to escape this. And just when he was about to speak, a scream broke into the air. Frightening everyone to their core.