Feeling like I was far enough away, I panted heavily before wincing and grabbing onto my shoulder. Luckily, I hadn't reopened the wound since my shirt didn't have any fresh blood on it. Releasing a sigh, I rested my back on what I thought was a tree but quickly noticed otherwise.
What the heck? This is soft and spongy.
Instantly, I turned around to notice it was a giant mushroom, and not only that. They were everywhere. It was a miracle I hadn't tripped on them running there.
Ah… really?
During my mindless getaway, I discovered one of Allora's wonders: its mushroom forest. I had always wanted to visit it with Alijah and even mentioned it to him in my dreams, but that day would never come.
No, I'll have to experience this alone whenever I am free from my curse.
Although the mushrooms shone in various colors, creating a magical atmosphere in the dark forest, my heart felt heavy. Once I left, my mind wandered to what they might've been doing. They were probably talking, which would lead to much more.
After all, I knew my wolf and how passionate he was when he wanted to be. Closing my eyes, I remembered the feeling Cain had left on my lips.
Is that how Alijah feels every time we kiss? It has to be. I'm… I'm so sorry.
That thought alone made me feel like emptying my stomach right where I was.
Damn it, I'm a disgusting woman. No different from all the men and women you've met. Before. I even used the bond to my advantage. Everything I wanted to be to you, I'll never be! Not even a friend… I'll… There is no way you'll keep me around after everything we've done.
Not even the pretty scenery would soothe my soul tonight. Usually, I could push past my emotions to fake positivity, but I felt hollow.
I never knew sorrow would feel like this. When I said I could handle this, I was wrong.
There was no one around to comfort me either. I never thought I would miss my family as much as I did, but even they would leave me one day. Mom and Dad couldn't live forever and were already getting old.
My siblings would marry and go their separate ways, and by then, I would be left alone.
Is this what Aunty Amelia felt before Dad lived with her? Would one of my siblings also take me in?
Before I knew it, tears swelled out of my eyes and streaked down my cheeks. I tried to hold them in, but they kept spilling out of me. Back in Silverant, I had everything I wanted. I was surrounded by love, and my family cared for me even if they dismissed me.
During this journey, I even got to experience all I could have wanted from Alijah. The only thing I lacked was his heart.
Why can't I be happy? Why do I have to want more? It's not fair! I had my taste! It has to be enough! Please… heart… let it be enough!
It wasn't long before I broke into a sob as my legs gave out.
"Why... couldn't it have been me? Why... was I born in this era? Ah... I never had a chance, did I, Alijah?" I wept, falling onto my knees.
The surrounding mushrooms shimmered into the night so beautifully that they even outshone the stars. A nasty cloud soon covered the celestial bodies that wouldn't accompany me tonight.
Just my luck… Will it rain? I hope not.
The warmth Alijah had given me the previous night faded with every thought that ran through my mind. Lilith held him without hesitation, unlike me, who felt I would intrude if I did.
Ah… the way they must've been making love at this moment.
There was no way I could go back there.
Why can't the ground swallow me up and put my misery to an end?
Unlike Aunty Amelia, all I was to my family was a burden to hide and be ashamed of. I was the failure of the Silver Fang legacy, yet I had to go back there.
I know you all love me, but I'll never be free, will I?
Without Alijah, I couldn't safely kill Edna, and with Lilith in his hands, there was no reason for him to help me anymore.
Why... do I have to exist in this world? Why must I love a man who'll never love me back? The gods have to hate me.
I glanced down at my right arm, where there was a simple silver bracelet. It was my contingency plan if I needed my family to find me. Back at the shadow beast, I didn't use it because if they had found Alijah, it would've ended in imprisonment.
You all don't have to do that anymore, though. Alijah won't hurt the world where she lives.
Slowly, I reached for it, as all I needed to do was take it off, which would allow Vera's or Mom's tracking spell to activate and tell them where I was. Instead of pulling it right off, I stopped, curling up into a ball.
No, I can't. That would be selfish of me.
I would give them this night to be together before the drama ensued. Even though I was alone, there were no ghost orbs. I hadn't seen one since I left the couple—something that had never happened before.
Well, unless Alijah is around, which is impossible. You'd never leave Lilith, the woman you've desired for six thousand years, alone to follow me. I'm not fragile or pretty like she is. I'm just an abomination and your captor.
I had freed him from all previous commands from the bond, too.
Ah... I wonder why you haven't killed me yet.
After all, I had told him to do what he wanted. Perhaps holding me under him for six months made him soft.
"Hah, I guess I can relish that victory. I made the craziest Lycan alive a big softy!" I announced to the world, yet no one was around to hear it.
Tears still trailed down my cheeks as I couldn't help but hold my hands tightly against my chest.
"Ah… It isn't enough." My voice broke as I picked up a few rocks before throwing one at a group of mushrooms in the distance.
The impact caused them to erupt in spores, creating a mist resembling the sky's missing stars. It would've been a beautiful scene if my heart hadn't been shredded.
Without you here, everything seems dull.
Aiming with another one, I was about to throw it when something grabbed me by the back of my shirt, dragging me away.
What the heck?! Is it a wild animal?!
However, Allora didn't have any animals that could drag anyone around.
A deer? Maybe their horn got caught on my shirt? But I didn't hear anything near me!
I was a luma, not a Lycan, but even so, my hearing was better than a human's. Unable to recover, I was quickly dropped off by an area away from the spreading spores. When I turned around, my jaw dropped as I spotted someone who shouldn't have been there.
I… I don't understand! How…
"Why the fuck are you always trying to get yourself into trouble? Honestly, I don't know if you're really brain-dead or something else. Those have hallucinogenic properties and can be deadly even to Lycans in high dosages!" Alijah scolded, shifting to his humanoid form.
"W-Why are..." I trailed off as my brain lagged behind me, unable to make sense of anything anymore.
"Because you're a stupid luma. Why weren't you letting me speak back there?! Be thankful I was here to save you!" He snapped, fangs flashing.
What's so important that you had to leave her? Don't you understand she's alone out there?!
I was trying too hard to be strong, but I couldn't anymore. My sanity was shattering.
Just how long were you… Is rejecting me so important? I don't want to hear it!
"Maybe it would've been best if I died!" I yelled, triggering his nasals to flare.
"What?! For whom exactly?!" He questioned, grabbing onto my arm.
"Let go of me!" I shouted, yanking my limb away only for it to sting, yet I wouldn't back down.
"Rem…" Alijah breathed.
"Who wouldn't be better off if I died? You wouldn't have to worry about me and our stupid bond! Everyone in this fucking world doesn't give a damn about me! I'm a fucking luma! Weak and..." I trailed off, wincing.
A burden to my family that saw it fit to lock me up to protect me. But is it me who they are protecting or their reputation?
Usually, parents drop their hybrid children in Celestelia.
Perhaps that fate would have been better for me.Fewer worries and responsibilities for all of you!
"Rem, that isn't true." Alijah reached for me again, only for me to slap his hand away.
Ah... I'm going to hurt you. Alijah... I'm sorry. I lied when I said I wouldn't. I... can't stop myself.
My emotions were swirling out of control as the curse responded to them.
"Why... are you here?! Do you need to tell me so bad that you don't love me to move on?! That you need to be freed! Don't worry, I'll free you when I see Vera! I can't do it alone!" I snapped.
His crimson gaze also responded to the moon's aura coming from me.
"Rem, I—" Alijah tried speaking, but it was too late.
I'm done. There isn't any point in going back anymore. If you are so determined to reject me, I'll have you one last time.
"Don't you dare speak, move from where you are, or touch me until I order you so!" I commanded, prompting the bond to take hold of him immediately.
My body was shaking, and I knew I was going insane. I had to be for what I was about to do to my dear Alijah.
"Hah... I don't understand! Why are you here?! Where's Lilith?! I really don't understand!" I grabbed onto my chest, feeling my mark burn.
My breaths were getting shorter with each emotion I unleashed on him. Even though none of this was his fault, I chose to love him, even though I knew he would never be mine.
I'm sorry. So sorry.
"Compared to her, I... am nothing to you. I know that! You don't need to tell me!" My voice broke as tears streaked down my cheeks.
Never want me again, never look at me again! Hate me so you'll never want me near you again. It's the only way I'll ever… move on.
"You've loved her for thousands of years! So why are you standing before me when she's waiting for you?! Is it because of the bond?! Is it because I forced you into this relationship we had?!" I paused, feeling my voice leave me.
Why does this have to be so complicated? Ah… because once said… it's no longer a thought… but a reality.
"Don't worry, Alijah. I always knew it was physical for you, even when I professed my love for you!" I screamed, feeling a pulse of energy come from me and into the ground underneath.
It caused the earth to shake around us even slightly, alerting me that I was losing it.
By the gods... how much could I love a man? I would give the world to you.
"I'm not as stupid to think I could replace her, so I kept my promise and brought you to her! I'll release you." My voice shook even though the words kept rolling out of me.
Why… Does… No… Nothing matters.
"I'll let you go, my love! I won't be your captor anymore or hold your leash! I'll free you so you can be happy, even if it kills me!" I declared, closing my eyes as my chest felt emptier with every word that left me.
All I felt were even more chains that gripped me, tying me in place. Every memory I had of him was tainted.
There was never any love there. I'm your captor, nothing else. So, of course, you'd keep me happy.
I wanted to be pulled into the ground below and never surface again.
Another wish that won't come true.
For a moment, I gazed at my wolf, whose jaw clenched, eyes scrunched up, and had a firm frown on his lips. His eyes glossed as he bit his lip, unable to articulate a single word to me.
Ah… What would you say to me right now if you could speak? Nothing good, surely. No, this is the only way for me.
"Now that Lilith's here. There's no way you'll kill everyone, right?" I mumbled, grabbing onto my chest.
"If you are going to kill everyone, please spare my family. If holding me through all these months was a bother to you, then you can kill me, too. In fact, kill me when you're free. Please, Alijah, end my fucking misery." I whimpered, shifting my gaze away from him.
There was no holding this anymore.
I… love you.
"And when you do, make sure there isn't a trace of me left!" I gritted my hands into fists so hard that my nails dug into my skin.
The scent of blood was again in the air.
Fitting.
"But I won't order you to do that, though. No... I'll make you hate me enough that you'll want to do the same thing you did to Wyatt." I gazed toward him, tears still streaking down my cheeks.
He shook his head, shifting his gaze towards the ground. It seemed there was much he wanted to say to me, but because of the bond, not a single word left his mouth. I had neutered the chatterbox that my wolf was.
"Alijah, sit," I ordered, instantly triggering him to do so.
The end for us…
Hesitantly, I closed the gap between us and knelt to his level.
"You see, I'm a worse monster than Wyatt," I whispered into his ear.
His eyes shimmered brightly, responding to the moon's power emanating from me.
I'll make you hate me so much that when you kill me, there won't be a piece of me left to be found. It's the only authentic way to kill an immortal like me.
With his destructive power, he was more than capable of erasing my existence from this world. That much, I was sure of.
You're… the only one who can stop the pain from corrupting anything else.