When came time to enroll for university, Na-Kyum did something he couldn't explain. Not even to himself. He signed up in a different university, an hour away from Do-Yung. He told himself he needed to learn how to manage on his own, wanted to grow like Do-Yung did. But in the corners of his ungrateful heart, he knew he was afraid that college was going to be the same as middle and high school if he went with Do-Yung. He still had no reasonable explanation for what had happened back then, refused to believe his hyung would hurt him in any way, that he would make him a pariah for six long years. But he still signed up in another university.
Do-Yung wasn't happy about it. He hugged Na-Kyum tightly, pushed his face in his abdomen and pouted for a long time. Na-Kyum forbad him from even trying to switch school, his was so much better and he was almost halfway done. He relented though he showed up almost every day to have lunch with him, ignoring Na-Kyum's nagging about skipping class.
Everything was great. Amazing even. They had their own home now and Do-Yung was free from his awful past. The mafia had no hold on him anymore. They ate well, went to the movies and the arcades on the weekends, school was fun though he was still as shy as ever, Do-Yung was top of his class without bothering. Everything was great.
Until the unease came back. The vacations continued and it became harder and harder to accept Do-Yung's silence on the matter. Sometimes he felt cold and woke up to find Do-Yung's whispering over the phone at night, he couldn't go back to sleep even after Do-Yung slid back behind him and put his thick, warm arms around him. They were fine. Still as close as ever. Do-Yung's eyes were full of affection for him and he still made him smile. But the feeling of not knowing him completely came back. And grew.
One night Do-Yung told him he had to cover a shift for one of his co-worker at the small convenience store he worked at part-time. It was way too far so Na-Kyum had never went. Do-Yung wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping on his own. After turning around for a couple of hours, he decided to go down to buy some snacks. Unfortunately the shop down the street was closed for personal reason but since he wasn't tired he decided to go further.
The main streets were busy despite the hour and Na-Kyum looked in envy at people drinking at tables. He still had a couple of months to wait until he was legal and his curiosity had reached its peak about alcohol. He froze when he saw the broad back.
It couldn't be.
He didn't understand what his eyes registered at first but he knew this body by heart, had slept next to it for more than half of his life. The man in suit was Do-Yung.
Na-Kyum's heart clenched as he stared at the group. They all wore suits and some smoke cigarettes too but Na-Kyum didn't have eyes for the tall, sometimes tattooed men around, his eyes were stuck on the familiar broad back.
He didn't recognize the clothes and when Do-Yung turned side-way to speak to one of the mafioso, he didn't recognize the face. The features were all some he could draw eyes closed, but his expression…
All of a sudden, Na-Kyum saw the rift between them. He had turned a blind eye to everything but this… He couldn't. Almost in a trance, he turned around and pulled his phone out. This had been a gift from Do-Yung. His first phone had been something his hyung had stolen at the compound but he replaced it earlier this year and bought him this one as a gift for graduating. Na-Kyum cherished it but he almost wished it to glitch or explode in his hands as he taped the name of the convenience store Do-Yung said he worked at. He didn't think about it, his mind blank as he commuted to the other side of the city, as far as possible from their appartement.
He walked in like a robot, heart thundering in his chest but head empty.
« Good evening. How can I help you ? » A smiling young man greeted him behind the counter.
« Is Seo Do-Yung here ? » He asked in a low voice. There had to be a misunderstanding. He had seen wrong. This hadn't been his hyung back there walking amongst gangsters. His hyung was working. He had told him.
« Pardon ? » The cashier frowned in confusion.
« Your colleague, Seo Do-Yung, » he repeated, desperate for recognition to dawn on this stranger's face.
« I don't know anybody with that name. »
Na-Kyum felt his legs grow weak at the answer and leaned forward to hold himself with the counter. No. There had to be a misunderstanding.
« Please, ask your manager, » he insisted in a shaky voice. « Please. »
The young employee looked at him in discomfort for a moment before pity won over and he went to the back of the store. He came back with a fat man who looked around forty.
« How can I help you ? » The man sighed, way less polite than his employee.
« Seo Do-Yung, » Na-Kyum swallowed around the lump in his throat. « Is he working tonight ? »
« Look kid, » the manager glared at him. « The only one here tonight is that guy. And no one with that name works here anyway. »
« But he does, » Na-Kyum insisted.
« I've been the manager here for the last eight years, » the man started losing his patience. « Now, if you're not interested in buying anything, scram. »
It fell like the world fell on his head.
He didn't remember how he got home, but when Do-Yung finally came back a couple of hours later, he found him sitting on the sofa in the dark.
« Couldn't sleep Kyum ? » His hyung chuckled and turned the lights on. There was a moment of silence before his chin was gently raised by gentle calloused fingers. « Why are you crying ? » Do-Yung's face was dark. It looked dangerous. But Na-Kyum could only stare back in anguish.
« Where were you ? » He asked in a low, broken voice, feeling exhausted.
« At work, » Hyung easily lied and Na-Kyum's heart broke at the quick response. « Tell me what's wrong. I can't bear to see you cry. »
Do-Yung sat on the coffee table in front of him and cupped his crying face in his large palms. Na-Kyum hated himself for being so blind. He reached for the scarred hands, ran his thumbs over the ridges he knew by heart, most of these wounds he had treated himself. But not all. All these times he came to him with a new wound and Na-Kyum had believed it was from the abuse… Had it been the only reason ?
« Please… » He sobbed. « Don't lie to me. »
« Na-Kyum, » Do-Yung's face was desperate, his expression fierce. « Tell me what's wrong. »
« You don't work there, » he shook his head and tightened his hold around hyung's hands.
« I do ! » Do-Yung insisted.
« You don't, » Na-Kyum looked him in the eyes. « I went to see you there. They don't know any Seo Do-Yung. »
« There's- I- They didn't und- »
« Please, » Na-Kyum frowned. « Stop lying to me now. No more. »
Do-Yung frowned and the panic grew in his eyes before he leant down and pressed their foreheads together.
« I'm doing it for us, » he muttered brokenly.
« Don't, » Na-Kyum cried out. « I can't stand the thought of you… You can't be like them. We swore to get away ! »
« I'm not like them, » Do-Yung sounded pleading as he rubbed their noses together. « Trust me. »
« You don't trust me, » Na-Kyum let a hollow chuckle out.
« I do ! You're the only- »
« You've been lying to me, » Na-Kyum squeezed his eyes tightly shut and dug his nails in Do-Yung's hands. « For years. »
« No, no, I- »
« What are you doing when you disappear for a couple of days every few weeks ? Where are you then ? Who's calling you at night ? Why are you lying to me ? » Na-Kyum shouted in anguish and finally let everything out. « I've been waiting for you to open up to me. I was praying I was wrong. You can't…Not you. You've just got away from this awful world. Why, hyung ? Why ? »
« Kyum… » Do-Yung pleaded.
« Is it money ? » Na-Kyum asked. « It's okay I'll find a part-time job too. I swear I won't be a burden anymore- »
« Don't say that, » Do-Yung cut him off angrily. « You're not a burden. Never. What would I do without you ? »
« Then promise me to quit. You'll stop everything, please. I beg you. »
« Okay, I swear, » Do-Yung slid his arms around his back and pulled him into his warm embrace. He still smelled faintly of smoke and it made Na-Kyum cry harder. « Please, stop crying. I swear I'll do better. Please. »
« You need to swear, » Na-Kyum pushed away and raised his ugly, sobbing face to stare into those beautiful blue eyes. « Pinky promise. Swear you'll never lie to me again. »
« I swear, » Do-Yung wrapped his pinky around the extended one.