My heart had stopped momentarily when Alijah had gotten close, but perhaps everything was my imagination. A crazy scenario came to mind when the desire to eliminate the sensation Cain had left behind on me went haywire.
You wouldn't want to kiss me in front of your past love.
I could barely shake the feeling the other man's lips left on mine, though.
Ah… it seems I was right to push off all those men before things got too serious. The feeling of kissing another is too disturbing for me.
This was a new feeling I couldn't wash away.
After all, Alijah is out of my reach now.
Even though I wasn't sure if that was all the kiss did. My body felt different, and I couldn't tell why. It probably was unimportant, especially when Lilith said nothing about it. Instantly, the elf's mode changed from happy-goer to worker.
Her expression was serious, and her magic was warm on my skin. She appeared to be attempting to rid me of the Iris in my system while also trying to get my human side to heal quickly. Healing magic was beautiful to experience.
Though she could never heal the wound that hurt the most, my heart.
No one can.
After fixing everything she could, she ripped her beautiful clothes to make a piece of cloth to wrap around my shoulder, using it as a bandage. The whole time she worked on me, Alijah watched us quietly from the side.
"There, that should do it." Lilith snapped the silence, smiling at me.
I could barely feel any pain at all anymore.
"Thank you," I voiced, shifting my gaze back toward the ground.
It felt like a knot had formed in my throat, turning each word into a boulder I had to push out.
"No, thank you for reuniting us." The elf bowed her head, smiling.
Her words only left me in agony, and I had to hide it all behind a façade. However, I couldn't help but think she was cheerful for someone who had just been brought back from the dead.
Is a gentle nature shining through? It has to be. No wonder you've loved her for so long.
I was so used to the souls from the beyond being dreadful, yet her reaction was refreshing.
"It's fine, really. I didn't do much at all." I assured her.
She giggled, glancing at Alijah, who refused to let me out of his sight.
Is this your standard setting, even if she's around, or is it the situation? Argh… This is all so…
My eyes opened wide upon realizing that this wolf wasn't free to do as he pleased.
Wait… Are you thinking I'll hold you back like a scorned woman? It isn't like I was preggers. I…
I should've reassured him that I wouldn't hurt his love or him even if it killed me, but my voice was struggling to come out for anything anymore.
"Oh, I highly doubt that!" she announced, glancing at Alijah, who growled at her comment.
I never expected him to sound so hostile towards her.
"Geez, why are you so moody? Weren't you a big goof before I died? Although you seem a bit more mature now." Lilith teased him.
My blood boiled upon hearing those words, and I wanted to step in and set her right.
You have no right to tell him that! Not when you don't know half of what he has endured! It's okay for him to be grumpy and moody! I'm pretty sure you'd be, too, if you were thrown into a cage and raped constantly for two years!
Even though I wanted to tell her off, it wasn't my place anymore. So, instead, I bit my tongue and stepped back. Lilith wasn't at fault, either.
Being dead gives you a pass on being ignorant.
Either way, they would have to work it out on their own.
"We should get going," I sighed, wishing to be far away from this place.
Upon hearing me, Lilith turned to me, "Oh yes! We should!"
I glanced at Alijah, who narrowed his eyes upon doing so.
Ah... Are you angry I'm here? Crap… I'm a burden to everyone, like always.
"Are you sure you can hold on to me with your shoulder like that?" He asked.
I was weak but not that pathetic.
Maybe...
"Yes, I'll be fine," I simpered.
I can't tell if you are worried or think I will slow you down now that you have Lilith to worry about.
The simple fact that he addressed me after what I had said made me happy. However, that would soon turn back into agony with Lilith's interception.
"Wait, we are riding you, Ali?! You've never let me do that before!" She jumped in between us, leaving me somewhat stunned by her revelation.
What? You've never ridden Alijah?
For instance, it brought me back to the hot spring, where I 'rode' him for a little while. My cheeks flushed red, remembering the previous night even though it wasn't what she meant. It was a blessing when my mind wandered to that night of warmth.
Ah... You did say no one had ever ridden you when we first met, so I was your first.
I won one part. He also mentioned how many of his first, allowing a faint hope to flow through me.
Will you dream of me, too? Please… do…
"Eh?" I mumbled, trying to control my heart from misunderstanding.
Alijah huffed, "I didn't do it because I like it. Rem can't shift."
My heart felt like it tore out of me.
Ah... you… Did I force it on you? That's…
Unable to lift my arm well, I clasped onto my shirt with both hands. My lips grew colder as I realized everything we did together probably felt like Cain's kiss.
It hurts… Don't cry, Rem. Suck it up.
Even though it had nothing to do with what they were saying, I couldn't help but feel disheartened by what he had said, and it wasn't because of the hot spring but because every time I rode him, it made him uncomfortable.
All the times I slept on you in your wolf form, it made you uneasy. I'm sorry for… everything.
Those times were too many to count, especially when we fucked outdoors.
I'm horrible… I was so selfish. Not from the first night we met since it was necessary, but all those times, I used you as a bed as we traveled. All the while, I was the only one loving every minute!
His warmth was everything to me, but I was another assailant to him. It was hard to push down my emotions, but they would have to wait until I was alone.
"A luma that can't shift at all? That's weird." Lilith took a bizarre glance at me before turning right back to Alijah.
"Still, you never took me out, no matter how many times I asked you to." She complained, pouting.
He grimaced, appearing bothered by her words and approach.
This is another thing that's my fault. If only I weren't a faulty luma.
"Ali…" I trailed off as their gaze found me.
Wait… that's what you call him. I can't do that now that you're here.
"Alijah only allowed it so I wouldn't slow him down," I assured Lilith.
Though my voice felt like it was about to break from how much it was quivering at any moment.
Was it always this hard to speak? It's getting heavier.
"What? No, Rem, that isn't what—" he went to say, only to be interrupted by the elf speaking, tugging on his shirt.
"Oh, well, either way, we should get going. I'll finally ride you after all this time! Chop, chop!" Lilith beamed happily, trying to pull herself up to his lips.
For a moment, I froze, feeling the empty void within my chest grow.
If they kiss now… I… I'll…
He stepped back from her and avoided the kiss, leaving me unsure of what I was witnessing.
"Ah... I have to..." Alijah avoided her, not letting her get another word out before he shifted instantly right after.
For a moment, Lilith was stunned but quickly shook it off.
"Later then," she smiled, as I didn't want to see the end of that promise.
Alijah was acting weirder than I thought. However, they needed time to adjust to their new normal. He wasn't the same man she knew in her past, while death had preserved her like she used to be. With the pressure to move, their issues had to wait.
We had gotten lucky that Alijah could keep Lilith, but that didn't mean they couldn't take her if they found us again, especially when I was a handy cap for him. Unable to help herself, the elf jumped into his fur before he could even get down for us.
"So soft," she purred.
He growled, prompting her to shift her gaze to meet with his.
"Sorry!" She breathed, yet her grip was unrelenting.
For a moment, I stood there, slowly approaching them. It almost felt like I was an interloper getting into their space.
If only… we weren't bonded.
Lilith reached for me, helping me up as Alijah lay on the ground to make it easier. Once on his back, I held onto Lilith while she grabbed his fur. With every second that happened, the void in my chest grew deeper.
Ah... life is becoming a painful thing to even think about anymore. I'll… never feel you in my hands again, will I?
Whatever we had been was over in a split second.
At least you never cheated on me. No, I always knew you belonged elsewhere. Hey… Alijah… was I a good time at least? Or was I…
Pressing my lips together, I couldn't help but wince.
Was I like Cain?
After securing me safely on his back, he ran for what felt like hours before stopping far away from where we were. Lilith enjoyed the entire ride there and practically never stopped pointing things out.
I mean, the dead won't stop talking either when they chatted me to death. So, perhaps it's a side effect of being dead for so long.
I didn't want to judge her too harshly, but keeping up with her was hard.
Just how was Alijah when he met you? Like you said, is he the same as today, or more of a goof? Ah...
Jealousy was sprouting again, taking root in my core.
You knew him in a way that I'll never know.
An Alijah that had been lost in time but one that I wished I could meet. He was probably more innocent and loving than the present one.
I… I'm so stupid.
Our shelter for the night was a cave near a mountain in the meadows of Allora. The surrounding forest remained white, but varied flora added color to our surroundings. Even though Alijah could run fast, he could never run an entire continent in one day, but we were getting close to the other end of Allora.
The moment I started to struggle to hold on to Lilith, he stopped in his tracks. I felt utterly useless when I got off him, only for Lilith to reassess my wound quickly. Luckily, it looked to heal a bit, even though I had Iris in my system.
It wasn't like they knew, as I never said anything about what they had done, though I could tell Alijah was already suspecting something was wrong. After all, the only times I took long to heal were when he bit me, and I saved him from the raiders.
The cave also did a number on me, even though the plant's venom was out of my system by then. While Lilith worked on me, he kept his distance, watching me closely. It made me remember something my brother once said.
Caden had complained about being the third wheel whenever he and Aiden hung out with Sophie. I had always told him he was crazy to think about it that way, but I was too harsh on him if this was how he felt.
Being a third wheel hurts… I don't want to be here anymore.
During my adventure, I never felt lonely with Alijah, but ever since we found Lilith, it was all around me—a horrible feeling that would never go away. When she finished assessing me, she spun around before jumping at her old flame.
Instead of meeting her embrace, he stepped toward me as she missed him by a few centimeters. He grabbed me by my good arm and tugged me onto my feet.
Ah... did I do something else?
"We need to talk," he started.
I felt my heart drop instantly. My heart replayed every scenario that could happen. None of the good ones, of course.
You need to break this bond now. I'll be with her now, and my focus must be on her. So, I need you to free me now, Rem.
So, on.
Am I ready for that?
He had just been with me the night before. His scent and warmth still lingered within me.
Will that hold me through what's coming next?
Before I could speak, Alijah gently drew me forward, only for Lilith to grab him again.
"Wait, where are you going?" The elf asked, seemingly worried about being left alone.
His eyes darted to her, but before he could even speak, I suddenly shoved him into her so hard that he lost his balance. He almost landed on her as if he hadn't caught himself. He always forgot I was a luma and that I had strength similar to a Lycan, even in my weakened state.
I'm not ready to hear that! Damn it! I know I have to give you up today, but I need the night to ready my heart. That's all, right? Just give me a little bit more time! Please!
The void within me grew more extensive as the way he had held me was too addicting to surrender.
Does it have to end? Can't I be the side chick?
Futile wish...
No, you aren't that type of man. You'll never want me again with her here.
"Alijah-tan isn't going anywhere! You have a lot to talk about. So, our talk can wait! He probably wanted to ask me to get some wood or something." I blurted out, taking a few steps back.
Lilith didn't know why I was acting this way, but Alijah growled loudly because of what I did.
Oh... I piss you off yet again. For the hundredth time today?
"Rem!" He huffed as it didn't matter what he was about to say.
I wanted to run away, which was precisely what I would do.
"I know! I'm sorry! I-I'll give you guys the chance to catch up. I bet there are many things that Alijah wants to tell you." I intercepted as he winced.
He shook his head slightly, "What? Rem, don't—" he began, only for Lilith to interrupt him, lovingly grabbing him by his arm.
Ah... I've never done that to you. Not that you wanted my touch either way. If I'm anything like what Cain was earlier, I… I…
I had already taken enough time from him. After all, I had mounted him, not caring for his feelings, and even used him as a bed when he hated it.
You really should have told me. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable.
Then again, I was his captor. Of course, he would do anything to make me happy.
I even forced you to say you loved me. This… I'm pathetic, horrible, and disgusting, too.
"That would be a great idea. After all, Rem's wound isn't so bad, and a little alone time with you. I think I would love that." Lilith declared, tugging on his sleeve.
Alijah grimaced at her, but that was probably because I was here.
Once I'm gone, you won't have to hold back. Damn it, do youremember I cried the previous night? Did you figure out it was because of this? Do you care a bit about me? Probably... I'm her reincarnation's daughter, after all.
Nothing more…
"Lilith, I—" Alijah tried to speak, but I didn't want to hear him agree with her.
Anything he had to say to her could wait until I left. After all, I needed some time to process everything, too.
"Okay then! I'll be back later or tomorrow!" I announced before grabbing my bag and bolting out of there.
"Oi!" Alijah yelled, reaching for me.
However, Lilith tugged him back, preventing him from catching me. However, if he wanted to grab me, he could have. A little elf like her could never hold him, but he didn't. The dark part of me wished he would have ripped her arms out, trying to catch me, but there was no way he would do that to the love of his life.
No matter how bad a lecture he wanted to give me, I ran from there until my arm stung from the exertion I was placing on my body. It was nothing compared to what my chest was feeling. No, a black hole was in there, swallowing everything in sight.